almost home
Three Goblin Art
macklin celebrini has autism
we're not kids anymore.
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
todays bird
dirt enthusiast
Stranger Things
oozey mess
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
shark vs the universe
d e v o n
Cosimo Galluzzi
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Sade Olutola
Origami Around
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
ellievsbear
trying on a metaphor
One Nice Bug Per Day
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@temporarilyundercover
tumblr users are living in a world wholly their own which I can not help but envy
New “do it scared” just dropped
@e-the-village-cryptid I hope you know you're the kind of person I long to be.
listen you will never know what occasions you may rise to until you too are packed into a small empty classroom well beyond maximum occupancy fire code with mad libs on the chalkboard and a huddle of nervous freshmen waiting expectantly. you may surprise yourself.
I was in a long-term relationship that fell apart partially because I was ace and my partner was very much not, and every time we looked for relationship help we got told that I was the problem. Not just that a significant mismatch in sexual desire could be a problem in a relationship, but that it was My Fault, Specifically, for not being willing to suck it up and have a bunch of sex I didn't want. To my ex's credit, he cared about consent much more than any of the professionals we talked to and refused to pressure me even when my (lesbian, billed as progressive and pro-LGBT) therapist was actively telling him to.
But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!
Sometimes breaking up is necessary, and that's what ended up happening with us because there were other reasons we worked better as friends, but there *should* be better frameworks for discussing what people want and need that don't automatically assume that one partner's feelings are automatically more important or valuable than the other's.
I was dating someone who wanted to be accommodating and work with me to figure things out but lacked the EQ to do so in any effective way. It was my first relationship and I was still figuring out what being ace meant for me. It’s been eight or nine years, but I still remember very clearly the moment I realized we’d been approaching the entire discussion as if my orientation was the problem to be solved, and that it would be equally as valid to say that hers was.
She was significantly less impressed with this revelation than I was, but I tried to hold on to it ever since (although obviously the real problem wasn’t either one of us, but the mismatch and the lack of tools to deal with it). I think it’s super important to remember that we aren’t the ones in the wrong while our theoretical partners are the ones in the right. I was surprised by how much I’d internalized the assumption and I don’t think I’m the only one.
The other frustrating aspect of this is allo relationships will often have periods of time where libido does not match (I'm not derailing and this will swing back to asexual people)
Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work
There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest
And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness
An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.
I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier
And asexual people would stop getting shit for being themselves.
And asexual
people would stop getting shit
for being themselves.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
All of this, in ace AND allo relationships alike, is toxic as fuck. If someone is trying to pressure you into sex you don't want: that is wrong. That is sexual harassment at best and potentially sexual assault.
As an asexual, there are a lot of things I wish allos would learn from us. Right now I want you all to understand we ALL deserve better than this. Consent fucking matters, and sexual assault or harassment within a relationship is NOT okay!
When I say women should have higher standards for how they're treated, this is exactly what I mean. At the first insult? Kick. Him. To. The. Curb.
Seriously. What the fuck did he think was going to happen?
protip for everyone, but mostly boys in this case:
when you are on a date, and someone has an interest you don't quite get, instead of saying lol lame, try saying hmm i don't quite get that, please explain that to me, and then listen as the other person talks about why that thing is something they are in to.
you might learn something which recontextualizes the matter, and you will definitely learn something more about your date, which is the entire point of dating.
you don't have to be a superfan by the end, but you will have shown you can be chill and take an interest in stuff, which is much more likely to result in a second date instead of being ditched in a coffee line.
this also works outside of dating, btw.
I'm only gonna bring this up now because IDK I just thought of it but quick PSA, with how popular early internet aesthetics are getting again, PLEASE remember to include seizure warnings when applicable. This is extremely important.
As someone who grew up in the early eye-strain geocities days of the internet where blinkies, blingees, cranked bright contrast/saturation, and stamps/flashing avatars were EVERYWHERE, just keep in mind how incredibly unsafe it was back then for those of us with epilepsy.
I distinctly remember there being SO FEW websites that were safe for me to use/interact with because of that, and don't even get me started on errors and pop-ups. You can have all the fun you want bringing back the aesthetics that you enjoy, but please don't bring back all the rampant ableism from that era along with it. Ok quick PSA done :]
Queer Sports Romance Book Recs for the World Cup
I work with kids and I've had two occasions where a little boy straight up won't listen to anything I say because I'm a woman. and like yeah he's gonna continue to be raised by terrible role models and probably grow up to be a sexist douchebag but I have three hours a week to get through to him and so far I'm crushing it. I got six year old boys who previously didn't listen to a word I said telling their shitty dads to not speak to me like that. yeah that's right I'm the teacher making your kid woke. go fuck yourself about it.
you left your kid with me and I taught him that women are people. and also to question authority. and also how to kick someone in the nuts. have fun with that.
Do you have advice for people wishing to also learn the skill of getting through to little boys who've been taught not to listen to women?
honestly there's nothing that's going to work for every kid but I've found just turning kid behavior back on them usually works pretty well. like if they say something about "girls are like this and boys are like that" be like why. why. why. why. exactly the way little kids do. they'll try to come up with an answer but usually after like five rounds of me asking why they'll eventually be like huh. idk.
in my case it definitely helps that I teach kids martial arts classes at a boxing gym with a lot of women. so little boys just factually cannot tell me that girls can't fight or aren't strong or something, because they're constantly surrounded by proof that isn't true. also rules are very different in a boxing gym so if a kid is being a little shit I'm allowed to pick them up and put them in upside down air jail. you probably can't do this in most contexts.
I think the biggest thing is that they need to see men and other boys listening to women. they're following the example that's been set for that. at home maybe their dad never listens to their mom, but when they show up at my class all the other boys are following my instructions. peer pressure is real and you can use it to your advantage. I make a point to tell the biggest buffest manliest dudes what to do in front of the little boys. now this works because those dudes already listen to me, but getting any dudes to follow your instructions could probably work.
the best punishment is the natural consequences of your behavior. if a kid isn't going to listen to me, he doesn't get to do class. this works because class is fun and he wants to kick stuff and hit people with noodles. kids want to have fun more than they want to misbehave. as long as listening to me is more fun than misbehaving, they'll listen.
because these boys are learning this behavior from their dads, the dads also tend to be the kind of tough strict emotionally distant parents that would yell at "girly" behavior or crying. even when I'm strict with the kids, I never yell, I obviously never hurt them, and I always listen. they want to yap at me about pokemon or youtubers. it can be tough when they're really sexist at the beginning but eventually they will show you something that their dad wouldn't approve of, whether they want a pink noodle or quietly mention they like a girly show. this is the part where you simultaneously act like it's no big deal while encouraging it. you need show it's completely normal for a boy to want or like that. if you can, bring up another boy or man they know who likes the same thing. I always show off my nails to the kids and bring over the guy who also paints his nails. you'll probably get "boys can do that?" comments and I usually just go "well he's a boy and he did it, so unless his hand falls off right now I think it's okay"
for me, it's always eventually gotten to a point where the boys realize that everyone else thinks it's normal to listen to women, and that if they want to have fun they need to listen too. they also realize that these people and these women are nicer and listen to them more than their dad does. they notice how all these nice people that make them happy talk to women very differently than their dad does. when those boys yelled at their dads for being rude to me, I made a point to thank them and say that they were right and their dads were rude.
encouraging the behavior you want to see is even more important than punishing the behavior you don't want to see. you can't tell kids what not to do without giving them something to replace the behavior with.
the magnus archives and its running theme of antagonistic forces being polite,,,
-"It Is Polite To Knock", first and foremost. and there's a running theme of antagonistic forces knocking. eg, Jane Prentiss never attempting to force her way in to Martin's house, but standing outside and knocking for days on end, Natalie knocking politely on Kathy's door when she tries to recruit her to the Dark cult and never barging in, etc etc
-the Distortion doesn't tend to force people to enter, it waits for people to come in on their own
-Mike Crew's "I was trying so hard to be polite"-- and his attempt was pretty solid! he was legitimately polite up until then, and would have probably continued being polite if Jon didn't keep doubling down
-Peter Lukas cares about proper workplace management and takes actual workplace suggestions from his employees. And agrees to do fewer murders.
-the ONE thing Jonah-Elias is famous for is apologizing. Imagine the most evil thing you do in your life is apologizing for the deception
meanwhile the archival staff are beating each other to death while calling each other 12 slurs per day. they've never tried to be polite for a single second of their lives.
#Interestingly. martin is the major exception in the archives of trying to be notably polite in the early seasons#and jon gets suspicious of him for it!!! @horizon-penblade
THIS!! the association between politeness and danger!! the way that friendliness is a warning sign for intended harm!!
martin comes in to the archives and immediately starts smiling at everyone and making tea,,, of COURSE jon thinks he's got some nefarious ulterior motive
the bad thing about having unhealthy habits due to mental illness, is when you DO do something healthy style you can't brag about about it because then people will then know you've been doing it yucky style all along. Like you can't brag you changed your sheets or brushed your teeth because then ppl will be like oh did you not brush your teeth regularly before? Thats yucky disgusting! So you just gotta keep it to yourself. And be proud alone, I suppose.
And that's why we have the hellsite (affectionate)
I am proud of you. Changing sheets is annoying and hard. I struggle with brushing. Showering requires SO MUCH ENERGY, my god. Bonus kudos if you ate a vegetable today, get those vitamines.
I may be just a random voice on the internet. But from the bottom of my heart, if you accomplished something today despite poor mental health, no matter how "small" - I am proud of you. You are allowed to brag in my inbox. Go you.
I tried making something by hand.
"that time of the month" "monthly visitor" "feminine hygiene products" GRRAH!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! PERIOD!! MENSTRUATION!!!! TAMPONS!!! PADS!! MENOPAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!
VAGINA!!!!
proclaiming we're in a lesbian music renaissance NOW thanks to artists like Billie Eilish, Chapell Roan, Fletcher, Phoebe Bridgers, Dove Cameron and Renee Rapp is qWHITE interesting to me (dgmw I like those artists but)........... people are acting like Janelle Monae, Victoria Monet, Hayley Kiyoko, Arlo Parks, Halsey, Kehlani, Syd, Dua Saleh, Raveena, Kelela, and even Megan Thee Stallion haven't been CONSISTENTLY making music about loving women and eating pussy for well over a decade. is it only a "sapphic music renaissance" when white lesbians and queer women do it?
I MADE YOU ALL A PLAYLIST. HERE'S THE LINK 🌈
'Why does every nonbinary person want top surgery' I dunno maybe because having visible breasts immediately makes everyone assume you're female and only female, and therefore put you into a binary. Also why are you assuming every nonbinary person has breasts.
I think people who believe that should also put some thought into whether every nonbinary person with breasts actually wants top surgery, or whether they've just decided that the nonbinary people with breasts who want to keep them don't "count" as nonbinary.
#i know plenty of nonbinary people who want breasts or like their breasts#but they're viewed as either transtrenders or trans women in denial <- prev tags
always interesting whenever people start talking about polyamory as particularly unstable or prone to jealousy bc it begs the question of if they’ve ever seen or heard of monogamous couples
are you aware that those people are having sincere earnest discussions on whether following someone on social media counts as cheating
high ambient background football levels reminded me to actually finish this Personal Lore That Caused My Books comic
please wear sunscreen!!! I've seen "fuck the beauty industrial complex" posts about complicated skincare regimens and am 100% with them except sometimes they mention sunscreen and no. no. absolutely not. sunscreen is a wonderful supportive friend who wants to keep you safe, and you should let her do it. throw out all your other cosmetics and skincare products if you want, but keep your sunscreen. and if you're not wearing sunscreen, start wearing it!!!! this is not about terror of aging, this is not about every tiny imperfection our fucked-up culture has made you feel insecure about, this is about protecting yourself from skin cancer. wear the damn sunscreen.
legit the best advice i can give you: feed your friends
any time someone is in any kind of crisis or upheaval, offer to feed them. tell them they don't have to choose what it is if they can't make decisions, just ask about allergies and preferences and tell them you're just gonna make food happen at their house.
friend having a baby? delivery gift certificate to order food to the hospital after the kid shows up.
someone's relative passes away? offer to make them dinner.
buddy gets laid off? ask if you can order them lunch.
pal stuck in a depressive episode? offer to drive them to fucking mcdonalds, if that's what they want.
people in crisis are tired and sad and angry and the last thing most of them are doing is thinking about feeding themselves. so if you have the ability or time or money, providing that is always, always a good move.
legit i do this all the time, and it is 100% always appreciated. i have taught all my friends that when something happens, we feed each other. it makes people feel extremely cared for, and I cannot recommend it enough.
