oozey mess
JVL
One Nice Bug Per Day
Peter Solarz
ellievsbear
tumblr dot com
todays bird
Misplaced Lens Cap
Product Placement
★
noise dept.
$LAYYYTER
we're not kids anymore.
⁂
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ojovivo
Sade Olutola
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
No title available
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
seen from Malaysia
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seen from Malaysia
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@najavakri
there are a lot of really good ancient roman laws but i think my favorite is that, if you got struck by lightening and died, you couldnt have a proper burial because it meant that the gods hated you
“Jupiter cancelled him and we’re not going to question that”
genuinely asking: how would these laws apply to that guy who got struck by lightning on seven separate occasions but survived every time?
I think I would have assumed Zeus was trying to fuck him.
worst possible response thanks so much
what people don’t understand about how adhd is disabling is that it’s not just getting temporarily distracted from, like, school work or hobbies. it’s getting distracted/being unable to motivate yourself to go to the doctor, eat regularly, do hygiene tasks, etc. it’s not knowing when or how long it will take you to do something, ANYTHING, and in many cases that thing is taking a shower or keeping your house from turning into a biohazard. it’s about being fundamentally incapable of controlling your attention and focus on anything, even and especially things you need to do to survive.
what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs
i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names
my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them
framing these tags and hanging them up in my office to remind me that it can always be worse
Ownership meant a physical copy. Now you own nothing and can't find what you want across multiple streaming platforms.
Bring back headphones that plug in. Bring back expandable memory. Bring back owning media.
every other week, my mom would make a giant pot of vegetable soup. she'd pack half of it in a tupperware and take it to her best friend's house. they both had three kids whose ages aligned. they'd lock us out of the house and go through each room, finding every piece of dirty laundry and then spend the afternoon keeping the washer and dryer running, folding and putting away each load while gossiping.
every alternate week, her best friend would come to our house with a tupperware full of chicken spaghetti. they'd stick us in front of a tv with a stack of disney vhs tapes and go through each room, finding every dirty dish, and then spend the afternoon at the kitchen sink, washing each dish by hand while gossiping.
it wasn't always soup and spaghetti and laundry and dishes. but it was almost always a meal and a chore. here is a night you don't have to cook dinner. here is a chore you can cross off your list. and here is a day you don't have to spend alone. because really food and friendship and a feeling of accomplishment are what we all need most.
i have a story for you, tumblr. last year my coworkers and I were riding in a golf cart at a music festival passing out drinks to people, because the festival had been cancelled that day and everyone was trying to make the best of a bad situation. after some time we spot a guy on the other side of the road dressed as lord farquaad, walking alone. we yell, “LORD FARQUAAD! DO YOU WANT A DRINK??” dude yells an affirmative, walks into the road without looking, gets hit by a fucking car, and goes flying.
I really need you to picture a lord farquaad being dummy yeeted into the air by an incoming vehicle while a golf cart of inebriated, glitter and mud plastered coworkers are full-on horror movie screaming together. before we can even process this, lord farquaad gets up like 🤪 how bout that drink?? completely okay, utterly unphased, red hat and bob wig still locked the fuck in. we check on him several times, all talking over each other, and while he’s calmly and pleasantly assuring us he’s fine, he passes each one of us a tiny jesus figurine. he bestows a “god bless you all” and then resumes his jaunt, drink in hand.
after that we drove in total relieved hysterics, the kinda laughter that only happens when you narrowly avoided catastrophe. and i have NO idea if the driver that hit him even said a word because my entire consciousness in that moment was farquaad, there was only farquaad. I hope that he reads this one day and knows that he is STILL talked about and regarded as some sort of festival cryptid. we are blessed indeed
I def think everyone should carry a healthy amount of skepticism in an age where virality is often more prioritized than the truth but!! behold, a piece of my workplace’s holiday mailer. my coworker is the designer of this mailer and she included all sorts of references to our experiences in 2025. she was one of my coworkers on the golf cart with me and of course, included an ode to farquaad
sometimes magical and weird things do really happen
The only way to talk to these people.
PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT
Inclusive language is for everyone!!
Their boyfriend is their partner why is this hard to understand
Also, “partner” is just a good word? It implies an equal relationship where both of your work together in pursuit of something, whether that be life goals or just having fun together.
It’s a good word. People should use it more.
You could also be a pair of detectives. Or work in a lawfirm. Very useful word.
but i stay silly! *←said in the most world-weary voice you ever did hear*
“but I stay silly!”
Reblog you stay silly
on it boss
i need to show you all something that made me crylaugh last night. just fucking look at them.
It's fine they just went a little nuts with the character creation face sliders
Every pair of villain minions
french recipes: if you’re not making this in paris then what’s the point. fuck you
italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house
american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked
chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void.
English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy
Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.
Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie
Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts
Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it.
Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three
Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART, TOUCH IT. LICK IT. SMELL IT.
Every time I see this post, I learn more about how different countries’ cuisines AND neuroses.
Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl
ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion.
internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sister’s third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown.
Irish recipes:
I badly want to start saying “this is my Swarovski Shrek” to refer to any outrageously expensive yet ridiculous object I start coveting. If anyone says “what the fuck” and asks what I mean, well. It’s their lucky day to learn about Swarovski Shrek
Guess who I saw today
Anybody else love making coffee and doing fuck all
Not enough people are understanding the funniest part of this. Everyone's making colour theory jokes but the dad is colour blind. The most common colour blindness is red green colour blindness. It's the one where red and green look relatively the same shade of brown.
Everyone's talking about the blood carpet. Dad is seeing a carpet absolutely blasted with shit.
IMAGE DESCRITPION: A tweet by Twitter user @RawBeanCoal reads, “hug other women slightly off center so our boobs fit together like puzzle pieces.”
This is followed by a series of replies and tags which read as follows…
#i hug them straight on so my boobs can establish dominance
#i prefer head on like a car crash. make the boobies kiss
we could be doing this with balls, no homo even
#i’m usually taller so I press mine above and get a tiddie shelf
My wife calls it “Titris”
it’s called titrus thanks
#titrus
RESTORING LOST MEDIA
there's always some bullshit happening on reddit
So many things would be better if doctors could just say “yeah that is a real problem but there isn’t much we can do to treat it so our only real recommendations are other things that raise your general health level to compensate”
instead they just say “thats normal” or “oh theres nothing wrong with you”. Because in their mind “it wont kill you and i cant fix it” means its not worth mentioning.
Affirm the problem doc, it wont kill you. Knowing that something just isnt the kind of thing doctors treat will save your patients so much time, money, and stress, all of which will improve their health.
I was going to link to that essay about how med school beats this out of doctors, complete with clinically diagnosable PTSD in 20-40% of doctors depending on field.
But then I went to collect the link on duckduckgo since I don't have my bookmarks at work, and oh god, there's actually thousands of these essays, and even studies now.
So uh. I'll synthesize a bit here:
Doctors need to stop doing this, yes. But for that to happen, med school has to stop punishing this with public humiliations, residency has to stop punishing this with extra shifts, and employers have to stop firing doctors who admit this for "malpractice liability."
The individual doctors sending their patients home ignorant and afraid are the last leg in a long chain, basically.
