Bullshit & Bad Jokes @ke5tr4l - Tumblr Blog

I’m paying to force seven thousand strangers to see a photo of my late husband having fun with his dog. Tumblr Blaze is totally worth it. XD

millenniallust4death

Thank-you to all of my new Internet stranger friends for being so gracious about having my post shoved onto your dashboards. I loved reading all of your kind tags and comments! Both Martin and Bosco have been gone for several years now but for 24 hours, they felt very present in my life. I greatly appreciate this gift. ❤️

xn3city

Reblog to have your dashboard be visited by the spirit of joy that death can end but not erase.

leavescrown

Love that this is well beyond 7000 people now and still going

millenniallust4death

@leavescrown Exactly! It’s a beautiful gift. Martin and Bosco out there travelling around the Tumblr community, continually making new friends.

millenniallust4death

@sseanettles

#hello again martin and bosco!! sending you boys round for another go :)

Reading your tag made me laugh out loud. It’s like two old friends unexpectedly stopped by your porch for a quick visit. XD

petermorwood

I’ll always reblog Martin and Bosco when they splash across my dash, because of Reasons.

What’s loved, lives.

innerchildabortionclinic

if cats don't want to be grabbed and cuddled they need to stop being such optimal size and shape for that activity

cryptidclaw

I swear the maine coons are working on it

sanrio-stud

every year i forget how impossible it feels to function when you're cold and under a blanket. u really expect me to be productive right now? to think about things? outside the warmth and safety of my blanket? kind of messed up to be honest

super-ion

Concept: cursed blade rehabilitation center. Destroying a sentient weapon is expensive and highly unethical, so adventurers bring them to the center where highly trained staff can care for them and eventually find them forever homes. It turns out most cursed weapons are products of trauma and are not strictly evil themselves. Some blades turn out to be fiercely protective companions. Others don't even want to be weapons at all, finding joy in simple work like blacksmithing or farming. Most blades just need to be loved.

super-ion

A pack of bandits descend upon a seemingly undefended town. But the blacksmith's hammer, the farmer's scythe, the woodsman's axe, they have not forgotten what they once were, and they *will* defend the town that they have come to love.

super-ion

This sweet girl has been with us for seven seasons. She was forged in the heart of a volcano and would be ideal for anyone with a preexisting fire affinity (she's a cuddler and is guaranteed to keep you warm in winter). She still loves burning, but it turns out you can only reduce the world to ash once. She would be perfectly suited for forest management that regularly requires controlled burns.

super-ion

This weary old soul has grown tired of bloodshed and would much rather spend his days as an ominous decoration in a tavern or common room, a perfect fit for an adventurer looking to leave their dungeon crawling days behind. He likes peoplewatching with his single glowing eye, preferably from high, prominent locations with views of entrances and exits.

heron-knight

Dark king Grütmore’s edge of annihilation consumed 10,000 souls in the first era, and as it turns out, statistically a lot of those souls heard stories that never got written down. It works in a library now.

The throngler, however, is just irrevocably fucked up. We put it in a stone in a forest and hoped nobody ever finds it

bitchfitch

writing advice for characters with a missing eye: dear God does losing an eyes function fuck up your neck. Ever since mine crapped out I've been slowly and unconsciously shifting towards holding my head at an angle to put the good eye closer to the center. and human necks. are not meant to accommodate that sorta thing.

bitchfitch

other things I'm bitching about but which could still be useful as writing advice for 1 eyed characters:

2. they're going to favor their sighted side, obviously, but it doesn't always manifest in the way you think. when I walk down a hall I walk much closer to the wall on my sighted side than on my blind side. which is the opposite of how it might seem logical to do that bc it means the world at large is on your bad side, but the reason is I can't fucking See the wall if it's right next to me in the blind side and I end up knocking into it.

3. door frames and poles are my enemy. If your character is smart this will not be a problem but for me it is. I am King of walking into shit I could absolutely see but couldn't tell how far away from me it was. on this note, their blind side hand is getting bashed into every jutting out thing in a 5 mile radius.

4. having 0 depth perception is less of a big deal than you'd think it is. Especially with driving. I've become a Much safer and more wary driver because I can't tell how far the other cars are from me. however I fucking suck at parking now. because I can't tell how far the lines are from me either.

5. you know how people who lose limbs get phantom pains? that happens with eyes too but like. phantom sights. for me it's like. a lot of bugs. like every so often my brain will just put something suddenly skittering beside me there. hate that.

6. it is completely possible to "get stuck" somewhere because your ability to tell how wide a space is is just Gone. shopping isles especially where bumping something or Someone is matter of embarrassment or potentially breaking something. it can be legitimately paralyzing and also irritate everyone around you because they can tell there is Plenty of space for you to get your cart through even if you can't.

7. if the eye is still in their skull it can still be the normal kind of painful. Glares off of shiny surfaces causing weird sharp pains you can't figure out the cause of are genuinely one of gods greatest tests of my patience.

thehungwizard

I too am missing my eye and have advice. But first:

OP I've been missing my eye for 18 years and because of you I'm just now noticing that my neck does in fact list left. Now I will live with that knowledge forever.

1) depth perception issues are more severe if you lose the eye on the same side as your dominant hand. I lost my left eye and am right handed, and only have problems with close-up things. Like pouring water or threading a needle. Sometimes putting the pump in for gas. Walking down stairs is a huge problem I have (walking up is fine), but unlike OP I don't have issues with doorways. Depth perception is different for everyone

2) I've completely lost my eye and need to wear eye patches, no fake eye here. People like me do still rub their "eyes." We also usually say "eyes" and "contacts." Except for comedic effect

3) the people that are in your life with regularity just... forget you have only one eye. Even if, like me, you wear obvious eye patches. This means they get confused when people asked what happened. They'll walk on your blind side and get snippy when you run into them. When my sister learned how to cross her eyes she ask me if I could do it, and it took so much coaching for her understand why my answer was no, and that I would not be "just trying." So don't write everyone around them constantly noticing. Most people don't

solahifuefos

Also in the blind/missing an eye club for the past 5 years. I was cross dominant, as in right handed but my left eye was my main looking eye, and i lost that one.

Little experiences 1) In my daily life I've gotten so used to wearing an eyepatch (its part of my glasses) that when people ask what happened it trips me up because I forgor that it's a thing until it causes issues 2) Cashiers who try to hand me the items I bought/the receipt is the bane of my life, pleaaaaase just put them on a surface and not embarrass me because I can't tell where in 3d space your hand is and I miss grabbing stuff 3) If I'm walking with someone and they end up on my blind side, and don't get why I want them on the side I can see them on?? 4) BUSHES AND TREES when I'm walking and at last second I realise I'm walking into a plant and flinch hard when I finally see there's a thing in my face 4.5) Also poles and doorframes suck 5) I've gotten really bad at judging the width of spaces, which because anxiety I go on the side of caution, and asking people to move so I can get past, when to them they can tell there's enough space, is really embarrassing. 6) I think my night vision is a lot worse? Having only one eye so you get half the light, so walking in the dark is really tricky. But maybe I had bad night vision before and didn't notice. 7) Trying to play any game where you need to catch something, I just get hit in the face. but I'm still very good at throwing somehow. 8) When I'm cycling and need to check stuff on my blind side/behind me on that side, it's really hard to turn my head that much whilst balancing the bike im riding, and have crashed at least twice because of this.

#this is literally me #also wow I did NOT realize these experiences were universal

cacturne

i should go back to the deep roads…

cacturne

noodles-07

"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

heroineimages

Mental illness is all in your head in the same way that prostate cancer is all in your ass.

noodles-07

this person wins everybody else go home

yourlocal-charlatan

went to an arcade today and used some of the built up credit to get a 'lucky dip' bag because i thought it would be fun to give to some younger family members over the holidays. so i ask for one and the kid at the desk says "sure. do you want a boy one or a girl one?" and babe i'm usually polite about this but i'd dyked myself up to the max today and had apparently forgotten my mental filter at home so i instinctively burst out "THEY'RE GENDERED?" in the middle of a very busy arcade and the guy starts laughing so hard he has to pull out his inhaler

yourlocal-charlatan

HAHAHHAH GOOD TRY MOTHERFUCKER WE COUNT ANY POST WITH FIFTEEN NOTES AS A HIT ON THIS FUCKING BLOG. NONE OF THAT "INVESTING" SHIT WORKS HERE

invinciblerodent

Ngl, some people's "I wasn't allowed to be an irredeemably evil shitbird, ergo Veilguard is not an RPG" argument is extra funny to me, because I don't actually think there is a conceivable narrative in which, if your Rook did something as objectively amoral as selling people into slavery, they wouldn't wake up the next morning floating untethered in the raw Fade with Neve's bootprint on their ass, and the Lighthouse no more than a distant blip on the edge of their vision.

Like there is a lot to get into here that I just don't have the time or the spoons to go through, but I'd argue that one of the biggest strengths of Veilguard's writing is that the main cast are all very well-defined characters with their own sets of morals, ethics, and goals, and they collectively have more than enough of a backbone that if Rook did something that proved them incapable of leading the team to the story's climax and/or proved them to be of no benefit to them, they wouldn't fail their quest: they would just swiftly and efficiently get rid of Rook.

amellderiva

In Origins, you could do some heinous shit because you were one of the last two members of an order that could stop the literal end of the world. Your companions’ had to follow you in order to stop the Blight – and even then, some chose to try to end your life and/or leave when you crossed certain lines.

In DA2, you could do some (I’d argue less) heinous shit because you first had the support of your family and then the support of a bunch of loners who had basically nothing but you in the beginning. Then you became one of the top five most important people in the city, so there was very little anyone could do about you.

In Inquisition, you couldn’t really do heinous shit beyond sentencing (mostly) criminals to death and be a strange combination of diplomatic AND a jerk, because you were the head of a big, political organization, surrounded by advisors who had some semblance of a moral compass. Or a brain. Meanwhile, you desperately needed (political and financial) support on a larger scale, so it makes sense that your hands were a bit tied, doesn't it? Sure, you were invaluable, but you still had to play by the rules.

In Veilguard, you can’t do heinous shit at all because you were recruited by someone who was specifically looking for a good person to stop the end of the world. This isn’t a secret – the game tells you as much. After you become a leader, you still can’t do heinous shit, because you followed the pattern and recruited good people to stop the end of the world, who would, yes, absolutely boot you at the first signs of you being a cruel bastard. Why wouldn't they? Because you have Solas in your head, giving you advice? The most trustable guy ever™, that Solas? Yeah, I'm sure that would save your ass. Honestly, Rook suddenly becoming an asshole after spending a year in Varric’s company (who would’ve no reason to keep you with him if you weren't what he was looking for) would make less sense than Rook simply being a good person.

amwult

you contradict yourself because you contain multitudes. i contradict myself because i am wrong.

attackfish

As it is Passover again, it is time for the annual debate as to whether the frog plague, which thanks to a quirk in the Hebrew, is written as a plague of frog, singular, rather than the plural, plague of frogs, was in fact, as generally imagined, a plague of many frogs, or instead a singular giant Kaiju frog. This is an ancient and venerable argument that actually goes back to the Talmud because this is what the Jewish people are. If we can't argue for fun about this sort of thing, what are we even doing.

In that spirit, I would like to submit a third possibility, which is that in fact it was one perfectly normal sized frog, who was absolutely acing Untitled Frog Game: Ancient Egypt Edition. One particularly obnoxious frog, who through sheer hard work, managed to plague all of Egypt.

koshercosplay

nnatasha

da2 my beloved come back </3

aquato-blog

getting a note on a super old post

estel-and-agape

possibly-emu

reblog to slap op with some paper in the wind

technofeudalism

god forbid 5000 year old girls do anything

flamei7

postpoeticparadox

holy shit bronze age pro sheep bone gamer girl

roach-works

this is hilarious but also im gonna cry like this teenage gamer died and they buried her with her high score. no one took back the pot or divided it up because no one would play against her again. her family and friends buried her with her wins. im crying

mug-of-beans

“The old magic persists thanks to it’s unfathomable power.”

No, the old magic persists because the new magic can’t run the legacy spells I need to do my job, and keeps trying to install spirits I don’t want or need onto my orb.

aqueerkettleofish

Look, if the new magic didn't have a personality construct that kept trying to tell me which spells to use, maybe I wouldn't still be using the old magic.

wizard-council-bureaucrat

Yes it had a deep blood cost, but at least it was a one time sacrifice and not this monthly bloodletting nonsense new age magic has

wizard-archivist-official

The old magic is robust enough to survive a decade of use and it's compatible with every wand, staff, scroll, and charm in our collection.

The new magic stops working after three days and every spell uses proprietary runes.

Our preferences, as an archiving institution, should be pretty clear.

charlesoberonn

You try to get guidance for the new magic and the king's sorcerers maybe will answer you in a few days with an unhelpful suggestion to buy the newest orb.

You need guidance for the old magic and a dozen retired middle-aged wizards will pop up to explain it to you rune by rune if necessary.

human-for-tonight

must a team be "good" and "score"? is it not enough to be fighting The Curse?

#the philadelphia eagles have choked 31 years out of the 33 I have been alive #And yet here I am #With a football tattoo

whencartoonsruletheworld

did i tell u guys i got into an argument on twitter bc i said foxes are dogs and someone tried to bring up their actual fuckin. classification or whatever and i just said “foxes are dogs cause they are fluffye” and they kept arguing with me. the entire time i was like “you will not survive the immigration to tumblr you are lucky we are not there right now”