//

// I write for those who feel the same, but cannot put their emotions into words.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// wet

Lost in the rain,  bright city lights.  Empty streets,  in the lonely night. 

One hand in yours,  following in the dark.  Debating left and right,  forgetting where we parked. 

Soaked clothes,  but wearing smiling faces.  Seeing the car in sight,  with warm embraces. 

Heater blaring, cold shivering lips. Wet kisses, with wandering fingertips.

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// war

Barely saying two words to each other, the tension filled the air. I tried to keep my eyes on the road, knowing if I fucked up in the slightest way, he’d reciprocate in his narcissistic tone. And I couldn’t take another fight, my lungs were empty and my heart still had bruises from the last war. I held my breath and bit my tongue, in hopes to reach our destination without any casualties.

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// drink, drank, drunk

She said you understand, don’t you? You were raised by an alcoholic. The words rolled off her tongue so casual. I sat there with a blank expression on my face. I wanted to defend him, and tell her that she had no right to call him an alcoholic.

Because I don’t think you can call another person an alcoholic, unless you are one. To understand the need to drink to get rid of a pain, whether it be physical or mental, can only be understood by someone with the same addiction.

But once you drink passed a certain limit, or drink too frequently than the average person. The word alcoholic gets thrown around. The concern sets in and love ones become hall monitors keeping tabs on the fridge.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him liking to drink or wanting to drink. Why he does it, only he knows. I always figured it was to erase images from the war, but it’s not my place to ask.

All I know is that he doesn’t wake up and drink whiskey out of a bottle or sleep in until noon. He doesn’t go to bars and take a cab home. He works hard everyday to make ends meet, and when the day is done, I sometimes get asked, mija can you grab me a beer?

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// music to my ears

Undress me, 

take your time. 

Caress my body, 

feed my mind. 

Close your eyes, 

let our bodies make music. 

Soft and steady, 

gentle acoustic. 

Play my keys, 

pull my strings. 

Feel the rhythm, 

hear me sing. 

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// trade

I feel like I’d want to marry you, and I don’t want to get married. I’d be worried that we would fight a lot like we used to. I don’t want to hurt you and I hurt everyone I ever date. I’m a product of my parents failed marriage and my shitty child hood. I’m highly dysfunctional in relationships and I know you can find someone better than me. I want you to be happy forever and I know eventually I’ll ruin you, and us, and it would be bad.

I know now that nothing truly lasts forever. And if it did, I’d trade the forever happiness he wanted for me, for a temporary happiness with him.

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// enough

He had a thing for brunettes, and I had a thing for him. He liked to nuzzle his nose in my hair, fixated on the scent and the texture. Smooth and rich, lengthy dark earth tone. I frequently talked about cutting it, having it as short as it was a year before. He urged me not to, he preferred it long. But I was stubborn, and I cut it in spite of him. He was shocked when he saw me, he ran his fingers through it as if he never had before. He smirked at me and said, "As long as it's long enough to pull on, I honestly don't care how your hair looks." //s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// 2 a.m.

Eyes rolled back,

pointed toes.

Heavy breathing,

high moans and groans.

Slight remorse

for the neighbors,

but not enough to stop.

clock reads 2 a.m.,

now it’s my turn to be on top.

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// solitude

She sat alone quietly. Some glanced at her, while others stared. Some had the courage to approach her and start a conversation, while others merely talked about her.

She was polite and chatted, making small talk when she needed. But she preferred the silence, she found peace when the world went mute.

Intrigued and slightly confused, I wished to understand her. Days turned into weeks, and she sat in the same chair in that lonely bar. With a blank expression, and a drink in her hand.

Every night she had the option to go home with anyone she wished, but she always went home alone. I admired her acceptance of solitude and thought it was quite beautiful that she chose herself each and every night.

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// cross road

I live for the moments that shape our lives. The moments when you come to a cross road, and must choose left or right. Because in that moment, we alter our lives in hopes to reach the destiny we desire. And we truly believe we are one step closer to where we want to be.

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// lines

Perhaps we are all just lines on the earth’s axis, it’s sad really.

Because parallel lines happen to be exactly the same. Headed in the same direction, however they never meet, which is awful.

While perpendicular lines cross paths, but they only meet once. And they never see each other ever again, which is even more tragic.

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// Sunday

Dawn breaks while heaven’s light fills the room and the darkness of hell hides in the shadows.

He rises and kneels between the thighs of his goddess, pacing his cold lips onto her skin. With each holy touch, arousing her from her slumber.

Their sanctuary hung in the balance of these four walls. Worshipping in the bedroom, communicating through body language.

Moaning good god, for all of the angels and demons to hear their sweet sounds. Entering into a state of pure pleasure, creating friction between two naked souls.

Letting the fire inside them ignite, devouring their spirits. Losing themselves in the madness of their sins, letting it corrupt every part of who they were.

They bowed their heads in prayer, in hopes to shed their old skin. Only to become as innocent as saints when the day is done. Being born again, they sang amen.

They found salvation in the feeling they gave each other. Confessing their true selves to one another. Having faith in only each other, had become their sacred religion.

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// you

I didn’t know what love was, until I loved you. And when you loved me, I realized that was all I ever wanted to need.

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// heart strings

You always had a way of tugging at my heart strings. With each pull and yank, my heart beat for you.

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// harmony

I used to wake up in the middle of the night freezing, curled up in a ball on my side of the bed. I’d cuddle up next to you and place my head on your chest, embracing your warmth. Listening to your heartbeat, was the only thing that calmed me on my sleepless nights. I found comfort in knowing your heart beat for me, and that I could listen to it steady in harmony as it beat with my mine. I wrapped my legs into yours, and lost myself in my favorite song.

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// sea

My body remains as the sea, with the vast depths of my soul. My thoughts crash along the shore of my mind, never ceasing to stop. Sometimes my thoughts are smooth and calm, other times, loud and chaotic. I'm often drowning and suffocating to loud for anyone to hear, with breaks of floating peacefully in the quite, But most of the time I’m swimming, just trying to move forward. Surrounded by my subconscious, hoping to understand who I am and where I’m supposed to be.

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// withdrawal

Thunder wakes me up and I realize it’s the middle of the night. And it’s like I feel your warmth next to me, holding me in the darkness. For a moment I let myself remember you, and just for a moment I find myself wishing you were in my arms. Most people think people can only be addicted to the hard stuff, but I was addicted to the way you made me feel. I was hooked on you like a junkie, craving every piece of you. Missing you feels like a heart wrenching withdrawal, every fiber of my being aches of your touch. Longs for the sweetness in your voice, and the sadness in your eyes. And as I laid there listening to the rain hit my window, I realized I didn’t want to be addicted anymore. I didn’t want to feel like I needed you to survive, and I didn’t want to miss you anymore. I knew that as much as I craved you, you were a bad habit I should of broke a long time ago.

//s.m.m.

[lupusintrameusanima]

// perfect sense

And when you looked at me, everything finally made sense. I didn't understand why it never worked out with anyone else, but when you looked at me, my heart sighed in relief. //s.m.m.