It had almost escaped my notice that it is now May, the month that dooms to a heartbroken death 99% of characters from folk ballads. So, if you suspect you may be a character from a folk ballad, for your own safety:
don’t fall in love, don’t go by the river, don’t go to the sea, don’t talk to sailors, don’t gamble, don’t ramble, don’t go North, don’t go North-West, don’t stand in the wind, don’t dance with anyone named Sally, Sue, Mary, Ann, or Barbara, don’t go to the pub (but if you do go to the pub at least don’t drink, and if you do drink at least pay for your own drink, and if you are absolutely broke and have to let someone else pay for your drink then at the very least do try not to forget to toast everyone you know whom you think might be there very loudly and possibly multiple times), don’t lend money, don’t borrow money, don’t wish you had more money, don’t make plans to make more money, don’t start working for a new employer, absolutely do believe anyone who says they will try to kill you, curse you, or maim you, absolutely do believe anyone who says you might die, turn down every invitation to go a-hunting, horse-riding, or a-courting, be wary of flute players you meet on your path, don’t dance with satanic men in black coats, don’t marry off your daughters to the first man who’ll have them, and don’t promise your true love any herbs you can’t readily plant and gather in your own garden.
There. That should just about cover you for 31 days. Heed the warnings and you may have a chance to last the month. Good luck.
The most tragic thing this episode to me is Kendall recanting his confession. That was the one real thing he’d offered his siblings, and he took it back, and now he can’t un-take it back. And they’d given him something real in return, the best version of tenderness they could muster, and now that’s gone too. Kendall was never going to be CEO, but maybe he could’ve been a less lonely man, less apart from the world. (Or maybe not, the trick to tragedies is they always seem avoidable and inevitable at the same time.) Kendall, alone, Colin trailing behind him…he did get to be his dad in the end
People with low spoons, someone just recommended this cookbook to me, so I thought I'd pass it on.
I always look at cookbooks for people who have no energy/time to do elaborate meal preparations, and roll my eyes. Like, you want me to stay on my feet for long enough to prepare 15 different ingredients from scratch, and use 5 different pots and pans, when I have chronic fatigue and no dishwasher?
These people seem to get it, though. It's very simple in places. It's basically the cookbook for people who think, 'I'm really bored of those same five low-spoons meals I eat, but I can't think of anything else to cook that won't exhaust me'.
And it's free!
by Rachel A. Rosen and Zilla Novikov || Food you can make so you don't die.
one of The Many problems with how the general public conceptualizes addiction and recovery is that "rock bottom" makes a really good narrative beat, it's a nice and dramatic second act low point in your classic three act structure to give a character something to make them reevaluate and get their life in order, and the human brain sure likes holding on to Fun Narratives, so even well-intentioned people who don't consider themselves to believe in punitive measures get it stuck into their heads that thee way that people get sober is by experiencing some kind of reckoning of harsh consequences (losing a job or home, overdosing, being rejected by loved ones, getting desperate and feeling driven to do something really awful to keep using, etc). when, if you think about it for like two seconds, basically no one in the world is going to juuust about survive their own personal worst case scenario and think "wow, now would be a really great time to give up my only coping mechanism and voluntarily induce a medical emergency for the next several weeks," that kind of thing is far more likely to just immediately make everything Much worse.
I once saw a parenting blog or something that was written with a very earnest and measured tone seriously give the advice "if your teen is struggling with addiction and won't respond to anything you do then your best move would be to kick them out and cut them off so they run out of other options more quickly" and I just sat there in a kind of mute horror for a few minutes afterwards. like. no that's actually how you kill people. if a child is already in the midst of a mental health crisis, and you then deliberately engineer the situation to give them a second crisis, that is how you kill someone. I cannot stress this enough.
To expect an addict to give up her drug is like asking the average person to imagine living without all his social skills, support networks, emotional stability, and sense of physical and psychological comfort. Those are the qualities that drugs, in their illusory and evanescent way, give the addict. People like Serena and Celia and the others whose portraits have appeared in this book perceive their drugs as their “rock and salvation.” Thus, for all the valid reasons we have for wanting the addict to “just say no,” we first need to offer her something to which she can say “yes.”
We must provide that island of relief. We have to demonstrate that esteem, acceptance, love, and humane interaction are realities in this world, contrary to what the addict has learned all his life. It is impossible to create that island for people unless they can feel secure that their substance dependency will be satisfied as long as they need it.
gabor maté, "chapter 27: toward an enlightened social policy on drugs," in the realm of hungry ghosts
Hey everyone, remember that being sick or healing from injuries is a hard time for your body. You have to eat a lot and lay still and be kind to yourself! [large neon sign that says HYPOCRITE descends from the ceiling and points at me] Hey what the heck what's this who put that there
This is Rita Hester. Rita was born in 1963, in Hartford, Connecticut. She loved rock music, food, and dancing. She often holidayed in Greece. She had a pet cat, and a boa constrictor.
In 1998, Rita was murdered. In 1999, Transgender Day of Remembrance was founded in her honour.
Today we mark Transgender Day of Remembrance and remember Rita, and everyone else who has been murdered because of transphobic violence.
I cannot put into mortal words how fucking badly I want that swedish goat to burn. We live in a modern surveillance hellscape and not only is big brother watching you but he’s monitoring your purchase habits so he can sell you a smart refrigerator that will spy on you for the cia. the full weight of modern technology can be rallied to protect that straw monument to human hubris and I want us to burn it anyway. I want the might of modern society to crumple in the face of a drunk swede with a zippo lighter. we can do it just take my hand
Translation:
Person behind camera; *knock down one card* “Go.”
Other person;“Is your character mentally stable?”
Person behind Camera; *Looks at card* “Yes”
Other person; *Slaps down all but one card* “IT’S MOMO”
Adult realization: you will make mistakes, you will act irrationally. You will commit some wrongs that cannot be fully righted. People will dislike you and misunderstand you for all sorts of reasons. None of these make you a bad person. All you can do is try your best to be kind and just to people, grow and learn.
from Loneliness: coping with the gap where friends used to be by Olivia Laing for The Guardian
[Text ID: Last night, I ate dinner with my friend Jenny. In real life, on a warm London evening, forking up aubergine from the same plate. We laughed, shared family news, told each other the things we’d been worrying over. At home, alone in my study, they’d felt insurmountable, a sign that something was irredeemably wrong with me. Under the gentle scrutiny of my friend, they diminished to a normal size: just the grit of everyday traffic with other humans. I walked home feeling buoyant, nearly invincible. I need my friends. I bet you need yours.]
one of the biggest things I can advocate for (in academia, but also just in life) is to build credibility with yourself. It’s easy to fall into the habit of thinking of yourself as someone who does things last minute or who struggles to start tasks. people will tell you that you just need to build different habits, but I know for me at least the idea of ‘habit’ is sort of abstract and dehumanizing. Credibility is more like ‘I’ve done this before, so I know I can do it, and more importantly I trust myself to do it’. you set an assignment goal for the day and you meet it, and then you feel stronger setting one the next day. You establish a relationship with yourself that’s built on confidence and trust. That in turn starts to erode the barrier of insecurity and perfectionism and makes it easier to start and finish tasks. reframing the narrative as a process of building credibility makes it easier to celebrate each step and recognize how strong your relationship with yourself can become
John Lithgow, Paapa Essideu, and Nick Frost have joined a “faithful adaptation” of J.K. Rowling’s novels that the controversial author will
To sum up: they still think that trans peoples human rights are an online conversation, and expect the series to run for 10 consecutive years.
So let's get ahead of this right now.
I propose a media-wide blackout of everything Harry Potter related when the first season is released. No tweeting about it, not even to trash it. No posting online about it at all - No Instagram stories or posts, no TikToks, no snaps, no memes on FB, not a word on here, nothing. They will not commit themselves to 10 consecutive years of something if the first season flops. They might attempt a second season, but we can shoot that down, too.
I cannot still be dealing with the hate this woman has for us in 10 years. I cannot still be having this conversation when I'm in my mid-30s. I need her to be dead & forgotten by then, or used as a cautionary tale after her death. We can revive the fandom after she has died, depending what her will stipulates will be done with her bloodmoney. Okay? Is that a good enough compromise for you? You just have to wait for her to die, and not leave her estate & bank account to anti-trans stuff, and then you can get back to loving Potter. Deal?
But in the meantime, we need Warner Bros. to see that they cannot make money from this show. We need them to lose money. We need them to lose enough money that even JKR funding the entire project won't be enough for them to take the risk. Right now, they're saying that JKR's reputation & blatant transphobia have not impacted their ability to find more than enough people to audition for the series. We need them to rethink that. We need them to see that this is not the next Marvel-length franchise to get rich on.
Since I know some of you haven't participated in a media blackout protest before, here's how it'll work:
Don't hype the series / fandom / author / cast up in the lead-up to the series being released. Don't trash it, either. Ignore it. Forget about it. || This means that they won't get good word-of-mouth rates online, which means they will need to really push advertising to get enough people interested.
Don't watch the adverts online. Don't like or comment on the videos, not even with hate or pro-trans stuff. || Engaging with online ads or videos in any way gives them positive data, because it feeds the algorithm & let's them make money from the adverts. We don't want that.
When the series is released, don't watch it. Don't talk about it. Don't tweet about it. Don't post about it. Don't tiktok about it. Don't complain about it. Don't trash it. Pretend it doesn't exist. Ignore it. Forget about it. || They need their launch to earn them money, and even if you're posting about how bad it is, or posting anti-JKR content using the show's hashtags, even if you're watching it in order to know exactly what to complain about & critique, you are still giving them money. They still earn royalties from you watching it, regardless of your intentions. They still get word-of-mouth and clout from you posting about it, even if what you're saying is negative. You know the expression "There's no such thing as bad press"? This is what that refers to. It doesn't matter if you're sharing love or hate for the franchise, because you're still promoting it by saying its name. Also, an overwhelming amount of negative press online can and does lead to other people deciding to watch it to see why everyone is complaining, and arguing about it online, all of which feeds the creators more royalties. We don't want them to earn money from this.
Spread news about other shows & films & franchises & books. Get a fandom which has been dead for 10+ years trending again. Get anime shows & Futurama & ATLA & Adventure Time & Owl House & Over the garden Wall & some really obscure franchises trending across all social media platforms. Get something from the 80s trending in the Top 3 on Twitter. Engage with fandoms you're not even part of. Get BL shows trending in Netflix's Top 5. || This will completely skew analytics online, and it will flood people's dashboards with cmenough content that they won't see promotional content for the series we are blacking out. It will also show spikee data for which genres & shows are more popular & getting more attention & more royalties.
Share media with transgender actors / directors / crew. Share media with LGBTQIA+ storylines. Share pro-trans & pro-LGBTQIA+ content. Share & donate to fundraisers which help Trans & LGBTQIA+ people. Share Trans & LGBTQIA+ history. Show & Share Trans & LGBTQIA+ positivity & love & pride. Do all of this without acknowledging the series or creator we are blacking out. || This will show overwhelmingly positive & inclusive analytics, which will prioritise showing more of the same content. This is what we want the data to show.
Do not give in to temptation to look the show up. Do not look up the cast. Do not look up the directors or producers or executives. Do not look up the soundtrack. Do not put anything remotely related to the series into a search bar of any kind. || Search algorithms still store data, and if enough people look the same stuff up, it will show positive online engagement. We do not want this.
Do not give the actors hate. Do not tag them in hateful content online. Do not abuse them & do not bully them. || This is just unnecessary.
Give the blackout a cool-down period. Continue to ignore it for at least 10 days after the launch. || This forces the show's analytics to fall into negatives. If you suddenly start engaging with something immediately after blacking out the launch, the analytics show a delayed uptake - but it still shows them that people will engage with it, and that they will make money from it. We do not want this.
After the cool down period, mock it. Remember the mocmery that the Velma show got? And you've seen the mockery of the Rachel Zeigler version of Snow White is getting? And how that is impacting the ratings for Songbirds & Snakes because people don't want to watch her, at all, in anything? That is what we need to create on purpose. || If a show gets hate, the creators can use it to feed controversial interest in the show - 'Come watch this to see why people are hating!'. It's as beneficial as positive reviews. They can recover from it. But mockery? Mockery & dismissal is far more difficult to recover from, as it does more damage to their names and reputation. People do not want to be associated with a project which was mocked after it lost them a lot of money. Audiences are also much less likely to engage with a series which has been publicly mocked, compared to hated.
Only mock it for the same amount of time as the cool-down period. || This prevents the series from getting a large spike in analytics.
After this, ignore it. Move on. Talk & post about other stuff. Watch other stuff. || This will result in the show's analytics returning to negatives, and remaining there.
This is a strategy which is proven to work. It has worked for multiple franchises. It is behavioural analytics. It will work for this, but only if we commit to it & get enough people taking part.
All we have to do is:
Do not watch the HBO HP series
Do not post about it online
Ignore it
Do not play, stream or buy any games related to HP
Do not rematch the movies on a streaming service - JKR will still earn royalties from that
Do not post about JKR during the media blackout
Share pro-trans & pro-LGBTQIA+ content & history instead
Support trans creators & actors
Mock the series after the cool down time & then move on
Stick to this method. It WILL work.
And to dispute any attempted justifications for engaging with it:
"But she won't be involved!" || She is listed as an executive producer for the show
"But it's not the actors' fault!" || Actually, it is. The adult actors should know better than to involve themselves with this franchise, and the child actors' parents should know better than to exploit their children's desire to be famous &/ or their love of the series, because the adults should be socially aware enough to know that this franchise will harm their children in the long run.
"But what about my childhood nostalgia!" || What about trans people's human rights & dignity? What about trans children who don't think they'll make it to 18? What about the fact our Prime Minister is selling out transgender rights of his people for Trump? Wht about all of the trans people in the UK who are now facing the possibility of losing more of our rights? What about all of the little trans girls & boys & envies who saw those TERFs celebrating stealing their legal right to identify as their gender, with champagne on national TV? What about trans children who won't be able to go on 100% reversible hormone blockers because JKR funded the vitriol which made them illegal? What about all of the trans women & girls who just lost their legal rights this week? What about our right to legally exist? What about privacy rights and medical & legal autonomy for women & afab people in the UK? What about all the trans people who just watched 21 years of work & progress go down the drain in one afternoon? Are we not worth as much as one of the many memories of your childhood?
Nobody is saying you're not allowed to watch the DVDs or pirate it or read the books or listen to CDs or records of it. Just do not use streaming services for any of it, do not use YouTube, do not talk about it on Twitch & don't post about it online.
We need this franchise to die. We need the producers to see they can't make enough money from this to justify continuing it after the first season. We cannot still be having this argument in the mid 2030s.
We need to get ahead of this right now and stamp the fire out before it kills more trans people.
You understand that buying a Tesla = supporting the Elongated Muskrat & Trump. You understand that buying McDonald's or Starbucks funds Isreal & harms Palestinians. You understand that watching Sandman supports Neil Gaimen.
So why is it so hard for you to apply that exact same logic to JKR, when you can see the harm she is causing in real time to real people?
