Documenting my thoughts and struggles through weight loss before and after weight loss surgery (2/5/14) accompanied by other random musings. I am not a medical professional so I can not give you medical advice, only the knowledge that I've gained from my support team and research materials.
I think the most amazing and relieving thing about losing 100 pounds is not physically inhabiting so much space yet retaining the same amount of space in the hearts of my loved ones. Y'all rock ♡☆
This weekend I went to 2 different stores (a regular grocer and an all natural grocer) and got as many yogurt brands as they had that were over 10g of protein. Please note that I linked to all of the websites for the yogurt brands so that if you're interested you can try to find a retailer near you.
I tried to grab the plain and lowest calorie/fat of each brand. My dietitians suggested to me that for any high protein item consumed (yogurt, protein shakes, protein bars) to try and make sure that the grams of protein is greater than the grams of sugar.
If I couldn’t find the plain I chose the flavored yogurt with the highest protein and lowest sugars. There may be other brands out there that I might add at a later date at which time I will post an update link. There is also a chance that I didn’t add certain yogurts to the list because they were too high in calories and too low in protein. Feel free to send me any suggestions of brands to add/try.
I also have not tasted all of these yogurts so I will also edit the taste profiles later. For now I hope this is an easy way to get a good idea of where you can find good yogurts packed with proteins and low in sugar.
There are 18 brands and 21 different kinds of yogurts featured here.
I went to Stop & Shop
And Whole Foods
(Though I accidentally put the Chobani in this photo as well, which Whole Foods incidentally does not sell. Whoops.)
Stop & Shop
Maia Non-Fat Greek Yogurt
Featured Flavor: Vanilla Bean
Protein: 11g
Calories: 110
Sugars: 13g* due to the fact that there are more g of sugars than protein, this would not be an ideal option
Taste Profile: TBD
Chobani 0% Greek
Featured Flavor: Plain
Protein: 15g (the flavored/fruit on the bottom have less)
Calories: 90
Sugars: 4g
Taste Profile: This is one of the more popular brands of greek yogurt. It has a thick texture and a bit of a chalky and lightly sweet taste.
Voskos 0% Greek
Featured Flavor: Raspberry
Protein: 13g
Calories: 110
Sugars: 12g (Though this fits the rule of having less sugars than protein it is still not an optimal choice)
Taste Profile: TBD
Stop&Shop Brand Nonfat Greek
Featured Flavor: Plain
Protein: 15g
Calories: 80
Sugars: 6g
Taste Profile: TBD
Newman’s Own Greek Nonfat
Featured Flavor: black cherry
*Package states that all profits go to charity
Protein: 12g
Calories: 120
Sugars: 17g (while the philanthropy of this item is nice, the sugars are way too high)
Taste Profile: TBD
Dannon Light&Fit Greek
Featured Flavor: Carmel Macchiato
Protein: 12g
Calories: 80
Sugars: 7
Taste Profile: This would be a good yogurt for those who like a more traditional yogurt versus the thick greek yogurts. It does taste really sweet and this particular flavor has coffee undertones. It is tasty but it may be too sweet for some.
Dannon Oikos Tradition Greek Yogurt
Featured Flavor: Cafe Latte
Protein: 11g
Calories: 160
Sugars: 19g (this is a high number of sugars and this this yogurt should be avoided)
Taste Profile: Very similar to the Light&Fit, this has a very sweet taste. It is a bit thicker than the Light&Fit but has very high sugars in comparison to the number of proteins.
Dannon Activia Nonfat Greek
Featured Flavor: Vanilla
Protein: 12g
Calories: 140
Sugars: 21g (While it is nice that this yogurt is made to help digestion, which many of us who have had bariatric surgery need, the amount of sugars here is exorbitant)
Taste Profile: TBD
Yoplait Greek 100 Calorie
Featured Flavor: Strawberry Cheesecake
Protein: 12g
Calories:100
Sugars: 8
Taste Profile: This is another relatively thin and sweet tasting yogurt with not too many calories nor sugars. A tasty treat but not as high in protein as most plain yogurts.
Whole Foods
*Since price is such a point of consternation at Whole Foods I decided to include how much I paid for each item on my shopping trip.
Fage Total 0% Greek Strained Yogurt
Price: $1.59
Featured Flavor: Plain
Protein: 18g
Calories:100
Sugars: 7g
Taste Profile: Fage is a really intensely thick and tart greek yogurt. It does not have a lot of sweetness. It is better paired with fresh fruits or blended in a smoothie.
Fage Total 0% Greek Yogurt With Fruit
Price: $1.59
Featured Flavor: Peach
*This item is also sold in bulk at BJ’s Wholesale Club though if bought in a case at Whole Foods you get a 10% case discount if it isn’t on sale and if you’re not an employee.
Protein: 13g
Calories: 120
Sugars: 16g (although this is taster than it’s plain counterpart, there are too many sugars in this yogurt)
Taste Profile: The fruit pouch is a real treat in this yogurt. It is very thick and has a bit of a harsh taste to it (unless you are used to such a texture) but the fruit really helps break that down.
Greek Pastures Non-fat Greek Yogurt
Price: $2.49
Featured Flavor: Vanilla & Caramel
Protein: 15g
Calories: 145
Sugars: 11g (a bit high for sugars in a yogurt but not higher than the g of protein so O.K.)
Taste Profile: TBD
Green Mountain Creamery 0% Greek Yogurt
Price: $1.25 on sale at 4/$5
Featured Flavor: Maple
Protein: 13g
Calories: 110
Sugars: 11g
Taste Profile: A lot of maple yogurts are really sweet and that is definitely not the case with this yogurt. It has a thinner texture than most greek varieties and has a nice degree of sweetness without tasting too sugary. The maple flavor is not very distinct but this is still a good treat!
Wallaby Non-Fat Organic Greek Yogurt W/Fruit
Price: $1.99
Featured Flavor: Lemon
*As far as I know there are other wallaby yogurts without the fruit that are high in protein but the only ones they had in stock when I went shopping were the whole milk ones which are generally high in calories, fat, and sugars and lower in protein. I plan to update later with a nonfat one which will have a more ideal sugar to protein ratio. You can see the nutritional information here for the plain nonfat: in the serving size of 6 oz there is only 4g of sugar and 17g of protein. It is also only 100 calories!
Protein: 12g
Calories: 120
Sugars: 15g
Taste Profile: TBD
Stonyfield 0% Greek Yogurt
Price: will be recorded at a later date
Featured Flavor: Plain
Protein: 15g
Calories: 80
Sugars: 6
Taste Profile: TBD
Whole Foods 365 Brand 0% Greek Yogurt
Price: $1.29
Featured Flavor: Vanilla
Protein: 17g
Calories: 160
Sugars: 12g (pretty high but still less than the g of protein)
Taste Profile: TBD
Brown Cow 0% Greek Yogurt
Price: $1.49
Featured Flavor: Plain
Protein: 15g
Calories: 80
Sugars: 6g
Taste Profile: Brown Cow is one of my favorite greek yogurts. It has a nicely thick texture without being too thick and it has a nice sweetness to it without being too sweet. They are also well known for their salted caramel flavor which tastes akin to butterscotch pudding.
Skyr Icelandic Yogurt
*click the link to find out more about icelandic yogurt, a burgeoning yogurt fad giving greek yogurt a run for it’s money ;)
Price: $2.39
Featured Flavor: Plain
*This product includes a spoon in the cap!
Protein: 19g (wow!)
Calories: 110
Sugars: 7g
Taste Profile: TBD
Smari Skyr
Price: $2.39
Featured Flavor: Blueberry
Protein: 17g
Calories: 130
Sugars: 14g (pretty high but still less than the g of protein)
Taste Profile: TBD
Siggi’s 0% Skyr
Price: to be added later
Featured Flavor: plain
Protein: 15g
Calories: 80* (This is one of the lowest numbers I’ve seen for a high protein snack)
Sugars: 4g
Taste Profile: Siggi’s is a very thick but still sweet skyr. One of my favorites and I like their flavored yogurts too because they don’t come packed with sugars!
I also took the chance to post their interesting packaging :)
Elli German Style Quark
Price: $2.19
Featured Flavor: Strawberry
*A new discovery of mine, this is actually a german style cheese, though it definitely has a yogurt type of taste. It is used in many different recipes.
Protein: 14g
Calories: 80* (Like Siggi’s, this is one of the lowest numbers I’ve seen for a high protein snack)
Sugars: 6g
Taste Profile: This has an odd sort of texture like a mix between tapioca pudding, cottage cheese, and really thin yogurt. It may be a good fit for those who prefer a traditional yogurt. It is sweet but not too sweet. Rather tasty but for those who have had RNY it did make my pouch gurgly!
Topics: Self Harm, Self Love, And Self Worth While Living With Obesity
March 3, 2013
Today
I did not get to almost 300 pounds by loving myself.
Many may be at that weight or even over it and say that their weight is not a byproduct of self loathing. Many are legitimately happy with themselves at their weight. Some may have health issues that cause them to gain weight and others may have a love for food that makes them happier than it would to "eat right." Many may be overweight because of socioeconomic and educational disadvantages. This is not their story, this is my story.
I got to almost 300 pounds via binge eating, self mutilation, and self apathy. I would starve myself all day long as I threw myself into my work and my son and then I would eat at night. I would eat a lot. I took note of everything I ate every day. I was aware of every fluctuation in weight. I managed to lose 25 pounds before I gained back 9.
But it was lackluster.
I was working over 60 hours a week. I was barely sleeping. I had little time for exercise or myself. I was drowning in my shame, misery, and a multitude of toxic life environments. I joined a gym. And then I saw somebody who hurt me near that gym. Twice.
I regressed.
On October 27th, 2014, I weighed 292.5 pounds.
I decided to step up to the plate, for myself.
I did not get under 200 pounds by loving myself either.
I got here by loving my son.
---
When I entered puberty, my life was a jumble of emotions. My brother was imprisoned constantly, my other brother was a melting pot of crazy emotions, my mother was recovering from a serious back injury, my father was barely present mentally, my sister was off living her life with her son and fiancé before their ultimately very devastating separation. There were other events occurring that I do not feel comfortable relaying here, but puberty was hard.
I got my period at 9 years old. I started to get depressed at 10 years old. I started to cut myself at 12 years old. I would pop out the blades from shaving razors, completely oblivious to notions such as tetanus and blood-born illness. I just knew that I felt pain that I wanted to purge from myself. Cutting helped me feel calm and it helped me sleep. Deeply. I knew that I was sick, and that something was wrong with my. I tried to hide the razors from myself. I threw them out. I wrapped myself in my blankets to hide from their call. I completely lost it one night and literally broke the plastic of a CD case and used it to harm myself.
Eventually my habits were discovered and I was enrolled in therapy. I spent years fighting my desire to sleep away the pain, depression, and self hate. My weight continued to climb. My pediatrician told me that if my weight continued it's current rate then at 16 years old I would be required to pay for two seats on an airplane.
My body caused me resentment and disgust.
But I fought my addictions. I sought help. I sought solace in my husband who has similar ailments. I do not self-harm any more, I haven't in years. But I can't say that I don't think about it sometimes when my heart is pounding and tears are pouring from my eyes. I may be able to put years between myself and my addiction but I will never be able to say that it isn't there somewhere, under the skin. An irremovable infection.
An infection that became much less talkative after the birth of my son.
--
Eating was an addiction. I would eat until I was tired. I would sleep for hours on end. I would wake up and eat and then sleep. I would have sex and then eat and sleep. I would wake up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and get more food in the comfort of solitude and sleep. My appetite grew and my understanding of the portion sizes I was eating became deluded. A whole pizza and a whole serving of buffalo wings seemed completely reasonable after a day without sustenance. I wasn't bleeding. I was adding layer after layer of fat.
I was killing myself.
--
I was always an active child, climbing trees, running around the neighborhood like a hooligan and riding my bike. I went through puberty earlier than the other girls in my neighborhood. I had breasts before girls older than me. It was awkward and confusing. I became an object of ridicule. I began to hide in my room with my computer and razor blades as company.
As I got older and heavier I still loved to be active. I would go on the treadmill and relished going to the gym.
At 21 I gave birth to my son and I loved going out with him. I loved being with him. He got older and more rambunctious and I couldn't keep up. He was helping me love myself.
I couldn't keep up.
It started with the desperation of wanting another baby. Of the doctors telling me the dangers a body as heavy as mine posed to a child despite not having any other health issues. I was not ready to have health issues either.
And so I began to dance. Watching zumba videos on youtube after my late shifts at the liquor store. I taught myself how to move my hips in ways I'd have never been able to give myself credit for.
My son would cheer me on 'dance mama! Dance! Dance!"
I began to fall in love with myself as the pounds dropped away. I fell in love with what my body was capable of. I fell in love with how compelling my mind was being. I fell in love with my own passion for my child.
I began to eat better. I cleansed. I watched my calories. I ate complex carbs. I avoided bad fats. I fell in love with my kitchen and all of the things I could create to feed myself well. To feed my son well. To feed my husband well. I became friends with food.
I got my surgery. I left the liquor store and started working in an organic grocery store. I discovered better and healthier foods. I rediscovered time for myself. I rediscovered what it is like to laugh and have friends. I unearthed a self that I hadn't been able to let exist in full since puberty. I kept up with my son at the playground.
I was living.
*
I was able to let go of the blades. I was able to let go of the food. I was able to let go of the negativity. I was able to let go of the self-loathing.
It is all there, lingering and alive. But barely. And this battle against obesity has nothing to do with pounds on the scale. Those are merely the byproducts of discovering joy and purging darkness.
My son was the catalyst in my discovery of love and life...
Many people seem to think that weight loss is purely vanity and that weight loss surgery in itself is a cosmetic procedure for the weak. But that is not the case.
I did not think I was ugly pre-op.
I did not feel repulsive. My husband and I had sex fairly regularly. I thought my lips were pretty and that my eyes, though mud brown, were not ugly and looked quite pretty when accented by eye liner. I thought my belly was big but I was proud of my curves. I was proud of my cup size and of my derriere.
But I was also critical of myself. I was always embarrassed by my cellulite and my bigness always felt like such an imposition on other people. I felt self conscious about how big and fat my shoulders looked in pictures and damn it if my face didn’t look like Jabba the Hutt in every single picture because of my chin{s}.
I was a good 8 or so months pregnant in this pic but gosh it sucks to be tagged on it on facebook….
Now that I’ve lost what wavers between 92 and 95 lbs (as my weight has tends to waver in a 1-4 pound range depending on the week) I like how I look in pictures. Candid shots aren’t nearly as embarrassing. I should be flying high having basically eliminated the double {triple} chin problem. And, what the hell, it is nice that my boobs go past my belly and that finding clothes that fit is 100 times easier. But weight loss doesn’t cure self-esteem.
A pic that I recently got tagged in at my cousin’s graduation. You can see that I have excess skin on my arms but for the most part I look a damn sight better than I did in the previous picture. But looking “better” does not make me cured of self consciousness.
Now that my face is smaller I’m more self conscious about how hairy my eyebrows are (my father thinks they are fine signature of my Greek heritage, go figure), how big my nose is, and how speckled my skin is. The surprising thing about my weight loss is that it also seem to have made my ears more prominent, at least in my eyes, so now I am more self-conscious of them when I’d never given them a second thought before hand! Though, I do have a friend that has an affinity for rubbing ear lobes and she told me that mine were quite nice. Other than that, I had never thought they were abnormal. And now I find myself being skeptical of them. Even though they can’t even be see in this selfie, I feel self-conscious.
I have also grown more self-conscious of other aspects. I’d never cared about my scars or thought they were very apparent. I always thought my feet were a little club-like but nothing to be ashamed of. But now? With less weight on them, my toes don’t touch and my feet are veiny and I AM self conscious of them. They also get hair on them if I do not tend to them carefully and my goodness, I am on my feet so often that my soles are like leather.
No, my weight loss did not cure my self esteem problems.
My weight loss made it easier for me to get in and out of bed.
My weight loss made it easier to keep up with my son.
My weight loss made my food addictions take a seat on the side lines.
My weight loss allowed my feet to hurt less at the end of the day.
My weight loss allowed me to kneel on the floor without my knees feeling a lot of pain
My weight loss allowed me to go on longer bike rides.
My weight loss allowed me to go up stairs without clinging to bannisters.
My weight loss allowed me to live a healthier life.
I still don’t think I’m unattractive. But I still feel flawed.
And that’s okay, because that’s part of being human.
Topics: The Man's Fruit; Why the Feminist Fight Exists
In the wake of the SCOTUS/ Hobby Lobby decision and the reactions thereof I have done a lot of intensive thinking (go figure).
The mainstream objection to feminism is exactly why we need feminism. It is the core of the catalyst in the feminist movement. I once had a professor address my Sociology of Minority Groups class and ask us what feminism meant and the answers essentially boiled down to “the protection and just consideration of all women.” She asked us “who would be against that? Who would be against women being treated fairly? I want you to think about that when you think about how society reacts to feminism.”
Ever a profoundly insightful human being, Gail Dines had it right. Why is the social reaction, at large, to feminism one of great scrutiny and even embarassment?
When the body positive and the #365feministselfie project were started, women were debased by and in large with attempts to bring them low (or lower) despite their happiness and confidence.
When Robert Thicke’s “blurred lines” was objected to by feminists and trauma survivors, we were scoffed at.
When a young man became a mass murderer on principles of misogyny (yes, and insanity) our outcries were decried as unbased and discriminatory.
When social media was inundated with reactions in the wake of that crime and also to the serious happening in Nigeria (where more than 200 girls were abducted and ultimately absorbed into the sex trade) via tags such as #yesallwomen and #bringbackourgirls we were greeted with a backlash of racism, xenophobia, apathy, sexism and misplaced guilt (#notallmen, for instance).
And now we have this visceral reaction from women and supporters thereof in the wake of this SCOTUS/Hobby Lobby decision. A decision that has culminated in the policing and unfair treatment of women’s bodies under the puritanical and patriarchal ideology of uterine ownership and the objectification of women’s bodies.
This is not just about health care. This is not just about insurance premiums. This is not just about song lyrics. This is not just about body shaming. This is not just about the resistance of men to the independence of women. This is not just a about sex crime. This is not just about crime against women in general.
This is about the fact that it is 2014 and we are supposed to be intelligent, compassionate, and civilized human beings yet we support, en masse, the degredation and dehumanizing of women.
I ask you, what is the common denominator in all of the aforementioned affronts to women that have become big news in the last 6 months?
It is not just the simple dispassion for the protection and care of bodies belonging women and girls. It is the cynicsm and mockery of the movements asking for equality. It is the inability for a nation of supposed adults to have an adult conversation about sex, sexuality, and reproduction. It is the rejection, not only of the notion that not all women want to become incubators, but that it is okay to make such a choice. It is the discomfort our brothers, fathers, neighbors, uncles, and even some of our female peers have in saying that violence against women is a real thing that is happening to women and girls right here and right now.
It is the fact that none of this okay. It simply is not.
Feminism is here to protect and make equal the lives of women. All of these movements have striven towards that goal. And so I ask you, why is feminism mocked when these problems are very present and very alarming? Why is the support of women as autonomous equals humorous or silly? How is the government and society able to sanction the unfair treatment of your mothers, sisters, aunts, and so on?
A brilliant professor once told me that she believed men needed feminism because they needed to know that they are better than all of this—that she believed that of them.
And so here we are, at a culmination of acts against women, the voice of Gail Dines ever at my shoulder. And I can only hope that the authentically good and essential nature of feminism is able to come to light. I can only hope that there are strides made towards the humanization not just of women, but of men. Because as of right now, we are merely fruit to be swallowed and barbarians with gnashing teeth. As of right now, something needs to be done.
Topics: When Weight Loss is About Letting Go of More Than Just Pounds
I'm unsure if I recounted this experience before but as a part of the process to get approved for WLS I had to meet with their resident psychiatrist for an evaluation.
Dr. Paul Davidson is truly a wonderful soul and he totally gets the ins and outs of WLS from a psychological perspective. He is a great cheer leader and an awesome voice of reason. You can tell that he's heard it all. Either way, I have seen a few different therapists over the years to great result. I was not unused to sharing intimate details of my life with people that are there to help me. What I'm not used to is those people being caught off guard by what I've said.
In my first meeting with Dr. Davidson, I confessed to him (in short) that a major benefit as a person who has survived multiple traumas against my mind and body by predators who are still at large would be to become unrecognizable. To lose so much of my weight that it would be hard to identify me. In our second meeting Dr. Davidson told me that he found that statement to be, essentially, shocking and profound. He did not make me feel guilty for my pronouncement and actually supported the sentiment. He let me know that while I may feel as though I am escaping recognition by those from my past that becoming slimmer will open me up to more unwanted attention from people that I don't know.
But anything would be worth it to escape at least on aspect of the suffocation of my trauma. Any degree of change would help me move on. And so my weight loss took on a life of it's own and I found myself letting go of my trauma more and more. As I slimmed down and stuck out less in a crowd, my anxiety eased. It's always there, in the back of my mind, but being out in public causes me far less distress.
And then I was letting go of other things. Wearing size 20 to size 24 clothing is not cheap. Over a decade I had been hoarding clothes from over the years in all different sizes, unable to let go of my expensive wardrobe. I had prided myself in being able to dress my big body and look "better than most fat girls" (in ignorant but astute feeling to be addressed in a later post). If I was going to be fat I was going to at least dress nice. I was uncomfortable if I was dressed lazily....because I was living with the anxiety of "gosh, if I'm going to be huge I can not look lazy as well. I cannot support that stereotype." It even affected my mothering. I was so anxious whenever I was out with my son as how I would be perceived as a fat mother. No matter if I wore my son on my back and if I fed him healthy foods, I always felt there to be a stigmatic gaze upon us.
The truth is that I was not only letting go of the trauma of being recognizable my assailants in my weight loss, but I was letting go of all the little traumas of living in a fat body.
Now I am almost a size 12 (I do own and fit into some size 12 clothing and my 14s are too big but 12 jeans are still a bit snug). I am one size away from being the size of the average american woman. I don't feel sloppy wearing t-shirts or cargo shorts. I don't feel like I'm support the stereotype of lazy fat girl by wearing sneakers. I've brought 3 large black trash bags of those clothes I had coveted to the donation bin and I have 3 more bags prepared to bring now. My drawers are not overflowing with articles of clothing that I don't wear. My laundry is not a forever cycle of the items I had tried on but took off because they were too small or because they made me feel uncomfortable. I literally wasted so much detergent and water washing items that I wore for seconds at a time.
I was able to let go of my anxiety while at the beach.
I was able to let go of my anxiety of eating something while walking down the street.
I was able to let go of the big belly that I used to sleep on at night.
I was able to let go of the big breasts that were pushed up to my face by the rest of my fat body. (Though they are still large and a bit altered from the weight loss, I love them)
And now I no longer fit into clothes at Lane Bryant or Torrid, the only places I'd ever been able to find clothes that fit and I let go.
This is not about a wardrobe of fabric, however much it may seem so. This is about flesh and meat. This is about carrying myself through life every day in fear of the people that hurt me and trying to cover my ever-judged body by colorful and well-fitting fabrics. This is about escaping the guise of those who judge the obese.
I had never looked in a mirror and seen an obese person but I know how the world saw and even as I have lost weight I have felt those gazes of judgement drift away. I know that my insecurities made me a more suitable prey for predators. I know that letting go of the pounds, the traumas, and the insecurities has left me with a profound sense of freedom without feeling as though I have fed into the superficial standards of the world we live in.
I have become less visible in so many ways. I have been able to send my anxieties into the wind. I have been able to send plus sized clothes to women in need. I have been able to feed myself when hungry and on the way home. I have been able to be out with my son without the anxiety that his chubby cheeks are being frowned upon. I am so much the same person but my presence has taken on a new form. Lighter, not just in weight, but in baggage.
And for that I am so grateful. Not just to myself and all the work that I've done but for the whole team at Brigham & Women's Hospital, in particular Dr. Davidson and Dr. Robinson. I am so grateful that I have been allowed to shed so much of that toxic cocoon that I was suffocating in.
Just thought I'd share my favorite low calorie "treat": home made salsa. I usually add it to my eggs in the morning so that I get the protein in. I also will put it on burger meat or chicken patties for added flavor. Pictured here I used a whole habanero pepper but that was a mistake, I should have used like 1/4 of the pepper because I like spicy but this was wayyy too spicy (delicious but my mouth was burning).
Either way, in my food processor I combine:
1/2 a cup of onion
2 cups of tomato
3 garlic cloves
1/4 cup of fresh cilantro
1/4 cup of diced scallion
1/2 a lemon squeezed
1/4 a cup of pepper of choice (i usually use any bell peppers, a mixture of some to add color, but with the habanero I should have cut that down!)
Spices to taste (a dash of salt/pepper/cayenne pepper)
Then blend to your desired consistency I like mine pretty smooth.
This is a new segment I'm starting where I share products that I love to eat and that are good for me too :)
Just thought I'd share my breakfast this morning. Siggi's yogurt and 1 tablespoon of chia seeds. 16 gms of protein and 160 calories (100 in the yogurt, 60 in the chia seeds), 5g of fat (all from the chia seeds) 16 carbs, 9 sugars, and 5g of fiber.
I think I may open my blog up to topics other than weight loss and WLS. I'm sorry that I have been MIA and I do want to post more frequently. Ever a work in progress
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Sometimes I cannot help but feel overwhelmed. Along the path between my job and the train station is a place where the homeless often congregate. Almost always they appear to be on one substance or another. The begging is constant. My loved ones have lived on the streets with similar addictions and preoccupations and so it always pains me. But I always keep my head up and keep moving, because I don't have change. Not change that could end up in your liver or your veins and I am so very sorry that that is my truly unfair judgement.
I did not feel good about this. I did not feel some sort of "I did my good deed for the month". I did not feel a God watching me and adding this to my checklist of holiness. I did not feel like I was getting karma on my side.
I felt sick and a little resentful. I picked those perfect nectarines and they are now his. I was sad to part with them but more so I was sad that I have so much more to give and all I gave him was 3 pieces of fruit. My favorite fruit. I wanted to go back and give him some deli meat on bread, give the poor soul some protein and something to soak up the booze. But I didn't. I wanted to go back and leave him a box of cheerios so that he would have something to eat later. But I didn't. I wanted to get him to an emergency room where he could get cleaned up a little and get checked out so that he doesnt overdose. But I didn't. In that same note, I was afraid that by giving that guy three Nectarines he may in fact be so drunk that he could end up choking to death on a pit.
But I have a family to get home to and to feed. And I've seen this same man before in the same state so who's to say that he won't make it to tomorrow. And if he chokes? Will newspapers read "transient man chokes on nectarine pit"? Would it reach my ears? Just another vagrant, dead of their own devices?
None of this pussy footing could ever take away the truth of this moment though. It cannot take away the fact that every day I walk away because I feel so unable to give despite my desire to do so. A thousand fund raisers for good causes. Countless organizations needing volunteers and bodies to give food and administer medicine. An innumerable amount of souls in pain with palms up and tears in their eyes. And, for fuck's sake, there will always be Sarah Mclaughlin singing "in the arms of the angels" accompanied by the sad faces of sick and abused animals.
And I only wish that I could be God. I only wish I had limitless resources. I only wish I could feed this guilt gnawing away at me something that would truly sate it.
I only wish that I had more than three Nectarines to give.
I have been ignoring this blog and it makes me terribly sad because I do have so much to say.
For now I just wanted to share that I am 90 pounds down! And I have to say that there was a dark time where the only towels that fit all the way around me were beach towels....and now those same beach towels wrap around me 1.5 times and I can fit an average towel around my body.
So I am just doing a quick pic update. I have a couple of topics I have started to write and will hopefully get those up soon. These pics are kind of graphic and I am both embarrassed and proud to post them. I've technically lost 79 lbs in these pics :) Yay. A lot more work to do but a long way I've come.
Does your brand of feminism remove barriers for women, or simply move them around? Does is expand options for women, or does it just shift them? You don’t liberate women by forcing them to choose option B instead of option A. What is comfortable for you might not be comfortable for someone else, and it’s entirely possible that what you see as oppressive, other women find comfortable or even downright liberating.
Before you think the girl in the middle is a strawman, let me tell you I used to be her, back in my misguided youth. I considered myself the standard to which other people should adhere. But that was stupid. It’s not up to me to tell people how to dress, and it’s much nicer to let everyone choose for themselves.
Some women would feel naked without a veil. Some women would find it restrictive. Some women would feel restricted by a bra. Some women would feel naked without one. Some women would feel restricted by a tight corset. Others love them. Some wear lots of clothes with a corset. Some only wear the corset and nothing else. What makes any article of clothing oppressive is someone forcing you to wear it. And it’s just as oppressive to force someone not to wear something that they want to wear.
I got the go to start soft foods today, huzzah! On that note, after 2/3 a falafel ball and maybe a tablespoon of hummus I am full and sated! Hello new life. Also got praise from my surgeon for being down 55 lbs since October 27th, 10 gone since surgery. Until next time. Xx doll
Topics: Jenny Craig's Not-so-Subliminal Body Shaming Message
Look at this woman in her average-yet-beautiful form donning attire reminiscent of your every day business woman. She is radiating happiness as she coyly tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. She represents confidence and she is, most definitely, a winner. She is in charge.
And Jenny Craig wants you to know that her power and happiness is solely the result of this woman losing 45 pounds.
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As a self-described feminist as well as a realist I try to accept the truths of the world around me. I don’t watch TV all that often and even when I do I hardly watch commercials (thank you TiVo). I have been able to overlook a lot of messages that seem to send feminism back a few years. The over sexualization of young girls, the objectification of women, the strictly enforced scenes of gender conformity. I feel twinges of outrage and distress from time to time but seldom does the feminist in me get truly riled up at sexism in tv commercials. This does not mean that those messages are okay with me but as a realist I understand that they are a part of the patriarchal (however much evolving) world that I live in.
Yesterday I saw a Jenny Craig commercial and the first line was “45 pounds ago I would have avoided my ex boyfriend.” My jaw dropped as I was instantly floored. Not even 5 seconds into this commercial and there was a line blatantly imposing some of the most devastating mistruths that run rampant in the minds of women in today’s society.
I want to ask Jenny Craig what kind of message they are trying to deliver when the significance of living a healthy lifestyle takes a back seat to not only focusing solely on the number of pounds lost but also to our security as women in the presence of males….including those we have history with. I understand that Jenny Craig is a weight loss company and that their commercial goal is to sell thinspiration. I’m sure there are women who would see this commercial and relate as evidenced by this popular meme that has been circulating the web.
I understand that the dieting industry is large and complex and Jenny Craig has been revamping their campaigns to compete accordingly. I am certain that Jenny Craig has been in business for so long because there have been desperate women listening to their message and finding a glimmer of hope for their minds and bodies. I totally understand this from the perspective of somebody who has lost over 50 pounds since the end of October and who recently had weight loss surgery even after losing 43 pounds. I understand the desperation and the sadness that can come with excess weight and can even appreciate to an extent the fact that Jenny Craig has helped women feel better about themselves by getting off excess body weight.
But I will not make excuses for Jenny Craig. Programs like this where people do not even learn to cook and produce healthy foods for themselves lead to issues of weight regain after leaving the program. Programs where the plan is to eat only processed foods leave people with desperation and limited options. There is not even a single mention of an exercise or fitness regimen (even in subtext) despite the importance of coupling weight loss with exercise. The reality is that these are not even true factors in my issues with this commercial.
It can not be excused that the message here is that your weight loss will increase your value as a human being in the eyes others. And that is why the core message of this disturbing commercial from the very first line is essentially flawed.
No matter what size I have been or will be I would not want my worth and interactions with other humans beings to be predicated upon my physical size.
I would not want to condone a society wherein the worth of people is demeaned because of a number on a scale, a BMI, or a % of body fat.
Men should not base how they treat women nor should women feel insecure in the mere presence of men because of the size of their bodies.
And that is exactly what happens to this woman.
So, with all of these things taken into consideration, what is Jenny Craig’s message in this commercial?
Let’s revisit this scene where the protagonist, after disclosing her admirable weight loss, proudly approaches and seemingly flirts with her ex-boyfriend who blatantly mouths “wow,” gesturing with open arms towards her new svelte and (ultimately) better body. The significance of this interaction is made clear by way of inference:
45 pounds ago she could not be this confident. 45 pounds ago she could not be in charge of this situation. 45 pounds ago it was understandable that she would be ashamed to be around her ex-boyfriend. 45 pounds ago she was less lovable and less respectable. 45 pounds ago she was less desirable. Our processed frozen foods will be an easy way for you to meet your weight goals and make you all of the things you aren’t right now, just like this woman. You are only 45 pounds away from being worthy of the attention of you ex-lovers.
Thank you, for that, Jenny Craig.
You have demonstrated for us once again that the cultural norm of treating larger women as though they are less is not only a prevalent “idea” but is also sellable as fact. And women everywhere are eating these notions up so viciously that they are getting fat on them. It is a wonder that we continue to disappear.
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