My dearest dearest mutuals,
most of you probably don't know that much about warhammer but that's OK. Because that's what you have me for. Me with my little brain with far to much warhammer lore living in there completely rent free.
So now I'm going to present to you my absolutely objective lore ignoring fanfic reality mini essay/info dump/rambling on....
The Perks of dating each Primach!
You didn't ask for this and you might not want to hear my opinion about this subject but sucks to be you it's your fault for associateing with me.
Primach of the thousand son's legion
-will always tell you about the new thing he just learned very enthusiastically
-will use his psychic power to fulfil your wishes even before yourself know about it
Primach of the blood angels legion
-is also technically a bit of a vampire
-oh did I mention he is a vampire with angel wings?
-he'll also probably be the only one comfortable with introducing you to his dad
Primach of the emperors children legion
-will help you do your makeup and will make it look perfect
-he's an artist who will paint you (and those paintings won't all be sfw)
-has a slightly unnerving amount of kinks
Primarchs of the word bearers legion
-will write semi religious fanfic about you
-after some time dating him people will start worshipping you because he has been secretly preaching a new religion with you as the messiah
Primach of the white scars legion
-will do long motorcycle road trips with you
-will take you to the most romantic remote locations
Primarch of the dark angels legion
-will be your knight in shining armour
-will make you feel like his precious princess (regardless of gender ofc.)
-will teach you swordfighting
-doesn't talk about his ex because he never had one so stop asking
Primach of the raven guard legion
-has entirely black eyes (how cool is that!?)
-has a pet raven because of course he has one
-takes you flying with his bad ass metal wings
Primach of the world eaters legion
-will fight anyone who even just slightly threatens to harm you
-will help you take revenge on your enemies and hide all the bodies you two leave behind (there will be many)
-you will, from time to time, have difficulties sitting down and explaining how you got those scratch marks when you go to work the next morning
Primarch of the salamanders legion
-is really hot (like literally you won't need a blanket at night)
-extrovert who will adopt you into all his friend groups
-will always try to make you feel conformable especially in social situations
Primarch of the night lords legion
-is basically emo batman (do I need to say more?)
-definitely wears eyeliner and black nail polish
-will always take care of you if you have nightmares even if that means staying up all night
Primarch of the iron hands legion
-will fix and improve every piece of tech you have
-can make you shiny cybernetics to replace your weak and failing flesh
-yes those do come with 'special attachments' and include 'massage functions'
Primach of the imperial fists legion
-will build your dream house for you
-alway a calm and steadfast shoulder to lean on
Primach(s) of the alpha legion
-twins (you either get both or none)
-this will be at least a thrupple but if you date them you're basically dating their whole legion
-will ask you if you want to do a threesome+ with the twins and as many of their lookalikes from the legion as you want.
Primach of the death guard legion
-will lead a peasant uprising with you and slay the tyrant of the land
-will return to quiet farm life in a green valley somewhere with you after you're done
Primarch of the space wolves legion
-will hunt for you bringing you only the best meat, furs and trophies
-will bite you (affectionately)
-dog ears and 'good boy/girl' are not optional during sex
Primarch if the ultra marines legion
-will do your taxes and manage your finances & investments for you
-always reminds you and takes care of any appointments or important dates so you don't miss anything
-will be the best dad possible for your children
Primarch if the lunar wolves legion
-still has some of his old mob connections
-talks like a gangster even though he left that life behind him
-extremely charismatic and will get you nearly everything you want if you just let him talk to people long enough
-will plan to seduce you months or years before you know it to perfectly sweep you of your feet in just the right moment
Primarch of the iron warriors
-granted he is a ruthless warlord but he will conquer you an empire
-always stays pragmatic and realistic
-will make your birthday a national holiday in your empire
This was possibly one of the biggest wastes of my time as of today. Anyways have fun with my semi wholesome primarch headcanon and Reblog with who you would/wouldn't date.