soylent haitche

@quintessentialfuckwit

I'm Joe, 22, gay, australian he/him/his

36.8K posts

talking-fox-actual-deactivated2

I upset a few people in my intro to western philosophy class with this one.

missouriangothic

furbearingbrick

innerchildabortionclinic

innerchildabortionclinic

Everyone keep sending your attacks. She can't protect him forever

this bitch is literally crazy… she used to be a fitness influencer and scammed hundreds of women with alleged personalized fitness and diet coaching and she got sued by the state of texas and i believe settled for like 250,000 dollars. she then pivoted hard to conservative evangelical christian influencing. her husband is actually her second husband and he was fired from the kansas city police department for excessive use of force and when their family dog got hit by a car he whipped out his gun and shot it instead of taking it to a vet. they also forcibly exploited an unhoused man and sent him to a christian rehab… AND she holds religious retreats for roughly 700 dollars where her husband shows up despite the fact the events are described as being “women only spaces” and they baptize people in a horse trough…

strawberrycinema

Also for anyone that didn’t grow up in a fundamentalist Christian space, “husband is under spiritual attack” is usually code for having an affair/watching porn/is gay

character misses their shot and the villain goes "ha! you missed." and the main character goes "did i?" and then shoots the villain again while they're frantically looking around the room for what the hero could possibly have aiming for instead

i hate the notes on this so much so many people are saying shit like "and then the hero shoots the villain while they're looking around!! XD" THAT'S WHAT THE POST ALREADY SAID. THAT'S THE ENTIRE JOKE.

There's a Pukicho post like this I need to find it

Edit: found it

maybe... they DIDN'T miss part of the post...! (starts frantically looking around)

omorinintendoswitchedition

(i shoot you while youre looking around)

and then while i'm frantically looking around you shoot me for real this time XD

Omg you missed part of the post

did i? 😏

(frantically looks around)

(i raise my gun to shoot you while you're distracted but the bullet i already fired ricochets all around the room and hits me in the back of the head, killing me instantly)

inthefallofasparrow

If it hit you in the back of the head, that would kill you instantly.

If it hit you in

the back of the head, that would

kill you instantly.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

inthefallofasparrow

Haiku-bot?! (frantically looks around)

Does anyone else get big “my mom sold me to one direction” energy from fics about mid-season trades?

Shane Hollander collapses on the floor (with his hair in a messy bun). He’s just been sold to Ilya Rozanov (and the rest of Boston) because his mom (Montreal) needed some extra cash (draft picks).

queerturnofphrase

does anyone know any natural hand positions for when you're a guest at someone's house and they won't let you help with something so you have to sit there and watch them and also you're gay and it's your situationship and you've never been to his house before and he's leaving you alone in the room and he definitely will know if your hand position is weird or gay or weird and gay? time sensitive. asking for a friend.

Shane's mind 24/7:

It kind of fucks with me that somebody killed ötzi the iceman because ötzi himself is like whatever but the silent presence of human hands that drew back the string of the bow that shot the arrow that killed him is crazy. the idea that there were various people involved in that situation and while one of them has had his last hours painstakingly reconstructed and studied to no end, the others now only exist insofar that an arrowhead had to get into his shoulder somehow. imagine killing someone and then suddenly your entire existence is only a vague shadow implied by the fact that you killed them. much to consider

Testing the mummified bone marrow of ötzi to figure out his ancestry whole time there’s definitely another person, maybe more than one, standing in the room with us but I can never see or speak to them because I only know them through the assurance that they were there too in the form of one single arrowhead. I hate prehistory so much it’s unreal

angel-derangement

I hate it too tbh

#blood #art #death

The miscommunication in Heated Rivalry is because they're living in different romance types to begin with:

Shane: In some sort of Austen-esque existence where hjs ill-advised flirtation with a notorious rake goes too far. Scandalised by the intimate use of first names he flees, concerned what society and his goodly parents will think, his reputation at stake. He tries to find a proper marriage prospect but alas his heart is lost to the rake! But he finally follows his heart and invites Ilya into his home too (and accepts first name usage!)

Ilya: Smoldering in mirrors and out of windows and getting emotionally wuthered screaming Shane's name on a moor. My man is byronically going through it gothic style

Scott Hunter is trying to live his best modern rom com life and is side-eyeing the fuck out of these two. No idea what's going on there and franly doesn't want to

animals-riding-animals

frog riding fish

I'll take your word for it man

ancient roman mosaic series, painted ceramic, circa 12 B.C.E

autisticaboutisekai

YouTube video displayed on Nintendo Ds

Can you imagine how angry Ilya "Summer Before" Rozanov was when he heard about Shane's own teammates accusing him of throwing a game against him? Sure, the idea that Shane would need to throw a game in order for him to win is offensive in and of itself but the notion that Shane Hollander would voluntarily lose at a fucking egg and spoon race, never mind a deciding Playoffs game is so beyond insulting that it cannot be borne. They all suddenly think of him in a binary, sort him in his mind as "Shane before Ilya" and "Shane after Ilya", view them as two separate people and it's ludicrous because none of them have ever even met a Shane Hollander before Ilya Rozanov. Before Shane's skates ever touched NHL ice, he touched Ilya. Before the puck hit the back of the net on his first NHL goal, his cock hit the back of Ilya's throat and he's not allowed to tell them that?? What do you mean???

#heated rivalry

megamindsupremacy

It is true in my heart of hearts that everyone. or at least a solid majority of people. genuinely think the inciting incident of the HuntervHollander fight is that Scott called Shane a slur. I’m being serious. There is very little that could get Hockey’s Two Goodest Boys beating each other up especially with the genuine rage Shane was displaying there. A week after the fight Shane and Scott’s agents have to force them to separately release statements that are just “I did not say something racist to one of the only Asian players in the league” and “I did not try to kill Scott because he said a racist slur to me” because the hockey community is tearing them to SHREDS absolutely convinced Scott said some heinous shit to get Shane to react like that. Which. He did. But it was a gay-on-gay hate crime and nobody was guessing that.

megamindsupremacy

That being said, the public reaction also gets flipped a complete 180 after Scott comes out. The new prevailing theory is that Scott hinted at being gay and Shane immediately tried to do a homophobia about it. Suddenly Shane is getting canceled over alleged homophobia. This would be the funniest thing to ever happen to Ilya if Shane wasn’t freaking out to him about being associated with the concept of being gay even in a homophobic way. Scott and Shane have to release ANOTHER pair of statements which are “I was not trying to commit a hate crime, I did not know Scott was gay at this point in time” and “I did not tell Hollander I was gay to instigate a fight”. Once again, only some people believe them.

megamindsupremacy

Hollanov comes out and Scott’s public response is to tweet a clip of their fight and an “I’ve known for a while”. it is ONLY at this point that people start putting together what actually fucking happened that one time five years ago Hollander randomly tried to kill Hunter “unprovoked”. And obviously Ilya fighting for his man’s life in the comments is what confirms everything.

junkdrawertales

the leading theory for a while is that Scott and Shane were fighting over Ilya, which is sort of true but also not at all, and Scott puts out a third statement to say “I’ve never been attracted to Rozanov ever in my entire life”

dino saurs were not scary monsters they were mamas with eggs and when they drank water they were like fuckk yessss waterrrr

jungwildeandfree

so this guy right he makes ancient egyptian themed furry costumes. he makes all kinds but mostly he specializes in Horus heads. it's his passion really. he loves to make the beautiful falcon head of the Sun God. anyway so he's at a con one day and he sees this whole bunch of people in middle kingdom dress with these indistinguishable animal heads. he's like. oh man these folks could really use a new source, i can hardly tell what animal those are! so he goes over and he says "hey guys! i see you are into ancient egyptian mythological themed furry costumes--if any of you are interested in being the radiant Son of Ra, I am the BEST in the business!"

and the group of people look at each other, then at him. awkward. finally one of them says: "uh. no thanks. we're all Set."

thatlittleegyptologist

This has been sent to me four times today, so I'm condemning OP to be judged by the 42 and fall into Nuun.

I think every laugh will make OP’s heart a bit lighter.

@thatlittleegyptologist

Judge OP’s heart

I laughed, I lighten his heart.

His heart shall be heavier for this.

Voting ended onMar 1

the best genre is mousepunk

i consider mousepunk to be worldbuilding where a society of mice adapt human objects to meet their own needs.

Eg. that thing where cartoon mice sleep in empty sardine cans.

controversially, yes, this would include Stuart Little.

funnytwittertweets

reblogabyssvoidhole

constance-mcentee-deactivated20

IMAGE DESCRITPION: A tweet by Twitter user @RawBeanCoal reads, “hug other women slightly off center so our boobs fit together like puzzle pieces.”

This is followed by a series of replies and tags which read as follows…

#i hug them straight on so my boobs can establish dominance

#i prefer head on like a car crash. make the boobies kiss

we could be doing this with balls, no homo even

#i’m usually taller so I press mine above and get a tiddie shelf

My wife calls it “Titris”

it’s called titrus thanks

#titrus

RESTORING LOST MEDIA

grocery store mission barely accomplished took massive damage to the hull and all internal systems. shield repair could take days

okay dont be mad but i just scheduled you for every appointment ever. you have an open house on tuesday and a doctor is removing your all of it tomorrow 👍

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