hey loves, Iâve been reading through the comments and loads of people are asking how to not fall into this pattern because thatâs all they know. so, hereâs some advice from Auntie Pan whoâs been in the trenches (stress-caused disabilities and chronic illnesses).
context: grew up in an abusive, controlling home, escaped to uni, had a prolonged mental breakdown, became a teacher and worked in a dysfunctional school with amazing kids and nightmare management for years. I did not realise I have adhd and autism for a long time. (You might even be able to scroll back through this blog to find the time around which I did realise lol.)
ANYWAY, things that have helped me because my body can no longer handle any kind of stress without flaring up:
If youâre doing anything that requires you to do a lot of prep before you begin the actual thing (e.g. cooking, deep cleaning a room, moving house), mise en place. Thatâs a fancy french way of saying get everything ready before you begin. So if Iâm cooking idk spaghetti carbonara, that means fry and chop the bacon, separate the egg yolks from the whites, put water in the kettle, put dry spaghetti into a pan. Once everythingâs ready, it reduces the mental load and means I can focus on the actual cooking and any clean up that I can do along the way. H/t to @ms-demeanor for this, you changed my life!
the Might As Well rule. This one works really well for me but you gotta be careful otherwise youâll get sucked into the Vortex. Basically, letâs imagine youâre in the bathroom, brushing your teeth. You notice that the extra roll of toilet paper has been used. instead of thinking, âIâll get to that laterâ, and then forgetting about it until you sit down on the bog (no judgement, weâve all been there), you think âMight As Well put an extra roll while Iâm here!â This tends to help with the little tasks that build up over time. This Does Not Work for big tasks.
Leading on from no.2, Do It Immediately/ASAP really helps me too. My current boss will email me on a Friday and say, âdonât reply to this now! Leave it til monday!â But she and i both know that if i leave it til monday, I will forget and get stressed and this will make me Very Ill. So, instead, the moment i receive the email, Iâll either schedule in replying to it as soon as Iâm done with my current thing, OR Iâll reply to it immediately.
Anything that canât be actioned immediately, i mark as Unread. Anything Unread in my inbox is a future action, and i check those Unread emails/texts/whatevers Every. Day. To make sure whether today is the day i have the info to action it. (This also means i have to stay on top of my inbox. I read all my emails and then mark them accordingly. Iâm also brutal with unsubscribing)
The House Always Wins. Both in a literal sense, because i am in a constant battle with keeping my house clean, and i know now that Iâll never get it as clean as i want it. Itâs impossible, i no longer have the energy or stamina to vacuum and scrub everything. But also just in a life sense. Iâm never going to achieve things to perfection, and perfect is the opposite of done. And getting things done is that much more important when you have limited energy and strength. Accept that you often have to half-arse life in order to Full-Arse the few things that really matter to you.
Have multiples of everything, everywhere. I wear support gloves, so i need to have handcream at every sink and everywhere i sit down in the house. I try to keep it unobtrusive, but it means i donât have to trek upstairs just to moisturise my hands. Gum, phone chargers, pens and pencils, water bottles, hand sanitizer, whatever you need.
Work with people, even if itâs online. Body doubling actually works. Also Iâve found that if Iâm working on assignments, taking myself to a library or study area that isnât my bedroom helps so much.
Show off! Tell people on here or elsewhere in your life about the fact that youâve just written 100 words! Or that youâve cleaned the fridge and thatâs a really big deal for you. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small.
Basically, youâre aiming to reduce the mental load as much as possible. Wear the same types of clothes all the time to minimise the amount of laundry. Eat the same three lunches so decision fatigue doesnât take over.
All of this takes time to implement and it is cumulative, but i hope it helps. Reading the comments on this post, i finally understand why adhd is comorbid with so many other conditions. letâs take care of each other <3
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