ex-puella

Replica of what's real

[inkbee]

If tumblr starts instituting the draconian laws that tik tok has (aka not being able to say kill, bitch, etc in posts in addition to tags) I refuse to say shit like unalive and do the slash thing. I’m gonna start using old timey euphemisms (Eg; I want to force Apple executives to kick the bucket) and borrowing words from other languages. Like. They can’t ban sex words in every language, can they??

[mossadspydolphin]

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

TWST Boys Working at McDonald’s Headcanons

Don’t ask why I wrote these, I blame the stress of finals 😂 it has finally broken me I’m lovin’ it

The Jade edit is by cream-chix! Go check out their whole series of TWST McDonald’s icons.

🌹 Riddle 🌹

Frequently gets mistaken as a kid that wandered behind the counter. Has to remind his coworkers that he, indeed, also works there.

Mcfucking loses it if he catches you eating food on your shift (looking at YOU, Ace!!).

Can recite the employee manual and all the policies and rules to you off the top of his head. Demands that his coworkers memorize them, too. He can and he will report you to the manager if he sees you screwing around!

♣️ Trey ♣️

He’s just here because he needs to help pay for his college tuition and textbooks.

Technically he’s supposed to stop people from getting refills without paying for them, and technically he’s supposed to charge extra for sauces, but Trey doesn’t. He isn’t paid enough to care.

He’s not the manager, but he gives off manager vibes... so the entitled customers always screech to speak to him. Trey just wishes they wouldn’t cause trouble.

♦️ Cater ♦️

The employee that’s always on his phone when you walk up to the counter to order.

Regularly leaks McDonald’s secrets and shares tea about his coworkers on his Magicam page.

Actually takes the time to make sure your food vaguely resembles the food in the ads, just so the customers can get a semi-cute pic for their socials.

His UM makes him perfect for rush hours!

Has an existential crisis every time he stares deep into his own eyes whenever he cleans the bathroom mirrors.

♥️ Ace ♥️

His brother used to work here as the manager, so Ace got in through that connection. He’s gonna be the very best, like no one ever was and surpass his brother!

Waits for Riddle to turn his back, then stuffs his face with all the cherry pies; there’s only going to be apple pies for sale when he’s on shift.

Frequently gets into arguments with what he calls “Karens”.

Always has beef with some coworker (usually Deuce), insists that they’re going to have a fist fight behind the dumpster after work.

♠️ Deuce ♠️

The fresh-faced newbie that tries super hard to please his manager.

Asks to be graded on his performance every season, as if he’s in school or something.

People always call on Deuce to help resolve minor technical issues. Once, he punched the ice-cream machine in an attempt to fix it and it actually worked.

🦁 Leona 🦁

Got a job only because his family wouldn’t stop nagging him about it.

Takes up a whole booth to nap while Ruggie covers for his shift. No one questions it.

Always scrapes the lettuce and other veggies off the burgers he eats for his lunch breaks. Hisses when he learns his McDonald’s branch started offering salads.

Cheka visits sometimes to grab a Happy Meal; he asks his uncle to give him a smile with his Happy Meal, which Leona grumpily gives.

Gets into fights with Vil and Malleus about his work performance every other day.

🐆 Ruggie 🐆

Eager to take on his coworkers’ shifts! He could make do with the extra money.

Chipmunks large amounts of food in his mouth during his meal breaks. Collects scraps to repurpose into more meals for later. Saves condiment packets too—you never know when you might need them!

He might pocket some Happy Meal toys to palm off for small bonus profit later.

🐺 Jack 🐺

Takes his job super seriously. Quick to tattle or report a coworker if they misbehave.

Uses his beastman traits to his advantage. For example, he uses his nose to sniff out overcooked food and his ears to pick up on incorrect orders.

Jack knows McDonald’s doesn’t have real meat, but he’s not afraid to tell it like it is. What’s wrong with spreading public awareness? People ought to know what they’re putting in their bodies!

🐙 Azul 🐙

Artificially restricts the McRib and Szechuan sauce supply to drive demand up. Evil capitalist bastard.

Generally acts nice enough, but has a tendency to humble brag about his accomplishments. “Anything you can do, I can do better” energy.

Kisses the manager’s ass. Eventually usurps power and becomes the manager himself.

Always eats salads on his lunch breaks, except that one time he wolfed down 100 pieces of Chicken McNuggets in one go.

Uses Grim as a dirty dish rag.

🐬 Jade 🐬

Seems like the ideal employee on the surface (on time, no behavioral issues, etc.), is actually the most vindictive and passive aggressive person you’ll ever meet. If you slight him, his eyes will never leave you.

Happily crushes children’s hopes and dreams by telling them that Chicken Mcnuggets are actually made of pink slime.

Whenever it is his turn to take out the trash, you swear the garbage bags are wiggling and letting out muffled cries for help.

Petitions corporate to add more mushroom items to the menu.

🦈 Floyd 🦈

50/50 chance he doesn’t show up for his shifts and the manager has to scramble to find a replacement. When he does show up, there’s a 50/50 chance he causes a mess or a near-death accident.

Tells you the ice-cream machine is broken, but when you turn your back he proceeds to slide under the dispenser and eat ice-cream straight from the nozzle.

Ditches his shift halfway through to play in the indoor playground (with his shoes on, the harlot!!). He hides in the ball pit and waits for kids to come by to drag them down.

Just chows down on food when the munchies bit him, doesn’t matter whose order it is or who is watching him. Plays with Happy Meal toys or starts mixing sauces when he’s bored enough, too.

☀️ Kalim 🕌

His dad is a franchisee of multiple branches and owns stock in the company. Kalim thought a fast food job sounded fun, so... here we are.

He dances with the mop or broom while he’s on clean up duty!

Sometimes crashes into work late on his magic carpet, or just rides a stampede of animals in.

Tries to help out with cooking, but he always ends up dumping tons of sugar into the beverages or too much seasoning and sauce onto burgers and fries.

🐍 Jamil 🐍

Looks like he doesn’t want to be here and he’d rather be doing almost anything else.

Also sounds like he is bored out of his mind when he speaks to you.

Has to apologize to you for his coworkers’ screw-ups (not naming any names Kalim).

If he sees a bug on the food, he’s not going near it. What if it laid eggs in the sesame bun or something?!

Applying to work at Chipotle or some other fast food joint, anything to get him far, far away from his idiot coworkers.

👑 Vil 👑

He’s only working here as a publicity stunt because his manager said it would make him seem more relatable to the layman. Hordes of fans visit just to grab a pic with him.

A perfectionist with his food. Sometimes it takes him half an hour to prepare a simple order just because he wants a burger to have the perfect ratio of ingredients, or because he wants the fries to be perfectly seasoned and a perfect golden brown color.

Starts calling people “patties” in addition to “potatoes”.

Totally rocks the McDonald’s uniform. All his followers start wearing McDonald’s uniforms as a new fashion trend.

Turns his nose up at the menu items and refuses to let them pass his lips. Even the fruit smoothies McDonald’s offers are suspicious, according to Vil.

🏹 Rook 🏹

A rare creature that actually enjoys working at this forsaken place. Comes into work every day with a big smile on his face.

Draws ketchup and/or mustard smiles on your pickles and tucks them in with a blanket of processed cheese yes, just like Spongebob would.

Stares intensely at customers that choose to dine in.

Volunteers to dress as Ronald McDonald whenever the branch decides to hold a mascot meet and greet. (Vil helps him with his clown makeup.) Genuinely has a good time entertaining the kids and taking photos with them.

🍎 Epel 🍎

Actually prefers Burger King, but has been forbidden from uttering it.

Mumbles; it’s very hard to hear him, especially over the drive-thru mic. He has to speak slowly and carefully so the mic actually picks up on his voice.

Really annoyed with his job. He gets handed all the easy tasks like restocking sauces when what he really wants to do is sling sacks of potatoes on his shoulders—manly stuff like that!

Gets handed Happy Meals for his lunch breaks, which makes him see red.

💀 Idia 🔥

Banned from the kitchen; everyone fears his hair will cause a fire if he gets close to the oil. He’s forced to man the drive-thru or a register, which sets his social anxiety skyrocketing.

Vague posts online about how much he hates his job and/or his coworkers.

Comes into work with little robots and gadgets to do his job for him. Basically automates his tasks.

Complains about the shitty marketing tactics McDonald’s has (they should make a dating sim like KFC did!).

🤖 Ortho 🤖

Ortho is the ice-cream machine—

Comes equipped with gizmos and gadgets to optimize the service quality—thermometer to test oil temperature, statistical analysis software packages to analyze sales data, built-in calculator and card reader...

Stays out of the kitchen to avoid overheating his circuits!!

🐉 Malleus 🐉

Working at McDonald’s to better understand how the common folk live. (Sebek was highly against Malleus lowering himself to a food service job meant for peons.)

Has to use a notepad to record orders because he can’t operate a computer or an electronic cash register to save his life. Also has to work only with cash because he can’t use the card reader.

Since he looks scary, everyone avoids his line when he has a shift in the front.

Cooks burgers and fries with his dragonic fire. It makes the food taste smokier than usual.

🦇 Lilia 🦇

The super old guy that works the front counter (you’re not sure why he’s here, shouldn’t he be retired already?).

Really good with the kids! If there’s any crying in line, he makes funny faces or lets them play with a free Happy Meal toy until they calm down.

Not allowed in the kitchen. Like, at all. He snuck in there a few times and waltzed out with terrifying creations of his own, which he tried to convince the manager to add to the “secret menu”. Lilia’s been banned ever since.

⚔️ Silver 💤

Takes items very literally. You order “one large fry”, and you get a single large fry in your bag.

Stares off into space while he’s waiting for the card reader to print your receipt, sometimes dozing off altogether and falling asleep while standing up.

Has to read your order to you multiple times to confirm it is correct.

⚡️ Sebek ⚡️

Refuses to serve you the lunch menu at 11:59 am. Refuses to let you use more than one coupon per order, too.

Attends every optional team meeting and training session; highly encourages his coworkers to do the same. The kind of guy that strives to be employee of the month every month.

Shouts Speaks loudly and clearly, even over the drive-thru mic.

Salutes to his manager every day and treats work like he’s waging war on the customers’ stomachs.

[fitzloathed]

if you pay for a tv license in the uk here's your reminder to cancel it right now and let the bbc know you're doing it because they hate lgbt people

[gentlyweirdplanteatingcreature]

As long as you don't let them into your house to check if you have a tv they can't do shit and their threats are empty bc it is probably never going to be worth their while taking people to court for £100.

[fitzloathed]

Thank you for reblogging this, I forgot to add a warning for anyone who doesn't know: cancelling your TV licence will cause them to harrass and threaten you for the rest of your life and they will follow wherever you go. Their letters are very intimidating and made to sound like you are breaking the law and they know it so let me clear things up:

I have never had a TV licence and you are not obligated to have a TV licence even if you have a TV. You only need a TV licence to be allowed to watch BBC programmes (broadcast or on demand). Nobody can tell if you are watching BBC programmes without you allowing them into your house or admitting to it. You do not have to allow anybody in your house no matter what they threaten. No, TV licensing are not driving around in little sci-fi vans scanning for what programmes you have on. TV licensing have no legal power over you and they cannot do anything to you.

Also take note that the letters you receive have no information on who you are or who your local authorities are. Do not communicate with them and do not give them any info, if that's not obvious. If anyone comes to your door asking weird questions about whether or not you have a TV and what you watch, tell them you'll call the police if you see them in the area again.

[transexualitree]

Enjoy a low effort meme

Anyway I've never paid for my TV license and I would encourage everyone else to do the same 🥰

[goldentangerines]

every now and then i have to think of the roman family from two thousand years ago that buried their little daughter in a boy's athletic-themed sarcophagus and i weep a little because that's the softest declaration of love i can possibly imagine

[goldentangerines]

i am once again emotional and sleep deprived so let me elaborate to make myself feel better.

octavia paulina was a six year old girl whose sarcophagus was found in her family's tomb at via triumphalis in rome, dated roughly around the third century a.d. her parents mourned her mors immatura, her premature death, by having the wall behind her sarcophagus painted with the image of a giant meadow with children and a chariot pulled by doves accompanied by hermes leading an unconscious girl into afterlife. (to my knowledge, the doves and the fact that they were led by hermes was a symbol for hope.)

the sarcophagus itself shows athletic competitions between girls and boys alike, and in the most important one on the front, octavia paulina appears as the winner (a palm branch in her hand, which is meant to symbolize her strength and honor, her virtus). her opponent is sitting on the floor, upset. what really stands out is that octavia paulina's parents ordered a common sarcophagus that was usually used to bury boys with athletic interests or futures but then proceeded to have it remodeled — smaller heads and genitalia cut off etc — to include girls in the relief.

i just get very soft when i think about parents ordering a sarcophagus for their little daughter who think it's perfect for her and who remodel it to make it even more accurate for her. the thought of parents more than 1.700 years ago thinking their six year old daughter deserves a sarcophagus that fits her personality (rather than what was expected of her as a young girl of the time) despite none being available and then ordering for it to be altered makes me wanna scream because it's such a human and caring thing to do. maybe octavia paulina even had a say in this because it took weeks to months to make a sarcophagus this detailed.

disclaimer: a lot of this messy little thing was transcribed from what my professor has told us in his sarcophagus class and this article; this is just a rambling post, it isn't detailed or well put or structured properly, and not fit for scientific research.

[slavery]

[macbethz]

Fuck I’m at a fencing tournament and literally a minute after I reblogged this my dad told me that he talked to the point people and I’m probably going to win a medal.

[seananmcguire]

BURN BAGEL BURN

[gothiccharmschool]

OH WHY NOT?

[harukami]

I need to follow up to say I reblogged this last night, and this morning I got some of the best news of my life, like, a life dream come true news thing.

Bagel what are your powers

[acabosetotal]

FUCK, I though it was just another lucky meme but LISTEN. Since a week ago I was waiting a phone call to confirm me if I got a job or not in my university. I reblogged this yesterday’s night “just for fun and because I don’t want any bagel to be mad with me”, and today’s afternoon, while I was losing my time as always, the professor I was supposed to work with called me and asked me for my personal information to start working with her.

THE BAGEL POWERS ARE WAY TOO MUCH FOR THIS WORLD

[token-white-friend]

I GOT A JOB THE DAY AFTER MY QUEUE POSTED THIS THE FIRST TIME AND I JUST REALIZED IT WHEN I SAW IT AGAIN HOLY GOD

[noodle-dragon]

The bagel hasn’t let me down yet!

[blackcatgodess]

I got a job offer after reblogging the bagel. Believe in the bagel!

[anayely420]

🙏🏼

[sonsfantasies]

Worth a try lol

[theblizzardsix]

i could use some good news or even a good girl 

[pantspooplover]

Go lil bagle! Show me your power!

[itaachiyama-moved]

Okii then!

[blastlight]

THIS IS THE FIRST THING ON MY BLOG

I GOT ASKED OUT FOR THE FIRST TIME AFTER I REBLOGGED IT

[cuappatea-deactivated20200216]

wait but whats happening with the bagel tho

[dukemz]

It’s burning, as is everything I’ve hoped for whenever I’ve reblogged a post like this

[gone-dw-abt-it-deactivated20260]

I just kinda wanna watch something burn?

[dukemz]

Mood

[rip-paramour]

You guys didn’t listen when I said Bagels hold an ancient and wonderous power.

[teathattast]

Bagel time

[castielismyhusband2266]

I need this

[dwintu]

do it

[robinswraith]

I’m at an all time low I need this

[magnus-chase-rights]

ok sure

[soulful-guy-deactivated20251026]

no loss in trying. so here wo go

[skeleton-deactivated694225]

😌👀

[anxietyfilledvoidfrog]

Its bagel time. I believe in you bagel. 🥯

[aleijaiiiii]

Ok so.

Last time I reblogged this, I was complaining to my mum how I never got to go on walks alone. Then, she legit said to me, “well why don’t you go down to *censored*?” Which she’d never let me do before. I had three hours. In a place half an hour from home. It works.

[thatonepanperson-deactivated202]

I need all the luck i can get

[spiderways-a-vampire]

(*-*)

[literallylmm]

Uhhhh worth a try

[batpeggy21]

I doubt it will work but….

[marsieonlife]

i dont lose anything trying…

[diya-a510-deactivated20200919]

BAGEL

[marsieonlife]

again, YES?!

[marsieonlife]

OK SO I DID THIS ON THE MORNING AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED AT SCHOOL? 

TWO TESTS WERE CANCELLED!

NO HOMEWORK!!

WE HAD A BREAK OF 30 MINUTES (we normally have a break of 5-10 min)

AND MY CRUSH ASKED ME TO WORK ON A PROJECT WITH HIM!!!

I don’t know how you do it bagel, but you’re awesome!

[sleepy-sho]

Bagel time

[nucleariguana]

guys the more you add text to your reblogs the more time it takes to reblog, therefore stealing our good news

[thunderbutt]

Bagel power.

[cryptic-udon]

well let’s see if it works

[unseenjewl]

How the power of the reblog Bagel works

[theaviskullguy]

REBLOG BAGEL HELP ME

[circuits-unending]

rebagel

[pianoperson]

Bagel time

[mia-pon289-deactivated20220607]

Bagle, please I need your power

[simpingfortwst]

Gentle reminer that on January 18th some poor motherfucker is gonna have to pie-face Malleus

Realistically it’ll be Lilia but it’s funny to image Leona immediately volunteering to do it. 

Or it being left up to a straw pull and Idia has to drag his sorry ass to the party venue looking like he’s Oliver Twist about to ask Mr Bumble for more gruel

[feudspunpinne]

TWST as John Mulaney quotes

Yuu: Hey Yuu, it’s college. remember?

Idia: In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin!

Azul: 13 year olds are the meanest people in the world.

Jamil: I keep all my emotions right here, and then one day I will die.

Ruggie: I am very small, I have no money, so you can imagine the stress I am under.

Riddle: You know how I’m filled with rage?

Kalim: you could pour soup in my lap and I’ll probably apologize to you.

Ace annoying Epel: look at that high waisted man he got feminine hips!

Crowley, because he does nothing for overblots: shut up, you’re all going to die. StreetSmarts!

Trein: one black coffee.

lilia: by 2029 , I’ll be drinking moon juice with President Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

[feudspunpinne]

⚠️BSD SPOILERS⚠️

can’t wait for this ⬇️ to be animated

[feudspunpinne]

Mama, I’m in love with a criminal

[sharkboxes]

[ginger-ale-official]

Oh they’re going to need salvation.

[socialistexan]

Not just making it illegal, but making being gay punishable with death.

[unified-multiversal-theory]

This is one of the many reasons why I walk by every single red bucket in the run-up to Christmas. They’re not getting my money, I don’t care how nice the people ringing bells are.

[auntiewanda]

Ever since the time they threatened to close all their soup kitchens in NYC if a law that did something as simple as allow companies to extend spousal benefits to their employee’s same-sex domestic partners I have refused to buy from them or donate to them. 

[willowofthehearth]

It’s that time of year again! In case people don’t know… the Salvation Army is shitty peoples.

Also, the married women are not paid (and therefore can’t qualify for assistance if they should ever divorce, etc). And worth “of course” less than a man.

“ In the Army’s case, the agreement for compensation is that the officer allowance be paid jointly to the husband—the check is written in his name. Officially, the wife is a “worker without expectation of remuneration,” and her husband receives 40 percent more of an allowance as a married man than he would as a single man. “

source

[radioactive-dingo]

hey since that season is coming up again!

[fluffy-raccoon-artist]

To my American followers. Don’t support Salvation Army. Not only are they homophobic as shit, but I’ve also heard that they abuse a lot f homeless people. They only care about money, please don’t donate to them and give your money to charities that actually help people

[ourmissallison]

Never don’t reblog.

[whitmerule]

To be clear: this is specific to America. It is not necessarily going to be true for all countries. Please don’t boycott your own salvos without proper investigation: in many countries they do good work.

[colorsofsocialjustice]

Sorry but no, the Salvation Army was founded in the UK and even there still are homophobic as hell, to the point that they still refuse to let out gay people hold positions of power in the organisation. This is a callout for the whole group, not just the US. - Purple

[loverrrbearrr-deactivated202204]

AND Canadian salvation army is just as bad! the whole organization is rotten from the core! Canadians are not immune to bad organizations!

[massacre-girlypop]

Reblog to continue the violent hate against the Salvation Army.

[feudspunpinne]

Everyone wish best boy Tadashi Yamaguchi a happy birthday

[nuitthegoddess]

Hear me out;

Twisted Wonderland should have the old classic Disney cartoon style.

[shinitagariyuki]

No fear.

"Disney might cast Chris Pratt as Ace's English voice actor in the upcoming anime"

One fear.

[feudspunpinne]

Holy shit???

[feudspunpinne]

For Aizawa’s birthday, I want everyone to acknowledge his glow up.

[feudspunpinne]

i can’t wait to see Fyodor animated!

And to see Gogol’s fat as-

[kglsudav]

[comtedemoney]

October 14, 1977, Anita Bryant is pied for her antigay bigotry at a press conference in Des Moines, IA.

[bandit1a]

It was 40 years ago today…

[madroxxordam-deactivated2018121]

Never gets old.

[yeahiwasintheshit]

40 years on and it still is gratifying

[howdoyoulikethemeggrolls]

Anita’s still alive and kicking and being anti-gay. Thom Higgins, who threw the pie when he was 27 – and was poetically from Beaver Dam – passed away 17 years later at 44. Info on his life is here. The pie throwing was a big deal. In an age before the internet let gays feel connected, and long before ACT UP, the pie showed small pockets of gays that we could fight back.

[brunhiddensmusings]

it showed that gays were human beings, who might be in the room with you, that you had been accepting as being equals and treating as people. you didnt suspect them as bieng gay, why should you treat them different after? do they become less human after finding out? i mean, its almost like you just found out they have an oppinion on your bullshit

[theamazingsallyhogan]

She was “pied” on TV.  All across the country, people got to see proof that the LGBT community weren’t going to just sit there and take it.  People who thought they had no choice but to stay silent saw a horrible woman get humiliated on live TV.  

One of the best moments in television history.

[cythraul]

“Do you know who’s here?  Do you know who saw you do that?  Do you know who saw you do that?  This man is from Rolling Stone magazine.  Do you know what kind of publicity you’re going to get?”

What, you think you pied her in front of a zillion cameras because he didn’t want publicity?

[hustleinatrap]

Just let that sink in.

[memeticwarfare]

thats why the vietnam war was the last war ever televised

[lord-armitage]

Chelsea Manning went to jail trying to show people the extend of the atrocities American commits overseas. I watched some of the leaked footage. I think some of the worst of it was a drone bombing of a wedding in Yemen, then a day later America bombed the funeral of those killed at the wedding. Ambulances and first response units (which are protected under international law), were being bombed. People trying to take shelter were being bombed. 

And that’s just drones, which is to say nothing for the numerous illegal black sites America operates around the world. Or the effects of using white phosphorus, which will continue to burn as long as oxygen is present and melts human tissues. That was used in Fallujah, which was a blood-bath from start to finish. 

Which is why I have zero trust in the military, both American and British, because this is just some of the stuff we know about. 

[brazilspill]

People in the countries y'all invade have been telling you what Yank soldiers do while overseas, you don’t need to imagine if you take the time to listen to them.

[metalheadsagainstfascism]

Our veterans have been telling us what our country does to people overseas. Just people won’t take the time to listen to them.

I had a substitute teacher that was in the Vietnam War. Instead of giving us whatever busy work the teacher told him to give us, he complained about our history bill didn’t devote more than 5 paragraphs to the Vietnam War and talked about what they did there.

My uncle lost his mind and eventually died due to the side effects of agent orange (a chemical weapon used there) and because his exposure was limited the government never accepted responsibility for it. If that’s what happens with limited exposure, imagine what it did to the people and wildlife there.

Not to mention the lasting effects it’s had genetically. He children of people exposed to agent orange even have adverse effects. How many generations do you think this will last?

The Children of Agent Orange

For decades, Vietnam veterans have suspected that the defoliant harmed their children. But the VA hasn’t studied its own data for clues. A n

That doesn’t even mention the fact that the military depends on the children of low income families (BIPOC families) that can’t afford college to fuel their stupid wars.

The Military Views Poor Kids as Fodder for Its Forever Wars

As the United States staggers toward war, it will try to draw troops from the same poor, rural neighborhoods it always has.

-fae

[the-haiku-bot]

The Military

Views Poor Kids as Fodder for

Its Forever Wars

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.