Pluto

Magic wizard lizard at your service

[pluto-the-accursed]

Before building a lair make sure you don’t do it on an ancient labyrinthian

I have no idea where we are anymore

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Wizard Building Codes

• Buildings must reach their Foundations

• Buildings must have an Interior Volume less than or equal to their Exterior Displacement

• Buildings cannot Exist before they are Built

• Buildings must be made of Orientable Surfaces

• Real Estate must be Real

[wizard-email]

I'm A Wizd

[wizard-email]

Wiz Reed

[wizard-email]

Wazam

[lampfan911-deactivated20250622]

It's ok, take your time

[wizard-email]

Spells

[neptuphile]

Babe just look at your username

[wizard-email]

wemail!!!

[hoe-hills]

wemail c:

[exhausted-cryptid-deactivated20]

when it takes you a while to process what someone is saying and you realize they asked you a question

[doughfox]

I cannot fucking believe I am drunk, past midnight, and tumblr is throwing fucking saturated fatty-acids at me

[musicprincess655]

Listen here friendo I didn’t sit through a year of organic chemistry for you to come into my house and call a carboxylic acid a saturated fatty acid you respect that hexadecanoic acid

[bismuthcladbattleship]

And I didnt get a degree in biochemistry to hear you say that carboxylic acids with aliphatic chains arent fatty acids. That hexadecanoic acid IS a saturated fatty acid!

[mutttooth]

[gavamont]

A wizard that exists in a paradoxical state of having never fucked and being one who fucks.

[gavamont]

[deersplosives]

little wizard i hate

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

I’m often asked “is it legal to eat stars?” The answer is yes, if you are big enough. Next time please check my FAQ page first 🙄

[feldfrog]

If a fantasy world has an ancient tree of wisdom, that means it must also have young trees that are dumb as shit. Just giving terrible advice like, "the evil wizard is kinda hot"'

[evilwizard]

okay. rude.

[xbirdthenerd-deactivated2019091]

Visit Original Link

[halfbloodhiccup]

I have never reblogged something so fast in my life

[apupcalypse]

it’s exactly what you think it is

[cassandrajean]

it’s exactly what I thought it was.

[tea-rexasaurus-deactivated20220]

[mielmelon]

inside your body is PITCH BLACK your cells do all of that in the DARK

[danatron1]

We outta light bulbs

[kiiingsnake]

dads the same in all universes 

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

This phrase has already entered my vocabulary re: media criticism where like. The viewer has a concrete view of what they expect a story to be based on the tropes and cliches they're used to seeing together, and when that doesn't happen, they judge it as a failed depiction of what they assumed it was going to be instead of judging it as what it actually is.

"This show is problematic because the hero didn't kill the villain at the end": When does he steal the bread?

"These two characters who were close friends throughout the series don't kiss at the end! What the fuck?": When does he steal the bread?

"This feels like it's missing a conclusion! Like, the protagonist does bad stuff and because of a critical decision he makes as a result of his major character flaws, meets tragedy in the end! Where's the part where he learns better and brings is love back from the dead and becomes a good guy and gets a happy ending?": When does he steal the fucking bread??

[thetetra]

I heard this out as "When criticizing something, you must judge it for what it is, not what it isn't"

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#this is why so many of us urge people to get a wider diet of stories

[carvour]

@cryptidjack

[mug-of-beans]

“The old magic persists thanks to it’s unfathomable power.”

No, the old magic persists because the new magic can’t run the legacy spells I need to do my job, and keeps trying to install spirits I don’t want or need onto my orb.

[aqueerkettleofish]

Look, if the new magic didn't have a personality construct that kept trying to tell me which spells to use, maybe I wouldn't still be using the old magic.

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Yes it had a deep blood cost, but at least it was a one time sacrifice and not this monthly bloodletting nonsense new age magic has

[wizard-archivist-official]

The old magic is robust enough to survive a decade of use and it's compatible with every wand, staff, scroll, and charm in our collection.

The new magic stops working after three days and every spell uses proprietary runes.

Our preferences, as an archiving institution, should be pretty clear.

[charlesoberonn]

You try to get guidance for the new magic and the king's sorcerers maybe will answer you in a few days with an unhelpful suggestion to buy the newest orb.

You need guidance for the old magic and a dozen retired middle-aged wizards will pop up to explain it to you rune by rune if necessary.

[andewitt]

vampire :3

[here-be-descriptions]

[Image Description: artwork depicting a Noivern-a pokémon resembling a wyvern crossed with a bat-crouched atop a tree branch, illuminated by a flashlight beam. End image description.]

[jame7t]

dead tired today so I grabbed a coffee from the gas station & the guy greeted me by trying to say “is that everything “ but fumbled and said “e ga thebythin” and me trying to say “yeah” or “yup” just went “YIP!” in response. No survivors

[lichtenbug]

[john-boneman-lich-lord]

*traps you in a painting*

[wellrat]

Hey @wizard-council-museum-clerk i have a painting for your exhibit

[wizard-council-museum-clerk]

Beautiful! I'll mark it for display in gallery 78-S (Portraits of the Undead) immediately!

[john-boneman-lich-lord]

*muffled screaming*

[wizard-council-museum-clerk]

Did anyone else hear that? Hm. Must have been the wind.

These exhibition spaces are a bit cavernous and drafty.

[bluewizardnonesense]

[wizard-katt]

So, is pondering necessary for the magical arts, or is it just because it’s shiny. Im going to do it either way, i just want to know if I should be expecting something to happen.

[highestelf420-deactivated202604]

If you’ve never stayed up pondering an orb, getting lost surfing within infinite arcane knowledge of various topics, had the magic overheat and stutter because you had too many rabbit-holes open, then looked up at your grandfather clock and realized 200 years passed on by like it was nothing, could you even call yourself a wizard?

[coom-guzzler-9000]

Lava lamps while ponderable, generally aren't enchanted enough for serious pondering. But some wizards enchant the strangest stuff.