things to do in valinor when you're visiting for the second time
look at the new bushes they've planted in the gardens and the dew-drop flowers light in your hands as a butterfly's landing
walk circles around the white city, running your fingers over the buildings left empty
try not to think about vinyamar
make a removed artistic critique of the new statue that they've carved, of king standing before the gates of formenos, his chin raised defiantly against doom
try to look dad in the eyes
breathe in the rose-scent of the perfumed
sleep for 3 days straight
try to ignore the whispers of the servants
go for a second, longer walk
think about a poem you want to share with curufin
remember the shit curufin pulled
vividly imagine pushing curufin off a cliff to the wolves
feel kinda bad re: cousin murder daydreams
decide the cousin murder daydreams aren't that bad if they let you out of mandos with them
have a nice family dinner where you don't bring up any dead relatives
write mom a letter you're not going to send
wonder why your little brothers are still caught, somewhere far away, in the dark
come up with a really neat idea for an outfit centered around golden cuffs left yet in the ruins of nargothrond
turn to tell edrahil about a red-crested bird and remember edrahil is not birdwatching, as he is dead because of you
hum a song maglor came up with
try to decide whether you're mad at maglor or not
stand in square, suffocating in the cold night air
eat a rose in the gardens of lorien
shut yourself in your chambers
try to tell your father about the open chasm in your chest and run out of words
try to remember when you've become the sort of person who runs out of words
return to the doors of the halls of mandos
stare at the blank white marble of the pillars
