my secret epic hr blog.

I want to see shane hollander hockey game in season 2

[cherrybeachbum]

(ꈍᴗꈍ)♡

Created/birthed by: ccatstacks

[heatedrivalrysource]

Alright, here it is. Heated Rivalry (the show) the timeline. For everyone I’ve seen say “is there a timeline anywhere? I’m a visual learner”. Give it a pinch for maximum satisfaction.

[hersurvival]

[shaneposting]

[while incredibly drunk in the club during the rose landry era]

ilya: i am done with it all. dating. romance. is all fucked. love is dead. there is only fucking. i can get laid anywhere. women love me. i don’t need anyone

marleau: yeah okay roz. i’ve seen the way you look at her texts. you’re a fuckin romantic

ilya: marly. marly. listen to me

ilya: i look it up. massachusetts was the first state to legalise gay marriage. i have a proposal for you marly

ilya: as my best friend. my brother

ilya: if we are both not married. when we are 45–

marleau, the immortal: it is far too late for that bro

ilya: what

marleau: what

[knownqueerbaiter]

shane hollander dying in a glue trap

[avantgarden-er]

I’m just a girl. Standing in front of my bitches (inclusive). Asking them to post about cliff and ilya

[notahungrywish]

Okay, I think at some point Marly calls Ilya kind of urgently like “bro. Bro, how do you eat ass?

No like just hot and dirty tips haha, seriously tho man like 2 minutes or less I’m standing in her bathroom she is waiting for me to get back out there. I’m pretending to wash my hands like soooo thoroughly bro”

Ilya is sitting on the couch next to Shane or maybe with the cens or maybe just in a Starbucks giving detailed advice.

“Fuuuuuck thanks man she said if I do it I get to cum in her ass you’re the fucking goat man”

The woman can clearly hear this entire discussion but he really does put in the work so it works.

Half an hour later he sends a text that just has like 8 prayer hands emojis

[notahungrywish]

Wait I change my mind I think he calls him and asks how to suck dick.

He took home a trans woman for the first time and doesn’t want to look like an idiot.

He starts that call with “what up throat goat” but everything else is the same.

[lavenderprose]

Cliff's trade to Ottawa definitely comes with its share of awkward moments as Cliff learns to exist casually in a space occupied by Shane Hollander but Cliff does eventually adjust and comes to like Shane. Like, the guy is definitely what Cliff's grandma would call 'squirrelly' but Cliff's grandma had also never shown any meaningful sign that she truly believed that the Cold War was over, so. Grains of salt.

So it's not super weird when Shane texts him and asks him to meet at a nearby coffee shop

(Shane: Hi Marleau, this is Shane Hollander-Rozanov, I was wondering if we could meet at [copy-pasted Google Maps link] so that I can talk to you about Ilya's birthday

Cliff: 👍

Ilya, later: Can I spit on it

Cliff: Later baby I have plans with your man

Ilya: Lol.

Ilya, later when Shane actually leaves to 'meet someone': You will never satisfy him.)

Anyway the point of all of this is Cliff walks into a coffee shop that takes itself a little too seriously and sits down across from Shane who already has a little notebook in front of him with a black coffee.

After brief greetings and after Cliff orders his own coffee (They are all named after Canadian cities. It's a really pretentious coffee shop) he sits down and Shane immediately says, "I was wondering if you could tell me some of the things that you and Ilya did when you went to Paris together."

Cliff's mind implodes.

"Uh."

"I've never been and I want to do something to make up for the fact that our thirtieth birthdays were kind of overshadowed by," Shane gestures expansively to euphamistically refer to the whole outing-to-marriage ordeal of last spring and summer. "And he's mentioned that you guys went to Paris together back in 2014 to celebrate your Cup win. Did he enjoy it? Or do you think he wouldn't want to go back?"

"Uh," says Cliff as he frantically texts Ilya under the table. "Yeah. He loved it."

(COME GET YOUR MAN BIG DAWG THIS IS NOT A DRILL.)

"Great!" Shane clicks his pen. "What did you guys do while you were there?"

"Uh. We...ate out."

[notahungrywish]

The white socks are simply a cute matching bra and panty set.

The anniversary lingerie is socks, jock, backwards baseball cap, KT tape on the thigh or bicep, tasteful bruising on the hipbone. All black.

[isolabellz]

[clytemnestraaa]

and if i said #myirina who does the same ilya mouth thing

[clytemnestraaa]

the other reason she is irina to me. teary ilya voice. shane would you like to see a photo of my most beautiful mama…

shane voice. oh uh. yeah. i do see the resemblance.

[lavenderprose]

In-universe post on Twitter dot com post Hollonov outing: Yeah okay God sent his only son to die for our sins. Shane Hollander sent HIS HUSBAND to OTTAWA get us a FUCKING STANLEY CUP tell me who's done more for humanity in the long run.

[himbotheninth]

cliff marleau is the kind of homie who shuts down instances of the f-slur by saying shit like "only cocksuckers use slurs, dick"

[notahungrywish]

He would say “kinda sus not to use rainbow tape on pride night dude. What are you fuckin gay?”

If someone comes out to him he’s going to say “oh, you’re sucking his dick in like, a gay way? Not a bro way?” And then he’d say “fuckin right man get that bussy”.

He tries to have a heart to heart with Rozanov once 7 beers in, after noticing that he very obviously fucks guys in the bathroom sometimes when he thinks he’s being subtle. And he’s like “…you know I jacked it to femboy porn once.” And Ilya who is also very drunk is like “👍” and he’s like “and I came too.” Then he goes home patting himself on the back for being an ally.

He’s a problematic king.

[marshgnome]

After finding out what gaydar is cliff loudly points people out on the street that he thinks are gay to ilya. He does not have an inside voice and he points directly at them, so can be heard by anyone in the vicinity saying 'that guy looks gay'. Ilya would intervene but he does quite enjoy showing off his gaydar skills to an interested audience, so he doesn't.

[myshanela]

leaked footage from ‘my dinner with hayden’

[jimmysownworld]

cliff marleau and ilya rozanov are best friends not because they’re teammates or marleau was assigned to look after roz when he first got to the raiders, but because, even though it takes so much alcohol to get him drunk, when ilya gets drunk he can only be described as white girl wasted and marly is the EXACT same way. they are in the mens bathroom in front of the mirror like “is my shirt unbuttoned enough for people to look at my tits?” “yeah man your boobs look GREAT! can you tell me if these jeans look good on my ass i think i saw a girl eying me” “marly your ass looks phenomenal and you can trust me on this as i am a well known ass man” “aw man rozzy you’re making me blush”

[marshgnome]

they share clothes all of the time, not even really on purpose, they just spend so much time hungover together that things get muddled. this isn't a problem until marley sees shane hollander, wearing his shirt??? obviously he immediately accuses ilya of cheating on him (partying without inviting him to join). shane is visibly devastated, ilya is frantically explaining, and thats how marley is the first person in the nhl to learn about hollanov

[zambonioperator]

timbits shane with mama and papa

[vajracchedika]

[filthyjanuary]

rachel reid expects me to believe these people would allow shane hollander to be run out of town after he won them three stanley cups like oh okay

[maidenvault]

Not “Only my reading of canon is correct” or “Interpretations are subjective and all valid” but a secret third thing, “More than one interpretation can be valid but there’s a reason your English teacher had you cite quotes and examples in your papers, you have to have a strong argument that your interpretation is actually supported by the text or it is just wrong and I’m fine with telling you it’s wrong, actually.”

[mooncustafer]

If the text says the curtains are blue you can argue about what that means; but if you’re going to claim they’re actually yellow you’d better have a really good argument.

[xwilltruman]

i know the curtains better than the author. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[maidenvault]

Fandom has such unresolved mommy/daddy issues about authors. If you apply a little reading comprehension skills to my original post you’ll see I didn’t say anything at all about the author. You guys always make “interpretation” about your beef with the author. You’re all obsessed with the author. This post is just about deciphering what is there in canon. Figuring out what is being communicated by the canon itself with all the words and images and basic formal elements that are there in canon. That’s all it’s about. It really doesn’t matter if the author intentionally put all those things there in a pattern that might support the idea that this one character’s queer. That’s not what this is about. What matters is if you can compellingly argue there’s a pattern of evidence there. Or not. Everyone is conspiring together to make me go insane still adding shit about authorial intent on my post.