The Kriedeprinz

The homunculus ran lose and got stuck in the void. He still has no idea what he's doing.

[3liza]

i gotta be real with you guys im just sort of stunned tumblr has been running an open-front ZenDesk form for tumblr TOS reporting this whole time that doesnt require any kind of validation except a fucking email address. this one fact alone explains every single "why did so and so get banned for no reason" event of the past X years. however it is equally baffling that i didnt notice it before now. i would say it is baffling they implemented it in the first place but like i said, the management of their website is verifiably not well

[zillychu]

hey guys check it out I can do a frontside 180 with my stomach haha

[zillychu]

hopital

[zillychu]

just 4 u. I braved Phone Art while on Turbo Morphine (I think they called it dilaudid. it's Turbo Morphine 2 me)

oh ur super flexible? yeah well lmao can u do THIS??? (throws up and dies)

[zillychu]

u know in retrospect my stomach shrimping wasn't even the worst part so far. it was the tube that went to third base with my floppy ass cardia. through my sinuses. just straight up cockwarmed a silly straw all the way thru my esophagus for 2 days

[zillychu]

I'm a fool. a fucking fool. an absolute clown. do u know what happened minutes after I posted this.

I found out my body cannot handle opioids.

my muscles lock tf up and deliver the worst pain imaginable in every direction at once. I can't describe it. it's not just pain it's the sensation of every disgusting awful flu ache you've ever experienced in your life condensed into one square inch of your body, all over your body.

do u know what alternatives hospitals have to opioids? HA, HAHAHA

they don't

[zillychu]

GUESS WHOSE HOSPITAL IS GETTING HIT BY A TORNADO

[zillychu]

made the saving throw 😎 not today, Satan

[zillychu]

Y'ALL WILL NOT FUCKING BELIEVE WHAT BIOLOGICAL PROCESS STARTED LITERALLY THE DAY BEFORE SURGERY

[zillychu]

THERE'S ANOTHER FUCKING TORNADO

[zillychu]

I'd love to say this has been an educational experience, but unfortunately I run on Spite and simply vow to torture my blorbos even more now

which is saying something while being in the Vivisect the Half Dead Child fandom

[zillychu]

I LIVED BITCH!!

Stomach is back where it should be, I got some guts stapled and skin glued, and recited Dexter's Lab every time the nurses mixed powdered medicine in with my applesauce. I'm bored of drinking ramen and watching Resident Alien reruns so I'm gonna peruse the tags!

I cannot tell you how many times I unironically gazed into the middle distance and thought this

I've learned things can be true and also a shit post at the same time. unfortunately

starting to think maybe I've been saying this too much all my life and karmic justice just backed up in the pipes before exploding. still gonna obliterate those twinks tho. get back here Siffrin I'm not done with you yet

this guy is getting the true moral of this story

I HAVEN'T IN YEARS so either the AO3 curse has a disconcerting half-life, or it extends to discord servers and Google docs. both are horrifying and deserve a federal grant for further investigation

you and me both! isn't nature beautiful

you've made me realize my most recent fic in my gdocs is in fact the darkest thing I've written. so maybe all the ppl in the tags claiming AO3 curse aren't as wrong as I've been thinking they are

god's a bitch and I'm into omegaverse

I feel like I should get a medal for enduring something so fucked up that randos on the internet think I must be lying. yeah bro me too

did I stutter

[zillychu]

honestly the worst part about all of this is the fact that I can't watch Murderbot. I want to so bad. but I refuse until I'm feeling halfway alive again

fuck life. I give myself lemons. AO3 on hospital Wi-Fi

you do not. like emphatically, I don't think that's a great idea

I'd say I'm sorry but tbh this seems very on theme for ISAT so

THANK you I need everyone to remember I'm a gamer first, god's favorite crusty sock in the bottom of the drawer second

the ARE a lot of people in the tags calling me Jesus Christ

I'll admit that one's on me. when I started being unable to eat anything, my first thought was not "stomach straight up saying the abdomen's haunted"

I hate that I was actually considering getting white haired anime boy haircut right before all this happened. could you fucking imagine

don't carbon date me like this

Rascal Flatts was right. life is a highway and it's riding me all night long

[zillychu]

the abortion was a success! (/silly)

they snipped and stitched some things, yanked the whole sucker back down UNDER my diaphragm where it belongs, and did this thing called a fundoplication where they wrap and stitch the top of the stomach around the bottom of the esophagus. it’s supposed to help keep that little bastard in its assigned seating

what I had was a called a combination sliding hiatal hernia (stomach wants uppies) and paraesophageal hiatal hernia (stomach wants uppies but through a different hole in the diaphragm bc it’s not like other girls, making it look like it’s trying to phone home), along with combined organoaxial and mesenteroaxial gastric volvulus (stomach flops around like a dead fish and twists itself shut like a bread bag AND goes upside down). the former usually ends up cutting off blood flow and starts necrotizing the stomach (very dangerous), but I was extremely lucky that hadn’t happened yet!

the hernias are uncommon but not terribly rare. the stomach flopping around? that’s rare. the fact that I had both of these at the same time, where they both did ALL AVAILABLE BAD THINGS POSSIBLE?

to put it gently, according to one resident, I had surgeons fighting over me. pictures were taken. I had like six separate groups of medical professionals coming into my room regularly. my surgeon shook my hand like I was a celebrity. it was honest to god hilarious.

all in all, I spent 3 months thinking I was being a huge wimpy diaper baby, only to find out I narrowly evaded death bc my friend Moth told me to go to the ER right away, and it triggered a panic attack big enough to make me do just that. the poor ER doc came in sweating with the initial CT scans like “I’m gonna be real with you I’m not entirely sure I know what I’m looking at but it’s giving INCREDIBLE Emergency Surgery”

I’m upset I don’t get to birth an alien baby, but considering how it was Rapturing into my chest, it probably would have been a chest burster anyway. I want to kiss Miss Xenomorph as much as the next guy but I think I’ll just stick to sending prime numbers out into space until one returns my booty call

EDIT: btw I love the dog jokes lmao I had no idea volvulus was common in dogs! don't worry I'm not a werewolf (unfortunately), I simply have hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos, which makes all my connective tissue soft and stretchy. So we're waaaay more prone to having organs (and joints) slip n slide around and do things they REALLY aren't supposed to. But I wish I was a werewolf even more now. when will it be my turn

[zillychu]

haha that was a fun near-death experience glad it's over though GUESS WHO JUST GOT FIRED

[zillychu]

ARE YOU KIDDING ME THERE'S ANOTHER FUCKING TORNADO

[zillychu]

my clowns in hellsite, I have no idea how my house is intact when there are trees uprooted by my mailbox. if I had less staples in me I'd bend over and moon the sky

I'm not gonna keep dragging this post on I swear I'm just still on pain meds (I can handle higher doses of weaker opioids for some reason! yippee!) so I'm gonna look through the tags one more time and address a couple things I've seen often

- no, I wasn't doing anything in particular to fuck up my guts. sometimes our organs just Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 right through the polygons. don't worry about it, it's rare and you get a fun story to tell ur friends

- yes, I was fired because I missed too many days nearly dying and requested more to recover from nearly dying. what can I say I'm a needy unreasonable bitch

- yes it's pretty lame to do this to someone right as they stumble off the operating table and get dumped with expensive medical bills. yes this is legal. yes I'm filing for unemployment. yes I would leave mouse poops in the CEO's coco rice krispies if given the chance. love and peace ✌️

- it's cool my dudes I live in the Midwest, basements are an evolutionary aspect of natural selection here. we've also got Steve Templeton I'm pretty sure he fights the tornadoes off himself

- Murderbot TV series good :)

- don't worry guys I know the original artist for Life is a Highway. Lightning McQueen

- there are a LOT of you offering advice on how to avoid the torment nexus. while having a Siffrin pfp. just an observation

- who the fuck is Job

please laugh. every drop of joy I squeeze from this karmic fart parade is another finger shoved firmly up god's withered asshole

can everyone stop being funnier than me for 2 minutes

I only fucked someone once and it was bc they replied to my reply on their comment to the fic I filled for their kink meme prompt on Livejournal. it was vore. and my name's not Jesus

no I'm going I want to ask Joshua how he got that gay

can y'all stop comparing me to deities I'm already on thin ice here with one or possibly more of them

no this is Patrick

I'm sorry to disappoint but I only have 2 weed smoking girlfriends. if anyone lets me borrow one of theirs tho it would really help the Make A Wish Foundation. I beg them once a week and they keep telling me I'm "not a child" and "already got two wishes fulfilled"

take a ticket and get in line if you're gonna make an attempt on my life, you goddamn heathen

you can't give me this after I was just accused of being Dave Strider

DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[advicefortranskids]

natural voice change

Lower

Boom Your Voice

How to deepen your voice naturally

How to talk with a deeper voice 

How to deepen your voice (pre-t) Voice masculinization

Vocal androgyny in speech and singing

This Phone App Helps Transgender Users Change The Pitch And Tone Of Their Voices (buzzfeed article) 

Higher

Voice Feminization

Pitch, range, resonance, depth

How to develop a female voice

Feminine voice techniques         

[heyheyheyuwannameetthetriplesas]

Someone might need this

[jabberwockprince]

since literally none of the links in this entire post works, I took it upon myself to go find stuff that seems useful rather than let an empty post go around giving others hope lmao. I haven’t tried these myself but maybe it works for some of y’all ? 

please add links if you got other useful stuff too !

Lower :

Voice Deepening Stretches. a tumblr post with pictures to show how.

How To Deepen Your Voice FTM. Alexander Jasper-Jay on Youtube. Pretty much a tutorial for the stretches from the previous post.

How to Make Your Voice Sound Deeper. Howcast on Youtube. Not FtM related or focused, I think this is mostly for acting ? ? ? 

Higher :

How to make your voice feminine. No head voice. No falsetto. Ada Han on Youtube.

How to Completely Feminize Your Voice. An article by Michela, a trans woman.

Vocal Feminization Guide for any voice type. Impulse Collective DID on Youtube.

Emma’s Voice Guide ! Reddit article.

[fruitypies]

to update: Ada Han’s video on how to make your voice more feminine. Part 2

To my trans mutuals/followers or just those who don’t like their voice and want to improve it.

[mrrrow-rio]

Boost!!

[kiahkandykane-deactivated202605]

For easy finding later. AND TO BOOST!

[explosions-are-funny]

Might use the deepening one. For androgyny purposes

[j-train13]

Astronauts are so funny man. Here's just a couple of things I've found hilarious from this past week of space stuff:

It's probably already been spread around here enough already, but in case anyone's missed it; 7 hours after launch, commander Reid Wiseman, dealing with tech issues, uttered the generational quote "I have two Microsoft Outlooks and neither one of those are working."

After fixing the issues that were afflicting the onboard toilet, mission specialist Christina Koch (who has quickly become my favourite of the four) laughingly said “I’m the space plumber, I’m proud to call myself the space plumber.”

On Easter Sunday, the Artemis II crew hosted a makeshift egg hunt, by hiding packets of dehydrated scrambled eggs around their Orion capsule.

The way the crew always makes sure to make it very clear they're in space when doing interviews. From stuff like Wiseman just hanging out floating sideways on screen or Koch letting her hair loose so it can freely span out flowing around her.

While in transit, the crew decided to record a parody of those bad 80s sitcom intros where everyone turns and smiles at the camera.

When the crew reached the furthest point from Earth in the mission, they jokingly clambored over each other in an effort to get to the far side of the capsule, so that they could individually claim to be the furthest person from earth.

At the same time, on the ISS which was at the time on the other side of earth, the 7 astronauts onboard had a light-hearted race to the far side of the station, making jokes about being the furthest humans from Artemis.

On the way back to earth, NASA actually managed to establish an audio call between the crews of the ISS and Artemis II (where they shared the above info), and Koch called one member of the ISS crew, Jessica Meir, her "astro-sister" as the two of them previously spacewalker together in 2019. Meir then responded I'm so happy that we are back in space together, even if we are a few miles apart" (a few here being 230,000).

While Jeremy Hansen was doing an interview, Wiseman and Koch were just in the background swatting the mission mascot (a little moon plush toy named Rise) back and forth between each other.

[cosmikazie]

hey remember when people said we gotta keep talking about this and then two days passed and it just went quiet. anyways

[loucifersbitch]

if you need me, i’ll be sobbing on the floor. humans, man

[il9vemyputer]

everyone on replies is terrified of this fact but i just think it's so sweet and heartwarming. she's holding our hand and leading us somewhere secret and we're both giggling like kids. i love her

[solowinged]

let’s travel through the vast unknown with mama

[omnybus]

Space chickens

[ateazure]

"and the universe said i love you."

[i-like-reblog-maps]

[ithelpstodream]

[enfranchisement]

[onethousandrbirds]

happy anniversary 

[omni-rhombus]

Oh, hey Charlie, sorry you didn’t make it to the 8 year anniversary

[the-big-mood]

Manage your very own video store in the early 90s! Rent, sell, decorate and expand your business from the ground up and relive the golden ag

[throwbackblr]

[piratedllama-art]

Quarters only, please [x]

(done in procreate)

[wanderingnelipot]

[radishnt]

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

[mothman-misato]

y- you were putting it in cold water?????

[boimgfrog]

Radish. Answer the question radish.

[radishnt]

yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason

[boimgfrog]

You dont have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes???

[catsnraincoats]

[ID: Tags reading “u think i have the patience to boil water wtf ?????” /End ID]

why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it

[boimgfrog]

Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove

[catsnraincoats]

Its takes less than a minute

[boimgfrog]

Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun

[catsnraincoats]

How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove

[boimgfrog]

Like seven minutes

[catsnraincoats]

Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…

[boimgfrog]

Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted

[pidoop]

Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic

[cripplepunk-sylveon]

DO NONE OF YOU OWN A FUCKING

KETTLE

[atapi]

eevee is like a prey animal to me

[atapi]

Gone............

[atapi]

peace and love on planet earth

[spacespectrum-deactivated202010]

my armenian father getting angry at a squirrel

[cornchipz-revival]

“you are. stealink…. my nuts…”

[shiny-goodra808]

I think about this video all the time

[disgruntled-neighborhood-wife]

You. Are. A. Leetle tief…

[moveslikekeithrichards]

there is no greater joy on this earth than Making Lists, Categorizing, & Sorting

[flying-lemons]

oh do I have the game for you

[dancing-crow]

I could . not. put. this down for 48 hours - stayed up too late, had weird dreams about it, woke up early, and played it while I was supposed to be doing other things. the last several dozen items took a lot of googling, which I do not even begrudge it.

and then. My partner started it. And the SAME THING happened to him.

surprisingly compelling. start when you have free time. like, yanno, a snow day.

[foone]

oh my god, if you are the kind of person who gets sucked into logic puzzles, do not click that link if you have to do anything/go to sleep in the next couple hours

[improbabledreams900]

I was disappointed there weren't more levels, so I made them! The creator's code was under CC Share Alike, so I moved a copy to my website, rustled up 40 new categories, and added buttons so you can generate smaller puzzles!

Check it out! More levels!

[cerberusconstellation]

@sycamorality seems like a post you’d like

[sycamorality]

one of my friends reblogged this earlier

[creativespark]

Paul of Scotland, Destiny Is In Your Hands, 2020 pencil on white paper, 11.69"x16.54"

[captain-starskull]

DO NOT SCROLL AWAY. THIS IS NOT A PHOTO. THIS IS NOT OIL ON CANVAS. THIS ISN’T EVEN ACRYLIC ON CANVAS. THIS IS PENCIL ON WHITE PAPER!

[phynoma]

PENCIL?!?

[goldenbunny30]

WHAT

PENCIL!? ON PAPER!?

[prettypinkpansy]

rare vent art from a few months ago

[queer-and-longing]

I feel this!!! Also love how you muted the color along the way, I think it makes it that much more impactful!

[saint-yaint]

This is the thing!

[cal-is-a-cuddlefish]

[meepmoopmaap]

[haydenthewitch]

babe are you okay you rb'ed “you’re too loud” 15 times today

[mossymycelium]

@accidentallyoccidental @holymuttz this is how you and @the-bone-eating-vulture-kirin among others found me

[the-bone-eating-vulture-kirin]

I love you mossy, never let anyone shut u up, your yapping is incredible

[accidentallyoccidental]

I SECOND, THIRD, FOURTH, FIFTH, AND SIXTH THIS