“They said they wanted a vampire relationship with no age gap”
“No age gap??!?!?”
“And no non-con elements”
“NO NON CON?”
“And no coercion or otherwise manipulative behaviors”
“Joe they want a vampire with NOTHING”

#extradirty

blake kathryn

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Kiana Khansmith

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@sanguivorehole
“They said they wanted a vampire relationship with no age gap”
“No age gap??!?!?”
“And no non-con elements”
“NO NON CON?”
“And no coercion or otherwise manipulative behaviors”
“Joe they want a vampire with NOTHING”
blood is so beautiful. I forget bleeding is bad sometimes
i didn't say it was good, i said it has bewitched me body and soul
you need to develop obsessions with strange niche content
it's about looking a little sickly, but never enough to look entirely inhuman, it's about having reflective pupils like a cat's, it's about the guilt, it's about killing on accident and running away and waiting and waiting for the reckoning to come but it never does and somehow that's worse, it's about being unable to exist in the daylight, direct or not, it's about the daytime itself rejecting you, it's about your thirst warping your morality, maybe you just need the blood more than they do, how could they even fault you, you needed it! it's about the guilt. it happened again and the worst part is you're still thirsty
it's about saying you'll keep your distance, so it won't happen again, but it will
I love how Matthew falls for Diana approximately seconds after meeting her. Literally, he catches the book and starts flirting with her immediately.
He follows her to a coffee shop and justifies it by telling himself he has to warn her about how interested everyone’s going to be in how she got 482, and when she’s like “are you threatening me?” he’s genuinely confused and distressed, because he doesn’t understand why he is so pressed about being helpful to her.
Then he shows up in the library sitting directly opposite her spot, having persuaded himself she needs to be protected from the other creatures, but actually, he’s there for another opportunity to flirt with her. He’s not silently watching over her, he is sitting as close as he can to her favorite spot, specifically so she has to make eye contact with him and he can talk to her
He breaks into her apartment to look for the book (doing a fairly lazy job), then stalks her to the boathouse and his first question is about her safety. Then he remembers what he’s there for and asks about the book. The picking up and sniffing of her jacket? You don’t sniff people’s clothes unless you’re already interested in them.
Then he runs away to Hamish the second he realizes he’s into her, specifically so Hamish can tell him to leave her alone, so then he can persuade Hamish he has to see Diana because she’ll only be safe if he gets the book from her so no one comes after her. This is classic persuade someone else to justify it to yourself.
And the second he gets back, he sees that Diana is looking for him, and he is 100% a goner from that moment. Logic has come to matter to him less and less over the course of the first two episodes.
When she goes looking for him, he completely loses his grip on reality. He starts saying nonsensical things and making irrational decisions at that point, in order to justify himself. He shows up the next day having cased the library to be sure it’s full of creatures so that he can pretend he’s not asking her out on a day trip to his historic mansion to try to impress her, no she has to go with him for her safety. He decides she has to leave Oxford, with him, and go meet his mother, a vampire who famously hates witches, on an extended trip in a historic castle (gotta up the ante from mansion).
Literally no one could have been after them and Matthew would have still made ridiculous irrational decisions in order to be with Diana. I love that for him. He loses his mind very early on, and he does not ever get it back. Sanity? He doesn’t know her.
dracula adaptations I am practically begging you for guilty vampire mina. there's so much potential here. stop making her be so into the sexy thrill of it all. we've done that enough already. I need that victorian woman sopping wet on the ground in throes of agony about her newfound monstrous hunger. she'd be so good as an edward cullen type. this is the skin of a killer, jonathan.
i find it silly how smitten Diana is with Matthew in like. the first two episodes
i mean we all know where this is going obviously but cmon a hand kiss in ep 2???
wheres the chemistry! shes just curious about him and he's like "hihi yes aren't i so interesting"
idk maybe they knew they wouldnt get enough seasons to build up to it or something
i dont even know what this show is going for
like either he's being that way because it's his Evil Plan or something
or he's just kinda like that! i think he's just kinda like that though
however, as a vampire enthusiast i was fucking hooked when the last scene of ep1 happened
fucking "walk past me slowly"
FUCKING "don't run"
very good facial expression work, 10/10 the twitching was perfect
started watching a discovery of witches. we're so fucking back
what the fuck did you expect me to feel when you gripped the back of my head like that and sank your fangs into my neck? Indifference? Disgust? NOT sheer adoration? be serious.
vampire bites are not just about The Bite. it is also about The Grip. can anyone hear me
Me when a character starts experiencing an agonizingly, Horrifically, painful transformation :
Notes on Torturing The Character In The Science Facility
my takes on this trope rarely if ever have anything to do with the character being "special" or being studied for powers they innately have, if they are special its something that was done to them
it's about the medical trauma
it's about the violation and lack of bodily autonomy
the "living weapon" trope, but the key characteristic is catastrophic functionality
i love, love, love the concept of "catastrophic functionality" in a person: character that can tank ludicrous amounts of damage and just Keep Going in virtually all circumstances barring outright dismemberment. They can keep going, so do they "deserve" rest and/or pain relief?
after a lifetime of having their distress treated as whiny and unreasonable, they have what would be a dangerously high tolerance to pain and exhaustion.
another key function of the Science Facility is to fix the damage Character takes, maybe using enhanced healing technologies or 3D printed organs or something. this leads to Character's body being treated as relatively disposable cause "we can just fix them"
extreme version of this: Character can't die even if they wanted to
people who work with Character are informed that they're dangerous and arbitrarily violent, and their fear of Character makes it easier to justify restricting autonomy
It is TRUE, cause Character does not have tools to set boundaries or protect their body other than violence. vicious cycle of being perceived as dangerous and therefore denied autonomy, and being forced to use violence to defend autonomy
the restraints used to hold Character look like major overkill, which underscores how dangerous they are. LOVE this trope
character being desexualized to the point that their non-consent to touch, to being stripped down and examined, or to procedures is trivialized. There is no non-clinical context for their body, and the "clinical" framework eclipses any possibility for bodily violation to be understood as violent.
types of uncanniness: Character looks human but has some subtle inhuman traits or characteristics. (I'm obsessed with reflective eye shine, personally.) OR Character looks like they've been taken apart and put back together, like flesh pulled over a much more unforgiving and indestructible metal scaffold. OR Character gives off "undead" vibes; they're just not quite alive in a way that sets off air raid sirens in people's brains
Often, Character is dead and Came Back Wrong (varying levels of literalness)
anyways yeah. i never stopped writing this trope and probably never will. it's a good one
it’s soooo easy for well fed vampires to get some blood cuz they look just enough alive and attractive that people are throwing their necks at them but what about the vampires that really need it huh? who is there for the starving vamps that are withering away and look more cadaverous than you’d like? it’s a vicious cycle, a vamp skips one too many meals and suddenly no one wants to spare a few drops of blood. and then they just decay more and more and no one wants to feed them and suddenly you have feral vamps crazed with the hunger attacking people left and right. look, you don’t have to let them drink from you directly but at least offer them some bagged blood you monsters. who knows, maybe once they get some sustenance you so called vampire fuckers will want them smh
tldr: don’t neglect cadaverous vampires just cuz they don’t fit ur idealized version of vampires. all vampires deserve to feed. not just the ones you find attractive
it's so much
it's a childhood dream come true
a huge responsibility
a multi year commitment
companionship
demands of care and attention
she wants so much love and company
she wants to hang out while i sit on the toilet
i am no longer alone
i can't think because i'm never alone
i feel guilt, regret, i feel love and care
this is what it is, isn't it?
this great privilege and responsibility
endless companionship at the cost of time and energy
and money of course
is this what i want?
am i able to live a life with a creature in my home?
perhaps it's a good thing she's so safe, because i'm terrified
if it all goes tits up, i CAN say i can't take care of her anymore
but i will not give up so quickly
i've made a commitment, one that i am technically capable of fulfilling
give her a loving home for the remainder of her life
which, really, could be anywhere from a year to seven years
when it's her time, put her to sleep
your dreams have become your reality, in all their glory and glamourlessness
It is insane to me that timestamps are optional on this webbed site. A major context clue is just opt in so I’ll reblog something from four years ago and people think it’s happening right just now like babe. Enable your timestamps. Why are you stumbling through the world with one eye closed?
Wait how. I thought they just got rid of them????
You gotta opt in.
Genuinely timestamps unlock some of the best experiences on this website. You get to see majestically ancient shitposts still circulating, still funny, and appreciate that this shit was funny in 2014 and is funny now. And you get to see people flip their lids over nonsense that got resolved five years ago.