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Ironfam ao3 fic where instead of peter accidentally calling Tony "dad", he calls Pepper "Mom"

Loki: remember when I said you were too friendly, spiderling?

Peter: *making a cup of tea* I'm not.

Burglar: two sugars, please.

Loki: this is what I meant.

peter, on 17 different types of energy drinks at 3am: I am fire. i am embers. i am DEATH.

tony: a f***ing nightmare is what you are.

[peter and Y/N are best friends]

Y/N: pick a card, any card

Peter, sick of y/n practicing on him: fine

Peter: *looks at cards, looks down at the table with y/n wallet*

*opens wallet*

Y/N: wait what are you-

Peter: *selects credit card*

Y/N: wait that’s my!-

Peter: you did say any card

Y/n:

peter: *sneaks into his house at 2am*

Steve: *turns around in a swivel chair* Care to tell me where you were?

Peter: I was with... uh... Bucky!

Bucky: *also turns around in a swivel chair* Care to tr- *keeps spinning* uh Steve- I can't stop the chair-

Tony: so you’re a wizard then huh

Strange: yes

Tony: so.. did you ever go to-

Strange: don’t you say it stark!

Tony: *opening his mouth*

Strange: DONT YOU-

Tony: did ya ever go to hogwarts to study your fine craft?

Wanda: *watching all of this* tony you clearly have a death wis-

Strange: *opens a portal and pushes tony in, in one slick movement, making tony fall out of the ceiling to the floor*

Wanda: told y-

Tony: DONT YOU FINSH THAT

Late nights disappoint parents

Pepper: Why were you up yesterday until 3am?

Peter: How did you know I was up until 3am?

Tony: We could hear you clapping to the FRIENDS intro every 25 minutes.

Stupid Rappers

Ned: Why don't we just call it, "M.C. Donalds?"

MJ: Because that sounds like a stupid rappers name.

Peter: Mhm, and we'd cringe everytime they'd be like "Ayo! It's ya boi, M.C Donalds".

#incorrect spiderson