it's meee I'm your guardian angel hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 so. in about six months, you're gonna die of starvation. 🥺 and if I don't protect you, I will get: #fired! 🫢 and that is No Good 🙅♀️ hahaaa So. 🙏 I looked into causes of starvation, and it turns out: Your death is totally preventable! 😯 Uh oh! 😆 There's more than enough food to sustain you without interfering with anyone else's survival, but you're not allowed to have it! 🤨 Whaaat? 🤷♀️ Apparently, your death is premeditated by thousands of things called "shareholders." So. 🙏 I've been killing people,
soy yooo tu ángel de la guarda holiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 bueno. en como seis meses, vas a morir de hambre. 🥺 y si no te protejo, me van a: #¡despedir! 🫢 y eso No esta Chido 🙅♀️jajaaa Entonces. 🙏investigue acerca del tema y resulta que: ¡puedo prevenir tu muerte al 100%! 😯 ¡Uh oh! 😆 Hay más que suficiente comida para que sobrevivas sin que interfieras con la supervivencia de los demás, ¡pero no puedes teneral! 🤨 ¿Queeeé? 🤷♀️ Al parecer, tu muerte fue premeditada por miles de cosas llamadas "accionistas." Y bueno. 🙏 empeze a matar personas,
c'est moooi ton ange gardien coucooou 😇 bon 🙏 alors. dans genre six mois, tu vas mourir de faim. 🥺 et si je te protège pas, je vais me faire: #virer ! 🫢 et ça c'est pas Pas Super 🙅♀️ hahaaa Donc. 🙏 j'ai fait mes recherches sur les causes de famine et devine quoi: Ta mort est 100% évitable ! 😯 Oh-oh ! 😆 Il y a largement assez de ressources pour te nourrir sans interférer avec la survie d'autrui, mais tu n'y as pas accès ! 🤨 Quoooi ? 🤷♀️ Apparemment ta mort a été préméditée par des milliers de trucs appelées des "actionnaires". Du coup.🙏 j'ai tué pas mal de monde,
You have a brother who's gonna be a marine biologist, you ordered a shrimps is bugs print from me, and you somehow filled the street address section of your order with your last name
please dm me either here, or email me back I need to know where I'm sending this gotdern shimp to
it probably won't get to your or your brother if it just gets addressed to [town name redacted] North Carolina
#you don't take an email when you get the order?#SOPHIE YOUR SHRIMBS
see no, that was the FIRST thing I did - she checked out as guest so i pulled the email from the order and emailed directly on the day the scrungled address order came through
i have also since plugged this issue into the instagram story on the off chance she found the shrimb through there
Alright I gave in and wrote this, ya'll better not let it flop. And if you havnt read [Player Status] I think this might get tricky to understand (just putting a disclaimer)
Also spoilers for the enkanomiya quest
----------------
Venturing into the depths of Enkanomiya. anyone with common sense and a sense of security would avoid such a venture. Rightfully so, the place was essentially the ruins of an ancient civilization, a relic of the past. Constructions that once held culture, held aspirations of its inhabitants, now just served as a remembrance. Another plucked by forces unknown, call it fate or name it destiny, Teyvat had no shortage of fallen nations.
You wonder if you should start sensing a pattern now. Frankly, it would put a concrete purpose in your life in this world. With your abilities and knowledge, you could surely accomplish it.
Genshin lore was what drew you into the game after all. And despite the changes (you being isekied), exploring the world and unveiling its secret was still very well possible. And much prettier now, too.
With these thoughts in mind, you made your decision to descend. Your companions in this world had expressed their concerns, but in the end, you could make them understand.
“There is so much we don’t know about this world. Aren’t you a least bit curious?”
And you were allowed, not that they could stop you in the first place. The ones who accompanied you down here were Albedo, Zhongli, Kokomi and, surprisingly, Arataki itto.
"I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious.’That was Albedo and Zhongli's response. allow me to join you as well. " You hadn't expected Kokomi's offer but accepted either way. Arataki Itto on the other hand… he wanted to see what beetles he could find down there… oh and he couldn't allow a member of the Arataki Gang to go into a dangerous place all on their own (the other 3 had glared at him for this)
And your rag-tag group was put together, and it was going well for the most part. You ran into many noteworthy places, saw text you could not decipher. The place was just so compelling; it was impressive across the Scene, but actually being there? You were mesmerized and, well, curiosity kills the cat. You ventured too deep and too far and lost your companions. One second you were following a trail of ruins, seconds later at the end of the trail you were all alone.
All alone in Enkanomiya, a nation destroyed that remained foreign to the light of the sun for as long as it existed. Full of vishaps and festering with monsters.
A normal person would be massively fucked.
Good thing that you were anything but that .
---------------
[Player Status]
Accessing game systems
Absolute immunity
[REDACTED]
-----------------
'You will be fine. You just need to find others.'
That is what you told yourself half an hour ago.
After what seemed like hours of random wandering, you settled on a rock nearby. You didn't hear a single shout, nor could you spot any shade of familiar clothing. But you couldn't have wandered that far off, right? The situation seemed like it would require critical thinking skills.
"Oh look, what do we have here? "
You recognized the voice, following the source, you caught sight of him.
The thing about that calling itself Enjou.
Rude to call him a thing when he was anything but that. Khaenri'an people were still people. Creatures of Abyss now, of course, but they were people once and, who knows, maybe they still are. Besides, the thing calling itself Enjou is quite the mouthful, you will just stick with Enjou. Lifting your head up, you said a greeting of your own.
"hey"
"I didn't expect tourists. Has watatsumi island opened enkanomiya to the entire world?"
"Not really… I just got lost."
He could see you, not an ounce of fear or caution in your eyes, which was a common sight when faced with creatures such as himself. Rather, you seemed bored seated down at the rock, elbow atop of your legs and then the chin rested upon your palm. With no intent to flee, you were gazing at him lazily. Your presence here in this place was itself a mystery, and now your mannerisms are at top of that.
How very interesting.
It's a pity that you saw him. He can't exactly let his presence be notified off, can he? It was a shame really, but oh well.
"Let the flames of redemption rage!"
And now he was powering up for an attack. Solar Orb, yup the flames hurling towards you were definitely orb-like. You watched them emerge, enlarge and approach, not moving an inch. You also watched them fade into nothing before they could enter a dangerous radius.
What the fuc-
"Yeah, that doesn't work on me."
And then you have the audacity to sound smug.
"What are you?"
The amount of times you've been asked the same question, you've lost count by this time.
"traveller of sorts"
Bullshit, Enjou could tell. Attacks don't just disappear before everyone. Not even the abyssal twin had this sort of power. His colleagues wouldn't have stopped filling up his ears if they actually did. Actually, it's better that they didn't. The fawning was excessive as it was.
You, on the other hand.
"What brings you here?"
" Same as you. I have questions… theories. I thought I might find some answers."
"did you?"
"I've only gotten more questions. "
Knowledge of Enkanomiya was helpful, yes, but it raised several questions of its own.
"What questions did it bring you?"
"Celestia… a time before Gods walked the earth, sentencing orabashi for reading that book… there is so much. "
So you were hunting for truth as well. What for? If someone was looking into the past, the abyss would surely notice and that someone being a creature of actual power?
Someone who could not be maimed.
Still sitting at the rock, you could see him approach. Slowly testing how much ground and proximity he'd be allowed. And now it is that you finally realise just how tall he is, having to crane your head up and the fact that he was still floating didn't help either.
But Could you be… approached?
"What a fate! We happen to share interests… pity we’re both on dead ends. Would have been nice to exchange notes, don’t you think?”
Deciding to humor him “yeah I suppose”
You could see his face (?) turning, warping into a humanoid form akin to the one he deceived the traveller with. And then leaning down just enough for his face to be over yours, the red diamond in his forehead still brimming with the power he just unleashed. Loose bangs that fell over, millimeters apart your skin and golden eyes that stared into yours.
"Days in this area with no progress… I will be honest, the enthusiasm was dwindling and then out of nowhere you show up…”
Leaning closer by the seconds.
“and here I was beginning to think I wouldn’t find a study that would satisfy my curiosity for long.”
...
If he were to lean in further...
"[Name]! [Name]!”
... Itto’s voice
Enjou backed away faster than you could comprehend.
“well that’s my cue, catch you later… or not at all. Who knows what fate has in store…. Maybe we'll finally get to exchange something”
A wink
"until then"
And then he disappears.
“[Name]? Oh finally, EVERYONE I FOUND THEM!”
“[Name]! Honestly did you have to” - noticing the unmoving expression on your face - “hey are you alright? "
-------------------
Alright before you come at me, no that was not an ass pull Absolute immunity was going to be one of the ability the Mc has in my AU. I had it planned!!! so not an ass pull. I was going to introduce this ability with the rifthounds in the next chapter but so much yassified Enjou art..... Couldn't resist.
I feel bad for the ones I've tagged 😔 but u asked to be on the "Everything taglist" now suffer. I won't be surprised if people want out of this taglist now lol
Pov : 40 pity with a 50/50 you are rolling for Arataki itto
Foolishly you fell for The Thoma trap before, pulled on hu tao banner and unwillingly became a hu tao haver. Lost those precious fates and didn't even gaurentee Itto.
Now once again you have grinded, and have collected enough to reach pity.
Im hoping to turn this magic post into one of those like to charge reblog to cast posts bc Im highkey desparate for Itto and im in a similar spot in terms of the 50/50
Heres to hopping all Itto wanters become Itto havers 🍀🎉
you guys have NO idea how frustrated i am knowing those finisher lyrics are ORIGINAL FOR THIS TIKTOK and i CANT listen to this 20s speakeasy lounge sounding ass motherfucker just spit lyrical subjugation for whole albums at a time
You know, I’d love to tell you but I’m pretty unclear about what marks the difference between “spice” and “strong-tasting plant that isn’t considered a spice”
Pine needles are distinguished by the presence of a sheath-like structure at the base of the leaf, almost always holding bundles of two or more leaves. Yews don’t have the sheath thing
this conversation reads like two shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief and then are never heard from again
Enter AERUH and MALUS SYL-VESTRIS, a pair of JESTERS.
AERUH
I tell thee, rosemary is like a pine
but with a spicy taste.
MALUS
Art thou to claim
that needles base of pine have not a spice?
AERUH
A needle base of pine is merely base.
MALUS
‘Tis not when held, comparing, to anthos.
AERUH
My dearest Malus, needles thou'st eaten?
MALUS
How many moons have we as friends seen rise?
How many suns have we as friends seen set?
Thou sixteen seasons in my heart I’ve held,
and hope that I in thine hast been the same.
With brotherhood as rich and old as this,
thou needst not ask me such frivolities.
AERUH
I know thou likely has, to tell the truth,
but I would not assume.
MALUS
Well, yes, I have.
A multitude of types I’ve eaten too.
I’ll tell thee now: the best (though it is strange)
is single-leaf pinyon.
AERUH
And it has spice?
MALUS
I truly wish that I could tell thee this,
but now, i'faith, I cannot fully tell,
the difference in classifying thus:
to say “has spice” or merely “herbal strength”.
AERUH
To tell this tale most clearly it would seem
that eating needles from a pine’s required.
MALUS
Aye, it would seem that that’s the task at hand,
but caution tells that this is what’s to do:
eat only needles of the honest pine,
and none of lying leaf with pinelike shape.
AERUH
I’ll eat them all.
MALUS
I prithee, stay thyself.
AERUH
Roulette with leaves.
MALUS
At least restrain from yew.
AERUH
I’ll do my best.
MALUS
That is all can we do.
The scholars tell that needles true of pine
can be distinguished from the lying yew
by sheathlike clothing all along the base;
the yew has no such guard.
AERUH
With this new truth
I now will venture out into the wood
and seek the pines and pinelike fakes alike
to stare them down and learn their secret truths.
MALUS
With this thou canst at long and weary last
Discover for thyself my life’s own path.
Exeunt.
Enter MACDUFF.
MACDUFF.
Yo dudes that king there’s dead. Like dead as FUCK.
woodsgotweird said: man i just jumped on the bandwagon because i am a sheep. i have no idea where it came from and i ask myself this question all the time
Maybe someone made a typo and it just got out of hand?
I kinda feel like panic!at the disco started the whole exclamation point thing and then it caught on around the internet, but maybe they got it from somewhere else, IDK.
It’s a way of referring to particular variations of (usually) a character — dark!Will, junkie!Sherlock, et cetera. I have suspected for a while that it originated from some archive system that didn’t accommodate spaces in its tags, so to make common interpretations/versions of the characters searchable, people started jamming the words together with an infix.
(Lately I’ve seen people use the ! notation when the suffix isn’t the full name, but is actually the second part of a common fandom portmanteau. This bothers me a lot but it happens, so it’s worth being aware of.)
“Bang paths” (! is called a “bang"when not used for emphasis) were the first addressing scheme for email, before modern automatic routing was set up. If you wanted to write a mail to the Steve here in Engineering, you just wrote “Steve” in the to: field and the computer sent it to the local account named Steve. But if it was Steve over in the physics department you wrote it to phys!Steve; the computer sent it to the “phys” computer, which sent it in turn to the Steve account. To get Steve in the Art department over at NYU, you wrote NYU!art!Steve- your computer sends it to the NYU gateway computer sends it to the “art” computer sends it to the Steve account. Etc. (“Bang"s were just chosen because they were on the keyboard, not too visually noisy, and not used for a huge lot already).
It became pretty standard jargon, as I understand, to disambiguate when writing to other humans. First phys!Steve vs the Steve right next to you, just like you were taking to the machine, then getting looser (as jargon does) to reference, say, bearded!Steve vs bald!Steve.
So I’m guessing alternate character version tags probably came from that.
100% born of bang paths. fandom has be floating around on the internet for six seconds longer than there has been an internet so early users just used the jargon associated with the medium and since it’s a handy shorthand, we keep it.
#fjdkfdjf god#chat: bad news#he's my dad#chat: good news#i know where he lives#chat: bad news again#i also live there#ladybug: chat where ARE YOU#ml (via flowerfae)
It’s 2am on a Thursday night and Marinette Dupain-Cheng is failing history. They have a quiz tomorrow morning that she had planned on studying for that afternoon, but then Hawkmoth akumatized a dog groomer, so she’d spent her afternoon chasing down an akuma with giant, sentient sheers. Chat Noir had been especially wary of that particular akuma.
Anyway, her whole afternoon and evening got blown by the attack and now she was in bed, popping ibuprofen for her bruised ribs, trying to remember what the Hamilton Method was and why she should care.
“This is math. This is literally math. Why am I studying this for history ?”
“The apportionment method is used to decide which house seats of representatives are distributed across the United States ,” Chat Noir supplies helpfully in her mind.
“Oh yeah, that makes more se- what the fuck?” Marienette threw her textbook across the room with a shriek, hitting the wall. Tikki, who had been napping on her desk, blinked awake.
“I mean, yeah it’s pretty boring, but it makes sense why that’s part of your history course,” Chat goes on, as if this is a perfectly normal thing they do and not absolutely fucking out of this world. “Actually, as a matter of fact, I was studying the exact same thing today! Weird that our modules line up. What school do you-”
“Chat, what, and I repeat, the fuck .”
Tikki pops up in Marinette’s field of vision. “What’s happening, Marinette?” she squeaks, looking highly concerned. “Are you okay?”
“Hey bugaboo! ” Chat chirps. It literally sounds like his voice is in her head, like he beamed it directly in. What the hell. What the hell? “ Sooo I have some good news and I have some bad news .”
“How are you in my head?” Marinette pinches the bridge of her nose, feeling an oncoming migraine. Tikki’s eyes widen.
“I’ll get to that-so bad news, Hawkmoth knows who I am .”
Marinette’s entire body jolts with panic. She throws herself out of bed and grabs her shoes. She’d learned the hard way the fighting akumas at night meant that you usually found yourself de-transforming in a cold alley.
“Good news, I know who he is,” Chat continues, which yeah, that’s pretty good news, but then Chat goes on. “ Bad news, he has my Miraculous. ”
Oh my god -”
“ Good news! I have his .”
“...Chat, where are you?”
“Telling you would reveal my secret identity, and I know you don’t want to know who I am and I didn’t want to put extra stress on you .”
“WE ARE SO FAR PAST THAT CHAT.” Marinette faceplants back onto her bed and shrieks into her pillow.
“Marinette, what’s happening?” Tikki asks, sounding even more worried.
“Chat’s speaking in my brain.”
“Yeah, I got that,” the tiny kwami huffs, probably rolling her eyes.
“He knows who Hawkmoth is.”
Tikki lets out another squeak, this time more excited than anything. “What?”
“Bad news, he’s my dad,” Chat Noir suddenly says. “ Good news, I know where he lives. Bad news again. I also live there.”
“Chat, where ARE YOU.” Marinette sits up again, throwing her balcony door open and climbing onto the roof.
“ I’m in a heavily fortified mansion basement with a few dozen robot guns pointed at me .”
“ Chat -”
“ Ugggh fiiiiine, I’m at the Agreste Mansion.”
Marinette blinks in surprise. “The Agreste Mansion, why are you at the Agreste Man--oooooohh fuuuuuuuuck.”
Marinette turns her betrayed glare onto Tikki who suddenly pretends to look very interested in one of her flippers, which she’s had for a couple thousand years give or take a holder. “The Agreste Mansion.” She says flatly. “The Agreste Fucking Mansion. Home of fashion designer and CEO of Agrest Industries Gabriel Agreste and teen idol Adrien Agreste.”
“That’s the one!”
Tikki clears her throat. “Weird coincidence.”
“You’re telling me the guy I look up to as mentor in the fashion world is my fucking nemesis and my superhero, crime fighting partner is my crush .”
“Uhhhhhhh- ”
“Shut up, how can you even hear what I’m saying .” Marinette slaps her hands over her eyes.
“I can hear what you think you’re about to say which is probably exactly what you’re saying.”
“And how can you do that ?” Marinette asks, muffled into her hands.
“Oh. Oh! You know how I have Hawkmoth’s Miraculous? Cute little kwami named Nooroo? Yeah, turns out one of the powers he uses is telepathy, but apparently Hawkmoth like has no idea that he can even do this which is, frankly, ridiculous. Obviously telepathy is part of Nooroo’s powers, how else would he be able to akumatize people. Smh.”
“Did you just say smh out loud?”
“Oh my god there’s a body in here. Bugaboo, I just found a body. Oh my god oh my god- can you come pick me up?!”
“I’m never getting my history test done. I’m going to fail school and never go to university and end up working at a corporate coffee chain for the rest of my life.”
“I just found my mom’s body in the basement and my dad’s a supervillain.”
