Untitled. @swagodinero - Tumblr Blog

my friend told me last night that he gets girls to come back to his place by telling them “oh i can’t wait to go home and have some stew” and “i’m so hungry, good thing i have stew at home” and it’s worked every time

trashboat

bro the worst part is last night i went to his place and it’s 11pm and i’m sitting there eating fucking stew like god damn it worked on me too

dreg-heap

George's date: I really appreciate you calling me back, I'm SO sorry about the whole "he/him" thing[laughs]

George: [chuckles] oh don't even worry about it. It was the top of the deck! I'd probably him me too

George's date: Right, right, well I'm sorry anyways–oh, wait, hang on–[she flags down the waiter] excuse me, she has a FLY in her soup!

[Closeup on george]

[Slap bass, cut to Jerry's appartment]

Jerry: Oh come on, what's wrong with she/her?!

George: it's patronizing! Do I look like a she/her to you?! Do I look like I have a she bone in my body?!

Jerry: Well certainly not in public! But you said any pronouns! Which ones would you be happy with?

George: None! No pronouns! It's too revealing! No-pronouns George, that's what they'll call me from now on!

Jerry: No-pronouns George! Unbelievable!

[Kramer bursts in]

Kramer: Did you guys hear they're kicking the puppy play club out of pride?! This is criminal! We BUILT this community!

askpredetor

>Morning shift

>Customer is angry that we disabled his card

>calm him down because it is a security measure

>We had to block his card because he spent 5k on Genshin Impact at 4AM and almost drained his entire bank account

>The instant we unblock his card he spends 200 more dollars on Genshin Impact

askpredetor

Every 200 notes I wake up to, I see some familiar faces and learn that some of you just have this post ON STANDBY to remind yourselves not to whale for the new bland twink.

Proud of you guys

tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva

the funniest political commentary is "we need to stop far right infiltration of [government agency with responsibilities that attract the far right]"

sexhaver

i think about this a lot

thyrell

sorry but can you imagine getting owned so hard all your coworkers have to come together and ban the specific insult you got hit with. thats how you know they got you good

grimeclown

As a clown I refuse to do sexy stuff in my real actual clown outfit because that is for the kids but I have a separate clown outfit for sexy stuff.

You’re a role model and a legend

oscillatingdichotomy

Separation of church & state

pissvortex

You seem like you play halfling bards in DnD LMAO

new way to call someone the f slur just dropped

wizardgender

i need a STRONG ORC WOMAN to hold me VERY TENDERLY

lilibat

I’d like to recommend the new She Hulk series to you.

wizardgender

you might as well recommend an antique collector visit IKEA

thegenderal

A collection of cats from southern utahs petfinder

thegenderal

Gandalf the slay youre not supposed to be there

stainlessteelwaterbottle

youre telling me a ham fisted this metaphor??

victoriankeysmash

shadowthehedgehogmovie

infantilevice

You are not prepared for this celebrity reveal!

derinthescarletpescatarian

You’re right I wasn’t prepared

anexperimentallife

oneheadtoanother

ladyshinga

babyfoxcollectionthings

pandariousgooch

i never realized cuneiform was made with the corner of a cuboid tool, i thought the wedge shapes were carved such that you would press straight down with the tool at a 90° angle to the clay