A Disaster of a Person

20s, pronoun indifferent. Current fixations: isekai media, dpxdc, abo desire

[wanderwithwings]

If you are here for purely dpxdc reblogs/content, the next few days/weeks/month/(more?) will largely not be for you.

I got sucked in hard to a new fandom and it has a chokehold on me.

Edit: my que is still alive with dpxdc so this is not completely true. So, who knows what's coming when. I've lost the plot long ago and am just here for the ride too.

[wingkink]

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

[zhelin-thames]

Damian Wayne had never experienced true suffering before.

Then the new veterinarian opened across from the animal shelter he volunteered at.

He was kind to every animal. He hand-fed injured pigeons. He let ugly three-legged cats climb onto his shoulders during appointments. He wore oversized sweaters with paw prints on them. AND WORST OF ALL—

He was the most beautiful person he had ever seen in his entire twelve years of existence.

Not regular pretty either. No. Universe-ending pretty.

Like “ethereal being accidentally trapped in human form” pretty.

Like “Greek gods would start drama over him” pretty.

Like “why is there sparkles around him when he holds baby rabbits” pretty.

And unfortunately— the veterinarian was approximately ancient. As in TWENTY.

Which meant Damian could not even emotionally justify his feelings because Grayson would never let him hear the end of it.

So instead Damian did the mature thing. He decided Drake needed to marry him immediately.

Tim Drake was dragged to the animal rescue at 7:12 AM against his will.

Tim: “Damian it’s SATURDAY.”

Damian: “There is an emergency.”

Tim, half asleep: “Is someone dying?”

Damian: “Potentially my future happiness.”

Tim: “…what.”

Damian shoved him through the clinic doors dramatically.

And that’s when Tim saw him.

The veterinarian looked up from where he was bottle-feeding an injured kitten.

Messy white hair. Blue eyes. Oversized hoodie under scrubs. Tiny paw-print bandaid on his cheek. Surrounded by like six different animals at once like a Disney princess blessed by God personally.

Tim:.............................

Damian watched the soul leave Drake’s body in real time.

Hook. Line. Sinker.

Excellent.

Danny: “Oh! Hi! You here to volunteer?”

Tim: *Buffering*

Damian: “This is my older brother Timothy. He is single.”

Tim: “DAMIAN—”

Danny blinked. Then smiled. Tim nearly hit cardiac arrest.

Danny: “Cool. I’m Danny.”

Tim, internally: Danny. Danny. His NAME is Danny.

Damian could literally SEE the moment Drake got attached.

It was disgusting.

Five minutes later:

Tim was holding three puppies. Danny was laughing at something he said. Damian was sitting nearby with the satisfaction of a man orchestrating political warfare successfully.

Grayson arrived thirty minutes later and immediately sensed evil.

Dick: “Why is Tim staring at that veterinarian like he just witnessed the second coming?”

Damian, calmly feeding a rabbit: “The plan progresses smoothly.”

Dick: “The WHAT.”

Meanwhile Jason wandered in, took one look at Tim, and started cackling.

Jason: “OH MY GOD. Replacement’s got a crush.”

Tim: “I do NOT.”

Danny, from across the room: “Tim can you hand me the antiseptic?”

Tim: already halfway across the clinic before the sentence finished.

Jason collapsed against the wall laughing.

Steph found out in under 24 hours.

Steph: “So let me get this straight. Damian found a pretty vet, realized he was too young, and reassigned the crush to Tim?”

Damian: “Correct.”

Steph: “And Tim actually fell for it?”

Damian: “Drake has the survival instincts of wet paper.”

Tim, in the background, googling: “How to impress veterinarian ethically.”

Bruce found out three days later when Tim voluntarily woke up before noon to “visit the shelter.”

Bruce: deeply concerned (i would be too)

Alfred, meanwhile, had already figured everything out.

Alfred: “Master Damian appears quite invested in Master Timothy’s love life.”

Bruce: “…why.”

Alfred: “Because the young veterinarian resembles a woodland fae creature specifically engineered to appeal to your sons.”

Bruce: “…I see.”

Alfred: “Frankly, sir, I’m surprised Master Jason has not proposed yet as well.”

Jason, walking by: “I’M THINKING ABOUT IT.”

The worst part?

Danny genuinely WAS Tim’s exact type.

Sleep-deprived disaster? Check Kind to animals? Check Looks like he hasn’t slept in three business days? Check Accidentally funny? Check Mysterious weird vibes? Check Probably haunted? Check

Tim never stood a chance.

Damian watched the disaster unfold like a proud parent.

Because if HE couldn’t marry the Goddess of a vet—then at least he could secure visitation rights through Drake.

[tieflingkisser]

[so1987-deactivated20230102]

who’s gonna tell tumblr that executive dysfunction is more than Not Doing Things?

[so1987-deactivated20230102]

okay

these are the executive functions. impairment of these functions is executive dysfunction

[dailypattondoodles]

Oh.

OH

[lurlur]

Girl, help. None of my executives are functioning

[mostro-rotto]

[cryoverkiltmilk]

"This is my weird son. He can't climb for shit, but he is handsome and strong."

[cryoverkiltmilk]

#cats be like#is anybody adopt that#and don't wait for an answer

[stalker-among-the-stars]

Everything that isn't food is a cat from the perspective of a cat. Cats can look upon the true form of eldritch monstrosities and keep their sanity. They'd just see another cat. A fucking weird-looking cat, but a cat nonetheless.

[marlynnofmany]

"Those tentacles will take a lot of licking to keep clean, but it's nothing I haven't dealt with before. Hold still, kitten."

[thatrandomsarahchick]

@babbling-babull !!!!

[thememedaddy]

[berylian]

[cherabby]

[pullbackandrelease]

Hey, anyone who said this outfit would be perfect for Ghost King Phantom? Tada I posted this on a DPxDC discord server, and they said to "lemme reblog this on tumblr!!!" so here we are

[cryptidunknown]

3500 years ago a bunch of people decided to build a tower to the sky and now I have to worry about keeping up my Duolingo streak

[hell-propaganda]

why would you blame the people reaching for heaven instead of the god who cursed them

[bunjywunjy]

add that one to the list, boys

[applejuicewerewolf]

You're right and you should say it

[exuberantocean]

When reading fanfic keep in mind that for professional literature: 

Short story: under 7,500

Novelette: between 7,500 and 17,500

Novella: between 17,500 and 40,000

Novel: over 40,000

Fics over 40k are literally a novel written and shared for free.  If you have written a 40k+ fic, you have literally written a novel.

[lil-pima-stuck-in-a-vine]

The Backrooms is just the infinite realms. Imagine this:

Danny chillin playing Doomed in a house with reversed signs. Then suddenly someone falls from the ceiling and lands in front of him. The being bounces once with a grunt. “Fuckin’ ow.” The person says into the floor. Just laying there for a moment. Danny pauses his game, looking at the lump of a slender man in a cape on the ground.

“You good man?” Danny asks, eyebrow raised.

“Peachy.” The human (?) said. They raise their head with a groan and look around. The person has shaggy hair and a domino mask over their eyes. They seem to scan the area as they get up. Looking at Danny, they ask, “where am I?” Danny cocks his head to the side. “The realms..? Who are you?”

“Red Robin. What’s the realms?”

At this the room shifts. “Well geez. Guess it’s time to go” comments Danny. He packs up a bag, grabs Red Robin by the upper arm and pulls him up and drags him behind him. Red Robin looks around to see the house changing into colors of yellow and shifting into what seems to be an old office space. “Wha-what’s happening?”

“The rooms are shifting. This part of the realms shifts a lot. The yellow usually means something is hunting nearby. I don’t fee like dealing with it and you seem like you need help. So, we rollin’.” Danny explains in a nonchalance way. Red Robin looks around in curious bewilderment. “Yellow… office…” the vigilante pulls on Danny’s arm. “ARE WE IN THE FUCKIN BACKROOMS?!”

Danny hisses at the noise and pulls RR against the wall and covers his mouth. “I said something is hunting nearby. And you decide to scream?! Your self preservation must be shot for a cap. Not even I’m that bad and I’m half dead.”

They go through a door and enter what looks like a bedroom full of space themed paraphernalia.

“Okay. Now. Give me the low down on how you got into the realms and we can get you back to where you’re from. Also, what the fuck is the Backrooms?” Danny says as he falls into his desk chair, booting up his clunky desktop computer. The fan spinning and whining to life.

Looking around the room Red Robin gets retro vibes from his point of view. ‘This all looks millennial’ he thought as he looked at a calendar hanging above the desk. “Um, dude, what year is it?”

“2007. Why?”

“I’m from 2026. What the fuck.”

[injuries-in-dust]

Galactic Forum, human guide section.

I think we found the perfect enrichment for human crew members.

Our humans really enjoyed this area we provided for them.

They can run, fall, climb and more, to their hearts content.

They really enjoy being lifted and thrown into a large pit of foam blocks, or plastic spheres.

Note: our crew is mostly Xarnian, so we possess the necessary strength to lift the average adult human despite the density they have evolved on their deathworld.

Human larvae enjoy it the most, but even the mature humans are also thrilled by these activities.

Incidents involving "acts of human" are down 18% in the first cycle alone since we installed the enrichment chamber.

[invinciblerodent]

[invinciblerodent]

you guys are so right, I should have added the best part

[askrobouteguilliman40k]

This meme ages like a fine wine every year that passes.

[nerdpoe]

Danny Fenton was adopted at birth.

His biological father was reported as saying "The deal was only for one, I don't have the time nor patience for two." before just...leaving him there.

And taking a little baby girl with him.

Years and years later, Cassandra Cain was running a DNA analysis with Bruce to ensure that David Cain didn't try to do a repeat, when...that's a match.

The kind of match that only fraternal twins have.

One Daniel Fenton, of Amity Park, isn't prepared for the kind of Big Sistering that Cass is about to rain down on him.

[hdgnj]

I'm going Good!parents Fenton, post reveal. The situation has finally been sorted out. Ghost fights are now done on a schedule, outside of where they can do damage. GIW is a pile of smouldering rubble after the parents Fenton were done. And Vlad was shoved into ghost therapy for his unhealthy obsession.

Danny knew vaguely, in theory that he had a twin. And he wondered sometimes. If they had a good life. The way he was dropped off? Made him think that might not be the case. But he hoped they had a decent life anyway. In a sort of nebulous good vibes kind of way.

Finding out that his older twin sister? Was adopted by a billionaire? After running from their aabusive sperm donor? Made him feel all kinds of protective and angry. He wanted to hunt the man down and have a chat with him. Ghost style. Thing was though. He couldn't really promise he wouldn't cause actual damage. So... He might. Maybe. Slightly. Asked around the Realms about the guy. Finding out he worked for a cult of assassins? Well. Danny might have given his subjects the go ahead to haunt them. So long as no deaths were caused.

----

Cass was nervous and excited when she found out she had a younger twin. They background search they did showed no indication of anything amiss. Well, except when he turned 14. His grades dropped after a land accident. But, well. Lab accidents often cause powers. And that can cause a lot of stress. So she wouldn't be too surprised if that was the case.

His adoptive family were clearly loving. If a bit, intense? During the phone call they were very loud. But came across as caring. And protective. When they were told about her sire? Well, that protectiveness spread to her as well. The Dr's Fenton even invited them all over to visit. Bruce, and all her new siblings! Which was very kind.

They were warned that there was access to something called 'the Infinite Realms ' in the town. Which led to extra dimensional beings living within, and visiting the city. But that their local hero has managed to create a system with the friendlier one. And that issues have been dealt with. So the city is safe. If a little odd.

Which, was worrying. How did their search not turn up anything on this 'Phantom' or the issues that HAD plagued the city? Hmm. More research needed! But! She would get to meet her twin! And that would be good! And he had two sisters! And both had agreed that she was their sister too! So she has sisters now!

[t00thpasteface]

craziest phenomenon i keep reexperiencing is telling people i haven't kept up with childrens cartoons since i was an actual kid, thus missing the boat on things like steven universe and gravity falls and whatever else and not really caring to remedy that, and then getting reactions like i'm some poor deprived plebeian missing out on some necessary cultural vitamin or like i'm confessing to armed robbery. like i'm sorry but i'm not interested in a coming-of-age story when i'm almost 30, and on top of that, i'd like my fiction to not have to contend with a childrens television censorship board kneecapping every creative decision. also i just can't tolerate the high-pitched audio mixing designed for 10 y/o ears. why is this such a controversial opinion to people my age and younger

[t00thpasteface]

and the thing is, i've enjoyed watching cartoons aimed for younger audiences that i didn't grow up with & thus can't be handwaved with the nostalgia factor, i.e. the batman, superman, and xmen animated series— as one part of a diversified art experience— but the difference there for me is the fact that those cartoons are not about children and aren't focused on being immediately relatable to children (whole different ballgame than just appealing to them). i feel like every big hit cartoon to come out in the past decade has been about a protagonist who is not yet old enough to drive and like, i'm sorry, i'm not trying to objectively yuck anyone's yum, but that's just not interesting to me. i like seeing batman struggling to treat robin like an adult now that he's recently moved out for college. i like seeing the xmen talk about troubled childhoods as something in the past they've been working hard to move on from. i do Not like plots that are all "omg saving the world is so hard when you're just a kid" and i can't believe this apparently makes me a pariah LOL

[t00thpasteface]

yknow i was going to say "idk why seemingly nobody makes kids/family cartoons that are about grown adults" but then i realized it probably just comes down to marketing like literally everything else does in this corporate hellscape. it's probably harder for a showrunner-hopeful to convince studio execs their new cartoon pitch will sell a bunch of toys and tshirts and other tchotchkes if the protagonist is some grizzled, chiseled, severely maladjusted adult instead of a bug-eyed fifth-grader with a cute pet sidekick. which is fucking insane because batman exists

[viralfrog]

[cameoamalthea]

Things to do with your twin

[stuffman-main]

imagine if you will, a fairly dry survival crafting game in which you live in a bunker and must periodically venture out to scavenge food, set up turrets for attacking monsters, etc

now, your computer inside the bunker has a game-inside-a-game on it which is a charming farming sim of undeniably greater quality and scope than the survival game you're playing. therefore, the object of the game becomes to keep your bunker secure so you can play the farming game more.

now, once you achieve the highest rating in the farming game, a secret shop inside it unlocks, and one of the novelty items you can purchase is a game console, giving you access to games-inside-a-game-inside-a-game. most of the games for it are typical mobile shovelware, but one of them is a highly polished, extremely brutal precision platformer with amazing level design and production values exceeding that of the survival game and farming sim combined.

it is only at this point that the purpose of this entire contrivance becomes clear: to create the most deranged speedrun community the world has ever seen.