sloth-is-bae

The sister of someone who hates sloths.

[olliren-blog]

[akiglancy-deactivated20200123]

gayest sport on earth

[iridescentsenpai]

somebody’s obviously never heard of turkish oil wrestling

[iseewhatyoudidier-deactivated20]

WHAT

[hayleyzorel]

OH MY GOD I AM CRYING

[casey-jane-lewis]

you have not LIVED until you’ve seen live Turkish oil wrestling.

[boredbaristasblog]

why is he putting his hand in his pants

[gardengnosticator-deactivated20]

That’s how you win. By securing a grip on the “kisbet” (the special type of pants the wrestlers wear) and then pinning the opponent is how victory is achieved. The loser will then kiss the victor’s hand as a sign of respect and admiration. 

[mystraknits-deactivated20160402]

that sport was so made up as an explanation for two guys getting caught going at it

[fruityrudys]

guys they oil each other up  im crying here 

[onecrazycanuck]

This post literally gets gayer each time it appears on my dash. What the fuck?!?! This is like the most elaborate act that ever required a constant “no homo” to be chimed.

[gekaidaimonmichiko]

Some guy, having stumbled upon 2 of his close friends locked in a heated embrace, covered in oil, with their hands in each other’s pants: Bro, what the fuck are you guys doing?!

Gay dude about to make up Turkish oil wrestling: Oh, haven’t you heard?

[valtsv]

your friend group in your 20s will consist entirely of people who are either a) gay b) have the same trauma as you c) work with you or d) all of the above

[valtsv]

and how could i possibly forget e) lives too far away from you to meet up irl more than once or twice a year

[gooutinthewoodstohowl]

f) manage an online community with you

[haringlesbian-deactivated201912]

the new nuclear family: two women, nine chickens, one goat, one mountain, one sustainable farm

[lifewithoutcosette-deactivated2]

How the fuck was this a children’s television character?!?

[samanthasbarkss]

this always cheers me up.

[mysharona1987]

I don’t know who played Mr Blobby here.

But that guy deserved a Best Actor in a Comedy Emmy Award here.   

He is hysterical. 

[mysharona1987]

Jack still being so suspicious.

[taragrimface]

what is this.

[gammywank]

an anxiety attack

[mad-march-hares-tea-party-deact]

He gone

Bonus:

[slumberblues]

Jack: no fear

Mr Blobby: J̡̼̓̓ͮ͑ͩͭ̇͞A̧̬̙̹̝̻̼ͯ̑͆̉̿C̯̬̯̬̤̻̦̞̎̐̈̏́͗̀̐͘Kͭ҉̹̼̭̹̻͢

Jack: one fear

[paintchipsfromthewall]

if you haven’t seen this.

[bears-are-trans]

Be blessed

[eeeeeeeeeeeek]

mr. blobby’s got me WRECKED

[sufferingenby]

“Apologies jack; Mr Blobby”

“/oh fuck/”

[sistertaxon]

types of stard

mu

ba

[brunhiddensmusings]

this is oddly close to real ‘ard’ is a real suffix in the english language just like ‘ly’ or ‘ify’, it just isnt common enough for us to notice its usage. ‘ard’ means ‘too much’ or ‘too easily’ so ‘mustard’ is something that is ‘too pungent’, just as ‘wizard’ is someone who is too wise, ‘coward’ is someone too easily cowed, and ‘drunkard’ is someone too often drunk

this implies that ‘bastard’ is someone who is too ‘bast’ and this needs experimentation and research

[sistertaxon]

Are you fucking serious omg

[necromancy-savant]

This is pretty much correct. According to the OED bastard is from Old French and the bast- part means “pack saddle” which was used as a bed by mule drivers, giving the phrase fils de bast, a child conceived on the pack saddle instead of the marriage bed. In English it becomes bastard, the -ard being a pejorative. It is the same one as wizard and coward and drunkard.

[pouring-my-emotionsout]

I felt like this is something my tumblr people deserve to see

[tyrantisterror]

I’m watching The Sword in the Stone for the first time in decades and I’ve gotten to the part where Merlin is trying to get Arthur to lose his virginity to a squirrel.

[tyrantisterror]

Y’know, if Merlin turned that squirrel into a human it would save Camelot a significant amount of problems down the road.

[tyrantisterror]

“Squirrels mate for life Arthur, so the chances of her fucking your best friend and inadvertently causing a schism that leads to the downfall of an entire utopian kingdom are completely nil!”

[tyrantisterror]

Ok hopefully this is the last time I add onto this but Arthur marrying the squirrel would stop both of the events that destroyed Camelot - namely the aforementioned falling out with Lancelot AND the birth of Mordred.  Being with him since youth, Squirrel would keep Arthur from being seduced by his half-sister Morgause (or Morgan Le Fay in the versions of the myth that cut Morgause out) when he was young and foolish, as he’d already be in a committed relationship and thus wouldn’t be able to be tricked into starting one with said half-sister.  No incest means no Mordred.  Then, as mentioned above, Squirrel would be a faithful wife, which means Guenevere would be single, which means Lancelot and Guenevere could pork each other without causing a huge row that ends with Lancelot killing dozens of his fellow knights of the round and inspiring several others to turn against Arthur out of loyalty to him.

Camelot would have been saved if Arthur just. Fucked. That. Squirrel.

[duskargentum]

You say all that but all I hear is “here is how Merlin trying to convince Arthur to become a furry could have saved the world”

[tyrantisterror]

Look this was a journey for me ok?

It started as “I can’t believe Disney made a movie where Merlin tries to get a squirrel to take Arthur’s virginity” and slowly became “I can’t believe Disney’s weird bestiality subplot actually solves the two biggest problems that cause Camelot’s downfall.”

Because as baffling as the squirrel fucking plotline is just on its own, the fact that it’d actually be solution to the eventual problems Arthur faces - whether anyone at Disney was actually thinking about that or not (and I’m guessing not) - is even more so.  It is bizarre and unsettling to me that squirrel fucking could have saved Camelot, and that’s, uh, the point of this I guess.

[literatedead]

So, pointless fun fact. Around 2008, someone on 4chan actually made a ‘humanized’ version of the squirrel called ‘Hazel’ (i.e. one who had been changed to a human to be with Arthur). For a little while, there were a number of artists making pieces about her, and stories written suggesting alternate histories.

I know it’s a minor point, but I still love the notion that people are still finding ways to rewrite the story so Arthur can f*@# the squirrel.

Whole gallery of pics here, because some of this artwork gets downright amazing…

[strixmoonwing]

I REMEMBER THESE!!!!

[mousathe14]

Fascinating

[bugcthulhu]

@tyrantisterror  your legacy endures

[tyrantisterror]

To an ever widening group of people, I am “that guy who ranted about Arthur fucking a squirrel.”

Of all my legacies, this is certainly one of them.

[spankzilla85]

I think I’ve posted about this before buuuuuuut fuck it? This makes me deliriously happy and sad. The resolution of Arthur becoming human and having to try to explain himself to a sobbing squirrel is one of my strongest childhood memories about having to deal with heartbreak and I’m literally fucking tearing up right now GOD DAMN YOU TYRANTIS.

[supreme-leader-stoat]

Does this mean there’s an alternate version of history where Camelot never fell and Britain just always carried on its legacy.

Are you trying to tell me that in the fixed up version of the Arthur mythos the entire royal family is part squirrel?

[celtic-pyro-deactivated20230725]

I mean, it’s not the weirdest AU I’ve seen with Arthurian legends…

[teal-deer]

@break-rpg I’m bringing this to your attention so you can tell Rey.

[hedgiwithapen]

@tanoraqui

[startledoctopus]

Squirrel Girl’s distant ancestress

[tainbocuailnge]

“all powerful entity falls head over heels for the first shit ass mcnobody who dared to call them a bitch to their face” is, perhaps not the absolute best trope but it’s definitely up there I’d say

[pukicho]

Fists of fury but my fists are kisses and the fury is love 

[letitrainathousandflames-archive]

Someone: oh there’s this show I’m watching... oh, nevermind, it’s silly you probably don’t wanna hear about it

Me, knowing fully well how much it sucks to have your passions invalidated and how cool it is to rant about something you love:

[chickenfarmersan]

[iatemydogtastewasgood]

[steakplissken]

I love this lady though because she always gives like a minute long explanation that possums aren’t naturally pets and hers are all ones people brought to nature centers and can’t be returned to the wild, so please do not kidnap possums.

Also she’s a little out there but in the best way

[sunnytmg]

favorite video quote: ‘Some of you have written in suggesting that I am a wack job’

[opossummypossum]

It’s Georgette of MePearlA!

[miiriya]

[aliasxxxx]

😂😂 definitely some shit I’d do

[honeycoacoa-deactivated20201029]

😂😂😂😂

[lickmetilllicecreammmm]

Me lmao

[soulsearcher33]

[sloth-is-bae]

This is so cute lol

[stimman4000]

.

[the-dracologist]

Just stab the wool into shape

[marsupials-of-mars]

Is that what needle felting is? I though you needed some sort of base?

[brbjellyfishing]

[conversationswithtv]

This is what felting is.  It’s a very good hobby for somebody who enjoys stabbing ^u^  what do you think I do all day?

[molothoo]

Really thought he was gonna get a giant great wig….hoping actually

[coyotesmokebreak]

Wanna know how it works?

Those needles have barbs that catch and tangle the fibers of the roving (the term for that loose wool) together. The more you stab it the more tightly-packed and the more firm the object becomes. It takes a lot of little stabs to smooth out the texture on the surface and is best done with a single fine gauge needle.

Fun fact: the longer you use a felting needle the sharper it becomes, as the wool polishes the point.

This doesn’t bode well for your fingers but hey. It’s a fun art filled with cute projects, lots of stabbing, blood, and swearing.

[vam-van]

[alsedes]

All the flavor, none of the bigotry!

Side note: I always knew that chicken tasted vaguely of pickles.

[tehjai]

Also you can recreate Chick-fil-A sauce, too:

¼ cup mayonnaise

2 tablespoons honey

1 tablespoon yellow mustard

2 teaspoons Dijon mustard (optional)

2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lemon juice

2 tablespoons BBQ sauce

[strangeauthorarchive]

@kid-umbra you asked about this before!!!

[cloudfreed]

because Chick-fil-a hates me :)

[bedbathandbodyshots]

This is perfect but for the sauce i would put a little less honey, just my preference but this is scary accurate

[the-memedaddy]

Meirl

[the-memedaddy]

meirl

[inkskinned]

“Even angry she was beautiful”. Even tired. Even sick. Even one crazy night later. Even with two broken ribs. Even, even, even.

An eye hangs in front of me. Always watching. How silly for me to care about being pretty. But I care about being pretty.

Do men feel like this? Even alone sometimes I catch myself fixing, tidying. I cross windows no one can see in and I worry that someone will see in. I lock the bathroom door and have strange, unlikely thoughts about people who will sneak in and rip the curtain off the rod and see me naked. Sometimes, in the worst moments, I wonder: what if there’s a camera and people are seeing this ugliness.

My mother taught me to plan underwear in such a way that if they found your body you wouldn’t be embarrassed. It seems insane until you watch six seconds of television; where our dead bodies are almost always mostly naked, even beautiful in death. I worry I will die in an unflattering position.

“Who cares what they think?” I ask myself. I don’t even want the attention of men. Dressing for the attention of men on a daily basis is a dangerous thing and isn’t sustainable on the metro system. I want the attention of other women.

But I still look in the mirror and adjust things. I do this and don’t think about men. I wear makeup and it’s not for men. I sit pretty in traffic and it’s not for men. This eye, I guess. The “them”. It never blinks. Maybe I am the one who is watching.

The woman in the comic book has been kidnapped and tortured. We zoom in on her lips. Beautiful. Even then.