starry-eyed dream girl

rainah // 21 // she/her // cancer // queer Instagram: rad.rae per aspera ad astra

[rottingtrouble-child]

I fucking hate the “explaining = invalidating” when it comes to apologies. Yes, sometimes a person means to invalidate you by saying this, but sometimes we genuinely just want to fucking explain our side so we can properly communicate.

I do not know what the fuck is wrong until I’m told what I’ve done wrong and feel the need to explain in order for us to see both of our sides

I like getting explanations with apologies because for me it helps lessen the damage that was done or can help clear the negative emotions.

I’ve had multiple people say it’s a sign that I’m a bad person that I don’t apologize right away, or that I’m giving excuses instead of owning up and apologizing (which is fucking hard for me to know if I’m actually in the wrong or not and people doing this shit does NOT fucking help). Apologies aren’t always just a “Sorry” one and done deal thing.

[thesixthstar]

knowing that someone didn't mean to harm you, and in fact may have been trying to help, can be comforting! knowing how they came to choose actions that harmed you can help you both collaborate to avoid harm in the future! Knowing whats going on in the mind of your loved ones can be important and bring you closer together in times of possible conflict! An explanation is NOT an excuse, thats true, but that also means that someone explaining doesn't mean they're not ALSO trying to apologize on top of that!

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

I mean it's actually actively important to understand that people didn't intentionally try to hurt you. We have a real problem with assuming malicious intent behind actions, when the vast majority of people are actually just being a bit inept, or even might be coming at something from a different angle. The absolute insistence that you must never explain your actions, you must simply self flagellate before the Appointed Victim is... well, a lot of very problematic stuff can be enabled by that.

[theothin]

#yeah I lost a friendship over this once#someone who thought an apology begins and ends with 'sorry#so when I wrote a paragraph starting with 'I apologize' and continuing with my explanation of how I'd hurt her by mistake#she said it didn't include the word 'sorry' (??) and didn't want an explanation--didn't care if it was intentional or not#at the time I was somewhat shocked and hurt and very frustrated by her response but in retrospect good riddance

I wonder if a lot of people get frustrated by explanations of mistakes because they want to take their anger out on their imaginary malicious version of you and they don't want new information that might challenge that

if so, sucks to be them, but that's no way to treat someone you want to continue a positive relationship with

[bananonbinary]

i think a large part of the problem is how a lot of people seem to see apologies not as an attempt to mend the relationship and avoid future conflict, but as an signal of who is Winning between you. i ran into this a lot in christian circles; forgiveness is something you graciously bestow on the Bad Person who wronged you because you are Better Than Them, not like...a chance to improve things.

people like that get VERY upset when you instead want to tackle whatever the problem was as a team rather than just take your blame and go.

[another-exclus]

Everything is like “QUEER history” and “List of QUEER young adult books” or “Top 10 QUEER movies” and queer this and queer that and for the love of god please just say LGBT.

But queer is more inclusive

[a-tired-humanist]

And faster to pronounce if you are talking instead of writing.

[another-exclus]

It’s not more inclusive, and if your excuse of using a slur as a blanket term is “it’s faster to say”, GENUINELY what is wrong with you

[a-tired-humanist]

It’s called economía del lenguaje.

It’s also the respected academic term?? The acronym isn’t static and it’s usage is varied by things like generational difference, location, and knowledge of the community. Even just in the U.S. in the last few decades the common usage gone from GLBT to LGBT to LGBTQ, to LGBTQA/LGBTQIA/LGBTQIAP/etc (Which, let me tell you as someone who has given presentations in the past using these updated acronyms, are all real mouthfulls), to LGBT+.

Also yes, queer is more inclusive! Especially coming at it from an academic standpoint, people didn’t always use or identify with the terms we use now and you can’t always try to cram them into our modern perceptions of sexuality. We can argue for years about whether a famous historical figure was gay or bisexual or straight and trans or whatever, but if we can all agree that they were somehow queer then using that term allows us to move past the debate and into productive discussion. And not everybody everywhere shares the same terms for sexual and gender identity, or even the same concepts of those things, so queer really is a more inclusive term in a lot of cases.

Like yeah if you’re talking specifically about gay or trans people you can just say gay or transgender, but if you’re talking about more than one identity or someone who doesn’t conform to our perceptions of ‘LGBT,’ or a person or people whose identity you don’t know, queer is just the better word.

[jabberwockypie]

“That’s SO gay”, “Oh my god, you’re not a LESBIAN, are you?”

Your words are slurs, too. Why do you get your words, but I don’t get mine? What makes you so special?

I’m here, I’m queer, go fuck yourself.

[levynite]

queer is not a slur, stop drinking the TERF koolaid

[darthsuki]

[matronofthevoid]

every time one of you fools spout about ‘queer is a slur’ a terf laughs because their fucking plan to make that word ‘taboo’ is fucking working you dipshit.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

I did not get my degree in queer literature for you all to keep pulling this bullshit.

[moki-dokie]

baby gays,,,, i beg of you to learn your queer history and stop listening to terf bullshit

every single one of our labels has been used as a slur against us.

terfs and -phobes are always going to try and hurt us with what we identify as. but the fact remains these are OUR labels and always have been.

we’re here, we’re queer, get used to it.

[hyperactivehedgehog]

I don’t know if this is just because I’m not American but I’ve never heard queer used as a slur. Ever. Meanwhile gay was the insult in the 2000s here. Everything you didn’t like was ‘soo gay’. Queer wasn’t even a word most of us knew back then.

It just baffled me that people would think an identifier is automatically a slur just because someone uses it to mock someone. If we did that gay would be a slur. Stupid would be a slur. Autistic would be a slur.

The reason people are upset about the word queer is that it’s a unifying term. You can say you’re queer and all people will know is that you’re part of the community. But you can’t say you’re LGBT, you have to say you’re gay or trans or ace. They don’t want you to be ambiguously queer. They want you to say which kind of queer you are so they can decide whether you’re undesirable.

[tapacamino]

yeah in the 90s and early 2000s kids would call each other “gay” as an insult. But no one ties themselves in knots over whether “gay” is a slur. So yeah, please ffs learn your history.

[anarchistmemedistro]

[rabidchild67]

They want you to say which kind of queer you are so they can decide whether you’re undesirable.

[anxietyproblem]

[deadignoredead]

finally figured out why calling addiction a disease actually bothers me it’s bc it’s positing it as something that can just hit Anyone independently and not depicting the reality that addiction tends to develop bc of trauma, untreated psych disorders, and other factors of oppression (like poverty). calling it a disease absolves other people and society of any fault and places the blame on a non-living entity. in this essay i will

[deadignoredead]

also this mindset is harmful to addicts bc treatment should not just be focused on the addiction itself but trying to treat these underlying factors (if possible).

if you ignore those factors, people will continue to use drugs and alcohol. people often relapse because they got next to no treatment or help for why they were originally using. they are told they have a “disease” instead and they must treat this “disease” by itself.

so it’s not a theoretical thing — this idea has actual real world consequences.

[sophie531896273240810891]

i spent $32 on this fucking bowl at the moma and at first i felt bad buying it bc it was so expensive but ive had a terrible day today and every time i look at my lil bowl im like :o) you know what. i can get through anything with this bowl by my side

[sophie531896273240810891]

i literally get what marie kondo was talking about now

[sophie531896273240810891]

bc everyone keeps requesting to see it filled :)

[lew-basnight]

I don’t know how long I’ve been here. Time seems to pass differently. But the place is cozy and private so I have no complaints. And whenever I’m hungry, I go outside with my bowl and walk down the hill to the shore. Sometimes the lake is made of soup. Sometimes it’s huge pasta noodles the size of barges. Sometimes it’s breakfast cereal. Sometimes it’s dumplings the size of great whales. I dip my little bowl and take a portion and carry it back up to the house.

Today I found a new bowl! In its center is a little hill with a little house. I will carry it down to the shore and fill it up, and whomever lives in that little house can have a tiny portion of my meal. I hope they have a nice bowl to put it in..

[justanotherspeck]

Welcome to Night Vale: Ep. 100, Toast

[sizvideos]

Video

[originalbrainsofwolves]

fuck man

[lotrlocked]

In case you weren’t convinced that hating yourself is a learned behavior

[blamemarktjan-deactivated201711]

Physical shame comes from parents, teachers, media, and peers. It’s not something you’re born with. You were born naked, wonderful, and gorgeous, and no one should make another being feel as if that wasn’t, and isn’t true.

[someday-i-will-be-skinny-blog]

This made me cry

[elisabetholsens]

LAURA HARRIER for the EGR / Monica Sordo jewelry capsule © Drew Escriva

[huntydraws]

For whatever reason you’re in the closet, you deserve to enjoy pride! 

[prideknights]

You don’t have to be out to be proud!

[butchdotgov]

Millennial Sisyphus keeps entering all the information from his resume into the web form, only for it to delete everything when he tries to move to the next page. He just goes back and types it all up again, over and over again, forever, and he never gets a job.

[crystalandrock]

Millennial Tantalus has been promised that his unpaid internship will become a paid position as soon as the company has space for him. Every week he sees their new job posting. Every week he asks his boss if he can have a real job. The boss shrugs apologetically and says he’ll just have to make do with being paid in experience a little longer. He goes back and keeps working, over and over again, forever, and he never reaches the fruits of his labors.

[fiftysevenacademics]

Millennial Persephone can’t get a job without a degree, but because she had to take out loans to pay for college, she must spend 1/3 of her life working just to pay them off.

[sci-fantasy]

Millennial Cassandra’s title is Social Media Coordinator, she was hired to be the expert, but every time she tries to explain the problems in her company’s social media decisionmaking, the managers don’t listen…and end up hiring expensive PR flacks to repair the damage to their reputation when things blow up exactly as she predicted.

[necrofuturism]

Millennial Medusa uses multiple shades of primer and opaque foundation to cover the scars snaking across her face, hiding the bruises, aligning the asymmetry in her broken nose and jaw. Red matte on the lips, green shimmer on the lids. Flawless liner on the first try. She’s had lots and lots of practice. She films her transformation in secret for all to see and learn, and again, men are turned to anonymous stone faces screaming in horror. “Liar!” “Witch!” “Take her swimming on the first date!” These words do not discourage her. These words are a challenge. GlamGorgonXx posts another video.

[mao-tenno]

Millennial Prometheus uploads another PDF to his site. He’s lost track of the printing and edition of this textbook. He knows they just rearranged some of chapters then charge 150 dollars per copy, and the professor wrote the book himself. the ZIP fills uploads successfully, and he starts uploading the next one. He isn’t afraid of the potential lawsuit. knowledge shouldn’t held out of reach like this. 

[i-will-not-be-caged]

Millennial Circe screenshots all the lewd messages she gets from men on online dating sites and posts them on her very popular Instagram along with their pictures and usernames. When people accuse her of attempting to destroy their reputations, she insists she’s just revealing them for the pigs they truly are.

[jukeboxemcsa]

Millennial Odysseus is starting to suspect there’s something wrong with his GPS…

[ginathethundergoddess]

Millennial Achilles was a rising football champion until a devastating injury to his heel took him from the game.

[eggpuffs]

finding out this was a real podcast between a mother with cancer and her son was so upsetting but also potent 

[nedsseveredhead]

Thank you for engaging in the mortifying ordeal of being known so that I may partake in the euphoric experience of knowing you.

[untiloblivions]

thinking about “you haven’t met all the people who will love you” and like!!! you also haven’t found all the things that will make you happy!!!! there will always be new authors and musicians and artists whose work you will one day discover and love!!!! there will always be new hobbies and skills for you to learn and feel fulfilled by!!! there will always be new things around the corner that will bring sudden and unexpected happiness!!!!!!!!!!!

[chernobyl]

[wait-thats-an-adhd-thing]

[id: a threat by Amethyst (@neurowonderful) in seven tweets. they read:

The five neurodivergent love languages: infodumping, parallel play, support swapping, Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body, and "I found this cool rock/button/leaf/etc and thought you would like it"

Cause some have been asking:

Infodumping: talking about an interest or passion of yours and thus sharing information, usually in detail and at length

Parallel play: some people call this being alone together, as in when you're both reading your own books in the same room, or one person is doing a puzzle while another plays a video game, etc. Just existing together counts too.

Support swapping: I don't know if this is a widely used term. I used it to mean when ND people accomodate or support each other, like if I remind a friend hydrate and they ask me if I've taken my meds, or a friend helps me write an email and later I help them with homework, etc

Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body: deep pressure input good!! Provides proprioceptive input and can soothe body stress responses (always get consent)

I found this cool rock/button/leaf etc and thought you would like it: unconventional gift giving, sharing things that are valuable or interesting to you as a sign of affection, OR giving someone a thing you know they are interested in (sure, memes count)

And of course this is just a funny tweet, not a true guide, and there are an infinite number of ways to give and receive love. Feel free to add on your personal neurodivergent love languages :)

end id.]

[quick-nip]

(via Saturday Morning Cartoons: Baopu #15) by Yao Xiao

words to remember

[symbolone]

this has been a wasp psa

[onenicebugperday]

Yes! Wasps are nice bugs, too!

[gallusrostromegalus]

I’ve been intentionally cultivating yellow jacket nests in my garden for years now and can vouch that they are both exceptionally chill and A+ pest control.

[what-hos-there]

Literally I’ve put popsicle juice on my hand for yellow jackets to lick so they’ll leave my kids’ treats alone and it was absolutely delightful.

The kids are now at the stage where they’re picking up cultural and societal phobias. It’s maddening because all their lives I’ve done my best to tell and show them that bees and wasps are perfectly fine and then some dingus on tv undoes my work with a joke and a laugh track.

[bogleech]

People grossly underestimate how much media and even memes or idle jokes can just up and create fear or disgust for something

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]