Thoughts About Aromanticism

Main @smol-grey-tea - Sebba - they/he - aro - 22 - I like to talk abt aromanticism, asexuality, polyamory and just abt anything surrounding amatonormativity

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

I am just a little bit obsessed with the overlap between aromanticism and polyamory, I think. it's so awesome and fascinating to me

[productofaritual]

Wait can u elaborate actually I'm curious

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

kinda like. when the line between friendship and romance gets blurry and starts to dissolve, like in platonic or queer-platonic partnerships), sometimes the line between a friend group and a polycule can get blurry too

[aro-thoughts]

Yes 👏 my favourite. I like to think of it as "why is it normal to have more than one friend but frowned upon to have more than 1 romantic partner?" And I love to blur the lines of friendship and romance cuz of that and then take it in all sorts of directions

[status-quo-hater]

I think one of the funniest abortion stances I've heard was from my parents neighbor. He's a like, hard-core libertarian viking larper guy who is very tall and very fat and very bald.

He believes a fetus is human with a soul, but also its "basically attacking the woman's body" so if she wants to get rid of it, that's "basically self-defense". He compared it to shooting a home invader. So he supports abortion not as healthcare, but as killing a baby in self-defense

[status-quo-hater]

Y'know I'm so glad someone reminded me of this. Because this was also discussed.

My stepmother did NOT like the way her Libertarian Viking Neighbor framed pregnancy as the fetus "attacking the woman". She incredulously told him this was extremely disrespectful to expectant mothers to portray pregnancy as so violent and negative.

Libertarian Viking Neighbor's response was that people consensually hurt each other all the time, and "there's like a whole community about that, with the acronym the one that starts with a B" And his reasoning was that if the mother was consenting to bring attacked by the baby, it in fact wasn't violent and negative because there was consent.

He brought up people consensually hurting each other, didn't go for one of the obvious answers like boxing or body mods or something, no he went STRAIGHT TO BDSM and he DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE ACRONYM

[compiler-specific]

No, we don't need to get "regular porn" back on this website. I mean, sure it should be permitted, but esoteric bizarrely sensual videos of industrial processes & oozing goops which challenge the very notion of "pornography" are actually far superior to the derivative drivel from profit-oriented studios like Brazzers and Bang Bros

no need for tags this'll find its audience

[feather-ball]

Unironically I've come to love tumblrs surreal exploration of the erotic and explicit in the face of a draconian ban on adult content.

The Machine That Will Eat Your Hand crushing fifteen cans of paint captures more of a primal sexual feeling than I could ever get from standard porn

[charliechapstix]

I get where you coming but we actually do need "regular porn" back on this website.

The framing here is of a binary between industrial, transgressive, nudity-free erotica and profit-oriented studio pornography; when most of the porn being made today sits entirely between those two axes. Sex workers who are making the shit studios would never do, the ones who are doing it for rent, and yeah even ones who are making lame boring shit. That's "regular porn". Those are the people who fucking lost to tumblr porn ban. Brazzers didn't lose a dime.

I think unless we are able to express our bodies without shame or censorship, you're not actually challenging anything. Videos of machine eating paint cans isn't transgressive, it's allowed. Tumblr and it's shareholders are perfectly happy for you to get off to goop because that's not what stops their advertisers from pulling out.

I don't think adding "we need regular porn" to posts is funny. it's annoying and uncreative. But more importantly I think it's completely wrong in the idea that the bizarre and sensual only develops in (or as a consequence of) an absence of other outlets. In fact I'd argue its worse. We were almost on the cusp of recognising that pornography isn't defined by big studios, I remember it! and then tumblr annihilated anything but them from their ecosystem. And look at the culture here since then, its dry, puritanical, and utterly hostile. We've been set back almost 10 years of gross, esoteric weird fucking porn. Or at the very least, it wasn't and isn't happening here.

You're can't challenge the notion of pornography without sex workers. We need regular porn back.

[aromantic-diaries]

Recently I said something about how people don't seem to want characters they like to be asexual and this video I found a few days ago really put it into words, I recommend it

[aromantic-diaries]

On this topic

Characters that people don't want to accept as asexual

Fan favorite

Part of a popular ship (especially if they're a man and the ship is gay)

Conventionally attractive (especially if they're a woman)

Literally any character that they relate to

Characters that people accept as asexual

Gets very little screentime

Only fat character in the main cast

Non-human but only if they're considered unshippable

The comedic relief

[tenitchyfingers]

“We chose the term “asexual” to describe ourselves because both “celibate” and “anti-sexual” have connotations we wished to avoid: the first implies that one has sacrificed sexuality for some higher good, the second that sexuality is degrading or somehow inherently bad. “Asexual”, as we use it, does not mean “without sex” but “relating sexually to no one”. This does not, of course, exclude masturbation but implies that if one has sexual feelings they do not require another person for their expression. Asexuality is, simply, self-contained sexuality.”

— The Asexual Manifesto, Lisa Orlando and Barbara Getz, 1972

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

Note the date, people:

That’s 1972

29 years before AVEN was started online,

and 47 years before the present.

And that’s only the date that Manifesto was written, so asexuals as members of a community must have existed at least some time before that.

So, no: we are not just Tumblr trenders. Get out of here with that.

[queerhumanbeing]

supporting my asexual friends and foes by rebbloging this

[freyjawriter24]

It’s 50 years this month since the first version of the Asexual Manifesto was written. Aces have been writing about our experiences under this name for at least half a century. We are not an internet fad.

[heartless-aro]

An aromantic person will say “I wish there were more aromantic characters in media.” and people will go “what about [asexual character who has never actually been confirmed aro (e.g., Alastor Hazbin Hotel)], [character who verbally expresses disinterest in romance, but is implied to be suppressing their feelings or lying to themself about their secret romantic feelings towards another character (as much as I enjoy an aro interpretation of his character…Saiki K. arguably falls under this category)], [character who was confirmed aroace on twitter but has never even vaguely referenced it in the source material (e.g., Lilith Owl House)]”.

We’re implicitly told that we should consider characters who aren’t canonically aromantic or whose aromanticism is never shown in the source material to represent us. Unless, of course, we want to actually engage seriously with an aromantic interpretation of a character who isn’t confirmed aromantic in canon (people love to recommend Saiki K. as aromantic representation, but if you openly talk about interpreting him as aromantic within fandom spaces, other fans will go out of their way to find examples from the source material of behavior from him that proves you wrong).

Or unless, of course, we want to have a serious conversation about arophobia in fiction. If a character being “unable to understand love” is used to explain why they’re evil, if a character’s apparent disinterest in the gender that they are expected to be attracted to is used to highlight that they are callous and cruel and “psychopathic” (which, I’m sure there’s something to be said there as well about how ableism towards people with personality disorders, especially pwASPD, overlaps with arophobia, but that’s outside the scope of this rambling mess of a post), if a character enjoying sex without romantic attachment is used to paint them as heartless, depraved, manipulative, and impure — these are all things we’re told aren’t arophobic. Because those characters aren’t REALLY meant to be aromantic. It can’t be arophobic if a character isn’t confirmed as aromantic, if they don’t say “I experience little to no romantic attraction” onscreen, if they don’t have a little aromantic pride pin on their shirt. None of this has anything to do with aromanticism, actually, and we’re all just overreacting.

And to be clear, I’m not saying that the people who are recommending non-aromantic or word-of-God aromantic characters as representation are necessarily the same people who go above and beyond to shit on any aromantic person who makes an aromantic headcanon or criticizes an arophobic trope. I’m just saying that it’s incredibly frustrating to experience both of these things simultaneously.

[vyvilha]

isn't it ridiculous how you're only allowed to have types when you're into conventional appearance and conventionally attractive things. if you're into fat people you're immediately labeled as a fat fetishist but exclusively dating skinny people is just normal. if you're into muscular women you're a disgusting gooner with a muscle mommy fetish but if you're into muscular men you're literally just a regular person. thinking feet is attractive is a fetish but being into boobs is the normalest thing ever even though both are non-sexual body parts

[byjove]

The “women have a biological clock that makes them suddenly want a baby” thing is weird because nowadays 75% of the time you hear about a couple where one of them is desperate to have a baby RIGHT NOW despite the impracticality of their current life circumstances, the baby crazy one is the man.

[i-suggest-aro]

ok it's time to get controversial and brave again. i genuinely believe that tropes like characters getting set up on dates by their friends without their knowledge, fake dating where one party is hesitant or outright opposed but eventually catches feelings, the same except it's "friends with benefits to lovers" etc. should be considered (and labelled as) a form of dubious consent. completely okay to explore in fiction, HIGHLY questionable and often morally fucked to try and do in real life. "character a thinks they don't like character b but after being forced to spend time with them they catch feelings" should be considered on the same level of dubious consent as "character a thinks they don't want to have sex with character b but after getting coerced into it, they end up enjoying it". something that should ONLY happen in the realm of fiction, and when possible, should be EXPLICITLY LABELLED AS DUBIOUS CONSENT.

i get why sexual consent is always on the forefront of people's minds, i get that on some levels it IS more serious than romantic consent (i.e. having something physically done to you as opposed to being forced into something socially), but it honestly pisses me off that romantic harassment and coercion is treated as a cute trope and not like. a serious topic that, if explored in fiction, needs to be tagged properly. i'm tired of reading fics with what, to me, very clearly reads as dubcon or even non-con romance, and then not having the author tag it as that at all, acting like it's a light and fun topic and not something that can leave a person in real life with life long trauma.

[identitty-dickruption]

deadly seriously. I think it should be more acceptable to bring up your sex life in medical environments without feeling like you’re going to be judged or like you’re stepping out of line. we should be allowed to bring up sex-related goals during physiotherapy. we should be allowed to mention sex in chronic fatigue activity reports. we should be able to mention this stuff because it’s important and it matters. to a lot of people

[identitty-dickruption]

I don’t understand why it’s unacceptable for me to say “hey look my main goal for these muscle strengthening exercises is to be able to hold my favourite sex position for longer”. like that’s crucial information for a medical professional to know. killing and maiming

[identitty-dickruption]

this also applies to jacking it btw

[snakebites-and-ink]

Post was unrebloggable but I need this here. Source

[specialagentartemis]

Thinking about it, and I’d like to forward the idea that prejudice against single people (aromantics, asexuals, and also just… anyone who does not have a romantic partner) follows dynamics less like anti-queer bigotry and more akin to anti-fat bigotry.

Fatness, like singlehood, is seen at large as a state of failure. Everybody is supposed to want to be [thin / partnered], and if you are not, that is a personal failure on your part, and you are pathetic and mock-worthy. The popular idea is that of course everybody wants to be [thin / partnered], and everybody is striving towards the goal, and anybody who is not [thin / partnered] is either temporarily inconvenienced on their way to correctness, or has something fundamentally wrong with them. And because [fatness / singlehood] is something that is treated as fixable, if you have not fixed it, then there is something wrong with you—and thus discriminating against you is acceptable, because your [fatness / singlehood] is based on your own bad choices.

The world is, in some cases quite literally, not built for fat or single people. If you are fat or single, the world is much more difficult or expensive to live in, because it is structurally designed for the assumption that you are thin or that you have a partner. The normative Person, after all, is thin and romantically partnered. If you are not thin or not romantically partnered, there is something fundamentally less human about you.

[Fatness / singlehood] is something embarrassing, something worth mocking others over, something that reflects your fundamental unworthiness. Every fictional hero is thin, every fictional happy ending ends with romance. Everyone in your life is either quietly or not-so-quietly worried about you.

And all this is fine and acceptable. Because in the general perception, [fatness / singlehood] is not a real axis of bigotry. It’s a choice! You could just become a different person and stop being [fat / single]! You deserve the mockery, the derision, the attempts to fix you, the world not accommodating you, because you could just become a better person and stop being [fat / single] at any point. So it’s your own fault people treat you badly, really.

[aromanticofficial]

official aromantic post :/

[byjove]

My grandma’s on and off again boyfriend that she cheated on grandpa with died today.

[byjove]

RIP to Nana’s side piece. Though they never married, Grandpa died in September and she brought his long term competition to Thanksgiving that year.

[byjove]

Grandma and Grandpa had a shotgun wedding when Grandma was 19. Grandpa went off to Vietnam which left her, a severely mentally young mother, alone. Never heard a complaint about her side piece Jeff. He seemed to make her happy and for that I salute him.

[byjove]

I’m an only child so I have to discuss sensitive family drama with my 38,000 followers instead.

[femmmie]

My grandmother broke up w my grandfather through a letter and he just pretended to have never read it. They got married and had three kids.

[lucisthings6]

My grandmother confessed on her death bed that:

Her and Grandpa were in a relationship with their best friends

The four of them have been in a relationship since they were teenagers

They flipped a bottle cap to see which girl the boys would marry

Their children could have either man as their biological father but their biological mother is the mum that raised them

The past two weeks has been chaos since her confession 😂

[polyamorousmood]

[fossaheel]

opposite of a wife guy im a my friends guy. oh you like that flower thats crazy my friend literally gardens. oh you ate a bagel today thats crazy when i hung out with my friend we got bagels. oh you took a walk by some water that's crazy because a year ago me and my friend took this specific walk by the water and it was meaningful. phone screen of my friends. always talking about my friends. starting to think nobody else has my friends in the same way that i have my friends and im really sorry about that you know what i mean

[aromanticofficial]

#myfriends

[kristianasquill]

You know what? Forget the discourse. This is no longer my hill to die on.

You wanna ship canonically aspec characters because “aro/ace people can still date/have sex”? Okay, then. LET’S DO IT.  I wanna see an aromantic character with an alloromantic love interest. I wanna see that confession of undying love and the moment when the aro character says they will never feel the same way—not romantically.

I wanna see the asexual character with their allosexual partner. I wanna see that moment when the ace characters tries sex with their partner for the first time because they want to make them happy only to realize that they are 100% sex repulsed.

I wanna see the two demiromantics who don’t even know if what they feel is romantic attraction, but they adore each other and just want to make healthy snacks together and destroy each other at Mario Kart.

I wanna see the two aces who love sensual affection and are figuring out what they define as sexual or not.

I wanna see the romance + sex neutral aroace who happily and consensually does whatever makes their partner happy…but their partner still struggles with feeling undesired. 

Oh, babe. You thought shipping an aspec character would be just like shipping an allo character? 

[nebulakid062]

YESSSSS if you’re gonna ship a character who’s on the aro/ace spec bc they can still “date and have sex” then DO IT RIGHT

[asmywhimseytakesme]

This is probably an extremely aroace take, but I don't find the concept of soul mates or fated lovers etc particularly compelling/romantic.

I like that my partner chooses to be with me, not because of fate or whatever, but because he just likes living with me. We compliment each other well as far as personality, interests, etc. goes, and if we weren't together... we'd be entirely fine, actually. We could have happy lives without each other. But we're choosing to do life together because this is also a good and happy way to live, and right now we prefer it to the also valid and happy alternatives.

That, to me, is more compelling than the supposedly romantic idea that there is JUST ONE PERSON that you MUST BE WITH or else you'd be MISERABLE FOREVER.

Thats fine for you, I guess, but my partner chooses to be with me because I'm pretty awesome, not because the stars demand it or whatever.

[our-aplatonic-experience]

my rather specific aplatonic experience is regularly guiding random new players around in videogames so they get a good experience and because its fun :D and then they ask to be friends D: and i just gotta smile and nod and accept the friend request and log off until theyre gone and hope they forget i exist.

.

[the-indigo-symphony]

This sort of thing is why I don't think we will be able to have the communities (especially local communities) that people (especially activists) shout about everyone "needing" unless people learn to divorce kindness from friendship. I just don't. If you equate the two then you break the whole idea of community, of being kind to people just because they are people, of being there for each other even if you don't really like each other. If you equate the two, then you can't be kind to someone unless you care about them personally. You can't accept or show kindness without expecting more from the other person. You can't just help someone out, you have to be ready to dedicate yourself to a relationship you might not want or have the energy/headspace for. You can't stand up for someone who is experiencing injustice without apparently being besties with them and supporting everything they do (looking at you, Tumblr). It fucking sucks and discourages people from common courtesy or even upholding fairness. Equating friendship and kindness is possibly my least favorite form of platonormativity.

Kindness ≠ friendship, and being kind ≠ expressing platonic attraction. The day people understand that, I will dance in the streets.