random crap and hamilton

disclaimer I shitpost a lot and I’m not all that active||main blog @avid-author-activist

[tedallen]

Quick! Youre on chopped, the basket ingredients are

Proscuitto, pirate berry cereal, smoked white cheddar, and nyquil. What do you make?

[neckteeth]

people seem to all be responding to this post with the same train of thought: prosciutto and cheese sticks, fried in cereal breading, nyquil sauce on the side. but do you know what counts against you in chopped? lack of creativity. congratulations, every single one of you with the same hivemind answer just got voted out. not to mention the concept of a nyquil sauce on cheese sticks (smoked cheese especially) is fucking appalling. and if you can’t taste the nyquil, that’s also grounds to get voted out.

take it from a fucking crocker, there isn’t anything that can’t be made into a good meal. especially this? at it’s base, all of these are strong, hearty flavors. not necessarily ones i’d opt to pair and i try not to make a habit out of cooking with menthol, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be made to work. 

i’m gonna hit this with a double feature, because i want this meal to happen. trying to force all possible basket ingredients into the smallest conceivable physical space, as is the case with the cheese stick ideal, may get the job done but like i said, it’s gonna taste like shit. breaking it into separate parts will cut you a little closer on time, but the dish itself will be better and your presentation will take a heavy bonus.

so here’s what you do.

take a two tablespoons of nyquil and put it in a small saucepan with two parts water to one part nyquil and pinch of salt. tiny, my man. a quarter teaspoon, maybe. let it steep over a low broil for 5 or so minutes* or until the water starts to take on a greenish tint. don’t stir it. separate the thicker part of the syrup from the ugly menthol-tinted water like you’d take out an egg white. dump the syrupy bit, but keep what is now a nyquil extract in the saucepan. 

take that off the burner and let it cool to room temperature and put it into a small bowl; mix it in with a dash of real mint, three teaspoons of lemon juice, a tablespoon of white wine vinegar, two teaspoons of honey, another teaspoon of salt and a half cup of olive oil. this little vinaigrette will serve the purpose of a standard mint, save for that glaringly artificial taste that there’s no fucking way you’re going to be able to avoid cooking with nyquil anyways. it’s the difference between real oranges and orange gummies, but since the hors d’ouvre we’re making is primarily sweet anyways, it won’t hurt anyone to slide into the candy-like flavor realm.

*while your extract is steeping, make the most of your wait time and peel and cut a few slim wedges of ripe sweet melon. personally, i prefer charentais, but the best the chopped pantry will probably have is gonna be canteloupe. (honeydew works too, but it harshes the color scheme.) half your wedges once you get them out into a nice finger-food size. you should still have time to strip your prosciutto into inch/inch and a half wide strips, but if you don’t, you can take that on while the saucepan is cooling.

once your vinaigrette is done and mixed, toss your melon wedges in it until they’ve got a nice, sweet sheen over ‘em, and then wrap the seasoned wedges in the prosciutto. this is an italian classic, and it’s super easy. like i said before, the artificial taste of the nyquil will give this a slight twinge of tasting more like a snack, but overall, it’s still a great appetizer. if you do it right, this is high marks city. 

“oh, fucker, but you didn’t even touch the berry cereal or the cheese!”

you are absolutely fucking right. because you know how bad it would’ve tasted if i did? i’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming you don’t. so here’s the long-awaited fabled part two.

from the pantry, you’re gonna need some good apples. they don’t specify which wood the cheese was smoked with, but i’m going to assume it was hickory as that tends to be the favorite for cheddar flavors? so you can compliment the hickory smoke with a tart apple that’s got a sweetness to it - honeycrisp or braeburn are gonna be on the money.

put a whole apple (not peeled or cored, but make sure to take the stem off), a cup of apple cider vinegar, a cup of water, a cup of sugar, a tablespoon of salt, two teaspoons of cinnamon, and a tablespoon of lemon juice into the food processor and light that shit up. put your mushy applesauce-style mix into a large, wide pan into it until it caramelizes and evens out. it’s butter now.

now take two cups of berry cereal and take the actual berries out. with a mortar and pestle, grind up those weird yellow square bits into cereal dust. cut 6-8 slices from a thin loaf of french bread, brush the crusts in olive oil, and roll vertically in the cereal dust. once the outside of the bread has a second crust of cereal around the outside, arrange all of the pieces on a non-stick cooking pan. (you won’t use all of them in your plating, but it never hurts to have a little extra in case they burn on the edges or something gets fucky.) 

take the apple butter you made and spread it thinly but evenly over the bread slices. cover them with a layer of folded prosciutto, a layer of thin apple slices, and a layer of sliced smoked cheese. bake for 15-20 minutes, or until the bread (and cereal) is golden brown. 

plate on a flat square dish with one baked cheddar and apple butter tea sandwich fixed to one corner, your prosciutto-wrapped melon wedge in the opposite corner with the core-curve facing the center of the plate. accent the sandwich side with two apple slices forming an angle, and divide the plate with a colorful drizzle of the nyquil vinaigrette and a mint leaf.

last, but most certainly not least. while you’re on chopped, in that cute little cutscene after your plates have been served and you’re monologuing your final thoughts before the judges try your food,

look directly into the camera and invite tumblr user @tedallen to suck your dick.

[tedallen]

Jesus christ, you win all of chopped. Are you happy? Are you happy the network canceled chopped because of you? Unbelievable. Well, take your pants off, let’s go.

[a-funyarinpa]

animation of charmander makin some pancakes

[the-gummy-worms-have-me]

Everyone look at this

[minty-mayhem]

The ending is incredibly satisfying

[linguisticparadox]

I laughed like NEEEEHEHEHE

[dog-of-ulthar]

Wait but tell me more, what kind of math does our godforsaken measuring system make sense for? I'm horribly curious!

oh dear oh boy okay, I've tried to explain this to people and had them just get more annoyed, so I'll give it a shot, but no promises that it will make any sense. Disclaimer also that I don't really know what I'm talking about, I've just done a lot of baking, and ages ago I read something by Plato explaining why the musical scale is how it is, and I'm extrapolating from the two

(wow this turned out way longer than I meant it to because IT'S MIDNIGHT)

the metric system is a base 10 system, like most modern human math, so it is easy to use in the way people tend to do math these days - ie, by sitting down with either a piece of paper or a calculator and doing sums. It's a good system for a lot of things, especially scientific applications where you need to be VERY precise and don't want to waste time converting units, and need to do shit like calculus. It's a highly rational way of doing it...if you are literate.

if you aren't literate, or are less literate, it's not a sensible way to construct a measuring system at all. If you measure something and come up with 367.45 cm, that's nothing. You're going to forget it, and you can't easily divide it by anything, there's no way to go from here

But consider the English Foot. We've all been working with a base 12 system without realizing it, and without really utilizing it for what it's best for, which is easy mental division. This is where people get mad at me, they say math all gets terrible and ugly when you do it in feet, you end up trying to figure out how many sixteenths of an inch 0.135 is, or you end up with repeating decimals, and it all sucks super bad. To this I say yes, it does, because you're thinking like a modern algebra student, and not like a medieval bricklayer.

The base 12 system of the traditional English foot is fantastic for mental math, because 12 is a highly divisible number. It's easily divisible into halves, thirds, quarters, and sixths by most people in their heads. The inch is then typically divided into 1/16ths, which *super* suck to deal with on a calculator, but are really quite friendly if you just keep them as fractions like God and the Magna Carta intended. This is the kind of math most artisans need to do. You want supports placed evenly along a wall, to divide a piece of fabric in half, or to double a recipe. Nobody 1.7x's a recipe. Metric would be great for that, but why would you do that? It wouldn't be worth the math involved.

And listen, I also use a lot of metric baking recipes. Everything is in grams, you can measure everything the same way, and it's super accurate. They're great if you have a digital scale, but before the age of digital scales? Unfathomable. You (a medieval peasant) have a cup you've decided is The Cup, and sometimes you put in a half or a third or a quarter of that cup. THAT makes sense. Also, it's a lot easier to double something that calls for 1 cup of flour than it is when it calls for 136 grams of flour, and this is for me, a person who learned math in the typical modern way and always has a calculator in their pocket. I would have the sourdough recipe I make every week memorized if it wasn't in fucking grams. I DO have my pie crust recipe memorized. For every cup of flour you put in a third of a cup shortening, one tablespoon of butter, and start with 3 tablespoons of water (and a dash of salt). A double crust pie takes about 3 cups of flour, so that's one cup shortening. Easy! A third of a cup of shortening in grams is 68.3333333. That's nothing! That's garbage!

"Wouldn't it be more accurate to measure 68.3333333 grams, though?" Sure, but the amount of wet indigence you need to put in any baked thing changes with the fucking weather! That's why this recipe says "start with 3 tbs water." There's no need to be more accurate, and in fact it would make things more difficult.

Okay that turned into a tangent about how to make pie crust, a thing I think everyone should learn because pie crust is delicious, but i hope you get the idea. TLDR sometimes you just want to divide things in thirds and have it not suck ass. The eldritch sigil of measurement conversions is a little less threatening if you realize every step up or down is a factor of thirds or fourths

fuck oh no another half remembered piece of pop science coming at you - the largest number a typical human can hold in their head *without language* is 3. You don't need numbers to count to three, you don't need to count to be aware of three, you can just see three things and say "that's three." Don't believe me? That's the whole basis of Roman numerals. The numbers 1-3 are representational, after that they get more symbolic, and you never end up with more than three of the same symbol in a row. After III comes IV, not IIII, and it's just that III is much easier on the brain. For the same reason, a lot of English conversions are in factors of 4. There are 4 cups in a quart, and 4 quarts in a gallon, so you're only dealing with measurements that are easy to hold in your head without counting. You never have to count out 4 cups if you convert. You either need 3 cups or 1 quart. Does that make sense? Anyone who has done Big Cooking should know that if you have to count cups beyond 3 or 4 it becomes very easy to lose track.

Now i'm not saying it's all logical. It would be great if every step was a factor of 4, but they had to get fancy and throw pints in there. Pints aren't too bad, that's a factor of two, but I'll be the first to admit that it makes no sense for one tablespoon to equal three teaspoons instead of four. But because this is a system that evolved over time instead of being constructed intentionally, you have to cut it some slack. I'm sorry to anyone who decided to read this, I should be in bed, but I actually care a lot about this and I swear it's not just stockholm syndrome from Being American

[songscloset]

This is the best explanation of this system that I've ever seen and I'm so grateful to have found it, because now I can shove it into the face of every person who whines at me about preferring Imperial measurements for cooking.

[elfwreck]

Pound cake, traditional recipe:

1 pound flour. 1 pound butter. 1 pound sugar. 1 pound eggs. (Roughly 8-9 eggs.)

Nobody is going to make 450g cake.

Also:

Teaspoons used to be 1 fluid dram, which is 1/4 of a tablespoon, or 1/8 of an ounce. This was a widely used apothecary's measurement - there are even smaller ones for medicinal purposes. (Scruples & grains are smaller than drams.)

In the 17th century, tea was EXPENSIVE in England, so tea spoons and tea cups were SMOL. However, in the late 18th century, the tax on tea dropped from 119% to 12.5%... so more people could afford tea, and tea-drinking accessories - the cups and spoons - got bigger. Eventually teaspoons stabilized at 1/3 of a tablespoon.

[dog-of-ulthar]

This is the only response to this bizarrely successful post that I care about

[rederiswrites]

Okay guys, for writing/general reference, a bit about what a ‘blacksmith’ is and isn’t:

A blacksmith is a generalist, a person who uses tools and fire to work iron.  Some blacksmiths work more specifically, so you get, say, an architectural blacksmith, who focuses more or less exclusively on things like gates, rails, fences, or an artist blacksmith, who makes wacky sculptures or what have you.  These days, though, that’s a pretty blurry line.  ‘Blacksmith’ is a pretty damn broad term, but it’s nowhere near broad enough to cover everything encompassed in ‘metalworker’, which is how I often see it used.  There are a LOT of different skills for working metal, and no one knows them all.  Some other terms:

A farrier shoes horses.  They may make the shoes, or they may buy them and then size them, but they actually do the shoeing.  Unless the blacksmith is also a farrier, they don’t know shit about horses’ hooves and are not qualified to deal with them and probably don’t want to.

A blacksmith works IRON, usually almost exclusively.  They might work with bronze or do a bit of brazing, but those are really separate skillsets.  If you work, say, tin and/or pewter, you are in fact a whitesmith.  You could also be a silversmith or a coppersmith, and so on.

Knifemakers and swordsmiths have their own highly specialized and fairly complex specialties, and usually a blacksmith wouldn’t mess with that unless they want to pick up a new skillset or if they’re really the only game going for a long way around.  By the same token, a swordsmith might never have learned the more general blacksmithing skills.  They’re not the same thing is what I’m trying to say here.  Likewise armorers.  There’s overlap but it’s not the same thing.

If you make metal items via molds and casting, you work at a foundry and are a foundryman.

Look, when metalworkers and individual shops and masters were the height of industry, this shit got REALLY specific.  There were people who spent their whole lives making pins.  Just pins.  Foundries specialized and made only bells, only cannon, only cauldrons, etc.  This is scratching the surface, I just wanted to make the point that ‘blacksmith’ is not the same thing as ‘magical muscly person who knows how to do everything related to metal’.

[cycas]

This sort of thing really illustrates the huge difference between writing fantasy and writing historical fiction, I think.   In real European medieval history, a smith might live, perhaps to the age of 50* - if he’s very lucky 60 or so.  And he (sometimes she, but mostly he) has to be earning money throughout his life,  so probably doesn’t have time to develop a whole set of skillsets, so if you write him being able to do loads of different things and having the right tools for all of them, it looks odd.  And if you write a woman, you probably do feel you need to give a bit of explanation about why she’s doing the job, since it’s a pretty sexist society on the whole, so she’s a little unusual. 

In fantasy, though, it’s all different.  Tolkien’s dwarves have an average lifespan of 250, so they have much longer to pick up skills (and live in an environment where probably it’s much easier and encouraged for them to do so: they live in cities that are concentrated on providing made items and skills to other species: they aren’t a generalist society, very unlike any human institution I can think of.)  They also ‘make mighty spells’ so very unlike real medieval blacksmiths, they are probably working metal with enchantment as well as tongs. 

We don’t know about their gender role situation, but I don’t think there’s anything in canon to say that the women aren’t making things (and even if there was, there are loads of dwarf cities that last for thousands of years, so no doubt there’s variation between them). 

Tolkien’s Elves of course live forever and also have more-or-less perfect memory, so there’s no reason for an Elven smith not to have all these skills and others, particularly if they are nobility (I don’t think in real-world history you get many noble smiths) and have other people helping to make sure they eat and have clothes and so on.  And it seems less of an issue being female, too: Galadriel and Arwen are notable makers of magical items.   *I’m assuming that if he’s a smith, he survived the terrifying childhood mortality rates, and we only have to think of adult lifespans. 

[ilsa-fireswan]

I love to talk about historic blacksmithing!  My husband and I run a blacksmithing shop (specialized in blade making) and we’ve done a LOT of educational demonstrations where we forge while lecturing on history, culture, techniques, etc.  (So feel free to ask me things!  I get all excited about it!)

Let’s talk first about the name!  Historically Smith would mean metal worker and the color would tell you what type of metal. Black is the designation for iron (because of the color it takes after being heated and cooled several times.)  Today Smith more generally means maker, but is still most commonly applied to metal workers.

And, as the OP said, if you need a tinker (tinsmith, also works pewter), silversmith (whitesmith), goldsmith (white- or yellow- smith), or coppersmith (red-, brown-, or green- smith), that’s a different discipline.  Not that a blacksmith has no idea how to work those metals, but his knowledge will likely be limited to how it applies to his general discipline.  For example, weapons and armor made for nobility might have precious metals used to decorate them.  (Aside: The techniques for iron vs copper are complete opposites and one of my favorite modern blacksmithing proverbs is about brass, an alloy made with copper and zinc.  It runs, “Brass, brass, what a pain in the… brain.” )

One of my choice historical bits is talking about medieval blacksmithing in England. This is something we actually have records of because of the guild structure. There were so many blacksmiths in urbanized areas that your permit to open a shop would permit you to make only a specific set of items. Pin drawers, chain makers, armorers, swordsmiths, farm tools, nails, wainwright (hoops for wagon wheels or barrels), farriers (horse shoeing)… all of those might be different shops.  And that isn’t even a complete list!  (Naturally there was a lot of overlap on high-demand items.) 

But even better, Yorkshire records that show us that women were regularly involved in the trade!  It was still male-dominated BUT several of the disciplines (nails, pins, chains) were almost exclusively women!  Women owned blacksmith shops, took apprentices, worked the forge - all of the things that mark them as “real” blacksmiths.  One of my favorite anecdotes is from William Hutton’s History of Birmingham; he encountered a nailer’s shop in which he noted “one or more females, stripped of their upper garments, and not overcharged with the lower, wielding the hammer with all the grace of the sex.”

Come yell at me about blacksmithing!  I want to learn what you know and I’d love to answer any of your questions!  I have a lot of prepared lecture snippets on a variety of smithing details:

Technological setbacks due to loss of historic metallurgical discoveries.

Why “damascus” swords are supposed to be the best.

Cultural and historical reasons for large, slow, strokes with a heavy hammer (like you see in video games) vs. small, quick strokes with a smaller hammer (like you see on YouTube).

Blacksmithing terms in modern English.  (”Keep your temper” being the most common.)

How settling America changed the Western picture to males-only generalized blacksmithing

Economic comparisons of the cost to hire a blacksmith

Apprentice vs. Journeyman vs. Master

More about female blacksmiths

What to wear in the forge (modern or historical reenactment)

How-to on a variety of subjects

Blacksmithing in movies

Why Forged in Fire doesn’t give you an accurate picture of blacksmithing or the skills of the contestants

Metallurgy (the science of metals)

Eastern vs. Western blacksmithing (Surprise!  Japan and Europe are wildly different!)

What kitchen knives do you need?  And how do you keep them sharp?

Did I mention I love to talk about it and get real excited?

[m4ge-deactivated20210331]

i walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream

[90stvqueen]

you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and said “i have 5 kids”

[antidarkmattermaker]

I once had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said “I just don’t care”. We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks

[katjohnadams]

Actual conversation I had at register: “Hi, welcome to [Starbucks]! What can I get you, today?”

“How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?”

“I- I’m sorry?”

“A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso?”

“Oh. uh. Well, it’d be I suppose… I only have a button for a Quad. I don’t have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single… drink.”

“Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now. How many ‘add shots’ is that?”

*deep breath of fear* “It’d be a quad with,” *clears throat* “uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma’am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them-”

“Taste means nothing to me.”

At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being.

“Oh. Well, okay.” I put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. “We can certainly get that for you! The price will be _____.”

She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden Sacajawea dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon, I am sure of it.

“Do you still have the ‘Add Energy’ packets?”

My heart began to race at this request. “Yes ma’am.”

“How many can I add?”

Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. “For health reasons, we won’t add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individually.”

“One then.”

I alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was … not something to be spoken aloud.

My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order. She stares at me. “No.”

The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her terrifying being is within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a commanding tone I expect of Admirals in bad movies, “Yes.”

My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutiful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand new Mastrena’s of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring. 

The barista was damn near shaking. This woman’s gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place.

Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup.

Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy. And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that.

When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about “The Company” as if we’d never left, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this story, other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus, 

“Yeah, I had one like that.”

[world-heritage-posts]

world heritage post

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Have you heard the good word about the Pembrokeshire walrus yet?

This walrus is fucken lost.

But Wales has lost its collective shit about it. They’re generally keeping its location secret to keep people away, but we get updates every day if it’s still here, if it’s happy, if it’s healthy. We think it was in Ireland about two weeks ago, which is interesting, because it is not actually native to Ireland either. Why is it here? No one knows.

It seems to like Pembrokeshire beaches.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

I regret to inform you all that the walrus is a delinquent.

In attempting to climb aboard a dinghy in Tenby it capsized it.

It then proceeded to Tenby harbour where it tried to climb aboard a fishing boat.

Incredibly, this is not an April Fools

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Today on English People RUIN Everything, a bunch of English tourists from Essex and Leeds broke covid-19 regulations and travelled to Tenby over Easter to try and see Wally (so named after Where’s Wally) and crowded him with jet skis and surfboards and stuff, so he’s not been seen since Monday. We don’t know yet if he’s moved to a secluded spot again, or left Wales entirely.

But, you know, I doubt we were going to have Wally for much longer anyway, since they need to head back home again at some point. Godspeed, Wally. May your fish be ever plentiful.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

The English went back home and Wally came back to Tenby! We stan a true Welsh icon, folks.

Some facts about Wally:

She is named after Where’s Wally because she is hard to spot

She was previously in Ireland, and then secluded beaches in Pembrokeshire, but has really taken a shine to Tenby, which is a delightful village

She has a scar on one flipper but it’s long-healed and doesn’t seem to bother her

She is the southern-most walrus ever spotted in the wild!

The current theory as to how she got here is that she fell asleep on an ice floe that drifted south, but she’s not bothered about returning yet

She’s believed to be two years old

Her gender is still a bit of a mystery but we seem to be leaning female

This story on Wales Online claims she’s believed to be male, but then uses female pronouns. It also features a video of some Welsh people chatting about Wally, including a child whose first language is very clearly Welsh and by the end of his part is struggling to think of things to say about the walrus in English.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

WALLY UPDATE!!

The Western Telegraph has opted for male pronouns, and is being very firm that Wally is male, although other news outlets are still all over the place. But what has Wally been up to the past few days?

He is rapidly gaining weight, and is still giving no cause for concern to either of the organisations watching him (which are the RSPCA a bit and Welsh Marine Life Rescue a lot; this is funny though because a walrus is so far outside of the wheelhouse of either of those organisations like we’re all just guessing here, lads)

His delinquent ways have continued - he has now attempted to climb onto multiple buoys (all unsuccessfully) and at one point nearly got a mooring rope stuck around his neck. 

Has he learned from this?

FOLKS HE HAS NOT!

He is now a Fashion Icon. He has surfaced multiple times wearing accessories in his moustache. Mostly this has been shells, but three days ago he upped his fashion game by wearing this starfish:

What an Icon.

The photographer of this picture, one Amy Compton who has been Wally’s official photographer since the start, has been making these delightful Wally masks (inset). They sell for £5, of which £1 goes to Welsh Marine Life Rescue. If you would like your own Wally mask, contact her here!

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

My mother came for a visit today and we checked and Tenby is an hour away from me, so we went for a Lovely Day Trip to Find a Walrus.

Friends, I took the shittest photo there has ever been of a Walrus. But I absolutely did get to see em.

A lifeboat wandered by to check em out at one point, and ey just… sank. Just dropped below the surface like Homer Simpson moving backwards into a hedge. After a while the boat left, and Wally surfaced again.

I can now confirm that ey really, really likes blowing water around like a whale, and also kept eyeing up that buoy next to em.

Also, I had entirely forgotten how comically beautiful Tenby is, but that’s an aside

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Time for a Wally Update!!!

It’s only a little one, but apparently we’re getting Serious about this walrus, lads - the police are now stepping in to say that anyone interfering with Wally (examples of this interference to date: throwing things at him, taking boats and paddle boards out to him, throwing fish overboard to tempt him closer, etc) is committing a criminal offence and we must send evidence of Assholes to them. So that’s fun!

Meanwhile, the tense stand-off between the RNLI and Wally continues over Who Gets To Use The Lifeboat Slipway. Here is a picture of Wally in full delinquent mode.

What a public menace.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Time for the weekly Wally news!

Here is the problem with 2,500 lbs of predatory sea potato using the slipway of a lifeboat station as a spa bed: sometimes, canoeists get in trouble near Stackpole and need rescuing and then some underwhelmed Welsh coast guard is going to have to try to chase said predatory sea potato off the slipway so they can launch the boat.

Here is the problem with that scenario: an underwhelmed Welsh coast guard basically views 2,500 lbs of predatory sea potato as a sort of ornery gelatinous cow, and so will try to do this with, and I am not making this up, a broom. But a ton of overgrown seal has no fear of brooms, so the attempt is not entirely successful under time-sensitive conditions while canoeists are actively drowning 10 miles away.

Solution? An air horn.

Which did work long enough to get the boat out, and then Wally clambered back aboard barely minutes later and fell asleep again. So trick learned, I guess.

Anyway, since I’ve apparently become Tumblr’s primary Wally journalist, I thought I’d go for a cheeky visit again today so I could report on their condition FIRST HAND (you’re all welcome, I have incredible integrity). Today I tried using a binocular over my phone camera with was extremely stressful and moderately successful - and I have two pieces of NEWS.

Story the First

Two dinghies with divers aboard suddenly turned up and sailed right up to them. There are Welsh Marine Life Rescue volunteers everywhere, and one woman immediately yelled “YOU ARE TOO CLOSE. MOVE AWAY.”

Everyone on the cliff went silent. The boats went closer.

“YOU ARE BREAKING THE LAW,” yelled the beachmaster. “MOVE AWAY.”

Tumblrs, they did not.

“CAN YOU HEAR ME?” she yelled. “MOVE AWAY.”

At which point, the whole fucken cliff starts joining in, because Welsh people are Like That.

“Move away!”

“Leave ‘im alone, mun!”

“Move away, butt, what you doing!”

“He’s the size of an ‘orse, bois, can’t you see ‘im from here?!”

“Bloody move you fucks, you’ll scare ‘im away again!”

(That last one was, I swear, an eighty year old woman.)

The boats, suddenly being yelled at by a whole cliff of Welsh people, sailed away. Later, we followed the beachmaster who was now on a mission, and found her with a couple of community police officers ripping the shit out of the divers. It was very satisfying.

Story the Second

I mentioned my binocular and phone trick. It came in handy. At first it gave me some very satisfying shots for a distance picture on a phone camera:

But, you know, whatever.

But THEN I got this picture:

which I got 0.256778 seconds before that majestic Arctic beast of purest beautiful nature untamed FELL OFF THE SIDE OF THE SLIPWAY LIKE A CAT THAT GOT TOO CLOSE TO A TABLE EDGE

Wally was fine, the seagull to the right was traumatised.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

This is not an update as such but my friend Chris who I took with me to get the scoop on Wally on Sunday had a real camera with him, and he has produced a WAY better photo than I did, and I want you all to see Just How Louche a Walrus is capable of looking:

Handsome boi

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Okay, so this post went from 24,000 notes to 40,000 overnight, and I am getting a lot of important scientific queries about Wally! So I shall call upon my expertise as a skilled journalist of huge integrity and also a genuine, actual lecturer in environmental science to answer them all as best I can. I shall also use pictures.

1. When did this happen?

I have included many links in this thread to news articles on Wally, each of which is dated, so you can check those for accurate dates; but, xe turned up in Ireland in March 2021, and then made hir way to Pembrokeshire, Wales end of March. Xe reached Tenby a week or so later in April, and now refuses to leave. As of this update (6th May, 2021) xe’s still there and chillin’ - my friend Chris’ louche photo there was taken on Sunday the 2nd May. 

I shall date all updates from now on. Apologies for this uncharacteristic lapse in my journalistic performance. I have let Wally down.

2. “Oh my god do you guys call Waldo Wally?!??”

Folks!! Folks so many of you are doing this!!! But here’s the thing!!!

Where’s Wally is a British series and that’s the original name!!! It has been translated and regionalised around the world, and the name was changed in 28 of them!! A sizeable number don’t even sound like ‘Wally’!!! In France he’s Charlie! In Lithuania he’s Jonas! In Arabic versions he’s Fuḍūlī!!!

Yet only one nationality is repeatedly reacting with astonishment while assuming theirs is the one true original version!!! Guess which one!!! You have to stop!!! Especially the few who have responded with out and out swearing and aggression when I’ve explained!!! THIS POST IS ABOUT A WALRUS!!!!

3. Is Wally okay in Wales? Does xe need to leave/be moved?

Xe’s currently fine - an Arctic walrus can handle water temperatures of up to 15 degrees celsius, which West Wales is certainly currently accommodating. Xe was also distressingly underweight when first spotted fresh off the ice floe, but we’ve been monitoring hir health and xe’s roughly doubled hir bodyweight and is very healthy. I asked the fishmonger in Tenby if xe’s affecting the catch and the nice man said no and sold me a lemon sole for my mam. So right now, Wally is doing great, all needs met, with no real clashes with other stakeholders (i.e. fishers and that) except for, you know, the one (i.e. the lifeboat people).

However, high summer in Wales is warm enough that the sea will top the temperature threshold. So, we’re expecting Wally to leave by hirself in a month or so, if xe doesn’t decide to move sooner. Whether xe decides to swim all the way back home, or xe starts just moving north along the western coast and next turns up in the Isle of Mann or Scotland to continue hir holiday of the Celtic Ring remains to be seen. But, xe’ll do it hirself eventually, so it’s down to us to just keep hir happy and healthy for as long as xe chooses to stay.

4. I think Wally is female!

Yeah, maybe

5. I think Wally is male!

Very possibly

6. I think walruses have no concept of gender!

Almost definitely

7. What’s Walrus in Welsh?

They’re not native, so the Cymricisation “walrws” is getting a lot of use - but, Welsh is nothing if not poetic, so in official literature it’s “morfarch”, which means “sea stallion” or “sea knight” depending on your dialect.

8. Did they really use a broom and an airhorn on Wally?!

Here is a forlorn coast guard attempting to shift hir with a broom:

And here is the same coastguard attempting to shift hir with an airhorn:

9. I cannot believe this walrus is a delinquent!!!

Very well. Here is Wally’s criminal case file, including photographic evidence of two boarded boats and hir mugshot:

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Update time! Datestamp: 10th May 2021. And as this post is becoming hellishly long, I think it’s probably best if I start using Read Mores after a couple of inches of scroll space. Uh, sorry about the rambling length, folks, I apparently just have a lot to say about a walrus and also many pictures.

Anyway, Wales is weathering a storm at the minute, so the sea is currently pretty rough - turns out, Wally likes staying out at sea during this time because they’re a sucker for a wave machine, and same, Wally, same, wave machines are banging. What this means is that they aren’t about much at the minute, but as the sea calms over the next few days the prediction is that they’ll return to the slipway, climb aboard and then drop spark the fuck out for a few days to rest.

SO, speaking of that SLIPWAY and the CRIMES of this delinquent…

Keep reading

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Alright, gang, BRACE YOURSELVES because there’s a Wally update incoming!

And it may be the last! Or maybe not, it all depends on what Wally decides to do.

Anyway, it’s 26th May 2021, and to tempt you to click the Read More, I offer these two photos of Wally actually being induced to finally fucken move after the underwhelmed Welsh coast guard had the bright idea of spraying him gently with a hose to mimic rain:

Elegance and grace. What a majestic creature.

BUT, my friends, there have been DEVELOPMENTS!

Keep reading

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

OKAY SO I KNOW I SAID THAT WAS THE LAST BUT

Datestamp: 30th May, 2021. Uh, Wally has decided on more shenanigans, starting, I shit you not, with continuing that trip of the Celtic Ring by going even further south to fecking Brittany, in France, and yes! Yes, I did make that joke! I did not expect it to come true!! But here we are!!

In fact, he overshot Brittany and hit the town of Les Sables d’Olonne, a bit further south along the coast. Where, NATURALLY, he promptly found a brand new slipway to terrorise, and a brand new piece of maritime safety infrastructure to block.

French fishermen report that he seems “interested” in their boats, and we all know how that will end.

Except, it seems his crimes are starting to catch up with him. Warning for news of minor walrus injury under the cut (he’s fine, no pictures).

Keep reading

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

This walrus will not let me rest. Just let me rest, Wally. Let me sleep.

Datestamp: 3rd June, 2021. You’ll all recall that the last we saw of our hefty oceanic bandit, he got hit by a boat while trying to steal it in France, as he so often does. Oh no! we all thought. What if Wally is hurt! We hope he recovers! We hope he learns to leave boats alone, and also turns the fuck around and swims to cooler waters!

Folks, he has learned ZERO LESSONS.

HE’S IN LA ROCHELLE

Quote from the local Gendamerie: “Checked Friday, May 28th by the nautical brigade in the port of La Rochelle, this walrus has been uncooperative.“

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

HOT OFF THE PRESS (I am a journalist of superlative integrity, it is often said)

Datestamp 5th June 2021, and he’s in Spain. He’s in Spain. He’s headed for fucken Galicia after all, lads. He’s heading south. Given that my every joking prediction has so far come true, I’m terrified to make the obvious joke that he’s heading for Patagonia. GO TO SCOTLAND, WALLY. GO TO FECKING SCOTLAND.

Anyway, here’s a clip of him in Bilbao, northern Spain, and also, there’s some extra news: after months of back-and-forth and guesswork, we do now have concrete evidence of Wally’s sex, including photographs. NSFW pics under the cut.

Keep reading

[justsomeantifas]

Hedge funds shorted more than 100% of all shares of gamestop, to do this that means they had to sell more shares than actually existed.

The hedge funds never actually owned these shares to begin with because they were short selling so they never actually paid for them.

Redditors saw this and decided to buy up all these shorted shares to gamestop a company that wasnt failing that the hedge funds would then be forced to buy back as they never actually owned the shares.

The beauty of this is if you knew what to look for you could’ve seen this coming too. It isn’t mystical, it isn’t magic. They made these billionaires pay back more than what they basically stole by being greedy, this is a good thing.

[justsomeantifas]

Let me explain a bit

rich hedge funds have the ability to sell stocks they havent paid for yet that other people actually own and then pay for them after a certain amount of time. they can sell these stocks trade them whatever but they will eventually have to buy them back.

So they shorted gamestop shares from 20 dollars all the way down to 3 dollars, meaning they borrowed shares to then massively sell.

they sold shares at like 20 dollars and then 18, etc. and because when investors see massive amounts of shares being sold they get nervous and then sell their shares which drives the price of the stock ever further down.

so they took something worth 20 that they sold for 20 dollars and all its downward prices and instead of paying for it at $3 dollars they thought theyd CONTINUE to short the market, meaning they kept driving the prices down because apparently this obscene amount of money wasnt good enough.

Redditors who dont say the stock market is magic and mystical astrology saw this very obvious evidence that these hedge funds would be forced to buy back all these fucking gamestop shares and decided to drive the price of these shares up knowing that the hedge funds would then be forced to buy back the shares they have yet to pay for at increasingly wild prices.

what they were looking for was over 100% of all stocks shorted on a company that wasnt even failing or in complete disarray

they used this knowledge to bring stock that was 20 dollars brought down to $3 all the way back up to $140

the hedge funds still have to pay for all of those shares they never technically even owned in the first place which these redditors knew so they held onto these stocks they bought in a company whose shares were oversold.

INSTEAD of acknowledging this they decided to have media campaigns lie and make the stock market look even more mystical and crazy to people who dont know shit about finance so that your average folks wouldnt catch them in the act of just getting a fucking 2 billion dollar bailout for being greedy fucking pieces of shit.

They also dont want your average person to KNOW they do this shit especially when they drive shares so deep into the ground ($3)

TL;DR: Every time you call the stock market magic and mystical and ooo makes no sense, you pretty much allow these motherfuckers to get away with robbery of the average person (given a government bailout is paying for this)

Understanding how these things happen and knowing what to look for allows people to work together and not only stop it but rob back from the billionaires when they pull this shit.

financial illiteracy isnt helpful to anyone.

[justsomeantifas]

my point about financial illiteracy isnt to make anyone feel bad it’s more saying you shouldnt repeat the myth that these things dont make any sense especially when something like this happens because very set laws and rules allowed for this to happen and mystifying that only benefits hedge funds who dont want people catching them doing this.

[feanor-the-dragon]

Hi hello yes, OP? Hi, hello... thank you. Holy fucking fuck, thank you. Thank you for explaining what the fuck was going on so simply

[virovac]

I still don’t understand and may need flowcharts

[byebyebriar]

Shorting is when hedge funds sell a stock that they don’t actually own. Basically, Bob borrows Ted’s bike and pawns it. Now Bob, legally, has to return the bike to Ted so at some point he has to buy the bike back. Bob makes money by wagering that the pawnshop won’t be able to find anyone willing to buy the bike and he’ll be able to buy it back cheap, return it to Ted, and pocket the difference. 

Now, the one thing you need to the know about the stock market is that it is run by PEOPLE. And people are panicky. It really doesn’t matter how “well” a company is doing if its stock is being sold off en-mass. People panic, think that somebody knows something they don’t, and sell their stock/refuse to buy. 

The hedge funds basically bought a very specific kind of bike and pawned all of them. They bet that people would see a lot of a specific brand of bike at the pawn shop and refuse to buy because there MUST be something wrong with that brand right? Why else would a ton of them be in a pawnshop? Better ditch your own right now or risk the wheel falling off or something. 

So, Gamestop’s stock is in the toilet and the hedge funds are about to make a shit ton of money. 

Enter reddit.

Upon seeing that Gamestop’s stock is artificially low because of hedge fund dickery, one forum decides to start buying Gamestop stock out of spite. Buying raises the stock price. The Redditors raise the price enough that the hedge funds start panicking. The time when the HAVE to buy back the stock is coming due and now it is WAY more expensive than they sold it for. Its like Bob walking pass the pawnshop and seeing the bike’s price is now three times what he sold it for. Bob panics. Bob makes a horrible decision. He complains to everyone about this. EVERYONE. 

Hedge funds were on tv whiny and attracted the attention of people who REALLY DON’T LIKE THEM. People like Elon Musk whose company has been targeted by shorting before and has no problem finding the cash to buy the inflated Gamestop stock and have the social media platform to shine an even bigger spotlight on this. Now other people outside of the Reddit forum are joining in because they smelled blood in the water. 

Remember, the hedge funds HAVE to buy these stocks back. No matter what, come the due date, they will have to purchase the stocks at whatever price they are listed at if they haven’t bought them back before then. Even if that price is a hundred times what they paid. Basically, if Bob has to sell his house to get that bike back to Ted then that’s what he’ll have to do. Considering one hedge fund required a bailout already over this, its looking like a lot of people will be selling their houses over shorting Gamestop stock. 

[curiousobsession101]

That bike metaphor is literally the first time I’ve seen the concept of stocks explained in a way that makes any sense.

[wumblr]

all of the numbers that are divisible by 17 sound so absurd. 51? 68? 85? ridiculous. 102? absolutely not. and don't even get me started on 119

[wumblr]

34 and 136 i can believe, but i feel like i shouldn’t. it’s 102 in a trench coat

[red-swimmerz-deactivated2021082]

did we just run out of posts to make

[wumblr]

no, i haven't made a post about every number yet

[swinginsportscutebasketball]

I'm sorry to let you know that 100,000,001 (one hundred million and one) is divisible by 17 and because of that, so is every 16-digit number that is four digits repeated four times e.g. 1234123412341234

[wumblr]

[prokopetz]

Fun fact: people finding multiples of 17 unintuitive in this way is sufficiently universal that many computer science exams use it to screw with you. They’ll ask you to carry out some encryption-related procedure by hand that requires you to make use of prime numbers, then give examples of primes, accompanied by an explicit instruction not to use the given examples and instead choose your own primes. The trick is, they’ll deliberately slip a multiple of 17 into the list of example “primes”, so anyone who ignores the instructions and tries to use the given examples will find that the procedure doesn’t work. 119 in particular is a popular choice for this purpose!

[gallusrostromegalus]

The Turkey Story

So it’s 2001, and my family drives from fucking California and like three blizzards to get to Ohio for thanksgiving, becuase my grandparents are moving into a nursing home and it’s their last holiday in that house.  So its a bit bittersweet but ultimately a good thing.

Since it’s their last holiday there, the family pulls out all the stops when it comes to dinner, all the Russian desserts come out, as does the Lethal Bacon Mashed Potatoes and the horrible candied yams with the mini marshmallows dish because not all expressions of love are good, even if they are sincere.  In the spirit of going all-out, Uncle Bobby smokes a Turkey.  

Uncle Bobby started cooking as a boy scout by tossing foil-wrapped potatoes into a campfire and has been addicted since, and now has a hand-made smokehouse in the backyard where he makes various cured meats and other delights.  He seasons the turkey in the traditional manner, but he and grandpa have a shared passion for a spicier mesquite-style bird, so Bobby makes a Cornish Game Hen seasoned that way, for them.

Then Bobby has a Brilliant Idea.  He realizes that he can stuff the turkey (once it has been smoked) with regular stuffing, and there is still plenty of room for him to put the game hen inside THAT, and stuff the game hen becuase why not?  He confers with Mom, and she explains how to cut open the turkey so there’s  dramatic reveal as the stuffing and game hen come out.  It’s Genius.

Except, of course, that my Aunt Sue is attending, Uncle Cliff slouching after her.

So the day of the dinner, tensions are running a bit high, between the marathon cooking, the kids all being trapped indoors due to aforementioned blizzards, and Uncle Cliff deciding that the best way to amuse himself is by hiding from the adults in the basement, getting drunk and rambling about how various ethic groups were destroying America.  Being that I had close Muslim friends that were leaving the country becuase of 9/11, I was near tears from this nonsense and ready to fight a man roughly five times my size.  

Sue, for some reason, keeps coming down and defending him, or telling us we’re rotten children for ‘attacking’ him, becuase she Must Stand By Her Man, even if her man is a hefty bag of dog feces with an ugly mustache.

My sister eventually bolts upstairs to tattle and my grandfather limps down to the basement and brandishes his Hip-Bone Cane, hands rock-steady in spite of the Parkinson’s slowly taking over him.

“Firstly Cliff, It may not be my roof much longer but while you are under it you will be civil, or I’ll beat your skull in.  Also, dinner’s ready, everyone go wash up.”

We go upstairs and sit down, and do the traditional “Name one thing you’re thankful for” as the bread gets passed around the table, and things calm down a bit.  Bobby brings out the Turkey and everyone goes OOH becuase it’s really pretty, them Mom carves it open so that the stuffing spills out dramatically along with the game hen and there’s an appreciative gasp all around becuase it looks cool.

Only Sue KEEPS gasping, in utter horror, before getting up and clasping her hands to her face ala Edvard Munch and shrieks-

“OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT!”

We all stare at Sue.  We all look back at the fully-dressed-cooked-and-stuffed birds that in no way had any internal organs in them or ever gave live birth. Then we all looked back at Sue, trying to figure out where to begin but since she’d been trying to justify Cliff’s behavior she was pretty much free-associating conspiracies and scandals now, and just kept going.

“IT WAS PREGNANT MY GOD WE’VE COMMITTED AN ABORTION WE’RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS, I’M SO SORRY JESUS-” She goes into full pearl-clutching gibbering horror at this point and falls back into her chair like it’s a Victorian fainting couch only it’s a shitty chair from the Eisenhower administration so it collapses and she slams into the floor, sobbing and kicking her feet like a toddler.

Everyone watched for a moment before my Mom sighs heavily and starts carving and serving the turkey while my grandmother mouths “she’s not coming back”.   

Cliff, reactions delayed by about six beers, finally notices his wife is on the floor and tries to pick her up, falls on his ass himself.  They are assisted by Dad, who is saintly patient man and less immune to this jacknapery at that point. I am stuffing dinner rolls into my face to keep from laughing at this grand spectacle and it’s not working.

“I CAN’T EAT IT, I REFUSE TO PARTAKE IN THIS BARBARISM-”  Sue begins but Dad puts on his best Kindly Father voice (he was heavily involved with the catholic church and even considered becoming a priest before getting drafted but that’s another story) and assures Sue that she need not eat, or even be in the room if she wants.  She nods, placated by being the center of attention again, and Dad goes in for the kill.

“I wouldn’t want you to go hungry.  Can I make you some Eggs?”

“That would be lovely.” Said Sue, joke flying over her head like a boeing 747.  I recall watching my grandmother nearly choke to death on the green beans over that, and everyone pointedly trying to avoid talking about anything poultry-related while Sue sat there and ate the most ironic scrambled eggs in the history of mankind.

Shortly thereafter, Cliff threw up in the sink and they went home, and the party got underway properly, with Grandpa raising a toast to Mom and Uncle Bobby “For marrying well, for a change” “Pregnant Turkey” has been an Ohioan thanksgiving staple since then.  I’ll see if I can hit Uncle Bobby up for instructions but if you decide to make it 1. you HAVE to shriek “OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT” when you carve it open, or it’s not authentic and won’t taste as good 2. Share the pictures with me.

If you enjoyed this story, help support your local disabled  storyteller by donating to my Tip Jar

[gallusrostromegalus]

If you’ve enjoyed this story, it and No less than 101 other stories are going to be in my upcoming Illustrated Family Lore book, available for pre-Order on my Patreon!

[speaknowtaylor]

This is one for the OGs

[onceandfuturehimbo]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

It’s Time

[toneewaves-deactivated20190109]

Boys and girls of every age Wouldn’t you like to see something strange?

[chaosgameingkoi]

Come with us and you will see.

This our town of Helloween.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[tomanto-the-friendly-nb]

THIS IS HALLOWEEN THIS IS HALLOWEEN

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[dick-cheneys-dick]

HALLOWEEN

HALLOWEEN 

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[wolfy-gecko]

Halloween

Halloween

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[chaosgameingkoi]

How many of these do you have up your sleeve?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[fxckashlyn-blog]

I’m genuinely crying, please

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[captain-lostkid]

HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE?!?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

src: @padawantimelord

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

terrible post, happy spooky!

[ampervadasz]

[bunjywunjy]

[self-critical-automaton]

in ‘the creation of adam’, Man lies back indolently, reaching out idly in response to the forwards-thrusting touch of divinity, well within reach but lacking the drive to take it, representing the naive state of original mankind, unburdened by consciousness or desire.

In this fascinating modern take, however, the artist instead shows Man as a driving force, frantically throwing aside all barriers and restrictions in pursuit of his goal: a goal which remains impossible to reach. Fast food, representing compromise for survival in the face of an uncaring and overstressing world, hangs awkwardly in the center of an uncrossable abyss. Note the use of highly-rendered tensed musculature to imply physical effort, emphasized by the contrast with loose, hanging fabric, and also the lack of effort on the part of the employee: She is trying, and were she reach out just a little further, then through their collaboration would Man attain his goal. But, the strictures of her position allow only a certain amount of human generosity and kindness. The structures we build as humanity prevent us from doing all that we can to help one another, and this remains true even when presented with a fellow human willing risk death, to survive.

[assignedfaggatbirth]

listened to Bohemian Rhapsody today… i’m so very sorry

[assignedfaggatbirth]

If this post gets 100 notes I’ll recreate the entire song through memes

[assignedfaggatbirth]

OK so I’ll do my best to get this done soonish–it may be a week or two, but I’m doing it

[assignedfaggatbirth]

[assignedfaggatbirth]

[assignedfaggatbirth]

[assignedfaggatbirth]

[assignedfaggatbirth]

My masterpiece… is complete.

[chidi-anaqonye-deactivated20181]

op did not put in this much work for 160 notes

[memeofthesoul]

BLESS THIS POST

[insomniac-arrest]

Off-Brand World Landmarks

Great Pyramids, but they’re the Bass Pro Shop in Tennessee

Eiffel Tower, but it’s the cowboy version in Paris Texas

London’s Tower Bridge, but it’s the replica in Suzhou China (it has twice as many towers lol)

The Statue of Liberty, but its in the Netherlands and she’s holding a can of beans (I’m serious) 

The Statue of Liberty again, but she’s in Spain and holding TWO torches, damn

The Taj Mahal but it’s in Bangladesh and it’s pink and like, I’m sorry, but like, really cute

The Great Sphinx, but it’s in China and also Iron Man is there

[thebulletinhamilton-quotes]

Angelica Schuyler: Isn’t it a little too early for Christmas music?

Aaron Burr: Listen, we have one life and I’m going to enjoy Christmas music as much as I want before I die.

Angelica Schuyler: Fair point.

[catchymemes]

Harry Potter low cost version

by Studio 188

[madamslayyy]

Gosh the amount of DETAIL they put into this

[runwithskizzers]

incredible

[purple-possibilities]

Dumbledore in the BATH I’m SCREAMING

[lady-byleth]

the perfect synchronization with the original is sending me

[hogwartshousefriends]

I was not prepared for Ron’s pumpkin head or Draco’s noodle hair.

[ravenhilarious]

that coke train!

[azaharperezoso]

Is none going to talk about hedwig? 😂😂😂

[julshii]

anyone please ask your crush out like this

[julshii]

The thrilling answer

[brojohn4lyfe-deactivated2015102]

no they need to kiss out behind the school!!!!

[daitoshi]

oops my hand slipped

[moodycrissy]

nexttttt pleaseee :D

[sinofangels]

Come on guys add on to this tumblr needs this to be a comic series

[maria-ruta]

I was asked for doing this, so I did

BAM!

I’m out of ideas! XD

next?

[hamburgergod]

THIS IS TOO CUTE I CAN’T LEAVE IT ALONE I’M SORRY

[maria-ruta]

OHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDD!!!!!!!

LOOOK ATT THIIIIS!!!!

LOOOOK ATTT THIIIISS!!!!

80

NEEEXT!!!!!

[placeholderaccount]

IT HAD TO BE DONE:

[maria-ruta]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*O*

OH MY GOOD!!!!!

ThAT’S IT!!!!

#0o0#

[theartofwazzing-blog]

so yeah

[inafantasy-wby]

I LOVE THIS

[romanoscurl-deactivated20170605]

REBLOGGED THIS TWICE

[deaddeavtivated]

I have a need…..I must add to this…

[aeshsar]

still waiting for the smut

[takayes-deactivated20170924]

C’mon guys… it needs some smut

[janaya7609]

THIS NEEDS TO CONTINUE

[yaoi-online]

SOMEONE PLEASE CONTINUE IT

[ringo-smile]

Not so perfect but still perfect first date

[afraidtoask]

HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS WITH MY ENTIRE HEART

[mildly-duckbe-blog]

O HECk IT GOT bETtEr

[zaku-kazu]

OMG, THIS IS PERFECT 💖

[madhattey-deactivated20211019]

notes/letters=the most intimate gesture!

[gayties-garbage-deactivated2018]

THERES MORE

[conniemcfalcon]

I reblogged this like a year and a half ago and IT CONTINUES!? 

[charlieisbi]

ITS BACK OMG

[monstersofmemory]

Omg it’s here!

[sushisalmon95]

THIS CUTE I WANNA CONTINUE IT

[sushisalmon95]

Ok I tried because this is so cute 

[multifandom-hoes]

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDFFDFF

[soubidou]

IT GOT EVEN BETTER OMG

[madamelibrarian-deactivated2018]

This has to be the most adorable thing I’ve seen today. 

[lookingupatthestarsandthinking]

This gave me so many happy and cute feels

[snovolovac]

every time this circles back there’s always more, I love you all 

[tree-of-blue-squirrel]

this warms my heart on so many levels <3

[vampirate-lover]

ITS BACK

[lav-enderlemon]

I’m just sitting here

Hitting my knee

Squealing and smiling omfg

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

hey remember that time tumblr wrote an. entire. gay webcomic.

[archivistdraconis]

This just goes to show that we can all do great things if we collaborate and accept each other.

[morning-star-sempai]

AAAAAAHH ITS BACK

[goldenyaoi-deactivated20180507]

THIS IS SOOOOO ADORABLE ♡♡♡♡♡♡

[coolneko]

Only because it’s fucking cute!!!

[gay-bara-yaoi-cartoon]

This is so beautiful ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[twiglightdragon]

Let it continue!!! Here’s my addiction  If the text is to small: Happy birthday!!! ……….. I’ll see you later today? If you want…. I have something Important to ask you,,,, >.> <.< ^_^;; ^///////^

[foxpirates-art]

Keepin it rollin! 

[crimson-chains]

My contribution to this adorable story ^^

[porridgeoatz]

Can I request naming the big guy Damian and the little one Ollie?

[erotisizedembalming]

Plot twist. I kinda want the big one to be Ollie and the little guy Damian.

[porridgeoatz]

Double plot twist: same

[goldiemarsh-blog]

i added sum more–

[mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog]

This is my favorite.

[adhd-coyote]

B E A U T I F U L

[wereallcurioushere12]

The last hand kiss got me…..oh wow.

[fandomfan315]

IT’S B A C K

[a-dumb-bitch-apparently]

i love this so much

[oldallzyfontarchive]

HI YES THIS IS MY CONTRIBUTION 

[canicrynowplease]

It got so much better than the last time i saw it!!❤❤❤

[scorching-scotch]

LAST I WAS HER ETHERE WAS A DIFFERENTS TORY ITS BRANCHING AND I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER

[aceofspades913]

This fucking comic had been added to over the course of six years. That’s insane, it’s beautiful. It’s inspiring, all these people from different places at different times some have moved on other still here it’s wild.

[smol-aqua]

oh my hecc i love it

[beepboopbitch-deactivated202011]

YES THERES MORE

[starfirelove]

I will always reblog this

[mooncat457writing]

I can’t. Too cute. This gave me too many feels at 2:30 in the morning. I need more but I can’t draw. 

@hellcattriesagain???

[hellcatdraws]

Hi yall, I sent our good good boys to the dance <3 

[wxlfstxrx]

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG i love everything about this ahhhhh the balloon in the corner ;);) and the queen and her date!!!!!!!!!!!!! brb swooning

[sadbeforecoffee-deactivated2021]

I can’t draw for shit but can someone make them dance? It’s all I need in this life

[dads-back-from-the-store]

Ｉ ＳＷＥＡＲ ＷＨＥＮ Ｉ ＳＴＯＰ ＢＥＩＮＧ ＳＯ ＳＨＩＴ ＡＴ  ＤＲＡＷＩＮＧ Ｉ ＷＩＬＬ ＡＤＤ ＯＮ ＴＯ ＴＨＩＳ

[stankpasta]

THIS IS SO CUTE I CANT BREATHE

[bihighandgivinghighfives-deacti]

AHHHHH ITS BACK THERES MORE

[mageoffur]

OMG THIS IS SO INCREDIBLE AND AMAZING OMG

now i just really want a webcomic that has total anonymous strangers making it all up bit by bit, like this but longer! people of all drawing levels could participate! it’d be wonderful!!

[sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes]

I hope they get married

[tomboyninja]

@kinomiakai send this on to Megan?!?!?!?!?!!!!?!?!?

[ninjaduelist]

I was summoned so please accept my humble addition to this absolutely legendary post

[sorceress-coffee]

It got cuter since the last time I saw this!

[randomness-hamilton]

IT JUST KEEPS GOING