Bookworm5

I post pretty much anything I find remotely interesting including Doctor Who, Supernatural, Avengers, Buffy, and other random t.v. shows. I'm nonbinary and asexual. I don't really know what this is any more. Have fun!

[snickelsox]

Them: Can you help me with this thing?

Me: Sure

*later*

Me: Hey, I did that thing.

Them: Awesome! You must have done stuff like this a bunch.

Me: No.

Them: Then how-

Me: I agreed to help, and the anxiety of looking incompetent forced me to become proficient.

Them: How did you learn-

Me: I spent the first 10 minutes panicking and then went to Wikipedia and read everything I could ok the subject then I tried to recreate it on my own, failed, then reread wikipedia and just winged it the rest of the way.

Them: Wow. That's amazing. You know, if you were a little more proactive and applied that same kind of dedication towards everything else in your life, you'd be unstoppable.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA. no

[snickelsox]

Demon King: You have traveled far, just to die pointlessly at my feet.

Cleric: Our quest was actually just to deliver a message, not to fight.

DK: ...hmmm, what is the message?

C: *unrolls scroll* *ahem* We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty...

[jvlianbashir]

just watched a man ice skate a whole routine to cotton eye joe while wearing denim overalls. ladies, i may be in love.

[jvlianbashir]

this shit is so cute!!! he looks like he’s having a great time!!

[lordjenjen]

Okay, but I love this because he very much is doing an skating routine that is beautiful and elegant, but also made it look like that was very much the middle of a good ol fashion barn hoedown!

[rinrinp42]

He did the cotton eye joe dance in that routine!

[what-even-is-thiss]

Stereotypes that people have for themselves, while still sometimes harmful, are always so much funnier than the stereotypes that outsiders have for them.

Like outsiders are like “Asexual people are prudes and will yell at you for having sex!” and actual asexual people are like “All ace people want a dragon.”

Outsiders are like “Californians all surf and say dude a lot.” and actual Californians are like “If There Is Not A Taco Shop Within Five Miles Of Me At All Times I Will Literally Die.”

[ringwraith-4]

Texan stereotype: yee haw

Actual Texans: W h a t a b u r g e r

[nonegenderleftgalaxy]

Nonbinary stereotype: DiD yOu JuSt AsSuMe My GeNdEr???!??!!??

Actually being nonbinary: *looks into a rainy window* when will my gender come back from the war?

[captainlordauditor]

Goyim: Jews secretly rule the world

Jews: a group of Jews is called an argument

[moonbeam-llama]

Bisexual stereotype: confused, promiscuous

Actual bisexuals: you cannot expect me to pick a restaurant; I’m bisexual *finger guns*

[eerieticals-deactivated20220522]

adhd stereotype: oh im so random xD LOOK A SQUIRREL

actual adhd people: i wrote down my tasks on a sticky note then forgot about the sticky note

[twofingerswhiskey]

autistic stereotype: screaming and banging our heads on the wall while going REEEEE

actual autistics: airport security can’t stop me if i just wear every piece of stim jewellery i own right

[bundibird]

Our Aloe Vera plant got pruned, so guess what that means!!!!!

IT'S ALOE VERA JUICE TIME

[bundibird]

Step one: get the spikes off.

This is a pile of ooh, ahh:

And this is a pile of caution:

[bundibird]

Uhhhhhhhhhh ok so never mind, I am not making aleo vera juice after all.

Because, uh. This is the first time I've made it??? So I was like "oh I'll just Google it and see if I have to cut the dark green bit off or if I can just chuck the whole thing through the machine," and. Thank goodness I checked. Cause a) yeah you do have to cut the dark green bit off, cause it's HECKING TOXIC, but uh. More importantly??

Turns out there's two primary sub species of aloe. One is greenish-grey and has no spots and is good for digestive health.

And the other has pale spots on it and is fantastic for treating sunburn and is, uh. Very toxic and shouldn't be eaten.

That.... uh. That was a close call.

[bundibird]

Here's the two types, for anyone interested. The kind I have is the one on the left. Aka, the non-edible one.

[bundibird]

Me, had I drunk my homemade toxic cactus-juice:

[chemicalmagecraft]

Delectable tea, or deadly poison...

[bundibird]

@chemicalmagecraft I need you to know that I nearly broke a rib laughing at your addition. Also, your input deserved a fully fledged meme

[valtsv]

does anyone else remember being in, like, middle school and every adult over the age of 30 being like “drawing or writing on your hands is literally the most EVIL thing you can do and can KILL you”

[sh12pen-bookfan]

My friend once put her maths homework in a bottle of water and drank it, then became ill and wasn’t able to go to school the next day, pen ink is really bad y'know

[get-thee-to-a-shrubbery]

ok but you see what the difference here is, right? like you see the difference between drawing on your hands and drinking homework juice, right??

[nyctosaurid]

human instincts

ghost detection

no one here knows you but they all hate you

go pet that large predatory animal 

[azuretheshitposter]

hit person with cardboard tube

[strangled-mangoes]

Slap someone with overly long sleeves

[personal-for-leaf]

The unbelievably strong desire to just scream

[because-im-freaking-greed]

clack tongs like crab

[atwotonedbird]

Hit yourself with cardboard tube

[khadij-al-kubra]

Pop bubble wrap

[katswenski]

[plume]

OMG everyone I know the ACTUAL story behind the gif this time! Yes, it’s in Australia– that’s a big angry goanna that wandered into a popular restaurant. All the Australians in the vicinity went OH FUCK NO and cleared off, because goannas are mean. The waitress you see there is a French exchange student, who was quoted as saying something to the effect of “I thought it was a weird ugly dog” and had no idea it was a reptile that wanted to rip her arms off. She’s been hailed as a hero who saved diners.

[mousathe14]

It’s amazing what power “not knowing” has.

[zarekthelordofthefries]

The thing I especially love about this is this is a pretty dangerous animal, except she managed to defeat it by just fucking grabbing it by the tail and walking too quickly for it to turn around. Once again the animal kingdom is thwarted because we evolved opposable thumbs, long limbs, and reckless bravery.

[orjustbecauseyoucould]

weird, ugly dog thwarted by foreign exchange student and polished floors 

[idiopathicsmile]

my take-home lesson here is that nobody in france has ever first-hand seen a dog

[deathcomes4u]

no no, french dogs just be like that

[axylh]

unrecognizable force VS ignorant object

[racingbarakarts]

I used to have geese so here’s a tip for everyone:

If a goose is attacking you, don’t run. No matter what, stand your ground. They can fly but when they’re mad, they don’t usually try to fly. Hold your hands in front of you, ready to grasp. When the goose gets close, grab it by the neck bit closest to the head and squeeze. Not tight enough to choke the goose, but tight enough so they can’t break free. You can hold them until they calm down or just do the next step right away. The next step is literally just to chuck them as far as possible and run for your life. It makes the goose know you’re in charge and you have a better chance of getting away. Trust me I’ve done this so many times that I’ve lost count

[myblogisnotinteresting]

I can’t tell if this is a shitpost or actual advice. But I do know geese are the fucking worst.

[racingbarakarts]

Actual advice! Just yeet a goose

[61below]

Yeet the geese

[racingbarakarts]

I’ve been reading the replies to this so here’s an update!

DO NOT KICK A GOOSE. Geese are very important for nature as they maintain insect populations and they help pick weeds that try to kill useful plants! Geese are good, they’re just grumpy. Never kick one because you could fatally injure them. They do not have the bone structure to survive a strong kick.

I had to deal with this a lot because my family bred geese. Geese are not happy about their eggs being taken so after you take one, they remember for their whole lives. We had a farm, we did what we had to do in order to survive. We loved our geese and our geese loved us, just not when we were taking their babies.

Do not kill Geese just because they’re mean. Please

Yes you could crawl towards them, but that only works if it’s one goose. If it’s more than one attacking you, you can yeet them as they get close.

This post was about white geese, which is what we bred, but you can do this for Canadian geese too! Because attacking a Canadian goose can get you a fine and even jail time, this is a much nicer approach to being attacked by a goose.

Also for some reason a lot of replies are saying this can break a goose’s neck???? It can’t??? Don’t spread lies. Geese are built to be picked up by the neck and they have tons of muscles in their necks to support being thrown. This is how they fight each other. It doesn’t hurt them. Just stuns them.

DO NOT DO THIS TO SWANS!!!!!!! SWANS ARE EVIL IF YOU ARE BEING ATTACKED BY A SWAN JUST ACCEPT YOUR DEATH. THEY WILL NOT BE STUNNED. THEY WILL NOT FORGET. THEY WILL FOLLOW YOU HOME AND MURDER YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. SWANS ARE DEMONS

[askfordoodles]

Actually, I have picked up a swan by just, slotting in under my arm; once their wings are held in place they just sorta hiss a bit and accept their fate. It’s how wildlife centres and rspca deal with them. They just use swan-bags, I’M NOT kidding, that completely neutralizes them. LOOK AT ALL THESE DEMONIC BULLIES BEING DEFEATED BY BEING CHIHUAHUA-HANDBBAGGED.

In fairness, in MY CASE, this was a juvenile male, but old enough that the dad had evicted it from the lake. He was in my way, hissing and refusing to move; and if you hiss at me, that’s a challenge, baby!

[kedreeva]

Most birds will accept their date once you have their wings (geese will, in my experience, chill once you have them under an arm too, I pick them up like that). They transport peafowl in sacks like that too:

[magellan-88]

This post is a journey

[funeral-clown]

bird straitjackets

[adulthoodisokay]

Guy dresses up as his dog’s favorite toy (via Jeff Spiegel/Twitter)

[sixpenceee]

Boo!

[maneth985]

BHAHAHA THE JUMP!

[martymartinloki]

“Oh what a scary predator!  You really scared Mama!  Good job!”

[nikkoliferous]

I can’t stop laughing at this

[sixpenceee]

Boo!

[maneth985]

BHAHAHA THE JUMP!

[martymartinloki]

“Oh what a scary predator!  You really scared Mama!  Good job!”

[nikkoliferous]

I can’t stop laughing at this

[linssweater]

This thread omg

[thejeksburyguy]

Family doesn’t have to be blood related.

Sometimes family is a righteously angry little girl, her supportive brother, a random stranger with a thirst for chaos and justice, two foreign grandmas, and The Rest Of The Plane.

[melodiouswhite]

Yes. So much yes.

[heroineimages]

This is beautiful!

[insomniac-arrest]

finding out that almost all other animals don’t have periods like we do and instead simply reabsorb the egg back into their uterine lining to reuse the nutrients is like finding out the rest of the class has been taking WILDLY easier tests than you for the whole semester

like, hey, cat why don’t you have to use your Cat Dollars to invest in tampons? And cat is just like: fuck that noise, my body is OPTIMAL for not being made of inconvenient nonsense, sucks to be you

wack.

[insomniac-arrest]

humans: hey, bleeding every month is actually really cumbersome and I lose both valuable nutrients AND fluids I need for survival? What the fuck is up?

evolution: yes, alright, but have you considered this about it? *cartoon blow horn noise* 

[what-even-is-thiss]

Human bodies suck for many reasons including but not limited to:

Periods

Bad backs

Permanent breasts that do not leave once baby is weaned

Dangerously large, unprotected, and non retractable male reproductive systems

Huge brain takes up way too much energy gotta eat more sleep less

Baby brain bigger than hips guess birth is life threatening now

Takes like 25 years for big brain to even finish maturing

[catchymemes]

[ghiblivampire]

straight/cis people think the gaydar is for instantly knowing someone's gay but it actually just tells me who to root for in cooking shows

[skiesinlove]

This shouldn't be a hot take but the emphasis on getting nonverbal kiddos to speak is super gross and needs to stop