TVSTRANGERTHINGS
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Discoholic 🪩
ojovivo
Noah Kahan
The Bowery Presents
Cosmic Funnies
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trying on a metaphor
Monterey Bay Aquarium
noise dept.
RMH
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
roma★
Kiana Khansmith
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Origami Around
Today's Document
Xuebing Du
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@wizard-archaeanthropologist
Things that ARE covered by your Wizard Insurance:
Top Surgery
Bottom Surgery
Witch Encounters (one per century)
Killed By Greg
Middle Surgery (✨ New! ✨)
Oh for Gandalf's Big Naturals- Fine! 😡
Dental (✨ New! ✨) (first 1,000 teeth ONLY)
Obsessed with these tags, you are so right bestie
Things that ARE covered by your Wizard Insurance:
Top Surgery
Bottom Surgery
Witch Encounters (one per century)
Killed By Greg
Middle Surgery (✨ New! ✨)
Oh for Gandalf's Big Naturals- Fine! 😡
Dental (✨ New! ✨) (first 1,000 teeth ONLY)
Obsessed with these tags, you are so right bestie
Betrayed and backstabbed by your scheming evil advisor? Psch. Skill issue. Absolute amateur problem. Just hire two of them and reward them for snitching on each other. Just make sure that neither of them is gay or they'll just end up hate-fucking each other and fucking you over all the same.
"hire two evil advisors but make sure neither of them is gay" are you hearing yourself right now. be serious
Thats why you get a masc gay and a butch lesbian advisor. Still hard to find purely homosexual evil advisors tho. They're almost all bisexual. Could look at the henchperson shelter, some of their's are more fit for an advisory role. Or two asexuals? Just spouting ideas
The wizard rangers said that a breed of land wyrm I used to hunt for fake dragon hide is becoming a protected species. Gonna have to find a new way to scam foolish adventurers.
Party foul...
Overhunting could happen on anyone’s watch, but I stopped once the ranger informed me. Hell, I plan on planting some magic traps in case any greed driven wizards dare to interfere with these majestic beasts.
Sorry, typo. The Party Fowl has scales on its tail that make for a very fine dragon skin substitute
Ooh, those I could raise in my backyard, though a few will be eaten by the land wyrm. Winning all around!
When fed on a cocaine/corn mix, party fowl can reproduce at a truly astounding rate!
Too much cocaine!
QUICKLY! SKIN THEM MY LIEGE!!!
if you ever wanna see how many people on tumblr have a wizard url all you have to do is make a post about wizards. they'll come
they'll also reblog the post
i'll be honest thinking about las vegas makes me nauseous.
like this shouldnt be possible.
Every part of Vegas feels like it's pulled out of fiction and is Incredibly off-putting. It's a major city in the middle of one of the world's most inhospitable deserts
Its famous for recreating other world landmarks on a small scale. It uses this as a trap to bait people into making life ruining decisions. It's motto is essentially "never speak of what happened here". Fucked up
Just met a guy who calls himself the "bugs wizard" because he's, you know, made of bugs. Like ants and spiders and beetles and all that. And I've got to admit, the guy kind of creeps me out, but, you know, maybe he shouldn't? Maybe I'm just being shallow? Hell, I'm made of mold; who am I to talk?
R u d e
A l s o i t s I t n o t H e
Oh, hell, sorry bud; shouldn't have assumed your pronouns. Could have sworn I heard someone refer to you as "he", but thinking back they might have been talking about that "paramecia wizard" guy who was standing next to you.
A l l g o o d t h a n k s
“This is for your own good!!”
*I say as I pinch your nose shut and pour the bubbling and ghoulish potion down your wailing maw*
let me be the first to usher this post into the Horny Side of Tumblr 😂
seven reblogs in?!
That is a little slow, yeah. Hopefully the bubbling and ghoulish potion perks them up a bit.
It’s a Good Night for Gavamont is filmed in front of an UNDEAD studio audience.
*ghoulish moans of the damned*
Honey, I’m gnome!
*I enter the home using only the bottom half of the Dutch door*
*I am immediately torn asunder by the hell hound family pet*
Me, cast as the part of your wickedly beautiful wife: *an enchanted chaise rolls up behind me which allows me to dramatically fall back onto it whilst my sexy thralls fan me, and I am immediately surrounded by all of the animated household objects and woodland creatures for comfort*
How will I ever explain this mysterious tragedy to the Council?
*the audience roars*
In a distant tower, a wizard stares befuddled at a seemingly non-functional arcane device. Behind him is a shelf. Below an almost identical looking device is a label saying "Finally earn the respect and admiration of your peers". Below an empty space is a label saying "Enrage all dogs".
hey guys is there a nice wizard on tumblr or is it only the evil one
it’s just me
@good-wizard
Everyone wants me
Look, no, I'm flattered that an elder god of nightmares wants to spend a few days in my wizard tower; I just really don't think the bed in the guest room is big enough.
okay this might be a crazy idea but like. . . what if you shared your bed with the elder god of nightmares
If one bed is too small for it, what makes you think half a bed is going to work any better?
Or are you assuming I sleep in a really gigantic bed for some reason?
hey maybe the elder god of nightmares just wants to snuggle okay
How well do you really think the elder god of nightmares is going to be able to snuggle in a bed the size of just one of its damn tentacles? Dude, seriously.
Ok, so, elder gods aren't even capable of existing on this plane of reality, this is just an extension of its will, and it can make it any size and shape it wants
Become bed
If you mean that the elder god can become the bed, yes, that is a possibility. If you mean become the bed for the elder god, that is also a possibility!
My partner made this comic, and it is beautiful and amazing, and you’re all missing out by not seeing the original on paper because it’s even prettier there!
does anyone have the alex jones elf town drunkard post i made years ago
yes dawg i think about this post every day
"what do you mean 'what is the actual material harm that comes from this that causes it to be bad', you should just know it's bad automatically. it's called having a moral compass" -person whose moral framework consists solely of their knee-jerk emotional impulses
Okay, so I just received an enchanted scroll saying I am the heir to the wizard kingdom of Sabaracia after the previous wizard king died of wizard plague and I am, you know, 99.3% certain this is a scam, but... what if it isn't?
Well, you did say you weren't interested in being a wizard king. Plus that's not too close to Antarctica i don't think, so i dunno. You could always send a clone ig
Today I learned that artist that drew orb pondering image passed away back in 2007.
Angus Mcbride rip
So that correspondence course on blennology (the study of slimes) that I have been taking from the wizard college has I guess been going okay so far even though I'm not a wizard, but the (wizard) professor just asked me if I'd be willing to send little copies of me to the other (wizard) students for use for experiments and observations, and I mean... I guess I can't really think of any good reason not to do that, but for some reason it makes me a little uncomfortable.
just send him some hair gel and tell him that he must have messed them up with his magic•
I mean, the instructor is a professor of blennology; they can probably tell the difference between a slime and hair gel, and I don't want to, like, get put on academic probation.
I guess I'll go ahead and send the mes to the other students; I mean, I do want to be a good student and facilitate my peers' learning.
