I have no hope of a normal way to go about making friends. I have been corrupted, the ultimate power of Autism unleashed.
like, everything I do that normally my friends wouldn't bat an eye at, nothing. The jokes don't land, and when they do, the laughter is AT me, not with me.
Only then, once I'm quiet, speak only when spoken to, once I've boxed myself up, will they give me the time of day.
After that? I have to prove myself "enough" CONSTANTLY in whatever way so they won't leave me. An old dog performing tricks to keep from being replaced with a newer, cuter puppy.
I'm more confident now, yes, but I can still see just as well as I did before the blank stares before meeting the others' eye, how they look at me, I can hear it in their giggling at what is supposed to be a joke but is really at me.