Ridiculous Ramblings

Just this thing, you know? I might say something profound one day... you never know.

[nyctosaurid]

the thing all sherlock holmes adaptations get wrong is making the guy an irredeemable asshole who treats everyone like shit . not only is it not reflective of the original stories they miss that “nice, smart, well mannered dude who snorts coke when he needs to think” is possibly the funniest character ever devised 

[aerialsquid]

I feel like the modern equivalent is that guy you think is super well put together until you find out exactly how much red bull he ingests on a regular basis.

[domicileensnared]

Modern Sherlock is that very nice English Professor-seeming guy who you bring a problem and while walking from the door of his office to his desk he starts explaining the entire solution you need

And upon reaching his desk he’s like “Excuse me one moment.” and pulls out one of those huge Monster canisters they legally aren’t allowed to make anymore, cracks the whole thing, chugs it, takes a deep breath, and then nods at you and is like “Alright, and then what you need to do is…”

[younggayanddoingokay]

Imagine how much better the dynamic of bbc sherlock could have been if they did this.

[kaylapocalypse-deactivated20201]

why even modernize it to energy drinks??? coke didn’t go anywhere. we still have coke. energy drinks aren’t NEARLY chaotic enough. 

Its is more like you hiring some guy to do private investigation about how your husband maybe cheating on you and Sherlock comes to your house high as fuck. Walks into your living room and without taking a moment to even talk to you or sign any paperwork, he turns around—pupils as big as god—and just says

“Its your best friend Brenda. I’ll email you the invoice.” 

and walks right out of your house. 

[bairnsidhe]

Because when it was written cocaine was legal and even considered healthy and useful by some laypeople, even though doctors knew it wasn’t, and Watson was always trying to stop people from encouraging Sherlock’s addiction because HE KNEW BETTER.

So consider this, Holmes, at 2am, desperately searching the flat for the stashes of NOS cans, only to keep coming up with passive aggressive pamphlets about the dangers of caffeine overdose.

Watson wakes up to a stench like Satan’s ass to find Sherlock sitting by his bed with a re-heated pot of cold brewed Deathwish Coffee that had been hidden in the back of the toilet tank (brewing) for five months.  Sherlock is trying to say he’s proud of John’s cleverness in finding most of the stashes, but he’s passed into the fifth dimension and all John gets is a creepy vibrating grin and a sound like a shaken cat.

TLDR, Sherlock did die when he fell off the Falls, but he was so coked up his body didn’t stop moving until like a decade later.

[shadowmaat]

Sherlock as one of those cryptid types the baristas talk about (there’s a post floating around somewhere) who comes in and orders a venti with as many shots as they are legally allowed to add, plus a few more for good measure (and a hefty tip) and then adds energy drink on top of it before chugging the whole thing, to the absolute horror of the cafe staff.

[junietwohundred]

This is the kind of Sherlock Holmes discourse I demand on my dash. Bring me more!

[itsclydebitches]

Further discourse! Everyone is missing the fact that Sherlock used cocaine to “escape from the commonplaces of existence” when he didn’t have a case. The drugs are a substitute. Which means that when you hire him he’s stone-cold sober and JUST AS WEIRD. 

So it’s more like realizing that your flatmate with the caffeine/sometimes drug death wish will only chill the fuck out when he has some strange mystery to unravel, so you spend your free time scouring reddit posts that might actually feature a real missing person. Or a ghost. You really don’t care which at this point. When you finally find something your flatmate is THRILLED and straight up stops eating because he thinks he can survive on intellectual curiosity alone, and yeah that’s not good, but it’s better than what he was doing to himself before. Your success is comparative, okay? You stick around for the meeting partly because you’re curious, partly because this is your home too remember, and partly because you’ve found that writing up these insane excursions helps pay off your student loans. Your Patreon is thriving. The entire time your flatmate is interviewing this poor SOB he keeps breaking into manic grins and you’re kicking him under the table, trying to help him remember that others aren’t happy about a death in the family. Halfway through he pulls a cigarette from a stash in his smelly bedroom slipper, offering the client one and yeah, that’s very nice, but… no. No thank you. He’s dressed impeccably and has a violin worth millions just lying on the floor, but the flat as a whole looks like a tornado just blew through and there’s something growing on the walls beside the makeshift lab. Is he rich? Dirt poor? Impossible to tell based on the surroundings. The entire time he rattles off observations about the client not at all related to the case and his continuing good mood depends entirely on how impressed the guy is. If he mentions “magic tricks” or “I saw that on Youtube” you’re prepped for damage control. 

By 8:00pm you’ve finally convinced your flatmate to look up from his research and go half on a pizza, but the second it gets there he shrieks in excitement and runs out the door, demanding that you follow with your legally dubious gun. You apologize profusely to the delivery guy and double his tip, begging him not to call the cops. No, not because you’re afraid of arrest, you just know the head of the local precinct and he’s a pain in the ass. 

You run after your flatmate knowing damn well you have to be up early tomorrow because despite maintaining a private practice you still don’t make enough to get your own apartment. 

You are living your best life. 

[janetm74]

That last post…nailed it

[tjwock]

Reminder that most of Sherlock Holmes is now in the public domain.

Like…. just saying.

[maramahan]

Personally I see Sherlock as ADHD and no one will ever convince me otherwise

I mean — it’s textbook hyperfixation/understimulation right there — I Also forget to eat and sleep and do Human Things when I’m vibing with whatever makes my brain go, and I Also take (medically prescribed) stimulants when I need to think. And Also adhd understimulation makes mundane existence an agony that one will do nearly anything to escape but at least in the modern day we have things like video games and netflix so it’s a little easier to actually get that escape without y’know completely self-destructing along the way (Sherlock Holmes plays Among Us to fill the void between cases change my mind)

And while it’s entirely legit that a modern ADHD sherlock might self-medicate with energy drinks and home-brewed toilet-tank-coffee, I’d LOVE to see an adaptation where Sherlock just. has a prescription?

So instead of hunting down his secret Bad Habit Stash, John could be like “hey, sherlock- the pharmacy called, your meds are ready” and then sherlock would be all “LATER JOHN IM ON A CASE RN I DONT NEED THEM” and John’d be like “sherlock no that’s not how that works”

And then later once the case has been solved and the existential agony of understimulation sets back in, Sherlock could be like “hey John pass me my meds” And John might be “sherlock you already took them this morning I saw you” “yeah but they’re not working yet” “dude it takes time for them to kick in” “sure sure OR I could just take more. I missed some days y’know I gotta catch up” “sherloCK NO I am a DOCTOR that’s NOT HOW THAT WORKS” And then sherlock heaves a gigantic sigh and grabs a can of RedBull that’d been stuffed between the couch cushions and John like swats him with a shoe or something because SHERLOCK NO do you KNOW what that stuff DOES to your HEART PLEASE STOP

[madenthusiasms]

I want this more every time it crosses my dash.

[tikkunolamorgtfo]

Dr Watson: Holmes’ Enrichment Zookeeper

[cool-taya]

[authorlaurawinter]

[honeymooncupid]

You will find your place in this world, even if it might take a while. Even if it might feel like a journey that takes too long. Even if you feel like you don't belong and never will, you will find your place.

[badjokesbyjeff]

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog team up for a cross county adventure…

So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.

The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

[themodernmaccabee]

*inhale*

Jeff.

[catgirlcadaver-deactivated20241]

I am looking neither respectfully nor disrespectfully. I gaze without recognition of your form, and without understanding.

[theofficialjonbeers]

Me without my glasses

[thehumorousace]

this is just being asexual

[ultrafacts]

Source: [x]

Follow Ultrafacts for more facts!

[theawesomeadventurer]

okay but this is a power move above any other

[eelpatrickharris-deactivated202]

It gets even better, because he was doing all of this on a pitch black night. This dude swam towards a lure, slapped at it with his glove, and when it got caught; he let himself float and tugged on the line so the fisherman thought he had hooked a 100+ pound salmon. Once he was finally up to the shore, he turned a flashlight on in the guy’s face and walked out of the water, saying “good morning, gentlemen. State fish and game warden, you’re under arrest.“

At this point, the guy who had reeled him in had literally fallen over in shock, and the other people with him were scared shitless. The warden whipped some citations out of a plastic bag in his wetsuit, made the trespassers sign them, asked if they had any questions, and then gathered all of their fishing gear. And he just. Walked back into the river. And quietly swam away, without another word.

This man is a legend.

[do-you-have-a-flag]

warden coming out of his river to shame fishermankind

[depsidase]

[crtter]

[smouldered]

self care is creating a life you don’t routinely have to escape from

[themanicnami]

Artsy Witch Ideas/Tips

For all of my witches out there that are artists or just love art of any kind, here are some things to consider adding to your craft.

Use vine or compressed charcoal dust to make black salt

Use sketchbooks as unique grimoires, book of shadows, book of cosmos, dream journals, etc that allow you to use markers, paints, etc to your heart’s desire

Red liquid ink can substitute for blood

Black liquid ink is good for curses especially for blinding, confusion and chaos

Blue liquid ink can represent water or the ocean 

Yellow liquid ink for divination

Green liquid ink for protection and healing spells

Enchant your calligraphy pens for sigil work to strengthen the sigils you make or spells you write with them

Use doodles of people or how you see a person for taglocks in curses and bindings

Melt crayons for wax seals on jars or other spells by placing them in intense sun or heating them in a wax melter (use caution that you don’t heat them too high)

Melt crayons and mix with coconut oil and olive oil for anointing oil corresponding with the colors you use (also can be used as lipstick if desired)*

Use scrapbooking paper in your grimoire to give it unique and artsy pages

Use your paints to make painted spells. Make a sigil and paint it onto your page or canvas, and based on the sigil’s intent once dried paint over it an image that corresponds with that intent to activate. Hang up in your room or home. Cleanse and charge regularly

Glitter my witches, great for color magic and jar spells (note glitter is not good to be tossed into the environment so please don’t)

Write down a person or ‘force’ in your life you wish to remove and use erasers to erase it away as a simple severing spell

Use your dirty paint water for curses or inspiration spells

Use stickers to seal spell jars 

Unable to burn something in your apartment? Drench it in black ink or paint instead

Use mechanical pencil lead in curses by break it up. very effective for writer’s block and creativity block curses

Bead enthusiasts or jewelry makers, use your beads to make spell/enchanted jewelry based on colors, shapes, and letters used in it for correspondences

Make your own ouija boards, crystal grids, pendulum charts, etc on some matte board or foam board using paints to make unique affordable tools

Use chalk dust for warding and protection spells

Buy chalkboard paint to turn a wall or other object into a chalkboard for sigil use, spell writing, organization, etc

Use those plastic reusable paint containers for small portable spell jars

Sharpies and black markers are good for curses in general

Use your color wheels for divination via colormancy

Use modeling clay or pottery clay to make your own offering bowls, statuettes and poppets for a variety of uses

For a quick and easy black mirror simply paint the back glass of a picture frame with black acrylic paint. It may take several layers

Reuse bottles and cans by painting them up to make them witchy containers for your tools, art supplies and other storage purposes

Make drawings, write poetry, write stories, make pottery, make a painting, etc to make as offerings to deities, fae, spirits, etc. Just be sure not to sign it if it is for fae (your name can give them power of you)

Use glue or tape to seal spells, for binding and for strengthening spells

Use whiteout for banishing and invisibility spells

Use henna, temporary tats or body safe paint for fun body sigils

Save pencil shavings for inspiration and creativity spells

Enchant your art supplies to bring you creativity, focus, motivation and inspiration when you use them

Use your paints to paint rocks colors for easy color magic

Turn your name into a sigil to sign your artwork so people will recognize it as yours (or other such desires)

Use used paint sponges to absorb negativity before throwing away

Mix paint or ink with water to make color potions or spell jars

Collect markers, crayons, colored pencils, pens, highlighters, etc to use for colorful written spells, amplify sigils, and to strengthen spells

Illustrate your grimoire, book of shadows, dream journal, etc with images that you feel are important or doodles to add your own extra touch to the spells and information inside. Make it your own

Paint, draw, or design your desires or wishes and charge the art in the moonlight to help welcome those things into your life. Keep the piece of art in your room or home

Use lines from your written poetry, stories, lyrics, etc as spell incantations or lines when writing spells to make them more personal

Use old sketchbooks, idea notebooks, free write journals, etc for bibliomancy 

Try/Practice automatic writing or drawing for divination and spirit communication

Make collages out of posters, drawings, photos, writings, poems, etc on your wall to act as a low key altar

[newshour]

What does it take to teach a bee to use tools? A little time, a good teacher and an enticing incentive. Read more here: http://to.pbs.org/2mpRUAz

Credit: O.J. Loukola et al., Science (2017)

[paranoidgemsbok]

@clockworkrobotic

[robotlyra]

“Friend? Friend push ball? I push ball. I do good.”

[robotsandfrippary]

Bees.  Smart enough to push a ball, not smart enough to not be fooled by a stick masquerading as a bee. 

[madsciences]

maybe they know and they’re just being polite

[neil-gaiman]

Other dimensional beings are undoubtedly amazed at what human beings will accept as human beings too. “But it’s just a stick with a person on it.”

[msfcatlover]

#excuse me neil but what the FUCK was that #thanks for that terrifying thought (nooby-banana)

[supreme-leader-stoat]

NEIL WHY. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT.

[neil-gaiman]

This turns up on my dashboard. And I read it and am impressed that someone writes exactly the post that I’d write, without actually reading the name of the person who posted it.

And then I’m puzzled at all the Neil Why’s, and realise that this was me in the Wayback Long-ago.

At least I’m consistent.

And, I should point out, we are no closer to being able to spot the extra-dimensional stick “people” who move unobserved among us.

[jenroses]

[lookrainbows]

“Recovery isn’t about getting back to how you were before, it’s about building something new.”

— Unknown (via perfect)

[daily-volcanology]

It's time we decolonize the Cascadian volcanoes

[daily-volcanology]

If we can say Denali instead of Mt. McKinley then we can say Lawetlat'la instead of Mt. St Helens. The mountain is named Tahoma, not Rainier. Naming a mountain after Jefferson doesn't erase its true name of Seekseekqua.

One name tells of the thousand years indigenous history and culture of the tribes who live there. The other name tells me nothing but colonialism.

[dustywave]

Mt. Baker: Kulshan

Glacier Peak: Dahkobed

Mt. Rainier: Tahoma

Mt. St. Helens: Lawetlat'la

Mt. Adams: Klickitat

Mt. Hood: Wy'east

Mt. Jefferson: Seekseekqua

Three Sisters: Klah Klahne

[upthewitchypunx]

“Most witches don’t believe in gods. They know that the gods exist, of course. They even deal with them occasionally. But they don’t believe in them. They know them too well. It would be like believing in the postman.”

— Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad (via discworldquotes)

[aureliobooks]

my dad likes to call the stretches of time where you’re not creating “dreaming periods” and says that they’re meant to allow you to absorb all of the beauty, life, and inspiration from the things around you so that when you’re able to create again, you will have fanned your spark back into a flame. sometimes its hard to see those moments as anything but stagnation, but he always says that they’re natural and healthy and needed—things that should be embraced rather than feared.

[gailcarriger]

[breelandwalker]

Druid Tree Workings: Principles for Establishing Deep Relationships with the Trees, Part I

Trees provide an abundant amount of resources…shelter, food, fire, friendship–but they also as this blog has shown, can work various forms o

Trees provide an abundant amount of resources…shelter, food, fire, friendship–but they also as this blog has shown, can work various forms of magic through their energetics, through their lore, through their divinatory meanings.  They are some of the most kind, giving, and accessible beings on the landscape, and certainly a place to not only begin a nature spiritual practice but deepen it over time. As I’ve written on this blog, working with the trees must be a matter of exchange–honoring them, treating them as elders, listening to their stories and songs–and if you want to work tree magic, this magic requires us to be in a sacred relationship with the trees.  I’ll be doing a short series on how to establish, maintain, and grow relationships with plants and trees.

Read the full article on Dana O'Driscoll's blog, The Druid's Garden.