occasionally subtle
Stranger Things
noise dept.
tannertan36
Cosimo Galluzzi
styofa doing anything
Misplaced Lens Cap
d e v o n
JBB: An Artblog!
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Monterey Bay Aquarium
dirt enthusiast
todays bird
trying on a metaphor
Kaledo Art
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
No title available
will byers stan first human second
JVL
seen from United States
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@blxck-cxffee13
Combine your chinese zodiac and astrology sign to make your true fursona
i still hate this post so much. i’m an ox and a taurus. i’m a bull bull. i’m so fucking annoyed oh m y go d
SCORPION TIGER I WIN MUTHAFUCKAS PINCH PINCH STAB STAB
Ben J - Edge of Darkness
Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .
You can not just say this without dropping the whole story
Ok so,
My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.
The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn't read the things written by Hand, because he wasn't wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he's like:
"Oh, sorry sir you can't do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)"
The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen't take the document with him.
The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:
This is a robbery
Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead
I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).
So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.
A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:
Her: how can I help you today?
Him: I’m here to get money
Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*
Him: all the information is on the paper
Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper
SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.
Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.
ONE HOUR LATER
Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.
To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”
Her: I am so embarrassed
FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-
Her: I feel so dumb!
FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)
I have a similar story from my friend Fred, who is a great human and I like him lots.
He was working at a 7-11 that got robbed a lot, working nights. And he was bored and read though his entire contract and learned if you're shot at work you get $200,000. Also, he hated his boss and the job.
So when a guy came in to rob him at gunpoint he got excited and was able to hatch the plan he had been pondering while dealing with a Shitty Boring Job.
"Dude. Shoot me in the leg. Right here- it'll go through and not hit anything vital and I'll be able to quit this fucking job. I'll give you fifty fucking grand to shoot me in the leg then you can take everything in the register."
This ended with him chasing the weeping attempted burglar out of his store screaming "SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD I WANT THE MONEY".
@rmilkies
One of my uncles was a branch manager at a local bank when I was a kid. His branch had the dubious honor of being one of- if not the- most robbed bank in the area. There was a bullet hole in the wall behind his desk where he'd been shot at once.
One day, this guy came in and announced he was there to rob the place. This man was smoking a cigar with one hand and had a gun in the other.
My uncle pointed at the "No Smoking" sign and told him in no uncertain terms, "Put that cigar out, or finish it outside first."
This guy, bless his heart, went back outside to finish his cigar.
My uncle locked the door behind him and waited for the cops to show up.
This is what I like to call the Bugs Bunny Deescalation Strategy
The haunting ancient Celtic carnyx being played for an audience. This is the sound Roman soldiers would have heard their Celtic enemies make.
Okay but. It wouldn't have been JUST one. There would've been multiple people blowing these things. So to set the scene fully:
You're a Roman soldier. You've settled in for the night. You drew the long straw and got to sleep tonight. You've just drifted off after a long day of marching toward what you think will be victory. And then you're awoken with a start. You hear deep bass growling, and the sound of a trumpet. There are even sounds of what seems to be screams (because you can make those scream if you choose).
You have no idea where it's coming from. The sound echoes throughout your encampment. It sounds like the beasts of hell have come to claim you and drag you into the underworld. This is surely a test from whatever deities you believe in. And you don't know how many there are out there because the sounds you're hearing overlap, and the acoustics (unbeknownst to you) are making it sound like you're surrounded.
And then, you're under attack. Your spirit shaken, your resolve barely holding on, you're in a fight for your life against warriors with hair spiked up, faces stark white with lime, chests bare and no less bright and frightening in the pale firelight that you made to see a bit further in the darkness. You are under attack by what seems like spirits or demons.
THAT is what it would've been like to hear those sounds. Sheer terror, and then being confronted with what would've looked like horrific visages all around you.
@irishironclad I love the Celts.
POV: you’ve taken the Wrong turn in north Britannia
@laneynoir you would like
I shall forever love the way @mortalityplays described it over on this post; "It sounded like a trumpet, if a trumpet was a wild prehistoric animal capable of throwing back its head and howling. It sounded like something great and tusked and angry and brass that knew what blood was and wanted it."
babe wake up! new booktok nsfw censorship term just dropped
what if I couldn't take it anymore?
Reminder to just say masturbation, sex, vagina, penis, menstruation, fuck, death, kill, boobs, dyke, faggot, etc. like a real adult.
reminder to everyone who doesnt use tiktok: you dont actually get banned for saying these words, people do this to evade others' tag blockers.
a lot of users DONT want to see this kind of post, so people censor and change words around to get put on peoples "for you" page even if they have been marked as "not interested". this is part of why it can get really difficult to find posts you actually like on tiktok, is because the algorithm is really bad at guessing that these posts are not actually about "self care". the creators of these posts are hoping they get forced in front of people who want to see something else.
Oh that's way worse than what I'd been led to believe was happening
My name is...
Angela
Pamela
Sandra
Rita
Monica
Erica
Tina
Mary
Jessica
Not mentioned in Lou Bega's hit 1999 single "Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit Of...)"
Cant have fucking shit in Detroit
Cant have shit
Okay so door saga
The only way into my building is through the front door which locks itself when closed. There's a back entrance but it's deadbolted from the inside. This means the only people who can get into the building are me, my cat sitter with the spare keys, and the people living in the other two units.
The door to MY unit now... has no doorknob. Impossible to get in.
There is a shared BACK hallway that leads to the shared basement/back entrance. My back door into this hall is always deadbolted. EXCEPT, fortuitously, right now, since neighbor (Molly) in unit 2 had heard Patches meowing when alone and offered to spend some time with her, so I had the cat sitter unlock the bolt.
This, LUCKILY, means there is A Way into my unit. But it requires getting into the building, then going THROUGH my neighbors' unit into the back hall, then up to my unit.
Cat sitter is effectively locked out from Patches, and won't be able to get in if not fixed by the next day.
Text neighbor about predicament. They're willing to look at my door bUT (it's Christmas) they're not home and not getting home until the next day.
Next day, text for an update but hear nothing. (Neighbors aren't attached to their phones much). Communicate with catsitter saying "okay if I don't hear back from neighbors, maybe you go over and I contact a locksmith who you can let in?" (since cat sitter has the keys to the building)
Catsitter is very not keen on the idea
Patches is unaware she's a prisoner.
Hear back from neighbors. Say they should be home around 5pm.
Okay... Good Enough... (Patches graze-feeds so Luckily she hasn't missed any meals but we're going on 24 hours of house arrest Patches).
6pm comes. 7pm comes. 7:40pm I text asking for an update. Nothing.
8:30pm I'm figuring out what friends I can call to break into my own house. Text neighbor again and notice this text doesn't go through.
Text neighbor's partner being like "hey sorry, can't seem to reach Molly--". Get a text back "Sorry this is Molly on David's phone! My phone died." Family Christmas plans ran late but they're on their way back and will be home soon. Thank goodness.
9pm-ish, they get back, give Patches attention and top up her food. I get a text "David fixed your door!" Woo!
Friday 5pm I finally get home
Lugging my suitcase up three flights of stairs while I hear Patches meowing like a dying Victorian child
Shoes off coat off suitcase down fish out keys unlock door grab doorknob
...Doorknob falls off
Falls off right into my hands
Staring at doorknob. Staring at door. Patches meowing. Shove doorknob against door like an idiot and no it does not go back on.
Fucking
Go down flight of stairs, knock on Molly and David's door. David is luckily home. "My doorknob fell off again can I go home"
David lets me in. I scoot past their dogs and apparently I startled the more nervous one since she apparently tried to nip at me but I didn't even notice because I'm like my cat.
Get in through the back hall.
Patches comes bounding over.
My cat.
Doesn't even know she was a prisoner.
Doesn't even know what a doorknob is.
Later that night receive a text from neighbor apologizing for the dog and I'm like "I Did Not Even Notice."
Any attempt to leave my house now is perilous until I fix the doorknob.
Can't even leave my door cracked open because I know Patches is gonna shove her stupid little face through it and become the opposite of a prisoner.
I wanna go buy a reeces peanut butter cup but by god it's not worth the risk
I'm gonna try to fix the doorknob
Or... buy? a new doorknob?
On Amazon searching "doorknob".
Merry Christmas
You are completely right because I have now investigated the knob and can confirm the screw holding the knob to bar was loose. I have tightened the screw and it SEEMS fixed but I’m very Fool Me Once on this since my neighbor also thought they’d fixed it.
There is a Home Depot trip in my future. Or maybe an online purchase if Patches would get off my laptop
Merry Christmas I hope I know how to install a doorknob
Complication. Doorknob is here and I tried to install it, but because my door is older than God, the latch-majig (technical term) is offset like an inch higher than the knob. Modern doorknob has the latch LEVEL with the knob.
To swap in the new knob I'd need to cut a new knob-hole an inch higher in the door which
With what tools
That would leave an unused gaping doorknob-sized hole in my door which any robber the size of a weasel or smaller will use to rob my home. I don't need fucking Redwall in my home.
Probably bad for the integrity of the door
I don't wanna.
I think what I really want is just the knob like above tags said. Like the knob and the rectangular bar, which I can substitute in for my stripped-bare knob and rectangle bar. I WOULD do this with the new knob, but it's got two welded-on spokes poking out from the knob.
I can maybe drill two holes for the spokes in my door...?
(Squinting at shitty amazon listings trying to see if any knobs don't have the two spokes)
(I think the two spokes might be standard.)
Developing new respect for Jesus (carpenter).
In the meantime, because I'd already unscrewed a lot of things I DID take the genius action of flipping my current doorknob around.
This way the side that causes problems is on the INSIDE.
Doorknob fall of while INSIDE house significantly better than doorknob fall off while OUTSIDE.
I'm retightening all the screws.
Patches has offered no solutions.
So it does!
Never heard the term "spindle doorknob" before so I never would have found this on my own.
They're also all labeled "vintage" which extra feels right since my door predates the Cambrian Explosion.
Crowdsourcing my door fix on Tumblr dot com! Doorknob 2.0 is ordered.
At least 4,000 but we still got time
note to self: do NOT double the chocolate chip cookie recipe. the mixer can’t handle it. I can’t handle it. my knees hurt. I’ve been rotating cookie sheets since I was born and I will be rotating cookie sheets until I die
help
Tumblr Code.
If I ever see any of you in public, the code is “I like your shoelaces”
that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything
I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person
must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!
Remember the answer is: I stole them from the president.
always reblog tumblr identification
good god this just crossed my dash in the year of our lord 2023
I LIKE YOUR SHOELACES??? IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2024??
Let’s take it to 4 million, folks!
almost there!
TO 4 MILLION!!!!!!!!!
THE ORIGINAL SHOELACES POST?? ON MY DASH IN 2024??
what drugs were they on when they made this
Cab Calloway rotascoped!
Whoever thought of this was drinking absinthe
Thanks, Now I have nightmares
this was long before cartoons were ever thought of as ‘for kids’, the target audience of this one was roughly 20-40 betty boop cartoons featuring cab calloway singing, yes, but slang has changed so much you dont realize he was singing about opium, sugar daddies, death, weed, sex, booze, and gambling back when gambling was nearly as tabboo as sex and drugs. ‘minnie the moocher’ where cab calloway is a dancing walrus is specifically about someone who does literally everything on that list but die
most of the animation studios had their ‘thing’ to make their animation stand out, disney had fluid motion linked with quality music, warner brothers had top notch dialogue with carefully crafted facial expressions, MGM had comedic timing down to the individual frame that no live action comedian could dream of achieving, terrytoons had the budget of a ham sandwitch and a fistfull of nickels fleischer studios however had authentic jazz and heavy toned subject matter, often crossing the line of what we think of as ‘cartoon violence’ into realistic
idk why this is making me so emotional???
I love this. I’ve always had a love for cartoons
Cab Calloway, he was a legend performer and entertainer, although he’s listed as a jazz singer he did much more with his voice, his singing style and delivery was very unique. Cab (with his band) was the first black artist to sell over a million copies of a single record and he paved the way for many artists to come. Happy Black History Month.
sorry to make this long post longer, but I feel like it needed some actual photos of Cab Calloway, who is, in fact, the greatest
I am not the divine masculine or the divine feminine I am the divine comedy and you will address me as such
Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later
Oh and now I… I will survive.
Because if I don’t, my character won’t make it out alive.
Oh god, now go… goblins galore.
I thought that I’d killed all of ‘em, but now there are some more.
Me: "I have created a system that allows me to take photos more efficiently, taking half the time as normal."
Boss: "That's impossible. You're given the full hour because that's the amount of time it takes everyone else. You need to slow down and take your time to ensure the quality of the photos."
Me: "Okay. I have taken the whole hour and because I have an efficient system I have yielded four times the number of photos expected."
Boss: "You need to slow down and take your time. They need to be good quality. I am sending you a trainee so you can show her how you do it. Show her how to do it right."
Me: -shows trainee my system, gets done in half the time-
Trainee: "Yeah, she's really fast. Just goes in there and goes 'ch ch ch ch ch.'"
Boss: "She puts it on continuous shot and just scans the room? That's how she does them so fast!? You're supposed to be focusing on quality."
Trainee: "No, she's doing single shot. She just knows the angles to get pictures of kids faces and does it really fast so she's not interrupting the class."
Boss: "It takes me the whole hour to do that! I hate doing candids because they're so hard."
Me: "It takes me less because I enjoy doing it, and I'm good at it, and I've developed a system to make sure its precise."
It takes less than a second to take a photo. I don't understand why I would need the whole hour.
Unfortunately bosses don't like it when the correct answer is "skill issue" 😂
Every job I've done that's repetitive has ended up getting streamlined because I get into a flow and learn the most efficient way of doing it. When I was doing funeral flowers I would do 2 at a time based on when they needed out the door.
I don't understand the problem. The problem is that I'm good and people don't believe me.
How dare you understand the skill requirements for your job and adjust your practices accordingly.
"You got vampire lore wrong in your story because real vampires do this and that" Buddy I have terrible news about all of vampires. Heartbreaking news. Worst news you're gonna hear all day.
are they problematic. did they get canceled
The best piece of advice I ever got was not meant as advice, but as an edict. If I was going to threaten people as a joke, it had to be so far out of proportion with what happened that it would be obvious I was joking. This changed how I expressed frustration with others. It then changed how I expressed frustration with myself.
Not “I’m going to hit you” but “I am going to buy a tuna sub from the gas station and hide it under the seat of your car”
Not “I’m going to kill myself” but “I am going to walk into the desert and let the scarabs take me”
The other side then happened. When I mess something up, instead of saying it’s bad and perpetuating negative thoughts, swing hard the other way.
Not “this art is terrible” but “this shall be framed and mounted on the wall in my museum exhibition as testament to the suffering I had to overcome”
Have been doing this since high school. It was my drama teacher who asked me to please stop scaring the actors. The other half of the edict was that I had to say it in a polite tone, and end it with either please or thank you.
Life changing. 10/10 Mr Muëller. Highly reccomend.
lol
#Queued
Which means you saw this, could have told me, but instead, you chose this course. You chose violence. I'll be adding you to the list of traitors to be embroidered in the tapestry of my throne room.
watching ds9 and the contrast with TNG while still being the same type of show is gorgeous
TNG: we’re on the cutting edge! This is the federation flagship! we’re different but we get along! Space is dangerous but together we can pull through!!
DS9: why the FUCK doesnt this SHIT ASS station make hot water??? Is that a ferengi? I hate that asshole!! Goddamnit who’s coming through this wormhole NOW?? I’m gonna get us through this week’s fuck up but only because I refuse to let you fuckers outlive me
That’s way too good to stay in the tags.
