if i dont respond to a message from you i can basically guarantee its not because i dislike you. im just getting attacked by imps and shit all the time genuinely.
Stranger Things
One Nice Bug Per Day

oozey mess
ojovivo

Love Begins
Claire Keane
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Not today Justin
noise dept.
we're not kids anymore.

ellievsbear
Game of Thrones Daily
The Bowery Presents
Show & Tell

★
taylor price
cherry valley forever

No title available

shark vs the universe
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@wanderwithwings
if i dont respond to a message from you i can basically guarantee its not because i dislike you. im just getting attacked by imps and shit all the time genuinely.
Do you know how hard it is to live with a cat that has the intelligence level of literally like a 3 year old but the pure chaos of a high ranking demon?
He’s learned to open the lazy Susan and won’t stop clawing open the flour and rolling in it like a little chinchilla
Criminal charges
Hey hey hey HEY
He’s been CRAWLING INTO THE BOTTOM CABINETS to TEAR OPEN THE INSTANT POTATOES and EAT BAGS AND BAGS OF THEM I’m livid but also impressed.
Do you have anything with that kind of texture that he can safely play with? This sounds like an understimulation issue.
He’s not playing with it
He’s eating it.
I can tell because the bags are nearly empty except for a few small clumps.
I knew he loves mashed potatoes. I just didn’t know the extent he’d go to to get them.
We had him tested and in the course of that vet visit he stole
6 tips
3 of the ear light cover things
Our other cats collar
the ear bud of the vets stethoscope 
several hearts
a plastic glove
the vet techs hair tie
Also yeah he’s fine he just likes to steal
Not guilty by reason of deficiency of other people’s stuff
This is his ledge
His ledge is taller then my husband who is 6’2”
I am 5’5”
I have to get the step ladder out once a week and see what Orange Sherbert has taken to his ledge for safe keeping. It’s usually the remote.
Narratively speaking, ending this saga with the reveal that his name is Orange Sherbert was a masterstroke.
The Muppets s01e01
Fozzy getting hit on by lots of twinks
Happy Pride Month
Ten years later, this bit still slaps. They made a great pun and realized they could be nice/inclusive with it too.
I can understand how "modern person thrown into the past gets by pretending to be a healer/doctor" is as surprisingly common of a trope as it is. I mean I'm fluent enough at bullshitting to be pretty sure I could pull it off to impersonate a doctor in any time pre-1800s. If I have no idea what something is or how to treat it, I could just get the opinion of the other whatever-passes-as-medical-professionals around, but if their suggestions sound like bullshit I'm not doing it. And I'll beat the shit out of anyone suggesting bloodletting or mercury. With my healing stick. I've tied little bells on it, that jingle comically with every smack.
The awesome curative powers of my healing stick come from two separate sources: Placebo, and me using it to beat anyone trying to give my patients mercury.
Ooooh you reminded me of that protocol I wrote about how to reinvent penicilin with only alchemical tools. You know. Just in case I did end up dumped in the past and needed a stable income.
w
what's the protocol?
I am so glad you asked! I unfortunately lost the protocol because it was probably on my laptop, but I remember the broad strokes. So! In case anyone does end up stuck in the middle ages and can find a kindly old alchemist willing to lend you his gear, here's the revamped Penicilin (Re)Discovery Protocol!
0. WASH YOUR GODDAMN HANDS.
We're not working in a lab here, cross-conatamination WILL happen. Your job is to minimize it as much as possible. If you end up in a place where soap hasn't been invented yet, wash your hands in distilled alcohol. Your skin won't thank you, but you can afford all the nice hand creams after you cure the plague and get rich.
Find some Penicillium mushrooms!
Yes, penicilin is produced by mushrooms, though Ascomycotes are usually called moulds, it's a fungus, and it makes me laugh to call it a mushroom. Plus, in the middle ages, mushrooms were known to have medicinal properties, so you'll get a lot farther by calling them mushrooms rather than molds.
First thing you need: mouldy fruit. Oranges, or cantaloupes are preferred.
Here's the thing: mold is everywhere, so getting it will be the easiest part. The tricky part start with identifying the correct mold. You don't want to feed your patients black mold, do you?
So. Leave some fruit out. The more the better, because you want to up your chances. Then let it rot in warm and humid places. After a while, pick any fruit that looks white on the outside and green in the middle:
Not the best picture, but that's what it should look like.
2. Transplanting your (potential) Penicillium mushrooms
Until you get it on a plate it's damn near impossible to tell which mold you got. Get ready for some trial and error because you will have to sift through a lot of unwanted mold. You might want to wear a mask.
First you need something to transplant it onto. Making modern agar plates is probably impossible but thankfully not needed. You just need:
Glass plates (the kind that can be closed, you want to minimize cross contamination)
1-2 cup of Hot water (preferably distilled, ask your alchemist if he can do that)
1 cup whole milk (should be 13g of lactose per cup, if your Penicillium won't grow adjust the water-milk ration in favor of milk)
If available: Instead of milk use corn steep liquor. Unfortunately only available after America was discovered, so YMMW, but Penicillium LOVES this stuff. It will make your life SO much easier if it's available.
Pinch of salt
1 teaspoon Yeast extract (get it from a baker)
3-6 teaspoons Gelatin (get it from a butcher)
Disclaimer: The ratio of each of the ingredients will have to be adjusted depending on the purity of the ingredients and on the conventional measuring sizes of the place you end up.
Gently mix it all in and pour out into the plates, let it solidify. If you end up dumped far enough that such refinement isn't possible, make bone broth and strain it through cheesecloth several times to make it as clear as possible, then mix it 5/6 broth and 1/6 milk. Again, if available, use corn steep liquor, but if not milk is fine. Add gelatin (should still be able to get it from the butcher) as needed to solidify it. I'm afraid experimentation will be needed depending on the resources you will be working with.
When you're done, you should have something like this:
Now that you have your plates, run an inoculation loop through a flame to sterilize it.
Something like this. Wave it through the air to cool it so you don't kill your mold, grab it from your fruit and geeeeeently spread it on top of your improvised agar without breaking the surface of the gelatin!
You can see the motions on this one pretty well. Close your plates, stack them about a meter/3ft from the fireplace. Judge for yourself, but ideally somewhere you would consider comfortably warm (20-24°C).
3. Identifying your Penicillium Mushrooms
If all went well, you are going to have something that looks like this:
Well, realistically, it will look something like this:
We're not actually doing it in a lab, after all. But IDEALLY, it will look like the above. It doesn't have to be perfect, you just need to be able to identify Penicillium molds for now.
IDEALLY, on the plate that matches the description of the penicillium mold you'll see an exclusion zone of bacteria around the mold, like the fourth plate in the second row, so you know you have a potential winner, but if you managed to avoid bacterial growth you need to take a few extra steps.
Penicillium molds have characteristic rings of growth, grey-green-white rings. They're easy to differentiate from bacteria because the molds are fuzzy and the bacteria as smooth and slimy. In the above picture, there are four plates that potentially have what we want, and two are less certain than others. Wash out the unwanted ones, make new agar plates, sterilize your inoculation loop and transplant your best candidates. You might need to do this several times.
Two types are confirmed to produce penicilin: P. chrysogenum and P. rubens.
The former is far more widely used today, but since we're sourcing them from literally thin air, we're more likely to get P. rubens, but unless you're a mycologist you probably won't be able to tell the difference. Thankfully you won't need to, because they both produce penicillin. Which brings me to the next step.
4. Confirming it's the penicillin producing mushroom
We're gonna need more agar plates for this one, and believe it or not, you're gonna need to mix blood into your agar. Wash your hands THROUGHLY.
(Theoretically you can get away with just milk, but identifying the correct bacterial colony on white agar is going to be a nightmare, so just add some sheep blood to your agar, conventionally it's about 5% by volume but you might need more to make it)
You need some gram-positive bacteria, preferably of the Bacillota type. Please don't go out and find a patient with fucking botulism or tetanus, you need to live long enough to make the cure. Instead, if you have a vagina, scrape some of the white, mucousy stuff from there and plant it on your plate. If you don't have your own vagina, a borrowed one is fine. Penicilin also works on Treponema pallidum, so if you get a syphilis-affected prostitute that should also work. Just wear gloves.
Ideally you get something like this.
This is actually Lactobacillus brevis, but Lactobacillus colonies all look relatively the same. The important thing is that it's all gram-positive, and will therefore be affected by penicillin.
Take new plates again, plant your Penicillium mold in the middle, and the bacteria all around it, getting as close to the center as possible. You can put down a paper marker for the mold. Wait for about 20 days.
Ideally, on at least one plate, you will get something like this:
This is literally a textbook example of testing antibiotics, but the Zone of Inhibition is what you're looking for. It means the mold is releasing a compound to kill the competing bacteria for resources, in this case, Beta-lactam antibiotic, or penicillin. Make sure to pick the one with the WIDEST ZoI, because that's the one that produces most penicillin.
So now we have the root stock, but our problems have just begun. This is the part where you're absolutely going to need an alchemist's help.
The problem is that a human body is not a petri dish. It's quite a bit larger. And you want the good bacteria destroying stuff without all the nasty contaminants, so you need a SHITLOAD of mold producing a LOT of penicillin, and then you need a way to filter it. You are going to need actual lab equipment for that, or near as they had it.
Since I lost the original protocol I'm going to need to do research all over again how to do that with alchemy equipment (or at least a microbrewery), so that will be in the next installment.
Fascinating.
Concept: generic fantasy adventure where the wizard has a crackpot assistant and he explains sadly that while Hreithbert is an excellent person for keeping the wizard tower tidy and the homonculi fed they're obsessed with cooking like ten million plates of inedible goop but it makes them happy so he permits it
And at the end of the story the big reveal is Hreithbert is a time displaced biochemist who has finally fucking refined their process for penicillin.
*sees the icon of a mutual I literally never talk to* oh look it’s my Friend
oh hey look its the whole point
humiliating to be attracted to a conventionally attractive person. I thought I was a more sensitive and refined pervert than this
humiliating to be attracted to a conventionally attractive person. I thought I was a more sensitive and refined pervert than this
text: [ “Some of you have forgotten that only three years ago you were perfectly capable of writing an essay, writing a eulogy, telling a bedtime story to a child, and it should worry you that powerful companies have convinced us we can’t do things we’ve been doing for 5000 years.” ]
#how long have we been holding on to this one?
i’ve had this queued for 365 days
Bruce pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes. He’s usually not one for such an open sign of distress, but he feels in this case it was warranted. And he was having such a peaceful morning, too.
“Did she just write ‘yeti doctor’?”
Bruce’s head snaps up at Steph’s voice, looking once again at the letter on the screen. “Dear Mister Wayne,” it reads, and that is where normalcy ends. “Thank you so much for taking in Danny, I was so worried when he had to escape our parents.” Which is already an extremely worrying sentence. Made even more worrisome with the fact that there is no Danny currently residing in his manor.
His family is in chaos. Tim has three screens in front of him, ranting about living firewalls to Barbara, while Dick leans over his shoulder.
Alfred has lifted a thick three-ring binder out of the care package that this Jasmine Nightingale has sent them, and is flipping through it. Apparently this binder contains all of the medical, psychological, and cultural information needed to make sure that Danny’s species can thrive. Because the missing teen that should be in his manor is not human, but some sort of human/ghost hybrid.
“Father, I think this warrants an emergency meeting with the Justice League.” His youngest says. “There is currently a government agency hunting Cujo and Daniel, citing laws that directly counter the Meta Human Protection Acts. This cannot stand.” Cujo, the green glowing, 10 foot ghostdog that delivered the package and letter this morning by density shifting into the dining room during breakfast. Damian was of course attached.
“Uh, Alfred?” Duke starts form where he and Jason have been emptying the care package, “there’s a huge first aid kit here, but most of it is glowing.” Jason, of course, is turning the high tech laser pistols over in his hands, getting a feel for the handling and grip.
Bruce let’s his eyes skim over the letter again, his eyes catching on words like “Ghost King”, “Infinite Realms”, and “vivisection”. “I know it takes Danny a while to open up,” the letter reads, “so I’m beyond grateful that he feels safe enough with you.” Except he doesn’t, because Danny is not here. Somewhere out on the streets of Gotham is a half dead teenager, hurt and alone. And Bruce didn’t know. Didn’t know any of it until his sister sent him a care package, because apparently this kid has lied to his sister that he’s safe, that he found somewhere to stay.
He doesn’t notice the sudden hush behind him until Jason breaks it. “Is that fucking Lazarus Water?!” Bruce lowers his head back into his hands.
“I will prepare a room for the young master.” Alfred sniffs as his footsteps go towards the elevator. “I’m finding this kid.” Jason answers, leaving towards the lockers “Wait, Little Wing! I’m coming with!” Well, at least Dick can hopefully keep Jason in line. He prays to Rao this doesn’t mean he has to deal with a half-ghost, immensely powerful teen that struggles with Pit Rage.
A small hand lands on Bruce’s shoulder. He looks up into the sparkling eyes of his daughter. “New brother”, she grins.
Not book smart or street smart but a secret third thing.
supid
supid.
“The old magic persists thanks to it’s unfathomable power.”
No, the old magic persists because the new magic can’t run the legacy spells I need to do my job, and keeps trying to install spirits I don’t want or need onto my orb.
Look, if the new magic didn't have a personality construct that kept trying to tell me which spells to use, maybe I wouldn't still be using the old magic.
Yes it had a deep blood cost, but at least it was a one time sacrifice and not this monthly bloodletting nonsense new age magic has
The old magic is robust enough to survive a decade of use and it's compatible with every wand, staff, scroll, and charm in our collection.
The new magic stops working after three days and every spell uses proprietary runes.
Our preferences, as an archiving institution, should be pretty clear.
You try to get guidance for the new magic and the king's sorcerers maybe will answer you in a few days with an unhelpful suggestion to buy the newest orb.
You need guidance for the old magic and a dozen retired middle-aged wizards will pop up to explain it to you rune by rune if necessary.
Jason getting pregnant from a one night stand threesome on a mission? But Wes and Danny also gave fake names.
It's interesting if Jason is trans or something, but it's a hundred times funnier if he's cis.
"Yeah, sorry Mr. Todd. We're not sure how this happened either, or even how this is biologically possible. But you are 100%, beyond the shadow of a doubt, double-triple-quadrouple-checked.... Pregnant."
'...how the fu-'
And now Jason thinks that like. He slept with a Metahuman whose power is being able fuck with people's bits or something. Because while admittedly he hasn't checked recently, as of the last time he got a scan, HE DID NOT HAVE A FUCKING UTERUS. And this is kind of a dangerous thing to have roaming around, because what if this isn't the only alteration that can be caused? What if this sort of power was used maliciously to like, make someone's liver disappear or something???
And an abortion is fairly out of the question for a number of reasons. First of all, how is he going to find a doctor who is confident to perform the proceedure on someone who was, for all intents and purposes, ENTIRELY BIOLOGICALLY MALE until recently???
Not to mention that Jason was also raised Catholic, and may have grown up with a fairly anti-abortion stance. He doesn't seem like he'd be against it fully at this point, because he understands that people have a lot of reasons for wanting/needing one. However, has he EVER been the sort to have the same standards for himself as for everyone else? Nah. He took 'the only moral abortion is my abortion' and flipped it to 'the only immoral abortion is my abortion'. He may not be emotionally prepared to raise a child, but he is absolutely unwilling to get rid of it. Why? Who fucking knows. Self-sacrifical tendencies? Unwillingness to hurt a kid, even one who doesn't actually exist yet?
Also, maybe Bruce told him that keeping the baby wasn't a good idea, and FUCK BRUCE. Jason will do what he goddamn wants with his own body, thank you. So he goes looking for the other possible parents, because they have a right to at least know they have a kid. And also he wants to know how the fuck this happened.
Only, 'Freddy' and 'James' who he hooked up with DO NOT SEEM TO EXIST WHEN HE LOOKS FOR THEM? Admittedly, going on a first name and a vague recollection is not easy. So he tries to consult his suit/civie clothes camera. His footage is somehow buggy as fuck, and he can only BARELY get a clear view of 'James' for a few seconds. But it's at an awkward angle, and it does absolutely nothing to help his search. Because unfortnately(only in hindsight), the only clear shot he has is one where his shirt was on the floor, awkwardly recording the ceiling and 'James' happened to walk over it. Jason has a clearer recording of his junk than his face. But unless he's a well-known porn star, that's probably not gonna be helpful.
One other thing that may make this more complicated, is that he has to track down both of them. Because, uhm... Well, he may have bottomed for both of 'em. Don't judge him, okay? He was having fun. But that means he has no idea which one is the father. Well- Other father? Whatever.
His search is completely fruitless, and after almost a month of looking with zero new leads, he's almost ready to give up.
And then 'James' crashes back into his life dramatically. Specifically, in the form of following Bruce around and agressively asking for an interview for the Gotham Gazette. And apparently, his fucking name is WESLEY WESTON? Jason might have gotten knocked up by someone named WESLEY FUCKING WESTON?
Well at least now the fake name makes sense, escpecially if this guy's a decently well-known reporter. Anonymity is kind of difficult when somebody knows your name from an article you wrote about Luthorcorp's unsafe use of lead in the workplace. Which- Actually was quite a good article, though Jason has questions about how Wes sourced several of the things he said.
Jason then essentially kidnaps Wes in broad daylight- Like, essentially just grabs him and walks away. Then plonks him down and says 'Hey, we hooked up a while back. And you may have gotten me pregnant.'
Wes remembers this because he does not have a lot of hookups. He is fairly dismayed at having been 'tracked down', and is even MORE dismayed at the knowledge that he apparently hooked up with Bruce Wayne's son. However, at the statement that Jason is apparently now pregnant, he just. Bluescreens. And then eventually asks HOW? Which means that if he's the Meta, he's unaware of it. Great. He then asks if Wes has a way to contact 'Freddy'. Wes balks, but clearly knows something.
After enough pushing, Wes finally admits that he does have contact information for the now correctly-named Danny Nightingale. Who apparently already has children, so this is going to be interesting. And while Jason makes direct contact with Danny, he also decides to start digging independantly. Because if he felt the need to use a fake name, and there is NOTHING easily available online about him, that raises some red flags.
Eventually, Jason discovers that the reason Danny is so intent on hiding his identity from the world is because he's a heavily Wanted missing person, and suspected as a vigilante.
Sweet Jesus, Jason's life just got more interesting. Is this why Bruce said hookups are bad ideas? Because sometimes they result in national incidents??? How the actual fuck was he supposed to predict ANY of this?
He needs a fucking drink. But he can't even have one for another eight months. Fuck his fucking life.
I'm cackling.
First off, Freddy for investigative journalist Wes is probably unintentionally amazing. Freddy Lounds is the annoying tabloid reporter that harassed Will Graham in Hannibal. She(in the tv series)(it's he in the books) also is a red head!
Is this a post AEA/GIW thing? Did danny go domestic terrorist to get things fixed?
Yes Jason, we just made your life very complicated.
...I hate to break it to you, but you've reversed the names, and I've never seen Hannibal. Those were just the first names that came to mind.
Can you imagine the aftermath? Wes and Danny aren't properly together. Wes is not ready to be a Father, and their history makes it difficult.
So they hook up with the hot guy during their bi monthly hookup. He was dead at some point, but honestly, not that uncommon on this planet. He's not that strong anyways.
Now Danny has to deal with the fact he, yes it was him, managed to Ecto-wish a uterus into a random guy and get him pregnant.
Oh, and according to Wes, he's a fucking Bat.
'No Wes. I'm not okay!'
Dick: This is why we use protection!
Jason: Danny, you caused this. Explain why there is no protection strong enough in the world.
Danny: I accidentally breeding kinked so hard I got a cis man pregnant when I don't even have the correct equipment.
Wes: The only reason this happened is the matching kink, Jason had to find the idea hot too.
Bruce, who was stood to one side radiating despair: There are things I never wanted to learn,
i'm getting a bad grade in being at the club because i'm mostly zoning out while listening to the music and thinking thoughts
"you should have been at the club" i WAS at the club and i was having visions
the most unstoppable force of nature is a cat that’s decided it wants to cuddle with you
I want every ad on the subway to be this one. And then I want this also posted elsewhere. And then I want people who don’t use earbuds or headphones while listening to music or watching their videos in public to have their phones explode in their hands and faces. Or they get shunned and banned from public spaces.
here's what I do as a socially awkward person who doesn't like confrontation when I want somone to turn off their music that they're listening to outloud on their phone speakers on public transit:
"'scuse me, do you have headphones?"
They inevitably answer with "no"
"oh, okay. Can you please turn your volume down?"
Usually at that point they either mute it, put it away, or at the very least turn it down low enough that I can't hear it as much through the traffic sounds.
Most importantly, it shows them they did a social faux pas bad enough for another person to tell them, and hopefully they're the kind of person that that sort of lesson sticks to.
I do quite the opposite of that kind of approach as I’m also an introvert but I also have TDHA (it happened 4 days ago btw)
*me on my way to a doctor appointment, without earphones and not drinking my cup of coffee; gets on the bus and pays the toll*
Karen: *speaking loudly on the bus, in the wrong seat* I still don’t get it why this sissies are squeaking about! They ask for any pinch of salt of respect, they don’t even have a- me: *taps her shoulder* excuse me ma’am? kare: *looks up annoyed* what! me: *genially curious face* are you a special needs? karen: *angered but also shocked* me: *shrugging as I point at the sign* because you are sitting in a yellow seat and apparently can’t read the sign in front of it.
The sign in question
the Karen shut up, flushed red, and pocketed her phone in haste, meanwhile I just moved to sit in the back and enjoyed the trip