The Secrets Of Suburban Life

[thecryptkeeper]

who was the bitch who decided movies about comic book characters would be more serious and brooding aside from literally grown adults fighting in tights. a name and address please.

[thecryptkeeper]

in fifteen years comic book movies went from “spiderman stole that guy’s pizza!” to “spiderman accidentally launched a drone strike on his classmates while on a school trip because he was given military-grade technology at age sixteen”

[owlmylove]

united states airforce recruitment office

[bookhobbit]

why is “olde vampires in high school” the big thing and not “olde vampires in college”

everyone in college is eccentric. everyone

you wanna wear full on Victorian suit? the girl in pajamas who clearly hasn’t slept in three days supports you

everyone is too preoccupied to care as long as you’re polite and follow class etiquette

multiple high school diplomas? eh. same stuff. multiple BAs? Enjoy learning chemistry AND art history! All in detail!

wandering around campus at 3am? that’s just the lifestyle tm

no matter how old or young you look it’s not really that weird, there’s sixteen year olds and sixty year olds doing BAs somewhere

big schools are very anonymous so nobody’s gonna bother to hassle you

[overelegantstranger]

the girl in pyjamas is the vampire

[themauvesoul]

Also:

If u put ur blood in a water bottle ppl will assume it’s juice and be Jealous

“Oh god I’m a monster” 20 students who r all procrastinating big projects say “same” simultaniousely and with the exact same tone

Everything is a joke so if u say “I subsist on the lifeblood of mankind” someone will go “lol what a mood”

It would take u like 100 years to major in everything

Seen sucking the blood of a fellow classmate and u r instantly the campus Cryptid and Mascot

Listen. If u have an ethical dilemma go find a philosophy major that believes in ethical subjectivism and they’ll make u so angry u forget abt whatever the fuck was bothering u

College is the only acceptable place to get into fistfights over classical literature

Literally all u need to do to avoid suspicion is be the guy that always has gum and a stapler

If u have a majestic mustache ppl will just assume ur an English major

Allergic to crosses? Cool. So r certain stem majors.

[archmaestergilly-deactivated202]

Major take on this thread is everybody in college are vampires

[anxiouschimera]

@lonestarnoctus

[jauntylittlefrillyboy]

“I subsist in the life blood of mankind” “so you’re what, a business major?”

[marlynnofmany]

As someone who wore vampire fangs in college for the entire week leading up to Halloween, that sort of thing is very normal.

[cryptid-sighting]

Pirate Bay Founder Thinks Parler’s Inability to Stay Online Is ‘Embarrassing’

Peter Sunde Kolmisoppi calls Parler’s face plant in the wake of its deplatforming 'embarrassing,' driven by 'egotism.'

[slimescholar]

[odaatgifs]

1x11 // 2x08

[mantis-lizbian]

okay but the best part is that in the scene on the left, how long it took her to get to there from “THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE!” was the amount of time it took to walk across a room and sit on the couch. and she used her faith and religion (Catholicism) to get there.

[heresylog]

The best part is even when she was first told about Elena being gay and was clearly not fully accepting, she never let Elena see any of that. And Elena never had to feel wrong or unloved by her grandmother.

[theirisianprincess]

“We’re fixing up this spaceship that belongs to our new friend Meap.”

“Meap, he’s the most adorable thing in the world.”

“Really? Are you sure there’s nothing, or no one that’s more adorable?“

“No, not a chance.”

[theirisianprincess]

PART 2

“Okay. I jury-rigged Ferb’s old GPS device, to create a cute tracker.”

“It locks on to the cutest thing in the area,”

“so it should lead us right to Meap.”

“Let’s see if we can get a signal.“

“Got something!”

“Oh, that’s probably me. Sorry.”

“No. It’s three miles in that direction.”

[theirisianprincess]

Part 3

“Isabella, want to come with me and help me find Meap?“

“Sure!”

“I still haven’t gotten my”

“‘you wouldn’t know cute if it bit your legs off’“

“accomplishment badge.”

“Cool!”

“Let’s go!”

[theirisianprincess]

Part 4

“Hmm, I’m having trouble picking up his cute signal.”

“Phineas, since you obviously won’t figure this out on your own,“

“I think I’m the one causing the cute interference.“

“Don’t be silly Isabella.”

“I took into account your cuteness, and adjusted the cute-meter settings accordingly from the beginning.”

“See, look what happens when I change it back to normal.”

Bonus Depiction Of Me Right Now:

[theirisianprincess]

Part 5 (from a different episode)

“So, do I know romance or what?”

“what.”

“I said, do I know romance or-”

“I heard you.”

[theirisianprincess]

Part 6 (this time with Candace)

“So that’s Uncle Phineas and Ferb as kids?“

“That’s right.”

“And that girl looks like Aunt Isabella.“

“Did you hear that? Aunt Isabella!”

“That means I’m gonna marry Phineas!”

“Or Ferb.”

*clicks tongue*

[generallemarc]

We didn’t deserve this show

[glossynympheteyes]

this movie is so fucking creepy jesus fuck

[dumpster-king]

It’s by Tim Burton, what did you honestly expect?

[porcelainandgold]

Actually, it’s Henry Selick, who was the director of The Nightmare Before Christmas. The book was written by Neil Gaiman, though, and is far…far….worse.

[whatpunkin]

Sorry, I’m about to geek the hell out.

The movie is captivating, but the book is twenty kinds of terrifying, even now, ten years after I first read it. As disturbing as the movie may have been to some, the things Selick added really serve to cushion just how horrific the story really is.

First of all, the character of Wybie does not exist in the book. Coraline is facing all of this nearly alone, with her only help coming from the sly comments of the cat, a warning from the circus mice, and the stone given to her by her neighbor, presented with no comment but that it “makes the unseen seen.”

Second, the Other Parents are never quite as warm (and, dare I say, normal) as they are in the gifs above. They’re described as having paper-white skin and the Other Mother’s hair is said to move on its own, and her long, red, claw-like nails don’t ease any uncertainty that she is absolutely, positively up to no good. The first time Coraline meets them, they (and the rest of the Others) seem to be playing roles (for whatever reason, Coraline does not seem to pick up on this), like they all know what to say and what to do and are simply waiting for Coraline to make her move in their terrifying play world. This is shown to be partly true when the Other Parents tell her they know she’ll be back soon after she refuses the buttons - this time, to stay.

Third, the Other Mother commits atrocities that really should not have been in a book for anyone not fully grown up. She physically deforms the world around Coraline to slow her progress in their game beyond any mild traps the movie portrays, and, instead of turning the Other Father into the wandering pumpkin-thing seen in the film, she simply ceases to use him and throws his body away in the cellar, leaving him to rot with whatever bit of sentience he has left. She begins to lose her touch, as Coraline gains the upper hand. Her world doesn’t just become a nightmare - it falls apart completely. No creepy but oddly cool bug furniture here, just the house that now appears to be a child’s drawing. Whatever the Other Mother is (a beldame, but something tells me she’s much more ancient and powerful than that), she does not give half a hump about what she has to do to ensnare Coraline. Destroy the supporting characters of her twisted creation? Done. Allow herself to be dismembered to ruin Coraline’s life in the normal world? Not even gonna bat an eyelash.

On a final, personal note, imagine eight year-old me, ignored by my parents, absorbed in the story and identifying with Coraline from the start. Imagine me finishing this bloodcurdling book and immediately thinking of my basement, where there is still a locked door that my grandmother swears up and down is nothing more than a storage room, but has not once in my (or my mother’s) lifetime unlocked.

Can you see why this book still scares me?

[hematite2]

Fun fact I learned from seeing neil gaiman speak: when he first wanted the book published, his editor said it was too scary. He suggested she read it to her young daughter, and then decide. So she did, and her daughter wasn’t afraid, and it was published. Years later, Gaiman was sitting next to that daughter at an event and told her this story, and she said “oh I was terrified I just didn’t want to tell my mom”.

Coraline WAS too scary to be published, but exists anyway because a girl lied to her mother.

[petrichormeraki]

[feyariel]

@neil-gaiman, is this true about the publisher’s daughter?

[neil-gaiman]

It was my literary agent, Merrilee Heifetz who read it and said “you can’t seriously expect this to be published as a children’s book.” So I suggested she read it to her daughters. And she called me back a week later and said “They love it and they weren’t scared at all. I’ll take it to Harper Children’s.”

A decade later, at the Opening Night of the Coraline musical, I was sitting next to Morgan, Merilee’s youngest daughter, and told her how her not being scared had made the book happen. And she said “I was terrified. But I needed to find out what happened next. So nobody knew.”

So, yes.

[invaderxan]

Heard some important information on Twitter today, and thought I’d post it here for anyone who may not have heard it. This is actually a thing, devised by human rights organisation called Karma Nirvana.

Reblog to save a life?

[theindependentconservative]

Reblog to save a life.

[libertarirynn-deactivated202006]

Sharing because it’s actually a verified and sourced thing and not one of those dumbass fake tip posts.

[whitepeopletwitter]

[dingdongyouarewrong]

y’all. making unsolicited and unwanted sexual jokes to people you don’t know online is weird and creepy and overfamiliar. saying you’re doing it to ‘dunk on ace people’ when they’re making personal posts about being ace or whatever doesn’t not make it a form of sexual harassment 

[whitepeopletwitter]

[gahdamnpunk]

At this point I’m convinced straight people are not capable of having fun

[tgmdea]

My boyfriend surprised me with a necklace today and if you look through it, it says “i love you” in 100 languages

He got the necklace from here for everyone asking ✨

[anhaliza]

Omg i want this necklace for Christmas ❤️

[pinky--heart]

My boyfriend give me one too and he put this in a projector in the car and it’s the most beautiful date that I has been in my life. 😍

[alfrhedoo]

Reposting to remind myself to buy one 

[bitch-that-just-wants-cuddles]

Same

[docorwho]

M E R R Y  C H R I S T M A S 

[azriona]

It’s not Christmas unless this giftset has appeared on your dash at least five times.

[syrenpan]

It’s back 💕

[lizawithazed]

it’s not christmas without wilf on your dash 

[talaline]

Annual Wilf reblog.

[theimpossibleg1rl]

I kinda love Wilf

[taraljc]

Wilf was awesome.

[flootzavut]

Kinda love Wilf? Kinda? *heavy sideeye*

[vices-aand-virtues]

[teenscoolest]

[jewish-tutter]

someone explain the jewish holidays to me like i'm 5 years old

[rizaoftheowls]

Purim: They tried to kill us, we survived. Let’s tell the story, wear silly costumes, and get wasted. (Optional: have a carnival or a play!)

Passover: They enslaved us, God freed us. Remember this via a big ceremony/feast and then don’t eat bread for a week. This is a big one; you’re going to have to clean your house and host all your relatives.

Tu B'Shevat: It’s Earth Day, let’s eat some fruit.

Simchas Torah: We read the entire Torah every year, and we got to the end! Let’s have a dance party and then start all over again!

Tisha B'Av: They destroyed our temples. That sucked.

Rosh HaShanah: Happy New Year! It’s time to ask (and grant) forgiveness for the wrongs done in the past year, pledge to do better, and wish for a sweet new year. And go to synagogue for HOURS.

Yom Kippur: Rosh HaShanah’s somber counterpart. God decides on this day your fate for the next year. Repent your sins, hope for forgiveness, and fast. (And go to synagogue for HOURS.)

Yom HaShoah: Holocaust Remembrance Day.

Sukkot: Harvest festival! Sleep in a hut under the stars.

Shemini Atzeret: Man, I don’t even know?

Shavuot: God gave us the Torah! That was pretty nice of him.

Chanukah: They busted up our temple and tried to forcibly convert us. We responded with guerilla warfare. Let’s eat some fried food. Candles!

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

So basically the entire Jewish holiday calendar is giving the middle finger to death and high-fiving, with or without various combinations of prayer and foods.

[rizaoftheowls]

Yup. Or as we say, “They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat.”

[galaxy-of-great-possibilities]

thank you for the desc’s bcs they are beautiful and i am now educated

[stimman3000]

we’re really at that point in the year where no one cares about anything huh

[krishnadewme]

[lionkins]

[wallpatterns-deactivated2019120]

My psych professor mentioned swaddling in lecture so I emailed him a picture of me being swaddled in my dorm room and asked if I could get extra credit because it was really hot in there and I got really sweaty and he was like “fabulous, sure”

[yaldabaoth413]

Nothing can prepare you for the day your Math teacher announces that whoever can send him the funniest meme based on his class will get extra credit for the final grade.

[nerdyydragon]

I had a sci prof in uni who would give bonus points if you put relevant doodles on the back of quizzes and exams. Saved my ass more than once.

[solosprincess]

Not to get emo on main but you ever think about how the troop sang about their dreams of finding “a girl worth fighting for”, and they think their girl worth fighting for is one of romance, but the song abruptly comes to a halt when they find a different girl worth fighting for.

A tiny girl that had been killed at the hands of the Huns. A child too weak, too small to have any chance of withstanding the murderous invaders. That is their girl worth fighting for.