Almost A Blog @awesternbird - Tumblr Blog

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batmanisagatewaydrug

always some new bullshit in the ocean

local-demon-in-your-area

Why is it always orcas or dolphins

Why can't a salmon do some bullshit for once

batmanisagatewaydrug

worry not ☝️ they're doing coke

#fish #orca

byjove

at least now we know why he has yet to return when Britain is in peril

kitkatmoose

We need a flick where King Arthur wakes in modern Jamaica and is very confused.

byjove

I think that would be so much funny. He wakes up on a remote beach in Jamaica and he only speaks/understands Brythonic and Medieval Latin. Locals assume he was a tourist who fell from a cruise ship or received a head injury and floated away from a resort. The authorities cannot match his description to any missing persons reports and his fingerprints and DNA produce no hits on INTERPOL. They suspect he may be Welsh or French because the language he speaks resembles Welsh or Breton but France and the UK both state he is not a citizen of their country. Stateless and deeply confused, he is taken in by the community near the beach where he was found, being cared for by a number of local families and doing odd jobs. He slowly learns English and adjusts to the contemporary world, uncertain if his belief that he is the legendary King Arthur was formed by whatever traumatic event caused him to end up Jamaica or if he is actually King Arthur and Prydain is in eminent peril. Mysterious letters from Morgan begin to reaffirm his belief he is King Arthur. He must choose between staying in Jamaica and continuing the happy life he has made for himself or finding a way to get back to Britain without any documentation.

a-daks

ancient king white boy stuns locals by ordering in perfect Jamaican Patois

byjove

He gets to Britain and everyone expects him to sound like a posh noble Englishman because that is the picture Malory painted but he prefers to speak Welsh and when he has to speak English, he speaks with a thick Jamaican accent.

#now i’m imagining king arthur ordering at a jamaican restaurant #but like monty python king arthur in the yarn maille #funny #arthur pendragon #arthuriana

mylordshesacactus

For all that the 1800s etiquette guides are--obviously--derangedly sexist from a modern perspective? They're also mindblowing in how casually they will assert things that MODERN DAY CONSERVATIVES would scream and cry and shit their pants about.

"People back then always married young it's natural!!!" Every single 1800s guide I've ever met casually mentions that, of course, you really shouldn't get married before you're at least 20, and waiting until 25 is usually better.

Or, like. Okay here's a long segment:

Just firmly going "it is crazy sexist to blame The Wife for overspending when thirty seconds of asking questions will immediately establish that her husband was outright lying to her about how much money they had. Talk to your wife like a normal person."

Or--okay, here. A section on being honest and not writing love letters in secret, because that's usually a good sign that there's something untoward going on....

....except that he then immediately acknowledges that sometimes, the reason you're hiding this from your parents is that your parents suck. That there are parents who frankly have not earned the right to approve or disapprove of your partner.

(I realize the phrasing there sounds a lot less strong than my summary, but--trust me on this. When you're familiar with the narrative voice of these kinds of books, this passage is downright radical. The mere acknowledgement that if you treat your kids badly, it's your own damn fault when they don't talk to you? I've genuinely never seen that before in this genre. Don't freak out over "properly trained", either. It's just a linguistic shift--at the time, "training" was used the way we would say "raising" a child today. )

mylordshesacactus

"Delete all the nudes and sexts after a breakup or you're a piece of shit" has been the standard expectation since EIGHT. TEEN. EIGHTY. FIVE.

mylordshesacactus

"Men and women being friends with each other is literally normal. Don't be a controlling freak."

Anyway I was wrong the publishing date is actually 1882 so like.

mylordshesacactus

"If you have to abuse a child to keep order in your classroom then you're a bad teacher."

So like @ the modern Republican party, are the "traditional family values" in the fucking room with us right now--

#etiquette #1800s

mymidwestheart

Well, that made me happy. 😌🎠❄️

rainbowbarnacle

ludmithjacques

@azariussummers

#horses #belgian horses #animal video #video

mswyrr

Something is missing from the debate over educationally suitable literature

mikkeneko

#media #book banning

nudityandnerdery

Beautiful, no notes. (Found it on Facebook, tracked it back to Reddit)

#trans rights

skippyisntfunny

bisexual-engineer-girl

Pulitzer Prize type shit

wizardshark

Why's this dude built like crash bandicoot

spooky-narwhal

Everything about this damn post is so funny to me. The lighting of the arm from the flash. The posing of the arm like a dramatic death from a novella. The fact the photo somehow got taken still and looks this good. The subreddit name. The fact this guy really is built like crash bandicoot

#funny #photography

bells-lettres

local matchmaker losing it over yet another unrealistic demand from the clientele 🤣🤣

Translation by me. :))

elodieunderglass

“Even a slightly increased possibility of summoning rain is still an ability to summon rain” is such a good point

#funny #douyin #matchmaking #chinese matchmaker #video

byjove

*Geoffrey of Monmouth voice* That guy was related to King Arthur. Yeah. What, how? Yes. Yes, he was related to King Arthur. Source? Me. I’m telling you this guy was King Arthur’s cousin or maybe uncle or half brother.

byjove

I think this is an interesting thing to explore in Arthurian legend. He was not raised by blood relatives, he did not know who his parents were until he was 15, his father died before he could meet him (probably for the best) and Igraine either dies before Uther or is trapped in the Otherworld and/or catatonically depressed and unable to shed light on his heritage. He does not know how many siblings he has or their ages and genders. There was no possible way for him to know Morgause was his sister other than perhaps Merlin telling him but he was on his Obi-Wan Kenobi bullshit and not telling him anything helpful about his lineage other than the identity of his father.

Arthur is the ultimate nepotism baby and from two illustrious family lines that stretch back to the time of the Roman conquest but he does not know who he is related to and he keeps gaining cousins and nephews and siblings and uncles and he can’t figure out how they fit into his family tree but he wants a family so badly.

byjove

Culhwch: you’re my cousin

Arthur: fuck, dude. I guess?

Culhwch: I need to ask a few favors

#arthur pendragon #arthuriana

lizardsfromspace

Queerbaiting is real but not like. Common to the extent it's portrayed. Sherlock is a pretty unambiguous example: the teases basically were the show, and once they moved to outright mocking the fandom and the idea the show got worse. But once you get to shows with prominent queer characters and relationships...it's kinda hard to wrap my head around how it's different from any other ship or any other romantic thread that doesn't play out, in most cases. It's like when "bury my gays" went from criticizing how shows will kill off one of their very few, or sole, queer characters for shock value to calling it homophobic when a work that's queer-character-heavy or outright queernorm kills off anyone. Like the intent just isn't there

sistersorrow

A lot of terms get adopted by people who understand that a thing is commonly considered bad, but never learned *why* it's bad, so they conclude it must be bad in every possible context

Others aren't doing this, but rather coopting existing terms to add weight to their criticism of a work cause just disliking a plot point is nothing, but accusing it of being bigoted adds a moral dimension

#fandom #media literacy

jewish-joy

Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.

#wholesome #jumblr #jewish #jewish tumblr #humor #catholicism

latinotiktok

escarabangel

Translation: "Chancho! I'm leaving now dude, i'm leaving to go work now dude."

"If someone breaks in dude, you beat the ever-loving shit out of them real hard dude, you beat the shit out of them, Chancho, you hear me?"

"You just beat the shit out of anyone who breaks in!"

translation notes:

The dogs name is 'Chancho', a slang word for a pig. Basically, its like the dog is named 'piglet' 🥺

aspec-woomy

I fucking can't with his little face

littleguysdaily

#i trust chancho to get it done #tiktok #dogs #videos #animal video #cute #puppy

fast-and-fit-sam

Hey runners (and walkers)! Thought this might be helpful :)

motivationforfitness

Shoelace Voodoo

coconuts-and-crunches-deactivat

The heel slipping one is awesome if you have to wear orthotics because it stops them from slipping round inside your shoe

thededfa

Oh! I’ll have to try this

feanor-the-dragon

oh my god. oh, oh my god. the wide forefoot one… oh my god bless you you beautiful hero

white-throated-packrat

Ian’s Shoelace Site – https://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/ – is the page for all these lacing patterns and more.

ms-demeanor

He’s got specific lacing advice for skates and tall boots and there are decorative patterns and I recently relaced my skate shoes for both a wide forefoot and less friction on the laces so it’s easier to tighten and loosen them but he also has lace-locking patterns so that shoes stay exactly as tight as you laced them the first time and it is just a VERY GOOD website.

Like. I’ve been buying shoes the wrong size because it’s often hard to find wide shoes but the lacing pattern for a wide forefoot means that my big hobbit feet actually fit into the previously too-tight running shoes and sneakers I had.