QuipFox

“Quip ~ A clever, often sarcastic remark” Our custom search process delivers NEW & original humor, sarcasm and smart wordplay straight to your home feed!

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Muffin Dog, No Talking, Groundhog Day Sequel, Drink Responsibly, Yahoo! Doctor

Our latest "Top Tweet" favorites are here, thanks to Renzo Soprano in the U.K. (@Renzo_Soprano’s best tweets), the very funny Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w’s best tweets), comedian Will Phillips (willphillipscomedy.com), comedian & writer Emmy Blotnick (bio.emmyblotnick.com) and Sean in Canada (@SeanBlazed’s best tweets). As always, If you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

Is it wrong to eat a Blueberry Muffin that looks just like your dog? pic.twitter.com/QgJnsKvjOF

— Renzo Soprano (@Renzo_Soprano) July 26, 2014

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn't be allowed to talk

— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) July 26, 2014

They should make a sequel to Groundhog Day, but it's the exact same movie.

— Will Phillips (@TheThryll) July 25, 2014

Invent a drink called "Responsibly" and your advertising is set forever

— Emmy Blotnick (@emmyblotnick) July 16, 2014

I'm not a doctor, but I play one on Yahoo! answers.

— Sean (@SeanBlazed) July 15, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Mr. Tambourine Man, Group Text, Fireworks Alternative, Hot Pocket News Source, Sweet Dreams

Here they are, in order of posting date, our latest round of Top Tweets featuring the very funny John Lyon (newest tweets, best tweets), "patrick" in Brooklyn (newest tweets, best tweets), comedy writer Bryan Donaldson (Bryan Donaldson on imdb.com), Piston's Center Greg Monroe (gregkmonroefoundation.org) and writer Tim Siedell (about.me/timsiedell). If you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me. *Tambourine Man shakes tambourine for several minutes* Well that sucked.

— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) July 12, 2014

The year is 2039. It's been 25 years and the group text continues. Dan sent a pic. Becky said "lol" Mike said "lmao" Free me from this hell

— patrick (@tastefactory) July 11, 2014

Fireworks are illegal here so all my family can play with tonight are lame old sparklers and high powered semi-automatic assault rifles.

— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) July 4, 2014

Put "sources say" in front of somethin and ppl believe. The "source" might be a hot pocket pack yall dont even kno...lol

— Greg Monroe (@M10OSE) July 3, 2014

For birth control, we use the Eurythmics Method. That's where I do the robot to "Sweet Dreams," which quickly puts my wife out the mood.

— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) July 1, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Busy Tomorrow, Hard Drive Failures, Free Food Samples, Karate Trophies, Allen's Wrench

Here they are, in order of posting date, our latest round of Top Tweets featuring writer Kevin Seccia (kevinseccia.com), writer David Burge (iowahawk.typepad.com), TV writer Patrick Walsh (Patrick Walsh on imdb.com), Kevin Farzad in Los Angeles (@KevinFarzad’s newest tweets) and actor/comedian Kumail Nanjiani (Kumail Nanjiani on Comedy Central). As always, if you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

"What are you doing tomorrow night?" "Haha nice try. Tell me what your thing is first and then I'll answer you."

— Kevin Seccia (@kevinseccia) June 30, 2014

Apparently, the leading cause of hard drive failures is subpoenas.

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) June 25, 2014

Just had a free sample at Whole Foods. It was $1.99.

— Patrick Walsh (@thepatrickwalsh) June 24, 2014

Love when a date comes back to my place where I've "accidentally" left out my Karate trophies & they're so speechless we never talk again.

— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) June 24, 2014

"No! I don't care if it sounds stupid. I invented this wrench & I get to name it!" - Allen

— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) June 23, 2014

Kevin Seccia's book "Punching Tom Hanks" is available on Amazon - Rated 4.8 out of 5 stars!

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Calzones, Grabby Hands, Chile, World Cup, People

Our latest Top Tweets are here! Here's our favorites from the past week courtesy of writer and designer Braden Graeber (blog.bradengraeber.com), "Dave" in Alaska (@gneicco’s best tweets), the very funny Jeff Lyons (usedwigs.com), comedy writer Alison Agosti (alisonagosti.tumblr.com) and "Patrick" from Brooklyn (@tastefactory’s best tweets). As always, if you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

A calzone is just an extremely introverted pizza.

— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) June 23, 2014

I don’t mean to grab, but I’m dyslexic.

— Dave (@gneicco) June 19, 2014

Sorry, I'm not pronouncing Chile like that.

— Jeff Lyons (@usedwigs) June 18, 2014

"Hey, what should we use for the World Cup logo? Something that represents soccer?" "Hands? How about a bunch of hands?"

— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) June 16, 2014

People Magazine sounds like something aliens pretending to be humans would call their magazine.

— patrick (@tastefactory) June 16, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Father's Day, Jean Jackets, Welcome to CVS, Squash Types, IHOP Waitress

Here they are, listed in order of posting date, our latest collection of favorite tweets featuring writer Eli Terry (Eli Terry's best tweets), the very funny Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life’s best tweets), comedy writer Conner O'Malley (about Conner O'Malley), writer Jason Miller (@longwall26’s best tweets), and comedian George Wallace (georgewallace.net). If you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

Took my dad to the park and he bounded out of the car and is already wrasslin' with the other dads hooting and hollering about gas prices.

— Eli Terry (@EliTerry) June 15, 2014

one time my cousin greg put on two jean jackets and he exploded, there was mustache everywhere

— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) June 13, 2014

When I hear "welcome to cvs" I know it is Genuine, and not something that was drilled into employees to mindless say or they get in trouble.

— Conner O'Malley (@conner_omalley) June 12, 2014

Not to question The Lord or anything, but it really feels like we only needed one kind of squash.

— Jason Miller (@longwall26) June 9, 2014

I wear 3-D glasses to IHOP so it looks like the waitress is actually comin' to my table.

— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) June 7, 2014

George Wallace's latest book "Laff It Off!" is available at Amazon, rated 4.3 out of 5 stars!!! Tweet

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Baby Names, Walmart Axl, Normal Sized Clifford, Cargo Shorts, Pop Tarts Holster

Here they are, listed in order of posting, our latest list of favorite tweets over the past week featuring comedian Brian Gaar (briangaar.com), two picks from Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope’s best tweets), the very funny Michael Raphone, Sr. (@michael_raphone’s best tweets) and comedian/podcaster Pauly Casillas (http://hellyeahfuckyeahshityeah.com/bios/). If you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) June 5, 2014

Welcome to the Jungle *manager runs over* "What did you say?" *Axl stares at feet* I said welcome to Walmart, have a nice day "Thought so"

— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) June 4, 2014

Clifford the Normal Sized Red Dog Who Lives in a Very Tiny Town

— Michael Raphone, Sr. (@michael_raphone) June 3, 2014

I keep other pairs of cargo shorts in the pockets of my cargo shorts.

— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) June 1, 2014

Yes, that's a cell phone holster on my belt, and yes, there's two Pop Tarts in it.

— Pauly Casillas (@PaulyPeligroso) May 31, 2014

Be sure to preview the latest album by comedian Brian Gaar "Never Gonna Be Famous" Rated 5/5 STARS on Amazon!

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Fire Watching, No Teacher, Vetoed Success, Hoarding Kids, Rain Checks

We laughed our way through hundreds of funny and clever tweets over the past week and here they are, our votes for "best of the best" featuring selections from comedian Aparna Nancherla (aparnacomedy.com/bio), Trevor S in New York (best tweets, newest tweets), writer Josh Stern (andthatswhyimsingle.com), comedian Kyle Kinane (kylekinane.com) and "Little Greenis" in Ontario (best tweets, newest tweets). As always, if you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

Staring into the fire was the original looking at your phone

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 25, 2014

When your teacher hasn't shown up to class and the room starts to get crazy and it feels like nobody's in charge. That's Mexico every day.

— Trevor S (@trevso_electric) May 23, 2014

In high school I was vetoed most likely to succeed

— Josh Stern (@joshingstern) May 22, 2014

19 Kids And Counting should also be an episode of Hoarders

— Kyle Kinane (@kylekinane) May 20, 2014

I live rain check to rain check.

— Little Greenis (@DurtMcHurtt) May 18, 2014

"And That's Why I'm Single" by Josh Stern. Preview now on Amazon Tweet

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Parentheses Rules, 2 Years Experience, Stick Figure Jobs, Sterling Apology, Mother's Day Caring

Here they are in order by posting date, our latest round of Top Tweet picks! Our favorites from this past week feature comedy writer Tim Saccardo (timsaccardo.com/bio), writer and comedian Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham’s best tweets), the very funny "Marpee Murvig" (@maebemarbles’ best tweets), sarcastic account "pourmecoffee" (pourmecoffee.tumblr.com) and YouTube personality William Haynes (youtube.com/user/WilliamHaynesTV). If you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

(What happens in parentheses stays in parentheses 😉)

— Tim Saccardo (@TimSaccardo) May 16, 2014

Sorry if the job listing was unclear. It's entry level, but you must have 2 years experience. Apply again when you've mastered time travel.

— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) May 12, 2014

Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs

— Marpee Murvig (@maebemarbles) May 12, 2014

So sorry about Offensive stuff and whatnot Give me team back now -- Donald Sterling #haiku

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) May 12, 2014

I think I'll say "Happy Mothers Day" to my Mom on this social network that she doesn't have and will never see so my friends know I care.

— William Haynes (@MrWilliamHaynes) May 11, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Printer Ink $, Hey Jude, Clueless Coworker, Tell Me, Extra Work "Reward"

Our latest Top Tweets are here! Here's our favorites from the past week courtesy of comedian & TV host Stephen Colbert (thecolbertreport.cc.com/), author "Sixth Form Poet" (Sixth Form Poet on Amazon), "Liz" in Toronto (@lovemyboots111’s best tweets), comedy writer & producer Alex Baze (Alex Baze on IMDB.com) and "TwitnterIsComing" in North Carolina (@OhNoSheTwitnt’s best tweets). As always, if you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

A hairstylist counterfeited $20k in 100's on her printer - it would've been a great plan if replacing the ink cartridges hadn't cost $45k.

— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) May 8, 2014

The best part of Hey Jude is when The Beatles realise the lyrics are terrible and think 5 minutes of na-na-na will distract us, and it does.

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) May 7, 2014

I would try to explain things to my coworker but I don't have any crayons or patience

— Liz ♛ (@lovemyboots111) May 5, 2014

Oooo, tell me less!

— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) May 5, 2014

They should punish kids who do well in school with more homework to prepare them for what happens to people who are efficient at their jobs.

— TwitnterIsComing (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 2, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Numbered List Headlines, Speedo Fails, Marathon Goals, Take Kid to Work Day, 2-Minute Basketball

Here they are, our top tweet picks from the past week featuring comedy writer Justin Shanes (@justinshanes’ best tweets), writer Frank Lowe (About Frank Lowe ), author Jon Acuff (acuff.me/about), teacher Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22’s best tweets) and writer/comedian Josh Weinstein (cinematictitanic.com/about/the_cast). If you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

26 Ways You're Not a Real Journalist

— Justin Shanes (@justinshanes) April 30, 2014

The men who wear Speedos are never the men you want to wear Speedos.

— Frank Lowe (@GayAtHomeDad) April 28, 2014

My goal in any half marathon is to not get passed by someone wearing a costume, juggling or hula hooping.

— Jon Acuff (@JonAcuff) April 26, 2014

My kids absolutely hate "Take your kid to work day." I am a teacher.

— Abe Y. (@Cheeseboy22) April 25, 2014

The last 2 minutes of a close basketball game is one of my favorite hours of television.

— Josh Weinstein (@JElvisWeinstein) April 25, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Elevator Door Closing, First Kiss, Angry Phones, Fake Eyebrows, Earth Day Traditions

Our next round of favorite tweet picks is here and features tweets from Nathan in South Carolina (@stockejock’s best tweets, newest tweets), Michael in Chicago (@Home_Halfway’s best tweets, newest tweets), comedian Abbi Crutchfield (curlycomedy.tumblr.com/bio), Fred Delicious out of the UK (@Fred_Delicious’ best tweets, newest tweets) and cartoonist Josh Hara (instagram.com/yoyoha#, @yoyoha’s best tweets). As always, if you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

Pressing the 'close door' button in the elevator when I hear footsteps is my superpower.

— Nathan (@stockejock) April 24, 2014

How to Kiss: 1)Sweat 2)Calm down 3)Ignore their laughing 4)Seriously relax 5)Miss & fall down 6)Run 7)Start a new life 8)You're Joey now

— Michael (@Home_Halfway) April 23, 2014

Your phone misspells your name when it's mad at you.

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) April 23, 2014

Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair

— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) April 22, 2014

Along with Josh Hara's Earth Day tweet below, we got a laugh from the Whole Foods response and had to include it:

Fun Earth Day Traditions: 1. Moon the moon 2. Hug a bag boy at Whole Foods & never let go 3. Recycle a joke format 4. Yell at some garbage

— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) April 22, 2014

@yoyoha Totally okay to let go before you leave the store. The awkward 15min hug should let them know how much you care about the Earth.

— Whole Foods Market (@WholeFoods) April 22, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Dirty Bathroom, A for Effort, Marriage Screaming, Baby Names, Cowboys Walk-On

Our next round of QuipFox Top Tweets includes our favorite picks from Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig’s best tweets), "Boyd's Backyard" (@TheBoydP’s best tweets), Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington’s best tweets), Conan O'Brien (teamcoco.com) and Michael Hudson (@michaeljhudson’s best tweets). As always, if you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

Every picture tells a story. For example, your story is, "I don't clean my bathroom."

— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) April 21, 2014

Spoiler warning: No one really ever gets an A for effort...

— Boyd's Backyard (@TheBoydP) April 21, 2014

I scream, you scream, we all scream. -marriage

— Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) April 20, 2014

Babies are being named after "Game of Thrones" characters? What parents would name a baby after a sword wielding, mythological character?

— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) April 20, 2014

I was a walk-on for the Dallas Cowboys until security tackled me

— michael (@michaeljhudson) April 18, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: 1940's Kids, Bat Signal Plug, Celebrity Look Alike, First Love, Bra Size

Here they are, in order of appearance - our latest top tweet picks from Eric Bedner in Connecticut (@EricBedner’s Best Tweets), comedian & writer Rob Fee (thoughtcatalog.com/rob-fee, Rob's latest digital book), host of the "Decently Funny" podcast, David "Nuzzy" Nussbaum (Decently Funny with Nuzzy and Guy), TV comedy writer and producer Alex Baze (Alex Baze on IMDB.com), and screenwriter Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett’s Best Tweets). If you like their tweets, then be sure to favorite, retweet and follow these accounts!

Only 40s kids will get this: Polio.

— Eric Bedner (@EricBedner) April 17, 2014

Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?

— Rob Fee (@robfee) April 16, 2014

You know that celebrity that you think you look like? Well, you don't.

— david nuzzy nussbaum (@theNuzzy) April 16, 2014

It was love at first.

— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) April 15, 2014

Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey is an unfortunate bra size.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 14, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Housecleaning Prompter, Tiny Dogs, Ice Cream Tip, Deleting Contacts, Holding Hands

Our latest round of Top Tweets includes picks from writer Shauna Wright (blabberazzi.com/about), TV writer Julius Sharpe (Julius Sharpe on IMDB.com), actresses and podcasters "Alie and Georgia" (alieandgeorgia.com/about), actress and comedian Karen Kilgariff (Karen Kilgariff on IMDB.com, "Live at the Bootleg" on Amazon.com) and CEO/Founder of "gigg", Scott Warner (gigg.com/pages/about). If you like their tweets, then be sure to favorite, retweet and follow these accounts!

A service that makes you think people are coming over so you'll clean the house

— shauna (@goldengateblond) April 13, 2014

The tinier the dog, the crazier the lady.

— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) April 13, 2014

Pro tip: put the quart of ice cream in your shopping cart first so that it's softened & easy to eat with your hands on the drive home

— Alie and Georgia (@alieandgeorgia) April 13, 2014

When you delete someone's number from your phone it'd be cool if they heard a dumpster lid slamming shut on their end

— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) April 10, 2014

Smart husbands hold their wives hands at the mall because if they let go she'll go shopping. It looks romantic but really it's economic.

— Scott Warner (@ScottWarner18) April 8, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Uncoupling, Pay the Piper, Malaysia Flight Simulator, Spider Killer

Our Top Tweet picks of the week are here, featuring selections from cartoonist & columnist JD Crowe (al.com/staff/jcrowe/posts.html), writer Jon Hendren (jonhendren.com), comedian Kathleen Madigan (kathleenmadigan.com) and television writer Aaron Blitzstein (Aaron Blitzstein on IMDB.com). If you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

Where I come from, 'uncoupling' is what you do to 2 dogs with a water hose.

— JD Crowe (@CroweJam) April 3, 2014

it's time to pay the piper. he has been piping all day, setting the mood with his pleasantly ethereal flute jams. thank you piper

— jon hendren (@fart) April 2, 2014

CNN now throwing paper airplanes around the studio trying to recreate Malaysian flight pattern. Experts commenting.

— Kathleen Madigan (@kathleenmadigan) April 2, 2014

I use People magazine to kill spiders. I make them read it and they commit suicide.

— Aaron Blitzstein (@BlitznBeans) March 31, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Turkey Banning, Spinning Newspaper, Fossil Hipster, The Hubby

This week's Top Tweets are here, featuring our picks from writer Dave Pell (nextdraft.com/about/), "Mat" in England (@MatCro’s (Mat) best tweets), the very funny "jazmasta" (@jazmasta’s best tweets) and producer Elan Gale (Elan Gale on IMDB.com). As always, if you like their tweets then give these accounts a retweet, favorite and a follow!

Turkey has now blocked Twitter and YouTube. I may go there to get some work done.

— Dave Pell (@davepell) March 27, 2014

Imagine trying to read newspapers in the 1930s when they used to spin like that.

— Mat (@MatCro) March 26, 2014

I liked fossils before they were coal.

— jazmasta (@jazmasta) March 26, 2014

Imagine all the time people save by saying hubby instead of husband

— elan gale (@theyearofelan) March 25, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Jockey School, Dad's Flip-Phone, Amazing Infomercial, Superman's Glasses, Bar Manners

Our latest round of top tweets includes picks from "stefan" in Vancouver (boringasheck.com), writer and comedian Josh Gondelman (joshgondelman.com), the very funny MJ Parise (witstream.com/contributor/MJ_P), writer and comedian Rob Fee (thoughtcatalog.com/rob-fee/) and Matt McElaney in LA (@MattMcElaney’s best tweets). If you like their tweets, then be sure to give these funny accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

Hitting the horse with a stick makes it go faster. This concludes your time at jockey school. Your diplomas will be emailed to you.

— stefan (@boring_as_heck) March 23, 2014

"I'll never let you go!" - dads, to flip phones

— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) March 23, 2014

The guy on the mop infomercial told me to prepare to be amazed and I didn't prepare and now there's a me-shaped hole through my wall.

— MJ (@sucittaM) March 22, 2014

I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane's dog & she was like, "I've never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"

— Rob Fee (@robfee) March 20, 2014

When you order a drink, don't forget to say "whenever you get a chance" so they knows you're the cool laid back patron who's on their side.

— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) March 19, 2014

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