Monterey Bay Aquarium
styofa doing anything
Not today Justin
Keni
Game of Thrones Daily
@theartofmadeline
AnasAbdin
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$LAYYYTER
One Nice Bug Per Day
if i look back, i am lost
d e v o n
sheepfilms
noise dept.
PR's Tumblrdome
Jules of Nature
#extradirty
Janaina Medeiros
occasionally subtle
Mike Driver
seen from Australia
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@toomuchplor
toddler shane refusing to talk after his hockey team lose a game. yuna & david are trying to be encouraging like “bud!! you played so good!!” and shane is ignoring them while climbing into his car seat where he’s going to angrily drink his juice box and then chew on the straw.
Couldn't miss the chance
hollanov baby
Ilya is so lucky that Shane proposed. Ilya would have been a nervous fucking wreck for the entire day beforehand. Wake up in the morning. Look in the mirror. Today's the day. Sob. Breathe. Okay I'm good! Turn around and Shane's hair is all in his face, still asleep on Ilya's pillow. I am NOT good. Cold shower. Breakfast that Ilya does not eat. Morning jog wherein Ilya runs like someone is chasing him. Lunch that Ilya does not eat. Drive out to the cottage. Make Shane pull over because Ilya needs to dry heave on the side of the road. "Baby we don't have to drive out today if you're not feeling well." "NO WE HAVE TO." Get to the cottage. Immediately send Shane on some kind of extended fool's errand. Shane wants to stay because Ilya is SHAKING and he is so worried. "No my love I'm fine it's just the breeze off the lake haha." It's thirty fuckig degrees Celsius. Shane finally gtfo's. Yuna, David, Rose FUCKING Landry all descend to help Ilya set up. Well. Ilya is supposed to be helping but he is standing on the deck fully dissociating. Yuna brings him tea. "Are you going to throw up the tea?" "Yes probably." Yuna takes away the tea. 800 electronic tea lights on the deck. In a parallel Ilya has no way of understanding, he both puts on and takes off a suit. Yuna fixes his curls into the hockey boy quasi-mullet that magnetizes Shane's fingers to Ilya's hair and says, "Oh, you're so handsome!" Ilya cries big fat tears. David tells a story about how his proposal to Yuna almost didn't happen because David went to the hospital for heart palpitations that morning. Thank You David That Does Not Help Even Remotely. Ilya slav squats on the lawn for twenty minutes. Shane's car pulls up in the driveway and everyone hides while Ilya vibrates in the entryway. Shane has no less than thirty grocery bags hanging from his arms, still complaining about why the grocery service cancelled their delivery last minute. Ilya leads Shane and all thirty of his grocery bags onto the deck. Shane is doing his favorite thing (bitching) and his second favorite thing (Follow Ilya) so he doesn't notice his own mother tiptoing behind him collecting the grocery bags he drops like breadcrumbs. There is an Oscar-winning actress hiding under his sofa and Shane does not notice because Ilya takes him on the deck and drops to his knees and Shane is like, "Haha, right now?" and then he sees that Ilya has a look on his face like he's just been told the sun is never coming up again and he has his hands on Shane's knees and he is saying, "Shane. Please?" and Shane puts his hands on his head and says "Oh my God baby what's happening to you" as Ilya melts and melts and then from the depths of the cottage someone who sounds a lot like Shane's very own father is whispering "The ring the ring" and when he looks back down Ilya is fumbling a ring box out of his pocket. The first picture of their proposal is Shane glaring into the middle distance with a hand cradling Ilya's curls like a baby while Ilya ugly sobs into his knee.
goodmorning this is your assigned shane of the day
Fic: XXIX
Drarry | E | 19,668 words
Summary:
"As the senior housemate and the more experienced adult, I've decided something. Potter, you absolutely need to get your shit together by the time you turn thirty." Harry cut a disbelieving look at Draco: curry stain, ragged joggers, unfortunately sexual t-shirt slogan. He glanced down at himself: work trousers and plain white oxford, unbuttoned at the throat. It was a boring office drone's get-up but hardly a sign of Harry being any kind of broom-wreck. "I do?" he asked.
A somewhat belated birthday fic to celebrate our favourite pain in the arse, Draco Malfoy.
Read on AO3
Only a week late! This is birthday fic for Draco but more importantly, it's birthday fic for @wolfpants, Draco's birthday twin. Happy one week after your birthday, you two!
With thanks to @its-the-allure. @citrusses, and @dodgerkedavra (HOW WAS I NOT ALREADY FOLLOWING YOU DODGER) for cheerleading/beta services, and to lately for a very early-morning discussion today over the word "joggers" (sorry not sorry, it is the WORD) and whether jizz is *really* sticky.
Reblogging for the birthday boy a day late, because genuinely still adore this one and if it’s my last contribution to Drarry, I’m tickled that it’s this.
ilya telling shane about irina and how they were best friends and he hung out with her all the time and he was her protector and he would skip school on her bad days to brush her hair and make sure she ate something even if it was just tea and she was an angel and you know shane is calculating how best to gently bring up to his husband that that doesn’t sound like it was very fair to child ilya without ilya reacting like a wild fucking animal
ilya comes back from therapy with galina like three months after this fight (of course it was a fight) and with the same candor as ashley padilla in then mom confession sketch goes i’m only going to say this once and i’m only going to say it if after i do you promise you will not react no talking no faces no nothing and shane’s on the couch reading like uh. what’s going on? and ilya goes what i have to tell you. Is that I think I was treated unfairly. By my mom. and of course shane makes a face and ilya is reacting like a wild fucking animal
ilya hanging out with The GuysTM and they get a little drunk and start talking about girls and sex and they make a game out of who has done the craziest thing in the bedroom and the guys say stuff like in high school i fucked my gf while her dad was home and yeah jessie wanted to tie me up the other day and ilya will say things like one time shane couldn’t sleep so i edged him the whole night and then made him cum so hard he passed out and slept for seven hours and shane bought this book with 100 different sex positions and we tried them all over three days and he made a spreadsheet and the guys just pat him on the back like sure roz, keep telling yourself that, there’s no way hollander wants anything but regular missionary for 8 minutes and no matter what ilya says they never believe him
hello, would you mind expanding on your shane thrives in grroups of large men tag bc i would like to hear more if you're willing.
Okay so I'm gonna try to put this into words but I also need you to bear with me because it's gonna sound a bit wild at first.
Shane Hollander is a pick me.
STOP THROWING TOMATOES HEAR ME OUT. Yes I know pick me is a loaded term. I've known a couple of pick mes and they were actually really lovely girls who had been so conditioned to behave only in the most male-attention-oriented ways that it literally broke them. Yes I know this is not the universal experience but honestly I think it's more common than anybody realizes. We live in a society etc. etc.
So enter Shane Hollander who grew up in locker rooms. He has spent most of his life courting and thriving on male attention purely by necessity. If you want to do well at sport you need to perform at a level that catches the attention of your (male) coaches and your (male) teammates and your (male) rivals on the opposing team. As a gay man, this almost definitely crossed some wires for him. He wants every man in that room to want to be him. He wants every man in that room to want him, sickly and carnally. And some of this is latent and internalized to hell while some of it he is painfully aware of, most notably when he is jerking off and allows himself to think about kneeling in a room full of men who are all fighting over who gets to fuck him first--
I mean, you get the POINT.
So yeah Shane thrives in groups of men. He's their guy, he's their good hockey boy. The inherent assumed heterosexuality of the spaces he orbits in allow him to flirt kind of WILDLY with some of these guys and nobody is any the wiser because these highly masculine spaces are also, paradoxically, highly homoerotic to the point where male bonding is valued highest above almost any other relationship one can have. And Shane, who is Actually Gay and genuinely does WANT that attention, even latently, is very good at male bonding (read: flirting.) You'll look great in silver, Vaughny. See You In October [wink].
Crucially, Shane doesn't really realize that he's doing any of this.
It's probably part of how Ilya clocks his shit. The way Shane behaved around him at the CCM shoot is probably not all that different from how Shane approached other men in his social sphere who he wanted to impress or to be impressed by him. But Ilya, who is enlightened to those tactics by being actually queer, sees it for what it is.
The other major key factor in Shane's ability to thrive in rooms full of men is that he very early on becomes an object of envy for these guys. He's hockey Jesus. He's a generational talent. Honestly, some of these guys probably WOULD like to fuck Shane Hollander if they had it in writing that it didn't make them gay, no way, doesn't count if it's Shane Hollander, that's basically the same as putting your dick in hockey itself,
And yeah maybe that's also something that Shane has fantasies about.
Then again, the pick me analogy isn't perfect because Shane actually IS in a position to be coveted by the people whose attention he craves, just not in any way that is actually accessible to him. And not in any way that he would actually admit to himself he wants.
Again, this is part of the reason why his relationship with Ilya goes down the way it does. Part of Shane KNOWS that he is Ilya Rozanov's perfect little slut and that Ilya Does Not Know How To Quit Him. At some point years down the line Shane will actually be able to admit this to himself and it WILL make him a slightly worse version of himself, but only in ways that make Ilya that much more insane about him.
Obsessed with Ilya struggling to straddle Shane for a second bc Shane's first instinct after being pushed onto a bed is to spread his legs
Bound: Heaven is a bedroom by Charlotte_Stant (Hollanov, rated E)
I adore this fic. I devoured it while travelling, and then promptly reread it two more times so I could savour it properly. It's a brilliant mix of comedy and angst, and it serves Mormon missionary Elder Hollander as well as fuckboy Ilya "MIT Grad" Rozanov in a delightful AU.
Did I fuck up the author's pseud punctuation? Yes, I did! Did I realize this at any time until JUST NOW? No, I did not!
However, bless the author for having blanket permission. Sorry for fucking up your pseud.
(Aside: Authors! Have blanket permission! It's so easy and it keeps us from nagging you, AND you get surprise binds popping up like this! I say all this as an author myself, with blanket permission!)
For this bind, I located the official LDS font (Baker Signet, if you care) so I could commit a higher level of sacrilege, using it for all the scriptural quotes and drop caps and such. I had to do a couple of pull quotes because there are just so many good ones, and of course I needed to feature the author's amazing use of *** swear censorship because it somehow stayed funny all the way through the whole fic.
I also created the faux missionary name tag art, as well as the cover design.
I used my own marbled papers for the end papers and end bands. For a minute I thought I'd flown too close to the sun with the narrow little 2mm squares I used, but look! My squares came out so well!
I also had to create a tiny faux-Mormon dust jacket just so I could shamelessly abuse Canva Christian stock art. This one features a very Mormon Jesus, as he's standing in the mountains; he also somehow looks like his parents forgot to pick him up after baseball practice.
The dusty, like Shane, is doing a poor job of pretending to be holy and righteous while actually wanting to get down with Ilya, who is DTF.
Also, yes, I did custom-draw a cross made of out dicks. I'm not even sorry about it. The SVG is available to any other binders with blasphemous intentions, just hmu.
Details:
letter quarto bind (so smol!)
short-grain 24# cream paper
2 mm board covered with Verona book cloth in sapphire, decorated using lime green HTV
end papers and end bands are marbled paper by me
spine is rounded but not backed
dust jacket title and the text on the one flap are from an LDS site, which is linked to by the author in the author's notes
dust jacket is printed on photo paper and laminated with soft-touch
with thanks to @phoenixortheflame and @citrusses for lots and lots of feedback and encouragement on the design of the cover and dust jacket
Read this fic! Leave kudos and comments!
All fanbinds by me are for personal use only and will never be sold or profited from.
yuna and baby shane. mother's day 1/3
I FOUND THE TWEET THAT GOT ME TO WATCH PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
Fanfiction is insane. You can write porn so good you make friends.
Sleepy boys 💤
Brokeback Mountain (2005) | Heated Rivalry (2025-)
i think in the only other past human life shane has lived, he was an anchorite nun in medieval france, and lived on water, gruel, the holy eucharist, and scripture from age 14-38 and i think that explains a lot about his vibe. other than that he’s mostly been ants and bees and fungi.
and ilya’s are like serf, serf, whore, serf, 200 year old mighty oak cut down during industrial revolution roots still trying to take hold but all growth is choked by oil and smoke, marilyn monroe.
