A patchwork of random stuff I found amusing

Call me Wander, she/her. Multi fandom blog

[pleasereturntoheaven]

*gets dressed up to spend time in the woods alone*

[benchowmein]

once at dawn i dressed up in my regency suit and went for a walk in the woods where i heard someone go “oh” (a little like a moan) and i got terrified i’d interrupted someone dogging or something so i immediately tried to walk away before i saw the person in question, who was just walking their dog (dogging in a sense!) and i got even more scared because they were wearing black skinny jeans and a black hoodie so they looked like they had very long slender arms and legs, and both of us were really shaken so i quickly tried to get out of sight. anyway i forgot i was wearing full 1810s regencywear complete with hat and probably looked significantly more like a ghost than they did. remember you’re never alone in the woods

[bowling-with-skulls]

imagine walking your dog in the woods and seeing an obvious Regency-era ghost notice you and bolt out of sight, visibly shaken

[a-humble-waffle]

I’m CRYING this is hilarious

[penny-anna]

Bilbo was declared dead while he was away in the Hobbit (and had to do a bunch of paperwork to get declared alive again) but there’s no indication he was formally declared dead after leaving the Shire, even though most people assumed he had died.

Therefore I posit: having a missing person declared dead in the Shire requires the consent of their next of kin. Whoever Bilbo’s next of kin was at the time of the Hobbit (possibly Otho? I’m not sure) had him declared dead at the first opportunity but Frodo refused to ever do it.

Frodo had anxious hobbit bureaucrats knocking on his door every couple of years like ‘Mr Baggins… blease… it’s been 10 years… he was eleventy-one… can we fill out his death certificate yet’ and Frodo was like ‘absolutely not’.

Early on he genuinely couldn’t bring himself too but after a while it was more that he enjoyed irritating the local magistrate’s office than anything else.

[61below]

I raise you: the hobbitish bureaucracy has no means to re-declare someone dead. They had no precedent to declare someone who was once-dead dead again. They would need the Thain, the Mayor, and the Master of Buckland to agree to changing the statute, and since the Thain and the Master are too amused by the whole henclucking that they haven’t gotten round to it just yet.

[telltalelily]

I’m upping the stakes with: last time Bilbo was declared dead when he was, in fact, not dead, they removed the law stating that you can have someone declared dead without a body, so when Bilbo left (happily aware of this legal loophole and snickering) he could never become legally dead again.

[penny-anna]

I am loving the implication here that Bilbo can literally never die in the eyes of the law. He’d love that.

[apathetic-revenant]

a hobbit parent telling their kids the story of Mad Baggins and being like “thanks to a loophole in hobbit law he’s technically still alive today”

a hobbit child misinterprets this and lies awake at night worrying that Mad Baggins is still out there and will appear in their room without warning 

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Alternatively: the laws for declaring somebody dead if they’re missing for long enough are still in place, but the magistrates are just refusing to enforce them in this particular case.

After all, last time they declared Bilbo Baggins dead— which involved filling out all the paperwork necessary to declare somebody dead without a body— he had the rudeness to show up again, forcing them to do a lot more paperwork, and this time with an indignant Bilbo having a go at them while they did it.

As a result, the magistrates have decided that they’re not going to declare Bilbo Baggins dead a second time unless they have a body, a coroners reprt explaining the cause of death, and a three day wake to make sure that he doesn’t get up and walk away again.

Centuries later, hobbit parents tell their children that Mad Baggins is forever gone from the shire— at least until the day when somebody is stupid enough to declare him legally dead, at which point legend states that he will immediately come marching back, demanding an explanation.

[silver-tongues-blog]

i love the implication that its considered rude in hobbit society to show up alive after being declared dead

[prokopetz]

Two hundred years later the inheritance drama over Bag End is still going strong. The Sackville-Bagginses insist that even if Bilbo isn’t legally dead, he’s clearly abandoned the property; those responsible for overseeing the affair respond by pointing out that, as it’s well known that Bilbo Baggins could turn invisible, they can’t be sure he’s not still in the building.

[somethingaboutblacktop-blog]

Visit Original Link

[the-ick-vault]

wow

External image

Jolene (33 R.P.M) - click for .mp3

Unsure where this came from, if not the palsied hands of the good Lord himself.

Simple premise: Dolly Parton’s “Jolene” slipped from 45 to 33 rpm. Nothing more; no studio trickery, no trip hop drum breaks. The guitar lopes back in and around itself. The bass becomes elastic, hot rubber. The violin stabs become sustained cello lines. The backing choir’s split harmony rattles around, slinking ghostly into the corner.  And most importantly, Parton’s once-frantic vocal is transformed from bubblegum country scrawl into something approximating field holler reverence. 

An already perfect song made transcendental..

[clairesclitpiercing]

Who would win in a battle for my immortal soul: the devil on his fiddle or “Jolene” at 33 RPM

[crash-bang-boom]

Visit Original Link

Ask and you shall receive. xx Original post here Backing track here

[amethyst-skeleton]

Reblogging again, here are the transcribed lyrics!

Chorus

Jolene (×4)

I’m begging of you please don’t take my man

Jolene (x4)

Please don’t take him just because you can

Verse One

Your beauty is beyond compare

With flaming locks of auburn hair

With ivory skin

And eyes of emerald green

For years our town’s been terrorised

By the beast who takes disguise

In the shell

That calls itself Jolene

Our sleep disturbed by quaking breath

Eyes closed against the threat of death

That lies behind

The teeth of that Jolene

The closer that you get to her

The more those edges seem to blur

To something that

Cannot be called Jolene

Chorus

Verse Two

Your teeth are sharp, your mouth agape

Your claws rend flesh, there’s no escape

From judgement of

The Eldritch One, Jolene

But I’ve seen beyond that auburn hair

My eyes have met your vacant stare

But I’ve been told

I’m hard to scare, Jolene

Chorus but it’s:

Jolene (x4)

I’m begging of you please don’t take my man

Jolene (x4)

I’ll end this story just how it began

I’ll take your teeth if you try to take my man

End.

(edited from op’s corrections)

[write-it-motherfuckers]

This is my aesthetic. 

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

The guy behind the counter at the post office was just like, "can I getcha anything else? Stamps? Pint of blood?" And the ten seconds it took me to remember my mask has vampire teeth printed on it was the longest most bewildering moment of my year so far

[gallusrostromegalus]

Me, bewildered and delighted: they sell blood at the post office now?

[memewhore]

[egyedi-eset]

[unbotheredmuse]

[insaneostyle]

Shocking how many people don’t know that hens lay non-fertilized eggs and think the yolk they’re eating is a baby chicken

[countess-of-edessa]

once tried desperately to make my friend understand that yolks were not, like, a liquified potentiality of chicken, and she looked at me for a while and then said, "but they’re both yellow."

[woolandflax]

Behold

A chicken

[alexseanchai]

[image: a lemon.]

[brawltogethernow]

Image descriptions that incidentally make the joke infinitely funnier.

[simonalkenmayer]

[yimra-deactivated20250209]

If I had this setup I’d wake people up while they’re tied to a chair and have this play once they’re fully awake

[thespamman24]

Never before have I seen anything that is so much.

[autisticchangeling]

[Video is someone asking their Alexa to play Day-o (The banana song). Alexa complies, and a variety of mechanical mounted fish and also a mechanical lobster and a skeleton all move in time to the music and lip-sync to it. End]

[kyidyl]

I need you guys to see the newest amusing music trend on tiktok.

Source

[beesmygod]

one of the most fascinating and legitimately wonderful things about the internet is that it has given humans the ability to spontaneously collaborate no matter their location for no reason other than the sheer joy of it and that concept is neatly captured in this little video where a bunch of strangers made a cohesive and complex piece of short music around a video of a cat drinking milk silly

[natalunasans]

the person before me basically described the video but I think it's important that the original sound is that MLEM MLEM MLEM from the cat. it's almost humming. and then gradually all the different musicians join in until it almost sounds like klezmer.

[niuniente]

CAT by  By 九米 / Zhaobangni (1631123)

[readableporn]

And when I say I lost my shit–and by all lost gods did I– I mean it.

[adulthoodisokay]

unmute unmute unmute

[munkseel]

for the love of EVERYTHING holy u GOTTA unmute

[letslipthehounds]

This was funny silent, but HILARIOUS with sound.

[ruffboi-mags]

[a cute animation of cats, set to the Galop Infernal from Orpheus in the Underworld, aka the can-can song]

[zwischendenstuehlen]

Have you ever wondered where books come from?

Well then, let me show you, because that’s what I do for a living.

Right now, it’s this time of the year, and the little ones have just freshly hatched:

You’ll notice they’re still blind and naked when they hatch. So I make them little coats to keep them warm during their first winter:

See how they happily line up to put them on:

See? Better. Now they’re ready to go and explore the world.

And if they make it through the winter and we take good care of them, they will grow up to be strong and wise like their older fellows:

So, in case you were ever wondering, now you know.

[bluelightseven-deactivated20140]

[allofthefeelings]

As a Publishing Professional I can say that this is 10000% accurate, and I am a little concerned you’re just giving away all of our industry secrets on Tumblr.

[neil-gaiman]

I am a famousy awards-winning author of BOOKS and I endorse this post.

[homunculus-argument]

Imagine an alien sharing a cool human fact they just learned like ”hey guys did you know that the silvery markings on humans actually aren’t true stripes? They’re called stretch marks, they happen when the human is growing fast enough to actually outgrow their skin, which is apparently something that just fucking happens to almost all of them at some point of their life.”

and another one is like ”wait so you’re saying humans don’t have stripes.”

”actually they do, but the stripes are invisible. There’s genetic code that’d give them stripes but they’re just the same colour as the rest of the skin. So the visible stripes are not real stripes and the real stripes are invisible.”

”I swear if you tell me one more weird human thing today I’m beating your ass.”

[thantos1991]

The human in the room looks up and goes "Wait I have stripes?"

[appraisedtiktoks]

[licensedfuckwit]

The way he says ‘I GUESS’ is the way I hear this meme in my head now

[teaboot]

Humans are adorable.

Supporting evidence:

1. Humans say ‘ow’, even if they haven’t actually been hurt. It’s just a thing they say when they think they might have been hurt, but aren’t sure yet.

2. Humans collect shiny things and decorate their bodies and nests with them. The shinier the better, although each individual has a unique taste for style and colouring

3. Humans are not an aquatic or even amphibious species, but they flock to bodies of water simply to play in it. They can’t even hold their breath all that long; they just love to splash!

4. When night falls and the sky goes dark, humans become drowsy and begin to cocoon themselves in soft, fluffy bedding.

5. Some humans spend time in each other’s nests! Just for fun! It’s not their nest; they’re just visiting each other.

6. Some humans use pigments and dyes to make their bodies flashy and colourful! They even attach shiny dangly bits to their cartalidgous membranes!

7. Humans are very clever, and sometimes adopt creatures from other species into their family units. They don’t seem to notice the obvious differences, and often raise them alongside their own young!

8. If a human sees another creature in distress, they can commonly be observed trying to help! Even at their own risk, most humans are deeply compassionate creatures!

9. If a human hears a particularity catchy sound or tune, it will often mimic it, even to the point of annoying themselves!

10. Sneezes are entirely involuntary, and completely adorable. Especially when the human in question becomes frustrated

11. Humans love treats!!! Some more than others. Many humans will save these treats specifically for a later date when they are in need of comfort or reassurance. IE, pickles, pop tarts, Popsicles, etc

12. They’re learning to travel in space!!! They can’t get very far, but they’re trying!!! So far, they’ve made it to the end of their yard, and have found rocks

[shakespork]

this sounds like it was written by a really enthusiastic alien humanologist

[apricot-studies]

i love this because it makes me look at seemingly mundane things from a totally different perspective and appreciate humans so much more

[acadmia-deactivated20180822]

this is actually so precious ohmygod

[formerlymaustown]

From

[blueandbluer]

You’re doing amazing, sweetie. 😍

[that1girlarreis]

I laughed so hard I actually have tears in my eyes. Oh my god 😭

[doyumacy]

MARVEL 

link // https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHUrAvKNF8s (collab w/ djcprod)

[magneticmummy]

Okay I’ll admit this the was really awesome and a really well matched to the song and edited

[strawberrypatty]

That’s fucking tight.

[ohifonlyx33]

ting ting TING TING TING! TING! *panting out of breath gasps in time to the beat* I LIVE FOR THIS STUFF

[wandrlust-stark]

fun fact a few months ago I showed this video to my 4 y/o brother and to this day he asks me to play the song (glitter and gold) because he is convinced it is “The Avengers Song™”

[mynameisagent12]

[siryouarebeingmocked]

A lot of fanvids either have the sound effects and speech lines overpower the actual music. This is one of the rare few when it’s actually properly edited to match the beat, and doesn’t rely on “oh, it’s that line you like! And that other line!”

[mikkeneko]

I’ve watched a lot of music videos, and I love  music videos as a genre, but I don’t think I have ever  seen a music video that’s so aware of its audio.

Like, most MV makers I’ve seen concentrate very narrowly on the video –  making sure that the movements and beats sync up, the masking, the motion, all of that. Which is very good! But this particular work pays an equal amount of detail to its audio – both the audio of the song, matching lyrics and meaning to visuals, but also the audio of the clips being incorporated. That’s actually rarely done, and even more rarely done to this extent – usually the video is sort of a silent dance to accompany the music.

Footsteps, impacts, hammer blows, breaths, words, grunts, screams – it takes it all and makes it part of the music.

[deehellcat]

another of those things that gets reblogged damn near every time it comes across my dash. <3

[labelleizzy]

Incredible work on the matching and parallel moments, I see new things to admire every time I watch this!

[pinkmistle06]

OOH