I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF
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@songwings-writing
I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF
That moment when you try to play the newest update of crk, but it crashes so hard your phone restarts. All jokes aside I haven't played the newest beast yeast episode yet, but the trailer is making me so fucking scared for what's going to happen.
Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.
Might I add:
The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed
The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child
The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship
The adventures of a space roomba
Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)
I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head
hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):
The God of Arepo (graphic novel 1 / 2 / 3) (ebook)
The Monster of Sentan
The Witch’s Cat
Raise Both Children
Stabby the Roomba (honorable mention)
Cinderella Marries the Prince (comic)
My Arch Nemesis Cynthia
Pirates and Mermaid
Eindred and the Witch
The Demon King
The Cornerwitch
Grandmother Beetroot
Apocalypse Daycare Worker
Grandmother Accidentally Summons a Demon
New Year Saga
A Story About Changelings
Ranger in the King’s Forest
The Difference Between a Hare and a Rabbit
Goblin Men (Canines)
I am in love with you /p
What about the one with the princess locked in a tower learning to become a wizard? That’s lived in my mind for years and I haven’t seen it in a long time
Oh, love that story, adding it to the list: 20. Princess Talia and adding a few more contenders 21. Thyme 22. The Monster under the Bed 23. A Meaningful Death 24. Humans are unstoppable…until they aren’t 25. The Monster under the Fridge 26. Antler Guy 27. Cleric slamming healing spells
Adding a few more I remembered: 28. The Frog and the Scorpion 29. HSTHETE 30. The First Witch in the World 31. Imagine that Oceans were replaced by Forests 32. A Faerie taking a Name 33. The Dragon on the Farm 34. Synovus & Menace 35. Raising the Anti-Christ 36. Aliens vs. Flora & Fauna of Earth (pretty sure there are even more additions to the original post but I had this one saved) 37. Doctors without Borders…in Space! 38. The Villain-Wrangler 39. The Last Contact 40. The 100 Parent-Point Children 41. And the Heavens Wept 42. The Night Gentleman 43. The Serpent God and their Priestess
44. No One Showed Up for the Last Storytime (alternate link)
Adding this list from further down bc writing-prompts* is a zionist, helpfully compiled by @swampy711 !!
“
I didn’t realise that I’d somehow accidentally unpinned this post until yesterday, and subsequently had to travel back through a couple months worth of reblogs to find it again. so now I’m gonna add more stories as I find them so that I can use this as an archive to find them all again.
Also, this post will be procedurally updated with new stories when I find them, so if you liked it, then maybe check up on it every month or so and I might have new stories to share
1. Standing beneath both Sola and Luna by @comicaurora and @izzbeingchaotic
2. The Future-giver by @shady-tavern
3. Hungry Babushka Ghosts by @thestuffedalligator
4. Nothing I didn’t already know also by @thestuffedalligator
5. The Night-Mother by @melgillman
6. Sherlock Pendragon also by @thestuffedalligator . They really are good at this, aren’t they.
7. The Deathless Sisters by @bixbythemartian
8. There’s a monster at the end of town… by @zakeno
9. A collection of glimpes into a child’s world by a lot of people
10. Underworld Duet by @officialleehadan
11. A benign existence compiled by @willinghands
12. Musings on a hand axe by @gallusrostromegalus
13. Agnodice. More people should know about this
14. Perhaps they shouldn’t have eaten the dragon… by @laurasimonsdaughter
15. Imitation Seawater by @derinthescarletpescatarian
16. What is the difference between a cathedral and a lab? By @letallthetrashraindown
17. The Must'Ain’t by @gallusrostromegalus
18. The Golden Record by @fennecshandgf
19. I turn to Ares by @kochei0
20. Sons of the Labyrinth by @golyadkin
21. The Sphinx’s love by @animentality & @fox-moblin
22. Under the Tracks written by Sio on Twitter, brought tumblr by @apelcini and illustrated by @texeoghea
23. Lots of good recipes started by @girlmuppet and @batmanisagatewaydrug
24. True love brought to tumblr by @kaijuno , @transgenidoqueen and @harbingermotel
25. The Need to Stay by @maddiesharafian
26. The Whale, The Tuna, and The Salmon by @bees-with-swords and illustrated twice over by @eldritchjackalope
27. The Moon asks a Question written by dirgewithoutmusic on Ao3 and illustrated by @purutsukid
28. What we can learn from a child by @notreewaits-deactivated20200806 , @yelnatszeroni, @Ilywela13 , @ladyofatraditionalkind , @banrions , @greedy-guts , @thegodsofkhaosinkarnate
29. Compiles of Japanese and European folklore/myths brought to tumblr by @walmart-the-official and @bleu-guacamole , sourced from yokai.com and the translation works of Prof. D. L. Ashliman of the University of Pittsburgh
30. Time by @welldrawnfish
31. Just so you curious types know where you totally shouldn’t go for your research by @draculasdaughter , @three-blogs-in-a-trenchcoat , and @whateverthebeeswant .
32. The Midnight Cafe by @wizard-email
33. The Rules of the Hunt. A collaboration between @rysttle and @polistini
34. The Hand You Cannot See by @blackbearmagic, @nikniknikin, @the-tabularium, @draconym
35. Not what is expected by @dxactivatxdusxr , @its-just-a-phage , @flowernstt, @anotherdayforchaosfay , @anaalihelmisimpukka , and @stealthclaw1
36. A collection of mishaps and mindslips by @cafffine , @rumplefuckingstiltzkin , @fried-berries those whose comments they compiled, @heywriters , @ariconditioner , @modmad , and @lagomorpheme
37. The faceless angels by @cannibalcaprine-deactivated2024, @ancient-debris, @omnybus (the artist), @captain-acab
38. We will remember your shoes by @cooking-with-hailstones, @netherworldpost, and @vaspider. Found through @the-haiku-bot
39. The room where you can play scrabble forever by @exhaustedwerewolf
Continued…
”
And both @inbabylontheywept and @foldingfittedsheets were mentioned as potential authors of a story about a “girl being fated to marry the boy from the nativity village.”
*this has been confirmed (you can search it on my blog) tho there is confusion over whether drawing-prompts is still run by the same person or has been passed on, so dont go harassing them?
Send Your Name Around the Moon
Your name goes here. The Artemis II mission is launching in early 2026. You can sign up now to have your name aboard the Orion spacecraft when it flies around the Moon. All of the names will be recorded onto a memory card that will be stowed inside of the capsule. You can submit as many names as you want — including your friends or pets!
Don’t forget to download your boarding pass: go.nasa.gov/artemisnames
Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.
Might I add:
The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed
The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child
The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship
The adventures of a space roomba
Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)
I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head
hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):
The God of Arepo (graphic novel 1 / 2 / 3) (ebook)
The Monster of Sentan
The Witch’s Cat
Raise Both Children
Stabby the Roomba (honorable mention)
Cinderella Marries the Prince (comic)
My Arch Nemesis Cynthia
Pirates and Mermaid
Eindred and the Witch
The Demon King
The Cornerwitch
Grandmother Beetroot
Apocalypse Daycare Worker
Grandmother Accidentally Summons a Demon
New Year Saga
A Story About Changelings
Ranger in the King’s Forest
The Difference Between a Hare and a Rabbit
Goblin Men (Canines)
I am in love with you /p
What about the one with the princess locked in a tower learning to become a wizard? That’s lived in my mind for years and I haven’t seen it in a long time
Oh, love that story, adding it to the list: 20. Princess Talia and adding a few more contenders 21. Thyme 22. The Monster under the Bed 23. A Meaningful Death 24. Humans are unstoppable…until they aren’t 25. The Monster under the Fridge 26. Antler Guy 27. Cleric slamming healing spells
Adding a few more I remembered: 28. The Frog and the Scorpion 29. HSTHETE 30. The First Witch in the World 31. Imagine that Oceans were replaced by Forests 32. A Faerie taking a Name 33. The Dragon on the Farm 34. Synovus & Menace 35. Raising the Anti-Christ 36. Aliens vs. Flora & Fauna of Earth (pretty sure there are even more additions to the original post but I had this one saved) 37. Doctors without Borders…in Space! 38. The Villain-Wrangler 39. The Last Contact 40. The 100 Parent-Point Children 41. And the Heavens Wept 42. The Night Gentleman 43. The Serpent God and their Priestess
44. No One Showed Up for the Last Storytime (alternate link)
every time i see those posts like ‘what food from a show did YOU always wanna try’ i go lol none? but i just remembered im a liar
i always wanted the fucking soup brock made in the pokemon anime
Hello OP, i don’t have anyway to prove this is the same recipe they make in the shows but i make this to calm my inner kid from wanting the fictional soup:
300gr bacon, beef or chicken. A meat of your choice. These go specially well. I prefer chicken tights. Diced
1 medium onion, diced.
Garlic minced (i used 2-4 pieces depending on size)
300gr carrot, cleaned, peeled and diced.
3 sticks of celery, washed and diced.
800gr potato. Washed, peeled diced in quarters.
1 head of broccoli.
8 cups of stock of your preference. I recommend using the bones of the beef or chicken, but veggies stock works too for a vegetarian or vegan version.
3 tablespoons all purpose flour.
1 cup whole milk. (Almond or rice milk work fine for a vegan option)
½ cup heavy cream. (Skip it for a vegan option)
Salt and black pepper to taste.
½ teaspoon paprika, use the spicy one to get the warmth up a notch in winter.
1 tablespoon fresh chopped coriander. Optional.
1 cup diced gouda or manchego cheese. Optional but really ties all together.
Make sure you have all your ingredients ready and at hand for this one to make sure it comes out nice and tasty!!!
In a pot put water and the bones to prepare your stock (chicken, beef, veggie) You can use premade or bouillon cubes, just make sure its 8 cups worth of broth. In a different pot boil the potatoes until soft.
In a big pot put some butter or olive oil to fry the onion, when it turns a little transparent add the garlic, move constantly.
Add the celery and diced carrots, moving constantly.
The carrot will get a little brighter in color, add the diced meat. Salt and pepper to your taste.
Meanwhile, blend the potatoes with enough stock so your blender wont have trouble blending. If you have a food processor, it’ll be easier.
Ad the remaining stock to you big pot with the veggies and meat, add the broccoli chopped in bite size pieces. Add the paprika and taste for salt and pepper. Let over a medium fire for 10 min.
Separate 3 tbsp of the stock to mix with the flour, set aside. This will be a thickening agent.
Pour the potato mix on the big pot, move to integrate and taste for salt and pepper.
Add the milk and heavy cream. Move with a laddle. Have a final taste and let over low fire for 5 min.
Serve hot and decorate with a pinch of coriander and some cubes of cheese.
ENJOY!
Notes:
I personally prefer to use chicken, love how it goes with potatoes and veggies. Also the tight is very tender and flavorful. With beef you have to be careful not to overcook it or it’ll get gummy and hard to bite, so make adjustments.
VEGAN: could also skip the meat, cheese and heavy cream for a vegan option.
I make it for my younger sister and she loves it. Instead of meat i add some diced, toasted nuts when served. Cashew, pecan and pistachios work nicely.
You’ll have to use 5 tbsp of flour to thicken up the broth a tid bit more without the heavy cream but you can still use a vegan milk.
You can totally skip the coriander, but it adds another dept of flavor.
Do try it with the cheese tho, i promise it’s GODLY. Gouda and manchego are my fave, the melt nicely and have a strong after taste, but i guess any cheese that melts could work.
Finally, if you are like me and like spicy food you can add chopped chili. Serrano and arbol chiles are my go to’s, freshly chopped sprinkled just after serving my bowl.
Hope y'all give it a try and if you have any doubts do ask!
Provecho!
this is literally the best addition i’ve ever gotten to any of my posts thank you so much
Hey I tried this recipe out and I can confirm that it tastes heavenly!!
Can confirm this soup is absolutely divine!
Substituted spinach for broccoli because my partner is not a fan of the latter and used chicken and bacon. Gonna try it again with a nice Italian sausage in place of the chicken next time.
Okay but if I’m gonna reblog this I need to tell you guys the story of this legendary pachirisu So in the competitive Pokemon scene, there’s what’s called a ‘metagame’, which is what’s generally used and what is/isn’t allowed in competitive battling. Certain pokemon are banned from the ‘meta’ because of being too powerful. Others aren’t generally used because there are better alternatives, or they’re simply too weak. People base their entire strategies around the expectation that they’ll be facing certain pokemon, and attempt to counter them with certain pokemon. But the problem with this meta is, during the 2014 World Championships, there were a small number of pokemon choices that everybody had. Gardevoir, Kangeskhan, Salamence, Tyranitar, Talonflame, Garchomp… the same pokemon coming up again and again. Things weren’t really all that interesting. And then came the Double Battle World Championship. And this guy.
Park Se Jun. One of the best players in the world. He used a Pachirisu with Nuzzle (a move with 100% paralysis chance), Super Fang (cuts target’s HP in half) and Follow Me (a move that redirects attacks AWAY from allied pokemon), and equipped with a recently-buffed Sitrus Berry. And he turned the metagame on its head, because nobody in the championships had prepared for anything outside their incredibly restrictive expectations. Their strategies and planning were completely tripped up by an electric squirrel. Battling his Pachirisu in incredibly tight synergy with the rest of his team, Park Se Jun swept the finals and became World Champion of 2014 Doubles.
And that is the story of the #BASED GOD PACHIRISU.
To give more details on Pachirisu and this Pachirisu in particular:
Pachirisu’s stats aren’t great. They aren’t terrible, but they aren’t great. Of the four Pokemon involved in this particular exchange, Salamence and Garchomp have a base stat total of 600, Mega Tyranitar has 700, and Pachirisu has 405. Yeah.
To make things worse, Pachirisu is a gimmick Pokemon of a class known as a “Pikachu clone”. Its entire purpose is to be a generic Electric-type with middling stats and chubby cheeks. It was never built for high-level play, and a lot of people will even say that it’s not worth it for casual because there are so many better Electric-types.
Pachirisu does have a couple of things going for it, though. Firstly, its Special Defence and Speed stats aren’t totally garbage, and its Defence isn’t bad either. This means that it can take a hit if you train it right (which Se Jun did).
Secondly, the moveset that this particular Pachirisu had was a brilliant one for what Se Jun wanted it to do. Nuzzle deals a tiny amount of damage but is guaranteed to paralyse anything that isn’t an Electric- or Ground-type. Paralysis halves speed and gives you a 50/50 chance of not being able to do anything that turn. That’s HUGE. This is a game in which most major attackers are fast as hell, and outspeeding is vital to pretty much all strategies.
Super Fang, as mentioned, is guaranteed to do 50% damage to anything that’s not a Ghost-type. Pachirisu cannot explicitly KO with this, but what it can do is break down its opponents’ defences. You can’t use inventory items in competitive play, so it’s unlikely that this damage will be healed, and 50% damage can make the difference between Pachirisu’s partner taking two moves to defeat its opponent vs taking one move.
Follow Me redirects opponents’ moves onto Pachirisu if they would have otherwise hit Pachirisu’s partner. This lead to the instance above, in which Pachirisu survived a hit from a Draco Meteor (a 130 power attack in a game where 90 power is considered excellent and 100 power or above generally requires major drawbacks). You might think “but if it couldn’t take out Pachirisu, then it couldn’t take out the Salamence it was meant for, right?” NOPE: Salamence is weak to Dragon-type attacks like Draco Meteor and so would have taken double damage. That’s probably a KO.
But the real purpose of Follow Me was for Pachirisu’s intended partner: Gyarados. Depending on the situation, Gyarados takes either double or quadruple damage from Electric-type attacks, which is a shame because Gyarados is otherwise terrifying. Pachirisu has the passive ability Volt Absorb, which means that it’s healed by Electric-type attacks rather than taking damage from them. So if you try to use an Electric-type attack on that Gyarados there’s a very good chance that you will end up healing Pachirisu instead. Not what you want, especially when this particular Pachirisu is so unbelievably bulky.
Oh, and its last move is Protect, which totally nullifies damage on Pachirisu for that turn. Useful if Pachirisu can’t do anything useful this turn but you don’t want to swap it out.
And that Sitrus Berry? Yeah, that thing recovers 25% of Pachirisu’s total HP the moment it goes below 30% total. So if you just barely fail to kill Pachirisu, it’s going to heal itself. Have fun.
The last thing Pachirisu has going for it, at least in this case, is intimidation. The universal response to this team was “Who the fuck brings a fucking Pachirisu to the World Championship?!” But then you realise that Se Jun is totally serious about this ridiculous plan. And then you realise that it’s working. And then you realise: oh shit, this guy is really good. He knows what he’s doing with this.
TL;DR: By all accounts Pachirisu should have been an utterly stupid thing to bring to this level of play, but in practise it was a very clever set-up that took advantage of its decent defensive stats and useful support/survival movepool.
Something of note: Park Se Jun has said himself that bringing Craydily instead would have been the better choice, he just REALLY wanted to use Pachirisu.
Legend.
My ancestors, watching me dump an entire stick of cinnamon, two cloves, an allspice berry, and a generous grating of nutmeg into my tea, sweetened with white sugar and loaded with cream, while I sit in my clean warm house surrounded by books, 25+ outfits for different occasions, and 6 pairs of shoes, in a building heated so well I have the windows open in mid-autumn:
Our daughter prospers. We are proud of her. She has never labored in a field but knows riches we could not have imagined.
I like this so much better than the idea that our ancestors would be embarrassed or ashamed of us for being “soft” or some crap like that.
My ancestors, watching me stuff my face with fried chicken while studying: She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar. WE MADE IT
She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar
My ancestors watching me use my stand mixer while living in a small apartment and attending university: Thou hast kneadeth bread in FOUR hail marys??? FOUR??? And thou ist poor as a churchmouse, yet liveth in a fine cottage with four pounds butter and fresh berries in thy larder!! And two featherbeds! And thou attendeth the King’s college, as a lord!!
My ancestors being like:
Look at this fine young lady! She can paint she can sew and embrody, she sings and read
And without a wealthy father to pay for that, plus she is florid in the body! She doesn’t know hunger!
We did it!
Me: /wearily studying/
My Ancestors: TRULY SH— what? They? A little unorthodox, but reasonable I suppose. TRULY THEY PROSPER, FOR THEY LIVE IN A DWELLING WITH MANY ROOMS AND ONLY THEIR SPOUSE TO SHARE IT WITH! THEY HAVE DOGS WHO DO NOT PERFORM A FUNCTION! THEY HAVE MANY BOOKS AND DO NOT HAVE TO SPIN THEIR OWN YARN! THEY BATHE AT A WHIM WITH GENTLE SOAP FREE OF LYE! OUR DESCENDANT BRINGS HONOR AND PRIDE TO OUR LINEAGE!
Me: /yawns and sips my coffee/
My Ancestors: /cheer wildly/
Me: *hunched over at my desk nursing a headache.*
My Ancestors: “Truly, we prosper; see here, our infirm descendant need not even work on her poor days, but has the luxury to rest as she sees need! A doctor attends to her illnesses; her clothes are warm and free of pests; she cares for exotic and dangerous animals within her own home! We have found the height of luxury!”
Me: *treats myself to a pineapple and a bunch of bananas*
My Georgian ancestors: ZOOTH SHE HAS BOUGHT A PINEAPPLE! NOT MERELY BORROWED ONE! TRULY SHE HAS ACHIEVED FAR MORE THAN WE COULD KNOW!
me: [puts on warm socks and a blanket, is now warm regardless of the weather outside]
My impoverished Russian Jewish ancestors:
Me: [learns to knit from youtube videos]
My ancestors: Our descendant, the heir to all our hopes and fears for a far-off future… She can buy fine clothes woven and knit by automatons, with but a fraction of a day’s earnings… and she does… she has so much free time to do as she pleases… and she uses some of that time to do what we did.
One woman from rural Poland, who died from smallpox in 1717 CE, a grandmother at 35: I knit roses and peonies into my and my children’s gloves… it wasn’t much extra work to dye the red, once I had already cleaned the wool and spun the yarn, and to knit in the designs… and I wasn’t a gifted knitter but I was a good knitter, and I thought, well, it might not make a difference to how warm the glove is, but it made the children happy and it made me happy. I liked to make things beautiful when I could.
Another woman, a peasant from what’s now France, who died from getting kicked by a mammoth in 8995 BCE: [Patting her on the back] I made my family’s clothes too. Every day my sister and I wove and wove and tended our children. We went out of our way to make the cloth lovely. Not a trace of it remains anywhere on earth now… But it mattered to us. And she might not know our names, or know it was us, but evidently, it matters to her too. She has so much beauty available to her, in every direction, and she wants to make it where we once made it.
[everyone sobbing and high-fiving each other.]
A man from Britain, 1104 CE, sitting at the trans-temporal telescope, reporting on my doings: She’s stopped knitting and now she’s playing minecraft.
The other ancestors: Ah, yes, the dream of building. We know this one well. What vision doth she design now?
Telescope man: Looks like… Some kind of floating temple?
Everyone: [Goes completely apeshit]
Me: studying Marine Biology, out in the middle of the Elkhorn slough absolutely fucking covered in the most foul-smelling mud and swamp scum you can imagine, deliriously happy as I spot a tell-tale bubbling in the mud. I jump off the small dock and drive my entire arm into the mud like a Mortal Kombat Character ripping someone’s heart out of their chest, and pull out a 4lb, two-foot long Geoduck Clam and hold it aloft, triumphant.
My Homminid ancestors, who were doing exactly this with much smaller clams 900,000 years ago: *going absolutely literally apeshit over my flawless technique and the marvelous size of my quarry* CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Me: takes a sip of Mountain Dew
My ancestors: They drank the sweet water again!!! Is our blood not blessed to live in such a wondrous time of prosperity, even for their lowly status? This child knows holy truths of the earth and the heavens we could never imagine, yet do not focus their studies on any of these topics. Those studies are merely a pass time for them! Truly, our kin thrives in these blessed years.
Me: pours cheez-its into my mouth
My ancestors: YES! EAT MORE OF THE FLAT CHEESY BISCUITS!!
Ancestors huddling up to watch as I put gold-leaf on a painting: truly our blood has known great bounty!
Watch: It’s your right to share your salary, not doing so could be holding you back.
At my last company, one day someone in accounting approached me at lunch and quietly told me I need to ask for a raise because I was way underpaid.
They gave me a number to shoot for. It was about twice than what I had been making at the time.
So I went online, did some research, found some figures backing up my claim, put it all together and went to my boss.
I got what I asked for.
If it hadn’t been for that person in accounting telling me I was way underpaid, I’d have never known. I went from barely scraping by to being able to have a savings account and getting all my debts paid thanks to them.
You should at least check sites like salary.com to start the process of seeing what you should be making.
Because this is crucially important
Except for the fact that 90% of the time you are under contract not to talk about your salary otherwise the company can sue you. Every job I’ve had I’ve had to sign that I won’t discuss my pay with other employees otherwise my employment is terminated and the company will take legal action.
It’s actually illegal for companies to forbid wage discussion, they’re just counting on you not knowing your rights.
Important
Fuck.
If you scrolled right past this - GO THE FUCK BACK UP - this is a huge PSA
jfc I’ll be having some words with some folks
I think it would be very funny if after Obi-Wan kills Maul in Rebels, an entire small army of Mandalorians turned up in the desert (led by Sabine, who got tipped off by Ezra) to harass him into becoming the rightful leader of their government
Ezra: Hey Sabine? You know what would make Bo Katan absolutely HATE you?
Sabine: I'm all ears.
Later
Obi Wan: I DON'T WANNA!
Sabine: YES YOU DO! IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY!
Vader, presenting his Space PowerPoint to Emperor Palpatine: And thats why Obi-Wan is secretly leading the Mandalorians and I must confront him.
Palpatine, having heard that name 5641 too many times since becoming emperor: Not to sound like the Jedi I worked very hard to destroy, but have you ever considered…letting go?
Meanwhile Obi has been made Leader of the Mandalorians and somehow Luke is his heir and son now and SOMEHOW, SOMEWHERE he just KNOWS Qui Gon is laughing his butt off!
Bail starts to hear rumors and then those rumors turn into something more substantial and. Is this it? This hadn’t been the plan, but then again nothing ever quite goes according to plan when it comes to Obi-Wan so.
Obi-Wan wakes up to the entire rebellion on his involuntarily obtained front porch.
Obi needs a snack, to be a blanket burrito, and some cuddles ASAP at this rate.
Vader sends the chipped 212th after Obi Wan only for them to get snagged and dechipped by Rex's operation and now they are on their way to rescue their poor General. How did he get into this mess in the first place!?
Obi-Wan trying and failing to get someone to fight him so he can pass off this job that he absolutely did not apply for. Cody standing there threatening anyone who so much as looks like they’re considering it. Their ideas of what a rescue entails are maybe slightly different.
Obi Wan keeps accidentally becoming more and more popular as the Mandalore and at this rate, he's going down in history as one of the greatest of all time. And he declared war on the Empire by accident when he told one of his Mandalorian Advisors what he had seen at the Temple. Dead Children are an EXCELLENT motivator for Mandalorians.
Getting rid of the anti-clone sentiment was on purpose. Starting a competition among all former death watch members to see who can successfully bring the most clones to Mandalore was not on purpose but was welcomed just the same. Stealing a good chunk of the Empire’s army was a great added bonus. The chips coming out of so many clones brought him more joy than Obi-Wan had known in years.
However. The plan was most definitely not to take over the Empire.
Cody just tells him, "For what it's worth, I always thought you would make a better Chancellor than the one we had."
Obi Wan just sighs.
Bail thinks the whole thing is hilarious.
Neither takes Obi-Wan up on any of his very generous offers to replace him. Obi-Wan is most put out.
Of course not! Why would they? He's doing a great job! Everyone's happier! Vader has been literally eating the drywall over this and going insane! Why would they take over?
Everyone is happier, including Obi-Wan, he’s just not about to give in and also will never, ever believe he’s the right one for this job.
They've even rescued surviving Jedi! Yoda is back! Luke and Leia are friends now! Reva is there! But Obi Wan is still convinced he's not the best person for the job, but like all he does, he does his best.
Maybe his title is "Mandalore the Doubtful"? History books 0hrase it as him being skeptical of the Empire and their promises.
These books start to appear about three years after the former Emperor Palpatine’s timely demise. Yoda has the entire collection stashed away somewhere, Obi-Wan just knows it.
Yoda: Education the Younglings, we must, Doubtful Mandalore.
Obi Wan: Not you too.
Bo-Katan started the name and it backfired spectacularly. She may work hard, but the 212th works harder.
212th: Oh? Gonna make our Jedi sound incompetent? WELL NOW HE WAS SKEPTICAL OF THE EMPIRE AND RIGHTFULLY SO!
I feel like this an excellent time for Quinlan Vos to show up. Just right in the middle of all of this.
And no Obi, he's not taking the job either. He's here to swear ALLEGIANCE to you! Mostly because he knows it's going to drive Obi Wan INSANE. This is better than the time they snuck out of the Temple to go play Illegal Sabbac Games! (Not that playing Sabbac was illegal, but the people running it sure were!)
He has also somehow already gotten himself officially titled “First Minion.” It’s on his ID and everything. And since his slicing skills are sufficiently above Obi’s, it’s going to be staying that way. Cody is mad that he didn’t think of that first. Rex mentions that the title of consort is still open because he hasn’t had enough opportunities to be a little shit recently.
Cody: THEN I'LL BE CONSORT THAN! TAKE THAT QUINLAN!
Rex: (dying of laughter)
Now, Ahsoka shows up and thinks the whole thing is hilarious and swears herself to service as well. She's Minion 2.
That’d be the best possible moment for Obi-Wan to walk into a room.
He immediately goes to Yoda for advice because he has no idea what he’s supposed to do right now.
Yoda: Authorized to officiate weddings I am, hmm? Help the Commander with this, I can.
Obi-Wan: *blue screens*
The Wedding is beautiful. Talk of the galaxy for centuries. Particularly since Vader shown up and tried to challenge Obi Wan to a duel. Obi Wan kicked his ass for the third time.
The only part about any of the events surrounding the wedding that Cody is upset about is that he didn’t get to shoot Vader in the face.
Leia is upset she was evacuated “for her safety” and didn’t get to shoot Vader either.
She and Cody bond over the privation.
There are many Mandos, clones, and one (1) Quinlan Vos that are eagerly trying to support Cody and Leia’s dreams by supplying a variety of weapons and custom made targets featuring Sith portraits.
Obi-Wan would appreciate it if he stopped finding blasters in every cupboard.
He got enough of them for his wedding from his the Mandalorians and Clones.
But after that, it quickly becomes apparent to the Empire, the Mandalorians are a rapidly growing threat. Their Republic, Obi Wan INSISTED on calling it that, is so enticing to the people suffering under the polished boots of the Moffs and the Emperor himself.
Cody: And since fourteen new planets have joined your empire-
Obi-Wan: It is not my empire.
Cody, living his best life: Our empire, cyare, of course.
Obi-Wan: It’s a republic.
He finally gets an actual election set up but then everyone just votes for him as Emperor anyway. There wasn’t even an emperor option.
Supposing Darth Sidious/Emperor Palpatine is still alive at this point, he makes some grand statement saying how there can only be one Emperor.
The entirety of the somewhat newly (re?)formed Mandalorian Empire Republic Empire take this to mean a challenge has been issued to their Mand’alor.
The Younglings are composing the Anthem of the New Mandalorian Empire as they speak.
Might keep Palpy alive just so he can freak out and wish he wasn't bald so he could pull his hair out screaming about Obi Wan. The biggest thorn to have ever lived.
And worst of all? Vader. Won’t. Shut. Up. Like, he brought up obi-wan all the time before this entire Mandalorian fiasco, but now?
Some very fearless acolytes keep a little scoreboard in the torture break room that has a time since Vader was last overheard saying “Kenobi.”
Since word of the guy apparently restarting the Mandalorian Empire got out the count has not made it past one day. They started counting it in hours. Five hours is the max so far. And that’s mostly because Vader was unconscious.
Vader: Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Ken.....
Palpatine: I should have left you to burn on Mustafar.
It doesn't help that APPEARENTLY Kenobi has CHILDREN. Baby Kenobis.
(Might make this so Obi Wan was raising Luke.)
Did it on the wrong blog last time oops. Anyway.
Baby Kenobis.
Palpatine doesn’t get nightmares. He doesn’t. But maybe he has one or twelve dreams-that-are-definitely-not-visions-nope-nuh-uh that are… Look, he’s a Sith Lord. The Sith Lord. He doesn’t get “scared” and “apprehensive,” he strikes fear into the hearts of everyone who dares to oppose him. But, just maybe, there’s one (1) thing that causes him… mild concern…….. And the thought of Kenobi having spawned, thereby giving his apprentice even more reasons to utter that name and more people to obsess over….
Kenobi has been an irritant for a couple decades and now he’s going to have to deal with his force-cursed offspring? (Literally. They have the force. They are nothing compared to him, of course, but still.)
It will only be worse when they find out the Luke Kenobi in Question is also the son on Vader and Padme. Complete and utter obsession.
But they also adopted some cute little children too! Luke loves being a big brother.
Meanwhile, Palpatine's drywall contractor is getting very wealthy indeed because he has to keep calling them after Vader ate the drywall for the 12th time that week.
And like, most people don’t know Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker. That’s not a Known Fact which just adds to the overall soap opera level drama of everything going on. You can bet all your credits that there are billions of beings just really invested in watching this all play out.
Was the Senator having an affair with the Sith dude? Did she and Skywalker die tragically at the hands of their former lover? Is Kenobi the ex? Is there some kind of tragic twins separated at birth situation going on here (except most people think it’s like, Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader. Or Darth Vader and Obi-Wan)?
There are some very out there ideas, but the general consensus actually ends up being almost close to the truth, if the truth were being reflected through a bunch of fun house mirrors.
Palpatine is wondering if it’s against Sith law or whatever to retire. He wonders if there is anywhere left in the galaxy he could go and never have to hear the name Kenobi ever again. Because is this worth it, really? He got his empire, sure, but Force, at what cost?
At the cantina
"It's a 'good twin, evil twin' situation. The Sith, old Palpy, probably wanted them to grow up evil which is why he had Vader."
"Are you implying Emperor Kenobi is the evil twin?"
"Well not anymore, the Jedi raised it out of him."
General consensus is, Padme had an affair with Vader, but an unwilling one. She thought it would keep her love, Skywalker, safe from the war. But it didn't work and Vader killed them both. Obi Wan is raising his nephew since he and Vader are brothers by blood and he and Anakin were brothers by choice.
Cody is NOT helping and he's feeding the rumors.
Rex and Ahsoka spend way too much time on the holonet adding their “theories.”
Obi-Wan walks in on them scheming hanging out, sighs, and walks back out.
Cody walks in on them and gives suggestions. He has a few ideas he’s been sitting on for a while that he thinks would work really well.
Cody: Okay, Obi Wan is practically the embodiment of light, think we can pull that off?
Ahsoka: Oooooh! Godhood! He's going to HATE that! Rex! Logistics on raising Obi Wan to godhood!
Rex: Give me a week and Obi Wan was found in a golden cradle on the front steps of the Jedi Temple.
Obi Wan hears about the Godhood rumors and contemplates defecting to Palpatine's Empire. Surely Palpatine would be willing to kill him, right. Then he would not have to deal with ascending to godhood.
Since Obi Wan got “elected” to Mandalore before the Empire could destroy Mandalore he is also raising his and Satine’s son Korkie, who is right there with Rex and Ahsoka on their schemes and convinces his nephew/little brother Luke to join in.
Korkie: I found mom’s journal where she talks about how the first time she saw dad she said she though she was being saved by an angel and how he was so hot he couldn’t be human. Can you do anything with that?
Rex: That’s perfect! I’ll start circulating it on the holo’s immediately
Ahsoka and Luke *rapidly drawing Obi Wan with halos around his head in the background*
Obi Wan: Et Tu Korkie
GET KOSA TRENDING.
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AS OF FEBRUARY 21ST, 2024, WE GOT FIVE DAYS UNTIL THE DAY OF DECISION OF THE KOSA BILL, WHICH WILL CAUSE MASS CENSORSHIP ROUND THE INTERNET IF PASSED. OR DOOMSDAY. WE NEED EVERYONE TO KNOW ABOUT THIS AND CONTRIBUTE. I'M NOT GIVING UP ON YOU ALL.
WE'RE DOWN TO THE WIRE BUT WE CAN'T GIVE UP YET. IF WE GIVE UP, EVERYTHING IS OVER. IF WE DON'T, AT LEAST WE HAVE A CHANCE.
I'M THE ONE WHO SOUNDED THE ALARM, AND I'M NOT GOING TO CURL UP AND DIE YET.
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kill the shift manager in your brain
you are not wasting time you are vibing. you are not being unproductive you are literally chilling. make a grill cheese with cheddar cheese and slather a piece of the bread with some honey and maybe you'll relax
Innes Keeper's Formula For Fantastic Grilled Cheeses (for nearly no extra spoons!)
Are you hungry? Do you have a hankering for grilled cheese sandwiches like, way more than a normal person maybe? Great news! I am about to give you the secret knowledge I stole, like Prometheus himself, from the Akashic Records—to bring back to Prudencia! And I’m even doing it without a ten hour long lecture about how the Akashic Records makes me think of idfk, 9/11, and how that relates to sandwiches.
I will, however, briefly say this: You gotta trust me when I say cooking grilled cheeses via this formula WILL grant you Bloodborne Insight. There is no fucking reason that making a grilled cheese this fucking delicious should be this fucking easy. I feel like I’m cheating God every time I do it because it takes (nearly) no extra spoons. And here’s where I show you why.
Scientifically Proven Perfect Extremely Easy Grilled Cheese
INGREDIENTS — SEASONINGS -butter, i usually use 2 or 3 tablespoons per sandwich -garlic cloves, I use 3 usually -a source of heat, like red pepper flakes, or szechuan peppers -a source of spice OR a source of sweetness, such as dijon mustard or honey. slather that motherfucker on a slice of your bread. -a source of herbiness, such as oregano, thyme, sage, rosemary, etc in any combination that goes well together or on its own. if someone tries to tell you that you need it fresh, they’re fucking lying, the 2$ crushed powdered sage is fucking great. experiment with other spices such as ground turmeric if you're spicy
INGREDIENTS - THE METAPHORICAL MEAT OF THE SANDWICH -two slices of bread per sandwich. this is actually a massive influence on your sandwich taste and texture as a whole. a basic white or wheat will still be fucking delicious because like I said, I stole this from the Akashic Records cookbook section and found it under “fucking perfect grilled cheeses forever”. However, if you CAN—getting bread like brioche, texas toast, brown bread, rye, or sourdough will make a sandwich already being elevated super easily to “pay 23 dollars at a fancy restaurant” level of elevation.
-one to three types of cheese per sandwich. you can get away with one type but really try for two or three if you can swing it. this is also one of those massive influences over the sandwich—listen, i know, that’s obvious, but stay with me—what matters isn’t the SPECIES of cheese, it’s the TYPE of cheese. getting the deli at your local Safeway or Walmart or whatever and asking for the cheese they gotta cut (or just in general the fancier, better-quality cheeses) is literally the only major requirement that I ask of you. If you are on SNAP/EBT programs, me too, and I promise you: Please do this. Please trust me when I say do not get the cheap Kraft-type cheese because it’s less money. I know it’s a bit extra but it’s only a bit to get like 1/4 or 1/3lb and you have no idea how much I’m actually getting a little emotional about this, because the “rice with butter and beans or top ramen every single day” life is soulsucking and sickening and it is genuinely one of the greatest sources of suffering to human beings I can imagine, I’m serious. Following this formula will genuinely change your life/mental health just a bit because you know that you have one meal that is super delicious, super filling, pretty damn cheap when it comes to how much you get, and super easy to make on days where the idea of doing more than just 15 minutes MAX is gonna make you wanna die.
super sorry for that paragraph btw i just really cannot overstate how this is a lifechanger especially when youre poor/low spoons/depressed. delicious food makes me not be as depressed. this is that.
METHOD
Take garlic cloves and crush them either with the meat of your palm or the flat of a knife or literally anything that would crush good. Take bread slices and put a source of spice or sweetness if you are using one. take a pan and put it on the stove on low-medium heat (aka a 2 out of 10).
Place the butter in the pan, as well as the garlic cloves, the source of heat, and the source of herbiness. Congratulations you have now literally done ALL the extra effort that you need to make a grilled cheese like this. That’s it. No extra dishes. No fussing with amounts or chopping or whatever. That’s it.
The butter will melt in the pan and soak up the delicious ingredients that you also put into the pan. Take each slice of bread and place it in the pan to butter it, OR just take one slice, place the cheese on it, and then put the other bread on. It’s really just a matter of extra effort.
When the bread is in the pan, turn it up to medium heat (5 out of 10) and just sorta let it sit for a bit. When you can see the cheese start to get visibly melty—or when you vibecheck it—flip it once and just do the same thing.
When you’ve grilled your cheese on both sides, take it out of the pan and put it on a plate (or just a paper towel to save on dish spoons. btw paper plates and plastic utensils are a fucking godsend if you hate dishes and/or can’t do them very easily/takes a lot of effort.)
That’s literally it. I really hope this helps.
outta my way gayboy im making this sandwich
oh. oh my god. holy fuck. what. how. why. this is delicious. i kinda burned my bread and my cheese didnt melt all the way but it's still the best thing ive ever tasted?????
oh my god. this is so fucking good. the butter melting and absorbing the spices and herbs already smelled amazing, but then i threw the bread on and it started smelling EVEN BETTER. then i took a bite. holy FUCK this is better than sex. i legitimately believe that Innes Keeper stole this shit from Prometheus, there's no other way to explain why this is so easy to make, yet so FUCKING good, other than cheating a god.
I didn't steal it from Prometheus he's my trophy husband!
ok me and my partner went back and made this. exact words upon eating were “we’ve cheated god” and “i feel like my world just got rocked” and then we were both energized to get back to drawing. proof:
please make innes keeper’s scientifically proven perfect extremely easy grilled cheese
I'M PUTTING THIS ON THE FRIDGE (WHERE I KEEP ALL MY CHEESE)
Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.
Might I add:
The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed
The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child
The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship
The adventures of a space roomba
Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)
I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head
hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):
The God of Arepo (graphic novel 1 / 2 / 3) (ebook)
The Monster of Sentan
The Witch’s Cat
Raise Both Children
Stabby the Roomba (honorable mention)
Cinderella Marries the Prince (comic)
My Arch Nemesis Cynthia
Pirates and Mermaid
Eindred and the Witch
The Demon King
The Cornerwitch
Grandmother Beetroot
Apocalypse Daycare Worker
Grandmother Accidentally Summons a Demon
New Year Saga
A Story About Changelings
Ranger in the King’s Forest
The Difference Between a Hare and a Rabbit
Goblin Men (Canines)
I am in love with you /p
Adding Faceblind Prince Charming and Cinderella
21. The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship
22. The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed
adding the Doctors Without Borders one
I LOVE tumblr storytime, so here’s a bunch more your weekend reading. Enjoy!
24. The Queen with Three Cursed Children
25. Tiny Dragon with one coin hoard
26. Haunted house
27. Shark hero was about to go rogue
28. Grandma lives in the woods comic
29. A Different Aftermath comic
30. Battery (microstory but I love it so much)
31. It’s A Date comic
32. Supervillian kidnaps rival’s kid and they want to stay
33. Narrative Town
34. I have been hired to clean the wizard tower comic
35. Robot Apocalypse
36. The Statues That Do Not Weather
37. Kushiel
38. Tooth Fairy
39. Alien abduction
40. Felonious wish-granting
41. When humans met actual space orcs
42. Space cousins
WAIT REBLOG THIS VERSION INSTEAD
Me , my little brother, my younger sister: sitting on the couch watching my sister play animal crossing looking for an octopus villager
My dead dad's phone hasn't been turned on in years: starts ringing but not turning on
My entire family : excuse me what the fuck
Me writing this a few minutes later: *trying to wrap my head around this*
My dad's phone: how bought I do it again every few minutes
*My mom pressing the power button*
Dad's phone: stops ringing
autumntides
10h
"In the instance an employer makes an illegal request for a photograph as part of a job application, you may submit a complaint to the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission." Successful violation fee collections are paid partially to the one who suffered the violation, which in many cases exceeds a year of work at these shit jobs. There's only two weak points to a corporation, and those are in the budget and in the supply chain. Hit them where it hurts.
Fucking word.
Learn your rights!
AUTO REBLOG IN CASE YOU MISSED THIS THE 1ST TIME AROUND. It is important to KNOW YOUR RIGHTS.
Do Not Let HR do this to you. It is not illegal to talk about wages in the work place. I did and got a 12% raise!
True info. Now let me add something: The power of documentation. (I was a long time steward in a nurses union.)
Remember: The "'E" in email stands for evidence.
That cuts both ways. Be careful what you put into an email. It never really goes away and can be used against you.
But can also be a powerful tool for workplace fairness.
Case 1: Your supervisor asks you to do something you know is either illegal or against company policy. A verbal request. If things go wrong, you can count on them denying that they ever told you to do that. You go back to your desk, or wherever and you send them an email: "I just want to make sure that I understood correctly that you want me to do xxxxx" Quite often, once they see it in writing, they will change their mind about having you do it. If not, you have documentation.
Case 2: You have a schedule you like, you've had that schedule for a while, it works for you. Your supervisor comes to you and says "We're really short-handed now and I need you to change your schedule just for a month until we can get someone else hired. It's just temporary and you can have your old schedule back after a month." A month goes by and they forget entirely that they made that promise to you. So, once again, when they make the initial request, you send them an email "I'm happy to help out temporarily, but just want to make sure I understand correctly that I will get my old schedule back after a month as you promised." Documentation.
[Image ID: Text reading: In the middle of a busy clinic at our practice, I got pulled in by my manager to speak to HR, who must have made a special trip because she lives several states away, and told I was being 'investigated' for discussing wages with my other employees. She told me it was against company policy to discuss wages.
Me; That's illegal.
Them: (start italics) three slow, long seconds of staring at me blankly (end italics) Uh...
Me: That's an illegal policy to have. The right to discuss wages is a right protected by the National Labor Relations board. I used to be in a union. I know this.
HR: Oh, this is news to me! I have been working HR for 18 years and I never knew that. Haha. Well try not do do it anyway, it makes people upset, haha.
Me: people are entitled to their opinions about what their work is worth. Bye.
I then left, and sent her several texts and emails saying I would like a copy of their company policy to see where this wage discussion policy was kept. She quickly called me back in to her office.
HR: You know what, there is no policy like that in the handbook! I double check. Sorry about the confusion, my apologies.
Me: You still haven't given me the paper saying that we had this discussion. I am going to need some protection against retaliation.
HR: Oh haha yes here you go.
I just received a paper with legal letterhead and an apology saying there was no verbal warning or write up. Don't even take their shit you guys. Keep talking about wages. Know your worth. /End ID]
At one of my old (shit) jobs my boss would continually come have these verbal discussions with me and would never put anything in writing I took to summarizing every discussion we had in email. Like “just to confirm that you asked me to do X by Y date and you understand that means I won’t be able to complete the previous task you gave me until Z date - 2 weeks later than originally scheduled - because you want me to prioritize this new project.
The woman would then storm back into my office screaming at me for putting the discussion in writing and arguing about pushing back the other project or whatever. At which point I would summarize that conversation in email as well. Which would bring her storming back in, rinse and repeat ad nauseum.
Anyway I cannot imagine how badly that job would have gone if I hadn’t put all her wildly unreasonable demands in writing. Bitch still hated me but she could never hang me for “missing deadlines” because I always had in writing that she’d pushed the project back because she wanted something else done first.
Paper your asses babes. Do not let them get away with shit. If they won’t put what they’re asking you to do in writing then write it up yourself and email it to them.