Untitled

[papayafromtv]

big BIG fan of hardened hero/vigilante types having regular but non-negotiable fears. especially when those hardened hero/vigilante types are the batfamily. because as much as those guys are seen as cryptids and unbeatable legends that somehow manage to beat every meta around them without breaking a sweat, they are just. a group of guys. and i think that’s very fucking funny and people should be reminded of that more often.

-

*the JLA holding a super important strategy meeting in the batcave*

Batman: -the main priority is to ensure the safety of the surrounding area even in the case of a fight, so we’ll have people stationed around the perimeter just in case. Hood, can you grab me the signal flares from the store room? you’re closest.

Red Hood, walking over: *grunts*

Batman: *continues to explain his plan as in the background Jason walks into the store room, pauses, and then promptly walks right back out*

Red Hood: *sweetly, from the doorway* Robin?

Robin: mm?

Red Hood: would you like to go into the store room for me? my darling, favourite brother-mine?

Robin:

Robin, eyes half-lidded: is there a spider in there?

Red Hood: maybe.

Robin, sighing in exasperation as he starts walking over: you really need to start trying to deal with these yourself, Hood. you can’t call me every time-

The Flash, watching Damian emerge with a small spider in the palm of his hand while Jason refuses to come out of the corner of the cave: doesn’t that guy chop peoples heads off sometimes…?

-

*Aquaman, on a mission with Nightwing and Batman, on a platform in the middle of the ocean*

Aquaman: if you have your rebreathers then you can follow me down, it’s not too deep a dive to the site.

Nightwing: *staring into the water* mhm.

Batman: *watching Nightwing in amusement*

Aquaman: …Nightwing, are you ok?

Nightwing, still staring: oh- hm? yep. yep, i’m good. i’m- yeah. lets go. lets do this.

Aquaman:

Batman: he has thalassophobia. he doesn’t like deep, empty waters.

Aquaman:

Nightwing: *staring down*

Batman: *faux shoves Dick forward, as if to push him in*

Nightwing, shrieking and jumping back: bRUCE- I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT-

-

Superman: the victim’s in that room, if you need to examine the body.

Red Robin: got it, thanks.

Red Hood: so what actually happened to the guy?

Superman, as Tim leaves: well, it seems like the virus infects the mind and causes intense delusions. we think he was driven crazy and ended his own life. it’s… not pretty in there. he stabbed himself in the eye with a pencil.

Red Hood: *whistles* *pauses* wait. in the eye?

Superman: yeah. why?

Red Hood:

Red Robin: *slams out of the other room, falls to his knees vomiting*

Superman:

Red Hood, watching Tim calmly: yeah he’s got this thing about things in peoples eyes?

Superman:

Superman: really?

-

Green Arrow: shit, that’s a nasty scratch you got there, Bats. right across the eye, too.

Batman: *grunt*

Green Arrow: who’d you fight to get it?

Batman: Robin.

Green Arrow:

Green Arrow: Damian did that?

Batman: hn.

Green Arrow: …why?

Batman: he had a cavity and i had to take him to the dentist.

Green Arrow:

Batman: he’s scared of the dentist.

Green Arrow: wasn’t he raised by the league of assassins?

Batman: he’s scared of the dentist.

Green Arrow:

[ipu-draws-stupidthing-lnc]

what kind of father is such and son

The proud mother of Cryptide boasts with her puppy (he will immediately hide it under a raincoat and will rumble)

this is not an omegaverse i just like to think that Bruce is the father and Batman is the overprotective mother /haha/ and bat babies are called puppies, i think it makes sense to call the other kids chicks (robins) and damian a puppy, as if he is more of a bat than a bird:)

/I love cryptid Batfam/

/these are all purely my thoughts so if you don't like it and you don't agree please refrain from commenting/

[frownyalfred]

Your Batman as king, children as princes thing has me THINKING. There’s a very teehee funny angle here but there’s also an angle of the kids trying over and over again to place that power in his hands. The kids protecting Batman first no matter what. The play of frustrations there… when Bruce rejects that position what does it say about them, as the “princes”? When Bruce won’t let them protect him, what does that mean about their positions and their relationships to Batman?

Yeah! I was rambling a bit in the tags of that post so I'll try and clean them up into coherent sentences here. Jason can be the Prince of Gotham and Bruce can be pissed about that, but what it really means is that, by default, Bruce is the king now. He just doesn't realize it. Bruce Wayne, the figure, is still the Prince of Gotham because he hasn't raised a successor up. But Batman? He's a King, in all but name. There's some things you outsource, at a certain point. Him delegating Gotham (in part) to his children is one of those interesting transfers of power, subtle as it is. A lot of Bruce's issues come from him still trying to play Prince right against his own kids. He has so much power, so much respect and deference from them, but he doesn't understand. He doesn't see how, even as Jason claws at his own power, there's so much of it he wants to give back to Bruce, if that makes sense. All of his children want to give it back to him -- they do the groundwork and bring back issues and patrol routes etc for his audience. They counsel him, but they still look to him for a final decision. They might not fully abide by the decision, but it's still his city. And there's a certain amount of respect that title begets. Even from prodigal sons like Jason and Dick, with their own loyalties.

[haveihitanerve]

ouch so sorry to overstep but this has too much meat on the bone not for me to gnaw-

(idk what yall are talking about specifically but the idea of Bruce as King and his kids his Princes/Princess's is everything to me)

Because Bruce is King. He is regal and demanding of respect- when he speaks gods listen. Others bow to him, to this otherworldly, of their world man.

He will never claim the title, never dare to say the words aloud, never dare to ever take power for himself.

He is Gotham's Prince, he exerts her will. That is all. He will never overstep that boundary, never dare to spread his reach to another city- without realizing that he already has.

Bludhaven is one of Gotham's territories whether or not the people know it- because they are protected by one of the King's Princes. Dick will never admit to Bruce this fact. Will never say he mutters "what would Bruce do?" under his breath when a case gets hard.

But he does. They all do.

They will contradict him and argue and refuse and draw lines in the sand- but at the end of the day they will all lower their heads and submit. They can't help it. It's an instinct so utterly ingrained in them- so utterly written into their very bones and DNA.

Bruce is their King- they may offer counsel and may correct errors, but when it comes down to it they will all fall in line behind him. Not at his side.

They will try to push in front of him, try to diminish their own power even further to mere knights at the King's abet and command- but Bruce will never allow it. He is King even if he'll never say the words, never even think them, but he cannot let his subjects children die under his subjected rule.

Its a battle he faces everyday. Its also most likely the reason why they have such issues. Because if Bruce would just take power and stop refusing it, stop being a Prince and accept his title as King, then it'd be so much easier.

Because he tries to be one for the people. Bruce is the Prince that rides around the countryside and gets invited into homes for dinner and gives coins and chocolates to children and charms the public.

But its not his job anymore. That job has fallen to his children. Because now he has the crown.

Bruce is for the people and he's supposed to be for the greater good. Not for the individual- but for the majority.

That's why his kids exist. To be for the individual. But Bruce doesn't tick that way. He can't hear a scream and turn away. Can't look at his advisors and say "check it out" He has to be the one on the scene. He has to be the first drop of blood split. The first bruise. The first one out the door to get shot. The first line of defense.

Even as they try so hard to tell him he's not. That he isn't the protector. Not now. He's the protected. That when shit gets hard and real- that he's the General at the back of the rows and rows and rows of soldiers- delegating and shouting orders. Not on the front lines.

But Bruce doesn't work that way. And that's the problem.

[dark-dragon-8]

[gaynfl-moved]

being so staunchly anti generative ai while everyone around you is "i used chatgpt" and "i asked grok" and google search is useless and every company is implementing ai and every single celeb is taking ai money and partnering with ai is like... it's so jarring. why can't you see the harm like i can? why are you so lazy? why are we making society this stupid? can we please stop? it's killing people does that not matter to you?

[linguistness]

No, actually, i want cables and not bluetooth, i don't want touchscreens, i want buttons and knobs, i want to be able to take the battery out of my phone, i want to charge my phone and plug in head phones at the same time, i want a cd drive in my laptop and not have to buy an external drive, i want a car without a display, i want to turn on the lights with a switch not with my voice, i want to have a paper cinema ticket not a QR code, i want to listen to illegally burned music on a 00s cd player, i want to watch movies that i actually own, i want to read news once a day on paper, i want to aimlessly flick through magazines and not doomscroll on social media, i want to write emails and not talk to chatbots, i want to own stuff without hundreds of digital subscriptions, i want

[lionofchaeronea]

Please forgive me for ranting, but...I am so tired of AI. Just so tired. I don't want Microsoft Copilot, or Google Gemini, or Meta AI, or whatever other energy-sucking, water-wasting, mediocrity-spewing LLM is currently being thrust upon me. I just want to be left alone to create in peace.

[homunculus-argument]

I don't want anybody going into debt for it, but if my funeral has the budget for it, I would like to have a carved portrait on my tombstone depicting Death as some sort of reluctant animal control professional, wielding one of those stick-loop things instead of a scythe, and myself as some sort of a wretched medieval manuscript creature that has no intention to comply with the process of being removed from the premises.

[tinquacan]

You know how Dick gives everyone hugs like an octopus, what if his hugging habits rubbed off on everyone else. Like everyone just clings to Bruce's legs, arms, and the like.

Before Jason came home, Bruce was the tallest, and Dick was the one initiating these hugs. Basicly Dick has shown everyone that whenever anyone wants to get picked up, they all go climb Bruce.

One day, a few days after Jason agreed to stay at the manor long-term. Bruce pulls Jason over to the side.

Bruce, whispering: There's something you need to know if you're gonna stay here– Jason, in his normal voice, cause why the hell is he whispering in his own home: Yeah yeah no killing, rubber bullet yahda yahda Bruce: No it's not that I trust you not to kill people. It's about the others. Jason half distracted: huh, what about the others? Bruce trying to find a polite way to talk about his children: ah well you see they really like hugs– Jason: you pulling over to warn me about hugs?  Really old man? You've lost your edge Bruce ‘I love my children’ Wayne: When I say they like hugs, I mean that in a kinda kaola demon way Jason cracking: Really is that what they are? God Bruce this is a new low I thought you wanted stay here? Bruce: I do! More than anything but I wanted to warn you– Jason: that children like hugs? Cause who could had thought of that. Bruce with a very serious expression: yes that but you dont understand– they, they climb Jason: What the shit are you talking now? Bruce: They climb me and latch on. They climb the doorframe of the manor to jump on me, they koala onto me in the damn batsuit, and now I fear they will climb you. Jason: oook, and how did you decide this? Bruce: Jaylad, you're taller than me and almost as much bulk in their eyes; you're a freaking Jungle gym. Jason: What about Dick? He's not that much shorter than you? Bruce: Who do you think started this?!

[tiktoksformyfriends]

[video by subradioband. caption: send this to elon as many times as possible]

[chacarro]

Bruce doesn’t mean to fall asleep on the couch.

He’s just resting his eyes. That’s all. The living room is warm and quiet, the fireplace humming softly. His book is still open on his chest, and the throw blanket Alfred left on the armrest somehow ended up over his legs.

He wakes up to weight. Small, shifting, warm weight.

Cass is curled up on one side of him, knees tucked into his hip like a cat. Tim has claimed the other end of the couch, feet in Bruce’s lap, earbuds in, head tipped back and mouth slightly open in the kind of deep sleep only caffeine withdrawal can produce.

Jason’s on the floor, back against the couch, sharing popcorn with Duke as they watch some loud, low-quality horror movie. Stephanie is lying facedown on the rug with a bowl of grapes beside her. She’s not eating them, just throwing them at Damian every few minutes. He catches each one without looking up from his book.

Dick walks in with bags from that bakery Bruce likes but never goes to himself, and says, “Hey, Dad.”

Bruce should say something. Tell them to go home. Or at least use coasters.

But he doesn’t.

Instead, he shifts slightly, careful not to wake Cass or dislodge Tim’s legs, and lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

This isn’t what he thought family would look like.

It’s louder. Messier. Theres's music playing from three different speakers. Someone else smells like gun powder and cinnamon. There’s glitter on the coffee table. There’s a dent in the ceiling no one will admit to causing.

But no one’s yelling. No one’s walking away.

They’re here.

They’re staying.

And Bruce… he’s starting to believe that maybe he doesn’t have to earn this over and over again. Maybe they love him just as he is, not as he was trying to be. Maybe he doesn’t need to be perfect for them to choose him.

There’s a pause in the movie. Jason asks, "You good?”

Bruce looks around at them—all of them, here, safe, alive—and nods.

“Yeah,” he says. “I’m good.”

Jason throws popcorn at him anyway.

[asinglebluefeline]

You know how the Robins were trained to be able to fight enemies way bigger than them, since they started really young and also were taught by Batman (a Very Big Guy)?

It just occured to me that the reverse is also true: Batman is very good at fighting very short enemies.

I wonder if it ever came up.

Like if someone was trying to use their smaller size to their advantage and surprise Batman but it's just. Impossible. There is no move his little hypercompetent gremlins didn't already try against him.

[niobefurens]

Learning Processes.

[charlataninred]

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

[meraarts]

Might I add:

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

[eater-of-hopes-and-dreams]

The adventures of a space roomba

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head

[blitzlowin]

hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):

The God of Arepo (graphic novel 1 / 2 / 3) (ebook)

The Monster of Sentan

The Witch’s Cat

Raise Both Children

Stabby the Roomba (honorable mention)

Cinderella Marries the Prince (comic)

My Arch Nemesis Cynthia

Pirates and Mermaid

Eindred and the Witch

The Demon King

The Cornerwitch

Grandmother Beetroot

Apocalypse Daycare Worker

Grandmother Accidentally Summons a Demon

New Year Saga

A Story About Changelings

Ranger in the King’s Forest

The Difference Between a Hare and a Rabbit

Goblin Men (Canines)

[charlataninred]

I am in love with you /p

[inkvoices]

Adding Faceblind Prince Charming and Cinderella

[inkvoices]

21. The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

22. The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

[lightningladybug]

adding the Doctors Without Borders one

[inkvoices]

I LOVE tumblr storytime, so here’s a bunch more your weekend reading. Enjoy!

24. The Queen with Three Cursed Children

25. Tiny Dragon with one coin hoard

26. Haunted house

27. Shark hero was about to go rogue

28. Grandma lives in the woods comic

29. A Different Aftermath comic

30. Battery (microstory but I love it so much)

31. It’s A Date comic

32. Supervillian kidnaps rival’s kid and they want to stay

33. Narrative Town

34. I have been hired to clean the wizard tower comic

35. Robot Apocalypse

36. The Statues That Do Not Weather

37. Kushiel

38. Tooth Fairy

39. Alien abduction

40. Felonious wish-granting

41. When humans met actual space orcs

42. Space cousins

[dannnnnnnnnnnnex]

WAIT REBLOG THIS VERSION INSTEAD

[captainpissofff]

Who ever added those links without asking is doing lord’s work fs.

[captainpissofff]

Reblogging this again cause I never want this post to die

[fokindiabolical]

Making it a tradition to reblog whenever I see it.

[idislikethissite]

Smack barm pey wet

[aurevoir-mes-amis-deactivated20]

This won’t make your blog look ugly. How could you not reblog this? REBLOGGING THIS COULD SAVE A LIFE!!!

[recycled-soul-deactivated201401]

This goes for assholes, too, guys. I know a couple who went tubing once, and they had to re-air their tubes, but the guy thought it would be funny to stick the tip of the air compressor up to her bikini trunks, the air ruptured something inside her and she died within thirty minutes.

[riskpig]

WHAT?

[endangeredslug-deactivated20170]

The thing about this? It’s in every pregnancy book I’ve read.

[riskpig]

WHAT?????

[thegrimmlovely]

Why is it in pregnancy books but not sex ed books?

[willowofthehearth]

Because the men in charge only care about the health and safety of women in so far as it enables them to have babies.

[mayothefirst]

https://www.healthline.com/health/air-embolism#outlook

[eattherich73]

Reblogging with a link because I thought this was a legit joke. Never heard it before. Like I knew you could kill a person by inserting air into a vein but still.

[smooththegoofyshark]

WHAT THE FUCL I hate how I didn’t learn this in sex Ed AT ALL

[jehovahhthickness]

This is very true lol

[bundibird]

Yo what the f u c k

[safifonhasstrel]

[archangeltwins]

not the normal stuff i’d reblog but, uh, this is kinda??? heckin???? important?????

[thesaltofcarthage]

I feel like I first saw this in The Joy of Sex, but it’s definitely a thing.

[midnight-spectrum-again]

What the fuck

[gotterhag]

[panomoly]

i-

….thank you tumblr??

[stankpasta]

hm. 

[krystal-prisms]

I legit thought this was a shitpost until I saw the rest of the comments

[soulvomit]

I first saw this in The Joy of Sex, too.

[wordsaremylife]

Well I never

[digital-magus]

As a general rule of thumb, do not push air into any bodily orifice, regardless of gender. It never ends well. Air compressors and the human body do NOT mix.

Not even the mouth, shit can rupture a lung.

[jaydove-writes]

I’m asexual but reblogging to potentially save lives

[roman-a-person]

reblogging because what the fuck this should be commonly known

[grayskittles]

reblogging bc this was the first post on my fyyp and holy shit

[the-haiku-bot]

reblogging bc

this was the first post on my

fyyp and holy shit

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[mike-milkyway]

Uhhhh ok, thank you Tumblr????

[wizardarchetypes]

(gripping the skink with both hands, pale and feverish, sweating and shaking as I look at myself in the mirror) “killing a character is a valid writing choice that can be a crucial plot mechanic and lend beauty and depth to the story as a whole” (wretches up blood into the sink) “even when it’s my favorite character”

[wizardarchetypes]

[draconym]

I also drew it

[dramatic-dolphin]

please stop writing "viscous" when you mean "vicious", it produces the weirdest mental images ever

[dramatic-dolphin]

"a viscous murder" yeah i don't want to know what that could look like

[transmasc-wizard]

it looks like the Boston Molassacre of 1919

[krakenartificer]

#and vice versa btw#i don’t know what a vicious fluid would be like#and i don’t want to find out

it looks like the Boston Molassacre of 1919

[ladycrimsonclaws]

The answer is a slime, right ?! :P a viscous murder and a vicious fluid ~ haha sorry

[znotyou]

Don't you fucking dare compare TikTok to Vine. ITS NOT THE SAME THING

Vine went away cuz it couldn't afford to stay active

TikTok went away because congress RIPPED it away from us. It let to many activist groups connect faster than ever before; it let too many voices of dissent be heard louder than ever before; and most importantly it was more popular than Facebook, Twitter( cuz fuck that X bullshit), and instagram.

I understand losing both of these platforms hurt, I was alive for vine's death to. But don't let yourself be fooled into a falce equivalence.

Vine died

TikTok was murdered.