Such Fun Being Trash

I like the colours cause they hurt my soul just a little and hope you feel the same about it

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

cultures that do an afternoon nap are OBJECTIVELY CORRECT and the world should be learning from them

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

you've heard of the spanish siesta now get ready for places like Vietnam where it's commonplace to see workers pull out a mattress & take an afternoon nap on the office/store floor. very powerful way to roll. give kindergarten-style naptime BACK to the people ✊

[allthestories]

Charles to Alastair, Thomas, and Math: No, none of you understand, my secret is too shamef—  

Thomas: You dumb bitch every person in this room right now is gay

[advice-to-a-discarded-gay-boy]

Irina is deified in Ilya’s eyes. Preserved as the type of beauty that can only exist in the innocent love of a child. Even as he grows, this view hardly changes, because a piece of him, the piece that holds his love, and grief, and guilt, and jealousy for his mother, will always be twelve and hurting. So she remains perfect in his eyes, she is the only bright spot of his childhood, and he can’t bear to come from a history of only darkness. He holds her too close to be anything but blinded by his memories of love and affection, even if they may be slightly doctored by his sentimentality.

Shane is also too close to have an objective view, he is as blinded by love as Ilya, perhaps even more so. But his love is not for Irina; however much he may feel grateful to her for giving him the man he loves or pity her for her unfair fate, he simply does not know how to love her, not with the same fervent intensity with which he loves her son.

So, in that empty space where in a kinder world love for a second mother might have resided, there is instead hate, just a touch of it. Not cold hate, but a kind of protective fury that is all so rare in a man like Shane who gave himself and his image up to the world, keeping only a few things held close and dear, making them all the more precious in the process.

He loves Ilya too much, is too blindly devoted to him, to see how anyone could ever willingly leave him. Most of all how anyone could abandon a child version of Ilya, when he clings to every baby photo, of which he only has two, like the most devout of Christians cling to their Bibles.

He has to hate Irina, just a little, in a place tucked deep into his chest where it might never see the light of day. He has to hate her or else he will go mad trying to understand how she could throw away what he had spent a lifetime fighting for.

She was Ilya’s mother. She had an intrinsic right to him that no one could deny her; meanwhile, Shane spent over a decade battling schedules, teams, and his own family for a sliver of time with the man he loves. No one would dare question Irina’s love for Ilya, her devotion too him, Shane on the other hand has had to justify his love to everyone who discovered it, has had to weigh every decision in his relationship against it’s impact on those around him.

Irina had everything Shane would kill for, and she threw it all away.

Shane knows, he really does, that the Rozanov home was a cruel place to exist, he sees the scars it left in Ilya every day. He knows that to Irina it seemed like she didn’t have a choice, but to Shane, blind with love, drunk on devotion, desperate for every piece of Ilya he can get his hands on, all he can see is someone who abandoned his love, his Ilya, knowing it would destroy him in a way that could never truly be mended, and what else could he possibly feel but just a little sliver of hate in the deep, dark parts of his chest where he keeps every other feeling he can’t let others know about, right next to his love for Ilya, similarly hidden and taboo.

[advice-to-a-discarded-gay-boy]

While the Heated Rivalry fandom can be beautiful, it is also permeated, as most queer fandoms are, by people who insist on assigning stereotypical, heterosexual gender roles to a homosexual couple. I think it can also be agreed that the vast majority of these people view Shane as the “woman” and Ilya as the “man”.

This is likely due to a variety of factors including their ethnicities (something something the feminization of Asian men), their personalities (which yes, Ilya is more extroverted, but Shane is also the jock of all time, and most people who do this tend to ignore those traits of his to fit their vision of him), their appearances (this one is more about book canon, but again it speaks to the feminization of Asian men), and their play styles (and something can also be said about having the Japanese-Canadian be the “smart” player and the Russian be the “instinctive” player),

Please don’t get me wrong, I do not think there is anything inherently wrong with Ilya and Shane’s characters as they stand alone or in relation to each other, in fact, I actually quite like them and I think they can, when handled correctly, compliment each other really well; however, just as a social experiment, I almost wish that in the canon material, Shane, who still retains his ethnicity and personality, appeared more stereotypically masculine and played with Ilya’s play style, and Ilya, again retaining his ethnicity and behavior, appeared slightly more androgynous (I think that Connor Storrie fits this bill fairly well) and played with Shane’s style.

I think it would be interesting to watch the fandom interest with these characters, and I feel like there would be a significant amount of discourse regarding who is the “man” and who is the “woman” (which is bullshit, but it is going to happen [I think Omegaverse is actually a great test for this, as whoever is more commonly written as the Omega is usually perceived as the woman {just check the Heated Rivalry Omegaverse tag, the disparity is shocking but expected}]).

Again, none of this is a criticism of the characters, I do not think there is anything inherently wrong with them, but I do have some critiques on their handling both by Reid and by the fandom, and I think it would be so interesting to see how public perception might differ if characteristics that are perceived to be effeminate were balanced more evenly.

This is a study that I doubt I could get approved by an ethics board, but this is what happens when the child of two chemists gets overly invested in literature and its impact on its fans.

I also just need to say that I am a firm believer that Shane is the jockiest jock to ever jock, he just so happens to like men; meanwhile, I absolutely feel like Ilya would be enthusiastically open to some gender fuckery, it is my personal view that he just absolutely does not give a fuck about or even see gender, either in himself or in his partners.

[itskurwanumber5]

As much as I like all the shabortion fics and Shane having body horror attacks and all

Shane gets pregnant early in the situationship era and goes through different reasoning:

He's young and energetic still, it would be easier to have a kid now, not later

He is not yet at the top of his carreer

Hockey players around him have families pretty early and he would like to fit in, as it is difficult for him to as is

He likes babies (toddlers not so much but it's a problem for future Shane)

So let's fucking go!

...

Shane: I'm taking a paternity leave till September, my girlfriend has a difficult pregnancy

GM: Not the best time, boy, but fine.

...

Voyageurs: Why are you always with the kid, where is your Lily?

Shane: She's a deadbeat mom

Voyageurs: Ohhhh that's rough buddy

...

Ilya: CAN YOU PLEASE STOP CALLING ME A DEADBEAT MOM

Shane: Nope :)

I am writing it it's not a drill

Shane is living in Modern Family while Ilya is living in Muneca Brava

Shane: Why are you panicking the kid won't be yours on paper.

Ilya: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY (hyperventilating)

[gffa]

There have been a bunch of conversations about how the sex is how Ilya and Shane communicate and how that leads to the boundaries breaking down on the emotional side of things in a way that scared both of them, but I think we should all talk more about the specificity of how terrifying it is to know someone, to be able to predict them, to understand exactly where they're coming from, even when they're inscrutable to other people. It's well known that they play together like a dream, they just know where the other person is on the ice and what they're planning, as if they share a psychic connection. And that's fine, that's not scary, they're the best hockey players in the world, their elite level of skill allows them to be the only ones who can keep up with each other. It's easy to justify that it comes from both of them being so talented that they just naturally move in sync together on the ice. But it's not just on the ice. In the book, Shane sees right through Ilya's act in Sochi. He instinctively understands that Ilya had proven something to someone when he won the Cup, long before he knew about Ilya's family life. He can feel that something is wrong in The Long Game and keeps asking Ilya about it. And until he's ready for it, that level of instinctive understanding when it's not about hockey is pants shittingly terrifying. It's the Mortifying Ordeal Of Being Known when you're already Wasian and struggle to not be an awkward potato around 99% of the population and desperately trying not to recognize that you're definitely not interested in women. It sneaks up on Shane because he can justify so much of it Because Of The Hockey Of It All, oh sure he can read Rozanov because they're both hockey players, Shane's hockey IQ is off the charts, of course he understands him so easily. But suddenly he's understanding Rozanov--Ilya--in a way that has nothing to do with hockey, it's so deeply personal and intimate and vulnerable, it's cutting off the path that he's worked his entire life for, and it all crashes down on him. He knows Ilya Rozanov, he knows that Ilya is fishing for more, he has gotten close enough to this guy that he really sees him and is really seen in return. The oh I understand this person of it all, for someone who spends so much of his life hiding himself from others, hits him like a fucking freight train.

[bambicoded]

AU where instead of doing the tuna melt thing, ilya decides to move to ottawa. he doesn't think that dropping The Boyfriend Audition on shane will work, so he decides to do it slowly, and if he's closer, he can coax shane into meeting up between games. a two hour drive to get fucked is something shane will do, and ilya knows it. it's a bit far, but it's in the realm of things that he knows hollander is willing to let himself indulge in, because he knows that shane's a slut and doesn't let himself go enough-- ilya being closer will be like catnip for hmim, he's sure of it.

and so he leaves the bears at the end of the 2015/16 season, and he sees shane more often, and he starts slowly pushing for a little more between them. he's taking his time leaving shane's house. when shane's at his, he's giving him snacks he knows shane likes for hte drive home. he's drwing conversation out. and then you have the rest of the afternoon free. nap here before drive. you will fall asleep at the wheel and eventually, its late, hollander, you can drive back tomorrow morning, yes?

somewhere in here, ilya's dad dies and once he gets back from russia, he stays at shane's for two days and they don't talk about why he's come to shanes, but they fuck and shane cooks for him and it's so nice. they don't talk about it afterwards. and maybe the hit on the ice happens, and shane has all that time off, and so whenever ilya's at home for a game, he's sneaking off to give shane some relief from his parents' heavy worry and so he's seeing shane so often that he feels drunk on it.

and so by the time scott hunter comes out, they're almost something. they regularly eat together before one of them leaves. every so often, shane will stay at ilya's if it gets really later, and then ilya gets to wake up to the sound of his blender that he never uses. they watch the game sometimes. once, shane came over and ilya got him to stay and watch a fast and furious movie after they'd gotten off.

and nowwe have two optioins:

post-huntergate, ilya's ready to have the conversation about them, maybe shane beats him to it. it's like the conversation in tampa, but without ilya having been in the torture nexus a-la rosegate.

or maybe ilya treis to tuna melt him, but it goes awry the way it did in canon, and then rose landry, and then the conversation from all-stars happens some other way.

[fleabagsversion]

The thing is, Ilya is living through the plot of an indie film about grief and love, which has a bittersweet ending. Meanwhile, Shane is living through the plot of an A24 psychological horror about ignoring your own wants and needs, just so you can please others. Still, together, they somehow manage to get a very romantic ending,

[regainingparadise]

So Shane canonically wins a third cup right before The Long Game. And I neeeed Jacob Tierney to show us that win. I need to see Shane lift the cup and hand it to Hayden. I need to it be shot for shot the same as Scott Hunter in episode 3.

I need to see everyone celebrating on the ice with their loved ones. Shane is hugged by his parents, but we again go shot for shot with Season 3 as we see him look up at the stands.

Ilya is there. He’s gotten Bood and Hayze to go to the game with him. Plausible Deniability. It’s not Ilya Rozanov going to His Rival Shane Hollander’s playoff game. It’s players from a nearby team going to a major hockey event! (During the game Ilya is shown in the jumbotron. He smiles and waves and winks. The commentators say something about how far he’s fallen, going from Boston to The Worst Team In The League. It’ll be awhile before he’s in a playoff game again ha ha.)

Shane looks up to Ilya’s seat.

Makes eye contact.

Looks away

Turns back to hugging his parents

We cut to the locker room. Same shot as his Season 1 Stanley cup celebration. Champagne is spraying everywhere. Shane is staring at his phone.

He’s not smiling this time.

[weirdistance]

The scene with Scott and Shane right after Shane won Rookie of the year is so fucking funny. Their interaction gets more awkward by the second. Obviously, they are both really straight, and Scott (obviously straight) would never imply that Shane (obviously straight too) has any kind of thing with Ilya. They need to clarify this because there definitely is nothing gay going on here, ever. Since they are both straight.

[dontcallmeanythingplz]

I like thinking about Ilya presenting the idea to the CCM publicists to include Shane.

CCM representative "It's just gonna be a quick commercial highlighting your hockey skills as the #1 draft pick and the voiceovers will do most of the work. You just have to skate and shoot...any questions?"

Ilya "What about other hockey players? So it looks like a game or...?"

CCM rep "Oh I like it, I see the vision. I know you have some teammates that are on our contracts."

Ilya "Or Shane Hollander...? Since we're the top 2 picks. I mean maybe?"

CCM rep "Love it. And we can get Sullivan Korogyi too so we can highlight all top 3 picks!"

Ilya "No! Not Korogyi! I mean...I heard him say CCM is stupid and he likes Under Armour better. He would not be a good fit."

[rainbow-femme]

Oh shit wait ok

So one year for charity different pro athletes get asked to participate in a live game based on one of those “how well do you know your partner” games but instead it’s “how well do you know your rival” and participating means you get to raise money for a charity of your choice and obviously Shane and Ilya want to promote the Irina Project so they agree and go up against other current famous rivals from other sports

And Shane and Ilya discuss ahead of time that obviously they’ll have to just play things off as they usually do, light hearted chirps back and forth and what not, “winning” is just for the show and won’t impact how much money gets made for their charity so it doesn’t matter. Except then they get there and become overtaken by the need to Win and Be the Best and they are the best. So without needing to discuss changing the plan, as soon as the questions start they lock in and decide that actually they have to demolish everyone else

The other rivals are laughing and making jokes at the questions but Shane and Ilya are deadly serious and the host starts to get a little weirded out by the fact that they actually know the answers and aren’t just saying things like “how many goals last season? Probably one less than me haha” and actually have each others stats memorized

Because the audience is loving it they go to a lightning round that’s just Shane and Ilya and it’s now the usual couple game questions and they’re still getting them right because they can make excuses for knowing later, right now is about Winning

“What is Shane’s favorite breakfast?”

“Kale protein shake with a scoop of peanut butter and a handful of blueberries.”

“Ok um, what is Ilya’s favorite breakfast?”

“Two sausage egg McMuffins with an extra slice of cheese and hashbrowns.”

“What is something on Shane’s bucket list?”

“Sleeping in one of those see through igloos under the northern lights.”

“What is something on Ilya’s bucket list?”

“That thing where you feed giraffes at a zoo.”

“Ok last one. I think we all know Shane’s answer is former paramour Rose Landry, but who do you think is the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with is?”

*through teeth gritted so tight he is in danger of chipping one* “Probably a model. Or something.”

“… Yeah, let’s go with that.”

Years later when they’re out Shane reshares the clip and the only non-PR approved thing he says on the matter is “It was me, by the way. I am the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with.”

[kathowardapologist]

I think it’s so important to their love story that Shane is the one that proposes even though everyone kind of expects it to be Ilya.

Ilya has a lot of attachment issues due to his family. His brother only ever saw him as an ATM, to his father he was a disappointment, and (to the mind of a traumatized 12-year old) his mother left him. Ilya has never had a serious relationship and a long string of hook ups, and I personally think he engages in hook up culture partially as a way to experience some kind of connection without fear of attachment.

Even in Shane and Ilya’s relationship, Ilya has always seen himself as the one chasing Shane. From their first hook up to the tuna meltdown to moving countries, he’s always been the one pushing their relationship forward. And this all culminated in their big fight where Ilya feels like Shane has never chosen him.

If Ilya had been the one to propose, I think there would have always been a little voice in the back of his head wondering if he’d just pushed Shane into it. Shane proposing means that Ilya knows, every day when he’s looking at his ring, that he’s wanted.

[justacrowandhermurder-personal]

Hot take: Ilya is the one who has a million skin and hair products. Shane uses a 5 in 1 shampoo/conditioner/body wash/toothpaste/floor cleaner and nothing else, sunscreen when needed, and yet still has perfect skin. Ilya keeps trying to get Shane to use his expensive products and Shane just doesn’t get it. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Shane also only uses old spice deodorant. He used axe as a teen and when he first bought old spice he felt so grow up. The only thing he splurges on is lube and you can not convince me otherwise.

[themoonandmyman]

Ilya Rozanov in TLG headlines

[hr-rep]

I can’t do Hollanov divorce bc I genuinely believe that neither Shane Or Ilya would let the divorce happen. Some truly diabolical things would occur if divorce was ever on the table, the way they would both lose all sense of correct behavior in the face of separation. Trust.

[totearup]

Cliff can't believe he didn't figure it out sooner. The strange move to Ottawa. How happy he's been. And most damming of all, "Jane", it fucking rhymes!

He watches a highlight reel of Ilya celebrating with his line and realizes he's just going to have to accept it.

Ilya was in love with Zane Boodram.