You Don’t Need To Give So Much
As someone who has spent most of their life oversharing, it’s difficult to take a step back. I joined social media when I was around 13, making my first profile on MySpace. It was the ultimate cool thing to have. A profile which you could adapt to show how unique you were, a place where you could put your favourite song, a friend list which could be edited to showcase your top 8 ‘besties’ (and be beyond upset if you weren’t featured on someone else’s.) I added everyone I knew and even people I didn’t, spent hours taking selfies to get the perfect profile picture and dreamed of being as beautiful and edgy and complicated as all the scene kids on there.
Facebook and twitter soon came along, and I was sharing everything. My hobbies - you got it! Where I went to school - it’s there! I gave so much to these websites, and slowly began to build my self worth from them. Getting over 100 likes on a picture when I dyed my hair purple was a badge of honour for me. It meant I was attractive, worthy, liked, maybe even envied. And if I got less likes on the next picture, it meant I’d done something wrong. I’d lost favour. People hated me. What had changed? Was it the angle? Did I look bad? I would try again with a new picture the next day.
Last but not least was my current vice, Instagram. Instagram is the one social media I still have trouble with. I find it endlessly addicting, and could spend hours scrolling, liking, commenting and messaging my friends. Even now that I’ve made it less personal, I still struggle. Because my initial instinct is to be liked, and I’ve learnt that to be liked means to share and so I often, without realising, have a terrible habit of oversharing.
I think somewhat that women have been conditioned this way. To value being liked and to actively seek it. And so, from a young age we’re taught not to be rude, to answer when spoken to, to be pliable and easy going. So we give pieces of ourselves away. Sometimes even information that we would rather not share, but we fear coming across as ‘a bitch’ if we do not. So we share. And we share and we share and sooner or later you find yourself flowing out of your body and your mind and into the possession of others, and you look to them for guidance and value. You hope they might deem you as special or important. You give so much away, and then fail to find the value in yourself.
After watching The Big Hack I deleted Facebook. A few months later I deleted twitter. I recently watched The Social Dilemma, and have started to feel the itching within me to remove myself from Instagram. Because if something doesn’t serve me - why do I allow it in my life? I’m slowly learning to reconnect with myself physically and mentality, and be my own parent. What do I want to do today? What will bring me happiness? How can I restore balance to myself?
I’ve been picking up a lot of hobbies again, and not sharing them, because it helps me realise that I can have something that is just mine and no one else’s. That I can do things without having to show others. I don’t need anyone else’s approval in what I can and can’t do in my life.
I’ll probably always have a problem with oversharing, but at least I can try to make peace with it, and learn to keep some things for myself.
Until next time,
The Sustainable Swap.








