Who Cares

Let’s be honest, this is just a way for me to save memes for a later date

[amerlcanapparel-deactivated2020]

when she says she doesn’t send nudes

[straighthater]

when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes

[timelordpillbug]

when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia

[hikingnerd]

When Russia sends you nudes

[dr-thackery]

[dismantlerepaired]

[ilovepretzelrods]

[thegingerbalrog]

[onwardwall]

[miss-jaxon-flaxon-waxon]

#what the fuck happened here

[her-eyes-dared-me-with-danger]

This is my favorite post in all of tumblr

[kyloschuyler]

reminder that this post is now illegal in Russia

[tree-of-blue-squirrel]

reblog it, because Russia can´t

[maradaisykat]

Thanks Obama 

[my-sisters-eyeball]

Wtf

[roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it]

When Russia makes this post illegal

[earthnicity]

I HAVE ONLY SEEN THIS IN SCREENSHOTS

[dovahdez]

I will reblog this every goddamn time I find it on my dash

[a-wondering-thought-deactivated]

I have a piece of tumblr history on my blog now

[the-therapist-is-ace]

What the-

[rvioletprince27]

I haven’t seen this in about 4 years. I’m glad it’s back.

[ordola]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[themockingbirdsystem]

TUMBLR HISTORY POST IVE ONLY SEEN IN SCREENSHOTS YES PLEASE

sucks for you, Russia.

[ambiguous-cactus-offical]

I’VE ONLY EVER SEEN THIS ON PINTEREST :DDD

[detention-offical]

it’s illegal in Russia so you’re all getting a detention for breaking a law. Not our laws, but it’s still a law

[polls-offical]

@law-enforcement-offical there’s some rule breakers here on an illegal post 🫵

[law-enforcement-offical]

ALL OF YOU (including @polls-offical) ARE UNDER ARREST, HOW DARE YOU BREAK RUSSIAN LAW!!

[no-one-offical]

‎

[no-one-offical]

I bless all with this again

[guerrillatech]

[didthekingdieyet]

september 8, 2022

YES SHE DID

[everythingfox]

Sky puppies

[socialistexan]

[prose-n-scripts]

so I go to animation school now

[calico-and-lace]

please unmute this

[dazzleyourmindseye]

That was… not what I expected it to be but I am delighted

[choatic-bumblebee-agenda]

What did the people of Tumblr ever do to deserve this

We are not worthy

[greek-orthodox-priest]

went to miami to recover father sotirios. and made some new friends.

these animals... they are wise. I recruited them to avenge my dear brother. I was then escorted out of the sea world.

[a-book-of-creatures]

Better than the 1596 Marseille dolphin exorcism I suppose.

[maxkowski]

[a-book-of-creatures]

In 1596 dolphins were infesting the port of Marseille. Back in those days, y’see, dolphins didn’t have the cuddly image they enjoy today. They were pests and were causing damage.

So the cardinal of Avignon sent the bishop of Cavaillon to do something about them. In front of a huge crowd, the bishop sprinkled some holy water into the waters of the port and told the dolphins to begone. Whereupon the dolphins indeed turned tail in terror and fled, and were never seen again.

Still not as dramatic as Saint Bernard excommunicating the flies though.

[melononthefloor]

What happened to the flies?

[a-book-of-creatures]

Saint Bernard of Clairvaux built a monastery in 1124, but it was plagued by flies. So the good saint promptly excommunicated them. By the next day the flied had died in such quantities that they had to be shoveled out.

Still not as nutty as the Basel rooster trial though.

[fatefulfindings]

*everyone in unison* um what rooster trial?

[a-book-of-creatures]

In 1474, a rooster in Basel did the heinous and unspeakable act of laying an egg. As everyone knows, an egg laid by a rooster will hatch into a basilisk (or cockatrice).

So to avoid the creation of a cockatrice (or basilisk), the rooster was tried, found guilty, and burned at the stake along with its egg. A huge crowd was present.

The “rooster” in this case was likely a hen that had developed male characteristics (it happens).

Still not as properly legal as the Savigny pig trial though.

[bonnettbee]

Ok, clearly you want an excuse to talk about the pig thing, and I now DESPERATELY want to hear about the pig thing, so PLEASE tell us about the Pig Thing.

[a-book-of-creatures]

In 1457 a sow killed Jehan Martin, a five-year-old boy in Savigny. For that crime she was put on trial and judged guilty, and sentenced to be hanged from a tree.

Her piglets, however, were judged to have been innocent of the murder, and so were returned to the owner, with the caveat that he had to surrender them to the law if they were later found to have eaten any of the boy.

Not to be confused with a whole bunch of other, similar porcine trials.

I won’t mention the 1454 excommunication of eels in Lake Geneva then.

[greek-orthodox-priest]

the seaquarium of miami banned me from visiting for life if anyone even cares.

[bourneblack-deactivated20240910]

Who’s your favorite character from Piano Man?

The old man sitting next to me making love to a bottle of gin

John at the bar, a friend of mine, who gets me my drinks for free

Paul, the real estate novelist, who never had time for a wife

Davy, who’s still in the Navy, and probably will be for life

The waitress practicing politics

The businessmen slowly getting stoned

The manager who gives me a smile

Me, who they’ve been coming to see, to forget about life for a while

The piano (it sounds like a carnival). The microphone (it smells like beer)

Ones who sit at the bar and put bread in my jar and say man what r u doin here?

Voting ended onFeb 15, 2023

Please reblog if you don’t mind

[crohniewitch]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[pipistrellus]

my favorite part in attack of the clones is when obi-wan just fucks off to play space nancy drew on Clone Rain Planet with the alarming giraffe-necked aliens and swans in like “HELLO IT’S ME, the jedi who definitely… … was here before and probably, uh, spoke to you, and stuff” and theyre like “ah you are here for the order” and hes like “beg pardon” and theyre like “the order of millions of identical human men?” and hes like “RIGHT YES. ABSOLUTELY I AM HERE FOR THE ORDER OF MILLIONS OF IDENTICAL HUMAN MEN”

and then later when he SNEAKS INTO A CORNER TO FUCKING… facetime yoda… like “ok so we have these millions of identical human men who were apparently suspiciously ordered for us by someone???” and yodas fucking response is just “when countless sapient lemons life gives you…….. send those lemons into intergalactic battle you must”

 and obi-wan’s like “shit man you’re so right" 

[kinky-space-nerd]

There literally isn’t a frame of this scene where Obi-Wan doesn’t look confused as hell

[gothcostco]

[flyboy-and-fight-me]

the Kaminoans: We have 5 million people that look exactly like Jango Fett

Obi-Wan:

[ruinedchildhood]

Mean Girls (2004)

[megs-mayhem]

@unpretty

[unpretty]

it’s DIRT

[ceekari]

unmute for comically aggrieved farmer

[fieldbears]

reblogging for the second time because I still laugh uncontrollably. in my mind the cows are trying to be gracious about their strange gift. ‘yes we love it thank u’

[fizzgigfurball]

@diseonfire future?

[vet-and-wild]

I know I literally  just reblogged this but I love this video so much it always makes me laugh because

1. “LADIES”

2. The very disappointed “Eclair…”

3. “WHAT?” (High pitched mooing in response)

4. The way they turn into Pleakley from Lilo and Stitch as they get progressively more frustrated

[cogentranting]

Rating Disney Horse Designs

Cyril Proudbottom (The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad) 2/10 His vacant eyes and grotesque proportions disturb me

The Headless Horseman’s Horse (The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad) 7/10 Stunning. Very dramatic. Powerful look. 

Major (Cinderella) 4/10 Cyril Proudbottom’s more distinguished cousin. 

Samson (Sleeping Beauty)  3/10 There’s something not right about his face. I don’t trust him. 

Captain (One Hundred and One Dalmatians- movie)  5/10 A solid design. Friend shaped. 

Captain (I don’t know- some 101 Dalmatians tv show it looks like)  -30/10 Kill it now before it destroys us all. 

Frou-Frou (Aristocats)  7/10 A perfect genteel lady. Loses points for inconsistency in the animation. 

Philippe (Beauty and the Beast) 8/10 I’d trust this horse with my life

Achilles (The Hunchback of Notre Dame) 6/10 Respectable. Handsome. 

Snowball (The Hunchback of Notre Dame) 10/10 The DRAMA. The expression somewhere between “evil” and “hasn’t slept in 4 days”. The HAIR. Perfection. Exactly the type of horse I’ll ride when I turn evil.

Pegasus (Hercules) 6/10 A fun design, lot’s of personality. But kinda gives off Frat Boy energy. 

Baby Pegasus (Hercules) 11/10 I’d die for him. 

Khan (Mulan)  10/10 Look at those absurd proportions– the tiny legs and the huge barrel chest- amazing. 

Bullseye (Toy Story 2-4)  4/10 Is he cute? yes. But as someone who has owned many toy horses in her life, this is not a toy horse I would be pleased with. 

This Bullseye Toy I found looking for a movie picture of Bullseye -100/10 This thing IS cursed and we will probably all die for having seen it. But I’m taking you all down with me. 

Buck (Home on the Range)  2/10 No matter what picture, no matter what expression, you look at this horse and just KNOW he would be so unpleasant to talk to. 

Blessedly, there is no horse in Chicken Little. 

Destiny (Enchanted)  5/10 This is a Barbie horse and I swear I owned it. 

Maximus (Tangled) 7/10 A good design but too much dogness. 

Angus (Brave) 15/10 Everything that’s good in a horse. 

Sitron (Frozen) 11/10 He deserves so much better than Hans. Look at his kind eyes. This is a horse that will treat you right. This horse is the anti-Hans. 

Nokk (Frozen 2)  20/10 WATER HORSE WATER HORSE WATER HORSE WATER HORSE!

This Horse I Assume Bruno Stole (Encanto) 9/10 He’s only there very briefly and I can’t even find a decent picture but he’s a very nice horse. 

[frozenprocedural]

I had to look this up. I HAD TO. And Frollo’s horse IS named Snowball.

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

[deadmomjokes]

PSA: tomatoes are not spicy. Tomatoes and tomato products should not be spicy. Pizza sauce isn’t inherently spicy. Tomato-based pasta sauce is not spicy. Ketchup is NOT spicy.

If tomatoes are spicy, you have an allergy to tomatoes.

This announcement brought to you by my almost 29-year-old husband learning for the first time in his 2.8 decades of putting food products into his mouth that spaghetti and saucy pizza aren’t spicy foods

[shymagnolia]

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

[shymagnolia]

okay so i just got my dream job??? a week after applying to it?? and now i’m thinking….maybe this is the good luck post

[flagellant]

…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment

likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post

[animalcrossingmemes]

[didthekingdieyet]

september 8, 2022

YES SHE DID