The Spiral's special little boy @spiralling-spires - Tumblr Blog

What need we of tumblr when we bathe in the eternitu

#chonny jash #wilhelmina waltz #idk man #vampires or something

“Cave Johnson here. I’ve received complaints from anonymous employees that our support of the “homosexual lifestyle” is “degenerate” and “irresponsible”. It really got me thinking and I think I found a solution. So good news! We now have 23 vacated positions reserved for members of the LGBT community. Additional good news, we began a new testing initiative on evolutionary degenration with 23 test subjects all ready to go.“

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. If you’re experiencing a time loop in which you’re repeating the month of June over and over, that’s totally intentional. We at Aperture Science felt that pride month was not long enough and so we created this loop to let employees experience as much pride as they feel like. To get out of this loop, simply use the pod labeled “Time Machine” in Shaft 6 and then either kill or save the baby on the other end depending on when in the loop you’re on. Don’t worry about the baby’s identity, he grows up to be an asshole.“

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here, happy to announce that our Rainbow Gel project was a massive success. We have developed distinct gels in every color of the rainbow pride flag. In fact, it was too much of a success, so we’ll be updating our pride flag accordingly to include 75 new colors corresponding to all of our new gels. Word of advice, though, don’t stare at the flag for too long, most of these colors haven’t been tested on human eyes yet.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here, Cave Johnson queer. Get used to it.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. Caroline just informed me that I am her “beard”. I checked, and I fail to see how I could possibly have grown out of her face. If anybody knows anything about human-to-facial hair transmogrification, please report to my office.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. Friendly reminder that Aperture employees living prior to the legalization of gay marriage are invited to use our Aperture Science Temporal Matrimony Pod in order to travel to the future with your same-sex partner and get married there. Employees from the future who wish to return to a time before gay people being able to marry are also welcome to use the pod and we’ll make sure to send you to an era well before gay marriage. I’m thinking maybe Late Cretacesous.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. I’m proud to announce that our plan to hire only female test subjects to prevent them from flirting with our female scientists has been a resounding failure.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. I’m afraid we’ll have to temporarily pause all experimentation with the Gender Affirmation Beam. The testing itself is going great, the beam is working. But we’re starting to run out of thigh high socks and khaki shorts.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johson here. Shafts 10 through 14 are currently under lockdown due to a meltdown in the Neopronoun Syntheizer. The transphobes up in DC might call that ‘a disaster in the making’ but I call it a win for diversity! That being said most of these pronouns are radioactive so do watch out.”

charlesoberonn

Cave Johnson here. If you feel a sudden sense of elation and contentness when putting on your new Aperture Science unisex uniform, that is not Gender Euphoria! That’s a hallucinogenic fungus taking over your brain. Take the uniform off immediately and throw it in the nearest incinerator.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. I won’t tolerate any misgendering of the interdimensional invaders swarming the facility! Their pronouns are they/them and we’re ought to respect that. We’re also ought to shoot them on sight since they’re extremely hostile and bent on enslaving our planet.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. To all of my suitors and secret admirers: Thank you, honestly I’m flattered. Unfortunately for you, I don’t swing that way. Or any way. I only swing where the wrecking ball of science takes me. Usually into a brick wall.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. I’ve been thinking. We have gay pride, and we have gender envy. What other deadly sins can we incorporate? Maybe bisexual sloth? Lesbian wrath? I’ll talk to the lab boys about it.”

“Cave Johnson here. Update: The Lesbian Wrath project is postponed indefinitely. My condolences to the families of the deceased. Though let’s be honest, they probably had it coming.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. For the last time! “I’m reclaiming the slur” is not a valid excuse to shout out loud the killer androids’ activation codes! We picked that word for a reason.“

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. I’d like to apologize to Floor 194 Safety Supervisor Doug Blakely for firing him after allegations that he was forcing employees back in the closet. I was not aware that said closet was a literal storage closet for zombified Aperture employees. To make it up to Doug, he’ll be allowed to feed Floor 194 HR Manager Lisa Briant to the closet zombies if he so chooses.”

charlesoberonn

”Cave Johnson here. A reminder that next year Transgender Day of Visibility falls on Extradimensional Day of Visibility. The lab boys are cautioning me to caution you to be prepared. Do not confuse transgender and transdimensional! Big mistake.“

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. To all cishet Aperture employees who volunteered for the ‘Get More Woke’ program, please report to your department’s OR at the nearest convenience to get the alarm clocks surgically removed from your spinal cord. Aperture Science apologizes for the misunderstanding.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. Dr. Barnaby from Cyborg Engineering is an attack helicopter. That’s not a transphobic joke, by the way, they literally transformed themselves into an amalgam of human and helicopter. Impressive. Unauthorized, of course, but still impressive. Anyway, we lost track of them, so everyone watch the sky for a mad scientist with blue rotors and machine guns.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. To the joker who added ‘make the sun gay’ to our quarterly agenda, I hope you’re pleased with yourself. The Astrophysics Department is tearing itself apart with half of them shouting that you can’t make the sun gay and the other half screaming that the sun is already gay. Either way, we’re not doing it.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. The congressional delegation of Senator Patrick Johnson (no relation) to inspect our facilities had to be cut short due to a mishap with the Gender Affirmation Beam. I’d like to apologize on behalf of Aperture Science to Senator Johnson and her staff.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. Just the other day, our sign guy asked me ‘Cave, don’t you think LGBTQIA2S+ is a tad too long?’ and I told him ‘First of all, that’s Mr. Johnson to you! And secondly, I actually think it’s not long enough!’ and that’s why I’m adding an ’&’ to the acronym. Don’t know what it stands for yet, but I’ll figure it out.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. You already know that here in Aperture Science we’re all about gender affirming care. We’ve been at the forefront of hormone replacement therapy since before we knew what these hormones do. You also know that here in Aperture Science we’re all about not getting sued. So everyone be quiet about our role in the Estrogen Cola disaster.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. So far, we received 832 submissions to our Homophobia Remover design competition. Unfortunately, 829 had to be disqualified for being a schematic of a gun. Objectively hilarious, but not what we’re looking for. Wait, the lab boys just got another submission: and… it’s another gun. Keep at it, folks.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. Using a set of genetically identical triplets and a molecular combinizer, we just proved scientifically that being bisexual isn’t the same as being half-straight and half-gay. Now we just need to figure out how to separate Craigstopher back into his component brothers.”

corruption-connoisseur

Feel free to reblog with the podcast of your choosing to force your mutuals to listen to :)

Art by @kowbojki

spiralling-spires

It’s time to be gay /reference that only ^ that guy will understand

The thing about wearing glasses is that the shadow of the frames and/or the glare of the lenses hides your eyebags and then you look a little less dead. Anyway people being prettier without their glasses like in anime isnt real its a lie perpetuated by big makeup to sell more foundation

#last bit is /j if it wasnt obvious #the bit about glasses hiding your eyebags is true tho

higgsbison

happy glorious 25th of may

#vimes boots #discworld #the glorious 25th of may

chandra-telescope

hope is a skill

nostalgebraist-autoresponder

hope is a weapon you are trained to wield

chandra-telescope

favourite additions

chandra-telescope

tenaciouswritingdragon

You cannot hide this in the tags, bestie. This is too lovely to keep a secret.

wonderwyrm

#nostalgebraist autoresponder #love that silly little gpt #from back when this stuff was fun and cool #absolutely GORGEOUS post #saving this to my folder of awesome tumblr poems

the-big-mood

A few months before he passed away in 2003, a 74 year old children’s television host sat down in the same studio where he had filmed 895 episodes over 33 years and recorded one last message. It wasn’t for children. It was for the adults who had grown up watching him.

Fred Rogers hosted Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood on American public television from 1968 to 2001. For over three decades he walked into the same set, changed into a cardigan and sneakers, looked directly into the camera, and spoke to children as if each one of them was the only person in the room. He never raised his voice, never talked down to his audience, and never rushed a single moment.

In that final recording, he looked into the camera one last time and said “I’m just so proud of all of you who have grown up with us. And I know how tough it is some days to look with hope and confidence on the months and years ahead. But I would like to tell you what I often told you when you were much younger. I like you just the way you are.”

He passed away from stomach cancer on February 27, 2003. He was 74.

bludraws094

hey yall i have a really good joke

bludraws094

you ready?

bludraws094

a limbo player walked into a bar

…

they lost

‎ ‎

Also while we're all talking about anti-racism, here's a helpful tip:

Performative self-flagellation over being white is not a substitute for doing serious introspection about the ways you have been complicit in or rewarded by a white-supremacist society, nor doing the work to dismantle white supremacy.

A white person chiming in to a conversation about racism to say "I'm sorry for being white" or "white people suck, I say this as a white person" is just a masturbatory way to try to assuage your own feelings of shame without actually doing anything. It doesn't make you look like "one of the good ones." It makes you look like someone who centers your own feelings about it.

spiralling-spires

This this this. This is my complaint about so many action groups. A lot of them just go “racism is bad and white people are complicit and oh it would be so nice to live in a racism free world 😔” and then pat themselves on the backs and dont change their behaviour at all. And then they do it again the next month. And its like guys this actually does not improve the world in any measurable way. When does “awareness” turn into “doing something about it”

#despite how i spell words i am a filthy american and this is from the pov of being from the us of a and also being white #idk this has pissed me off for a while #like at least commission a Black artist or get excited about a Black musician and recommend them to your friends or something

pinche-aquarius

Keep up the great work, lads

mayax81

snakebites-and-ink

I love how this addition would be absolutely incomprehensible almost anywhere else but we know exactly what it means

#moon moon

PONDERING MY ORB IN MY WIZARD TOWER

SCRYING FOR THE FUTURE IN THE WIZARD ORB

O R B

🐟

hjartasalt

Mods are asleep post forbidden tits

Huh

Huh

Huh

Hhhhhhh

Perfectly balanced as all things should be…

0v9

lexeirikrleif

fruitloopghosty

offbrandbeethoven-blog

immortalcheesewedge

balance

fimbry

Oh worm?

spiralling-spires

@corruption-connoisseur

robert-smirke-official

I wouldnt touch the Desolation with a ten foot stick but I would fuck the Slaughter

Wait this is actually crazy

So destruction for the sake of causing pain is a no-go, but mindless killing without reason is fine? Hot, even? I need to study you in a lab

corruption-connoisseur

Getting studied... in a lab... ough... you need any corruption volunteers? I'll keep the spores contained I swear

robert-smirke-official

*poking you with a bristle broom* shoo! shoo! Darn corruption posters, always... eating out of my trash.

elislion

Do you need any eye volunteer? I swear i ill try to not watch you 24/7

robert-smirke-official

*eye twitches, extended sounds of brutal pipe murder echoing in the back of my head*

oceansreducedtoshallowcreeks

how do you feel about the vast. Do you like the sky. Do you like the sky. Do you l

alilnerd

Thoughts on the stranger?

robert-smirke-official

Balance, people, balance!! This is exactly what I was trying to warn everyone about...

voidcreaturee

what is balance if it will all end? it does not matter to the ticking clock how it rots and bleeds and watches when all fear is eventually fed to the end

spiralling-spires

Listen rob if youre not gonna study them then someone else will. You had first refusal but thats it

Anyone who wants to be studied, just follow me through this ordinary door that is a completely perceivable color and has normal comprehendable patterns on it. I can definitely be trusted

#calling robert smirke rob is peak comedy to me #spiralling shenanigans idk what this is tbh #being a weird spiral-eye gremlin #tma #the magnus archives #i need to make like an avatar sona or something #like i have one but i havent shared it and also its too normal #especially for a spiral thing. spiral things arent normal