I had a weird experience with Roommates at BYU. My first roommate left overnight one night and about a decade later I found out it was because they left the church and later came out as an enby. Honestly, kinda slay, and it made sense that we got along as good as we did, and I missed them like crazy when they left because my new roommate was a guy who came home from his mission early due to some kind of mental health episode and he acted like I and everyone else was judging him and seeing him as worthless because he came home and I literally didn’t care and actually kinda liked hearing him talk about it because it helped me feel like I could bail if it ever got too weird (which was technically true, but literally false, in the sense that the mission took my passport day 1 so I couldn’t go home without their permission.)
I left, I did my mission, shit was gross and bad and I had a mental health crisis, yadda yadda y’all already know. At the very tip of that mental health crisis iceberg, though, there was the first day back in Provo. I got an apartment that was DIRT cheap - $250/month rent, but I had 3 people living in the apartment with me, including one in my room. Adding to that, the apartment had no lightning except for two lights in the kitchen (and because it was a ’dude’ apartment nobody had a single fucking lamp except the one my roommate’s gf got them). So it was dark. It had carpet that hadn’t been cleaned since Nixon was president, it had mildew, there was one vacuum cleaner in the entire apartment complex and not enough room to store a personal one because the apartment was about the size of fruit fly’s urethra, so everything was dusty as hell.
To add to that – there was one bathroom for four people, and the bathroom was so small I could touch both of the far walls without having to stretch. Additionally, the apartment’s other bedroom was occupied by two people, whom I will refer to as Captain Mormon and The Human Jellyfish, for reasons that will become obvious later. I also had a cool roommate who I got along with because he left me alone, he didn’t make eye contact when talking to me, and his gf was nice and talked to me.
For simplicity’s sake I’ll start with The Human jellyfish. The Human Jellyfish has no spine. He has no opinion unless someone else tells him to have one, and even then they also have to tell him what the opinion should be. He has no hobbies except for work and school. He has no friends except for coworkers.
He wasn’t bad, he was really kind and really helpful, but he was not the person you’d go to if you, say, needed someone to take charge.
Well, one day, his coworker, a smart but shy woman who teaches Japanese classes at the MTC, knocks on the door. She asks if she can talk to The Human Jellyfish and I holler at him to come down. He says he’ll be down in a minute so I tell her she can come in in the meantime. She steps in and I see she’s wringing her hands and keeps checking down the hallway, so I ask if something is up.
She asks if I know a guy named Stalker, and I do, because he is my stalker. He was a 28-year-old man who followed me home after work one day and then moved into my apartment complex and then sat outside my apartment once or twice a week waiting to tell me about how much ketamine he owned and how many people he killed in Iraq, so I was VERY well acquainted with Stalker. So I say I do know Stalker, and she says, “Well, I think Stalker’s hurt? He just stumbled into my apartment and when I came down to see what the noise was he fell down and told me he was going into shock.”
First of all, god bless this innocent innocent woman, too innocent to know that she was actively being robbed by a man with a ketamine problem and a history of violence. Second of all, I immediately realized that she did not need a human jellyfish, she needed someone who could be mean, and I could not only be mean but I also NEEDED a win against Stalker because he had been giving me the willies for months. So I said “Yeah, let’s wait for The Human Jellyfish to come down and I’ll go over with both of you.”
She stopped wringing her hands and looked a lot more relieved as me and Jellyboy walked with her to her apartment, where my stalker was lying on the floor of a ransacked living room moaning in pain. He said he had stubbed his foot and was going into shock (I’m not kidding). He sees two people are now with her and sees that at least one of them is a man and immediately says “If Jellyfish can help me back to my apartment I can treat myself for the shock and I’ll be OK,” and Jellyfish is ALL over that because someone just told him to do something and he loves knowing what to do, so he starts moving towards him to help him up when I chime in.
“No you can’t.”
The room goes quiet.
“What do you mean? I can’t what?” Stalker is mad, but he’s also scared
“You can’t treat your own shock. Jellyfish, he’s delusional from the pain, he needs medical attention. Can you prop up his feet and keep him lying down?”
Jellyfish is confused for a fraction of a second while he computes his new orders, but then dutifully follows them. Stalker is scared now, because he knows Jellyfish is listening to me but he DOESN’T know that Jellyfish has no ability to make decisions and can be counteracted by just giving him a new command, so he thinks he’s outnumbered.
Finally, he says “No, wait, I think I’m feeling better now, I can just get up and go,” and I say “Well that proves it! Jellyfish, push him down, he’s out of it, he’s not gonna make it much longer without medical help,” so Jellyfish pushes my stalker down and then looks back at me for approval, so I give him a thumbs up and tell him he’s disoriented from the pain so his job is just to keep him prone until the ambulance arrives. Then I make direct eye contact with Stalker and call the ambulance.
Stalker panics and starts to try and wriggle free, but Jellyfish has now received the honor of a thumbs up for following directions so he is having none of it. Every time he pushes Stalker back down I give him another thumbs up so I’ve got Jellyfish hooked for life. The 9-1-1 operator takes this as seriously as it deserves, and the ambulance arrives in Go Mode within 5 minutes. I go outside to show them the way in and they are working like a well-oiled machine RIGHT UP until they lock eyes with Stalker and the vibe immediately changes.
I see Stalker’s eyes go dark as he realizes he’s caught, and the paramedic drops his voice from ‘giving orders’ mode into ‘Awwh poor widdle baby” and says “Hey Stalker, long time no see, yeah? Do you need the stretcher, or can you walk to the ambulance by yourself?” And after the slowest, shakiest breath I have ever heard this man make, he chokes out “I think I can walk,” and the paramedic goes “What a champ! Come on guys, let’s head back, this’ll be a quick drive.”
And just like that, it was over. I let Jellyfish talk to building management and I walked back to my apartment. The next day my Stalker moved out of the apartment and into a different one across town, and I only ever saw him again in the parking lot of the place I played D&D after that (Stalkers gonna stalk I guess?) but it also was like such a good experience with that guy and NGL I still think of Jellyman in high regard for that.
slight rant about my experience with ASPD because i got reminded of my distinct HATRED of true crime creators.
a lot of the time when i tell people i have this subsection of disorder (i actually have CPD, but i use ASPD because its more well known and because i plan to be rediagnosed with that), one of their first questions is:
“well, if you have that, then why havent you committed a serious crime? i thought it was common?”
which, yes, is a very fair question to ask. my first instinctive response is that i do commit petty theft from time to time and am not caught, my second answer is that i would never commit a serious offence because
1) i think its logically stupid to do, and
2) i am so deeply angered about the thought of me murdering someone to end up in videos by true crime creators who do not have a SINGLE qualification in relation to human psychology/criminology explaining my life and repeatedly going “he was obviously insane”, “it was clear he was a psychopath” and/or “they shouldve put him in a hospital”
i had a decent life, i am like this because of genetics in which i have been nurtured enough by my surroundings to not commit such serious offences. i would not say my parents are ‘good’, but they did enough for me to understand good morals and look at things from a logical perspective which, in turn, makes me view crime as illogical (excluding theft), all of this is to say that;
THE PERSISTENT ARMCHAIR DIAGNOSING OF CRIMINALS BY PEOPLE WHO ARE UNQUALIFIED IS THE SINGLE MOST ANNOYING THING IVE EVER EXPERIENCED.
weird as fuck for the things you’re saying on here as if nobody knows what you did 🤔 ..
yeah im sorry Ú_Ù ill confess right here,,,
a few years ago, i was on a vacation with my family
While waiting for my mom & other relative to arrive, me, my brother, & my dad were at this small cafe. Near the cafe was a keychain stand & me & my bro wqnted to buy one. At the time i had my wallet but my bro wanted to pay for me&his keychains. While i insisted i pay for my keychain instead, i soon thought itd just be better if my brother paid for it, so i could save up on some bucks,, but thennwhen we left cuz my mom & co were there, my brother asked me if i had paid for the keychain, i said no, because i thought he was gonna pay for both of ours. So we all realised that i had just accidentally STOLE a keychain from a small Vietnamese business. Theft is a crime, i apologise deeply for what 12 year old Vin did that day,,
Even an Ice-powered Hero needs to wear a Sweater sometimes.
Flufftober 2024: Prompt List by @thepenultimateword
TW:Theft, Lighting, Explosions, Minor injuries
Mood:Fluff
Part 1 ┃ Part 2
The alarms were blaring, the bank was empty, and the police was frantically looking for Villain.
But the criminal themself? They had already stopped what they were doing in full confusion. “What… are you wearing?” Villain sorted as they looked Hero up and down.
There Hero stood in their soft blue and pink supersuit, with a bright orange fall sweater draped on top of it.
Hero made an annoyed huff. “What? I could not find my winter supersuit, and grandma would not let me leave for work in my normal one. Since it was reported that it would go below freezing tonight-” they blushed at the end of the sentence, when the villain bursted into laughter dropping all of the money bags on the ground.
“So you showed up in that?” Villains cackled madly, as they tried not to fall over. Hero on the other hand looked pissed.
“Also, aren't you an Ice powered hero?” they continued in a mocking tone, before starting to mimic Hero’s voice “Oh no! The cold! My one true weakness! Everyone knows my ICE powers gets weekend by the COLD”
Hero sighed loudly before yelling “Just because I got ice powers does not mean I can’t get sick! Just like you aren’t immune to electricity! Can we just start battling already!?”
“Sure thing!” Villain smirked, dropping the act and wiping around sending lighting straight at Hero with no warning. Hero jumped to the side, sliding along the ice path they made, but lost balance and fell.
Villain immediately readied a second attack, “If you think the sweater is ugly now, let’s see how ugly it looks when I fry it!” Only for Hero to hit them with an ice beam. Villain quickly lost their own balance on the ice and also fell right over, sending the lighting into the air.
Quickly Hero got back on their feet with power suppression cuffs in hand hoping to stop Villain before their next attack.
But, by the time they reached them, Villain released all their remaining power straight at Hero’s chest.
There was a loud crack heard in the sky all over the city, as Hero was flung back across the floor before smashing into the railing and staying there.
As the sound disappeared, Villain got back on their feat still panting from the battle, but clearly happy with their work. “Is that all you got, Hero?” they teased but stopped when they saw Hero slowly get back up. “That.. that’s impossible! That lighting should have killed you outright!” they yelled while Hero steadied their breathing still in shock from what just happened.
“Did you really think I would knit a sweater for my grandchild, and not put in safety measures against squirms like you?” a voice suddenly spoke coldly from behind Villain who did not need to turn to know who the voice belonged to.
“Supervillain?!” Villain yelled.
“Grandma?” Hero said at the same time.
“G-... GRANDMA!?!?” Villain repeated even louder looking in-between the two.
“You didn’t know?” Supervillain said smugly. “You got to be the last Villain in this whole city to learn that Hero is my one and only grandchild”
“More like the last person in the whole city to know” Hero said, still catching their breath as they looked down at their sweater. It was burned in several places, but somehow it had absorbed most of the attack.
Villain quivered in fear, and when Supervillain’s vines wrapped themself around Villain, pinning them to the ground they did not dare move a mussel.
Once the Villain was subdued, Supervillain turned her attention onto Hero, “Are you alright Sweetie? Did they hurt you? Does your power still work? You're not burnt, are you?” She sounded calm, but Hero could tell there was worry behind the questions.
“I’m alright, grandma. I swear, just a bit shook up from getting kicked back into the railing.” Hero said as Supervillain examined them. “Grandma, why are you here?” Hero asked.
At that Supervillain smirked, something that would normally send fear into any hero and villain, but never her grandchild. “I found your winter suit! It was in the dryer where I told you to look.” Supervillain said before she brought out a small paper bag.
Hero was instantly red with embarrassment as they took the bag, apologized, and thanked them for bringing it. Supervillain chuckled and told them not to worry, and that it was all good, since she doesn't get to see Hero fight villains often, and it was nice to see how far they had come.
“Speaking of villains,” Supervillain suddenly said, turning to Villain who audibly gulped.
“Wait, please let me deal with them!” Hero interrupted jumping in-between the two. “The police could be here any moment and the last thing we both want is for them to do things that you two work together!”
Supervillain stared at her grandchild for a moment before a small smile grew on their face. “I guess you’re right. I would rather not be associated with that squirm”
If Villain could melt through the floor right then and there they would. But Hero quickly got Villain cuffed and signaled their location to the police.
“They will be here in about 2 minutes” Hero said “you… you should probably go.”
“Yeah, you're right….” Supervillain answered “But Hero… I’m… I’m sorry about the sweater. I should have know you didn’t like the color-”
Hero stopped her mid sentence “What? NO! Grandma, I love this sweater! All your knitting is amazing! I just don’t like this sweater combined with my supersuit… it ruined the aesthetic ya know…”
“Oh… I see… you young heroes and villains and your aesthetics and mood” Supervillain said with a slight smile. “Well, maybe we can work together to plan a sweater just for your suite later then?”
“Yeah, that sounds nice.” Hero said as Supervillain began to run off at an impressive speech for someone in their mid 60s.
- You will likely be doing most of the cooking with these three around. Chrollo and Hisoka grew up in a city made of literal trash and had to scrounge for what little food they could find, so culinary skills are not too important to them. Illumi grew up in a household where butlers did almost all of the home upkeep and he is rather wealthy, so preparing food is not a skill Illumi possesses. As soon as you start cooking something that smells good, all three will converge where you are to see what you are making and if they can have some.
- Hisoka is a very teasing lover and he will tease you relentlessly because he loves seeing you get flustered and nervous. He is also the kind to pull you into a semi-secluded place and have his way with you.
- Chrollo will steal whatever shiny trinket or odd object you take an interest in to give to you as a gift. There is next to nothing too complicated for him to effectively steal for you.
- Illumi is more the kind to treat you like an affectionate pet, because he has very little interaction with positive relationships. He will stroke your head or call you a 'good boy' whenever you show him affection.
F/O, wearing S/I's hat: No. Why are you asking me? I haven't seen it. I haven't seen any hats anywhere. I would not steal a hat. Do not ask me any more questions.
