Sonarin @sonarinsys - Tumblr Blog

Hey light deities, do you sometimes cry just because of injustice and cruelty of this world? Do you cry because you want everyone to be happy and optimistic but realize that the world we live in truly sucks and it's almost impossible to be optimistic looking at all the parts of the world? Say we're not alone pls🥺

Photo and edit are ours

We don't want to harm ourselves. We don't want to make our body weak, sick, we aren't enemies. But when they start to fight again and we realize we are locked in this flat with insane people who were supposed to be "our" parents - it hurts so much that all we can is desperately search for the ways to relieve. Selfharm, drinking alcohol, listening to loud music until we are deaf - nothing else helps. Sometimes we try to put our feelings into music but when we are too scared, it's not enough too. It's happening again. We don't want to hurt the body,we really don't. But they don't give us another choice

Photo and edit are ours

Edit is ours

We are so tired.

Our boyfriend turned into a complete monster. If earlier he tried to do at least something good for us, recently he just abuses us more and more. If we could, we would go away. Just if we could. But we were raised dependant. Body's parents and main abuser wanted to save us from everything in the world and didn't let us do a thing by ourselves. It's like we were in a greenhouse all the time and now we don't know how to exist without this greenhouse. All our life we were dependant - firstly from body's parents, then from crushes or friends. And seeing them leave was unbearable. We'd do anything to make them stay, to keep them near us. Because we don't know how to live otherwise. And now the situation is so hard. Our boyfriend abuses us, and we realize it, and he disgusts us. But we need him. Not like a person, but a tool to exist, to have a base to exist on. He is like a glue - if he goes, we break apart and stop to function, like it happened with us 1,5 years ago. We still can't heal from that trauma. And now this.

We must break this traumatic circle. But firstly we need strength. And we have no resources to take strength from. We are trapped. We are desperate

Edit is ours

In February we made a real s**cide attempt. After it lots of things in our mind changed. This experience was truly... Undescribable. You can only feel it when it happens. But we will try to describe what was in our minds after realizing it will end soon. We feel that lots of people need to hear it. Stay in touch. Especially stay in touch if you are traumatized and see no other way out. Maybe our next post can help to save your life.