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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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@epicridiculousnessofaginger
it’s not a slur, it’s just an outdated and useless concept which tends to be used as a bludgeon or a pedestal, and both are harmful.
Copying this because some people need to read it again
it’s not a slur, it’s just an outdated and useless concept which tends to be used as a bludgeon or a pedestal, and both are harmful.
anyways can we start recognizing adhd as an actual and serious disorder that
can affect on functioning in every day life so badly that it interferes with taking care of very basic human needs
is not 10 yrs old white boy exclusive disorder
is not a fake disorder created to benefit medicine companies
definitely should not be reduced to “kid who cant sit still and wont stop screaming” stereotypes because adhd has a whole fuckton of symptoms ranging from serious memory issues to fine motor control difficulties
ADHD is:
One of the most treatable “psychiatric” disorders (although it’s more accurately a neurodevelopmental disorder), with approximately 90% of patients able to find a treatment regimen that works well for them, given appropriate medical support. ADHD stimulant medications in particular (Ritalin and Adderall and their variations) are some of the most effective psychiatric medications in existence.
Contrary to popular opinion, extremely under diagnosed overall, particularly in populations that are not young white boys (women, adults, people of color, etc.)
So there are a LOT of people out there who could be helped by getting a diagnosis and treatment but are not, in part because of the negative stereotypes around ADHD and ADHD medication that are prevalent in pop culture.
Able to coexist with a number of other conditions or traits that may change its presentation and/or impact, including mental illnesses such as anxiety or depression and various learning disabilities but also giftedness/high intelligence.
In fact, in adults diagnosed for the first time, it is extremely common to have comorbidities, in large part because ADHD can be so hard to cope with.
Sleep disorders are also frequently comorbid with ADHD. Additionally, being poorly-rested makes ADHD symptoms worse, which makes you more likely to sleep badly. It’s a hellish merry-go-round.
In some cases, “twice exceptional” people (gifted + ADHD) have extra trouble getting appropriate support, because some ADHD symptoms can be masked by intelligence (for instance, if a child is bright enough to do their homework in the ten minutes between classes and master the test material by cramming the night before, they may never see the poor academic performance that might lead to testing), and because the symptoms of ADHD may also mask their giftedness - so they end up stuck in classes that are too easy for them, and therefore boring, which makes the ADHD symptoms worse. Also, people who know they are intelligent but have untreated ADHD can be really prone to some of the other psychological comorbidities, especially as they become adults, because they know what to do and how to do it and that they SHOULD do it, and they WANT to do it, but they still can’t make themselves actually do it, so they start to beat themselves up, thinking “I’m too smart to constantly be this stupid, I must just be really lazy, maybe I really DON’T care, maybe I’m just a terrible person.” Ask me how I know.
Can also have less-common symptoms associated with it. I actually had my hearing tested before my diagnosis because I had so much trouble following conversations if there was background noise. My hearing is fine: my issue is auditory processing. My brain just can’t focus on conversations if too much else is going on. (This also applies to following dialogue on television if there is a lot of background noise/music. I use the captions a lot.
In some cases, extremely disabling. Under the Americans With Disabilities Act, a disability is “a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activity.” A sampling of major life activities that might be substantially limited by untreated ADHD includes:
Managing finances (largely through impulsive spending, frequent lost items that need replacing, forgetting to pay bills, forgetting to do routine maintenance and having issues like larger repairs needed)
Basic self-care (remembering to take meds, go to doctor appointments, eat and drink at appropriate times, go to bed at appropriate times)
Employment (difficulty being on time for work or work activities, difficulty meeting deadlines, propensity to make “careless errors”, difficulty with emotional regulation)
Interpersonal relationships (memory problems so you never remember important dates, time issues meaning you’re late meeting them, forgetting commitments, easily distracted during conversations, impulsivity leading to interruptions/saying or doing stuff you didn’t think through, difficulty responding appropriately to social cues (through distraction/impulsivity), difficulty with emotional regulation)
Maintaining a clean and sanitary home (forgets steps in household chores, distracted away from finishing them, loses key equipment, impulsive purchases clutter up the home, loses interest in projects and leaves them out half-done)
If untreated, linked to higher rates of all manner of negative outcomes when compared to similar neurotypical populations, including:
unemployment
divorce
substance abuse
injury or death in accidents, especially car accidents
arrest
None of this is because people with ADHD as a group are, like, bad or lazy or evil or irresponsible or don’t care. People with ADHD are just people, and exist on the same range of good, bad, and in-between that all people do. However, the parts of our brains that are meant to help us regulate our emotions, plan for the future, remember to do important things, and not act on every impulse that crosses our minds just don’t work properly. A lot of us might lean in to an airhead, spacy artistic type, class clown, or similar persona to mask our deep shame over not being able to “just” do all these basic things that other people seem to do with no trouble at all.
Additionally, even accessing ADHD treatment can be extremely challenging, because stimulant medications are controlled substances and there are so many false and damaging perceptions about the condition and medications out there. And even when you have a well-established diagnosis and are well controlled on a medication you’ve taken for years, you are never far away from potential disruptions to your treatment. I personally am a white professional with good health insurance and was able to get diagnosed and medication prescribed - which in itself is often really difficult - but even from that position of privilege I have experienced multiple gaps in my treatment for reasons like:
My pharmacy lost a prescription and had to get a new one. (My medication cannot be refilled; each month has to be a brand new prescription.)
My pharmacy was out of stock of my medication (I can’t transfer that prescription to a different pharmacy, and even if I had a paper prescription, you can’t call a pharmacy and be told the medication is in stock, you have to physically go there and ask.)
I forgot to make a doctor appointment in time (I have to have a doctor visit every three months to continue to get the prescription.)
I forgot to fill the prescription (since I, you know, HAVE ADHD, and you can’t set them up to auto-renew like you can other meds.)
My prescription is really expensive and there aren’t many savings options because it’s a controlled medication. (Even with savings I pay over $100 out of pocket for my ADHD meds every month. If the manufacturer isn’t offering a coupon that month it’s close to $300.)
Again, this is a LEGAL medication that I am LEGALLY prescribed by my supportive doctor with consultation from my supportive psychologist, for my actual disabling medical condition, and which all parties involved agree is extremely effective in helping me manage said condition. I’m in about the best situation you can be in short of being a millionaire who doesn’t have to worry about things like preapprovals or copays or taking sick time from work.
I’ve also heard from others who have had to change doctors due to moving, job or insurance changes, etc., only to get issues like:
medical practices that flatly refuse to prescribe any controlled medications at all.
medical practices that don’t deal with ADHD specifically at all.
doctors that “don’t believe in” medicating adults/women/people with good jobs/people with good grades/anyone for ADHD.
doctors that won’t accept existing diagnoses or treatment plans.
ADHD is a treatable and manageable condition, but it isn’t a joke, it isn’t “made up,” we aren’t “all a little ADHD these days anyway”. It’s a complex and wide-ranging condition that can impact nearly every part of your life in serious and possibly very damaging ways.
Hold on I need to schedule an appointment
OP you could’ve gone to my house and punched me in the face
Wait, sleep disorders, too?!
There’s a reason the joke goes “five out of 100 people have ADHD. One’s diagnosed, one’s getting by, one’s depressed, one’s an addict and one’s in jail”.
Seriously though, I quit binge drinking cold the week that I got properly medicated for ADHD. If you have substance use issues, gambling (including loot boxes etc), or other significant behavioural addictions, and you recognise the things described here as problems in your life, for the love of god please go get tested. Even just take a look at the Brown Adult ADD Self-Report Scale and see if it reads like a callout post.
ppl will say "demisexual and demiromantic apply to literally everyone why is it a label" and then play smash or pass, see people on the street and comment to their friends how attractive they are, meet someone at a bar and ask them on a date, start talking to someone in the hopes that it will end up sexual/romantic one day
like bro. an actual lack of attraction until a serious connection has formed is not the same thing as wanting to get to know someone before you have sex or date them.
I hate the trope of "I refuse to hit women!! [Gets decked]" cause it's boring but I do like the trope of someone in an RPG going "hey I don't wanna hit a kid that's kinda fucked up" and the kid just obliterates them
"i refuse to hit a woman!" = Sexist, overdone, does nothing to actually empower the woman or make the guy seem nice
"I refuse to hit a kid" = valid, even funnier when the kid whips absolutely ass in one go
Avatar: doing it right yet again
when healing from a person.. you will have thoughts like “I loved them more than I loved anyone, I never knew I could love someone so much, I’ll never love someone that much again..”
It is important to realize that your ability to love that person didn’t come from them, it came from within you. You were always a lover, already someone who could love deeply. Just because they are gone doesn’t mean that goes away. They didn’t give you the capacity to love, they just gave you a place to express it. Don’t give someone else the credit for how hard you could love, that was you and it still is.
I’m just going to leave this here…
im on mobile, can someone make one that adds “jews”
I made a thing
I love The Golden Girls.
Ya’ll don’t have any idea how fucking brave and needed these plot lines were.
This was before Ellen came out.
This was before civil unions.
This was before Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.
This was when your ass could be fired, blacklisted, and shunned with no legal protections for even being hinted at being gay.
And the Golden Girls said “Fuck you, Fuck this, we’re doing it anyway.”
I think it should be noted that Blanche’s quote about AIDS is also “It is not god punishing people for their sins” and that the episode also deals with slutshaming.
I don’t know if people realize how much activism these women did for gay right and during the aids crisis. If you think about it they were all long established in Hollywood and Broadway. They had tons of friends personally affected and dealing with the aids crisis. Estelle Getty lost a nephew. I think they helped plant seeds in people who watched Golden Girls that helped make things a little more normalized and mainstream.
this is the video they’re talking about. the woman who posted it (@/carrie.1956) is a lovely woman I highly recommend checking out her account
(Source: me)
My boyfriend has ADHD and I have Autism and he’ll still be like, “We need to go to the store.” And then two hours later he’s confused that I don’t have shoes on.
Like… You didn’t even say today, let alone a time.
Okay real talk - this is so 100% accurate BUT telling people they need to keep directly telling us to do something puts a lot of emotional labour on them. We want them to be our partners/ friends/ families, not our managers, so we need to find systems for this.
My flatmate and I have started splitting up chores so that we both know what we are each responsible for in a week. We have also set up a time for “flatmate meetings” where we can discuss new chores/ sort out any problems that occurred with chores in the previous week so they don’t happen again etc.
This means that neither of us feel responsible for everything and neither of us feel like we are nagging/ being nagged by the other.
It means we can both be really explicit about things for an hour or two a week and then move on with an equal friendship.
When we first moved in together she got upset with me because I hadn’t realised that she took out the bins for a full 6 months… We have come a long way!
I SO agree on the chores thing bc some chores are not so dopamine-killing for ADHD ppl and we will do them gladly. But I totally disagree with your stance on th emoitonal labor here. Telling people to be direct with their requests is not emotional labor. If anything, making indirect requests is an expectation for someone ELSE to do the emotional labor of realizing you have a need that you didn’t feel like openly expressing. It’s really really really not optimal communication at all to make indirect requests, and they can be very rude. Example: The floor needs mopping. Susan stands in the kitchen and says “Wow, somebody needs to clean this floor!” and walks off. That’s an indirect request. Susan actually has a desire- a need- she wants the floor clean. But Susan also does not want to take responsibility for it. That’s okay, but since she’s asking someone else to do it so she doesn’t have to, the mature thing to do is to say “The floor needs to be mopped, can you take care of it, Terra?” If you want someone to do something for you, you need to be able to make the request directly. Indirect requests are STILL requests except instead of honestly stating a need and respectfully asking the requestee, indirect requests childishly state a need ~in general~ with the covert intent to guilt someone into doing it like some kind of cheap reverse-psychology. It’s manipulative, guys. It’s considered ‘normal’ enough but a lot of what is considered ‘normal’ isn’t actually healthy. Making indirect requests is disrespectful and manipulative , an avoidance of stating your own needs, and probably related to fear of rejection.
It’s really not healthy to normalize this to the point of saying that ADHD ppl are asking their NT partners to do emotional labor by using open and HONEST communication. Wtf?
If you want someone to do something for you ASK THEM.
I actually completely agree with you on this and don’t think these two stances are mutually exclusive.
1. If you want someone to do something for you, being clear and not passive aggressive/coded is the most respectful thing to do (and the easiest way to ensure something is done). You can’t get too mad if someone isn’t doing something you need and you just decide to… never mention it? (Who does that help??)
2. Expecting someone to directly ask you to do housework every time it needs to be done in a home that you SHARE is putting unnecessary emotional labour on them. As people who know we tend to need structure we need to be explicit with the people around us about this (preferably before it creates issues).
Divvying up chores with my flatmate actually managed both of these. She let me know the current system was stressing her and suggested a change. I reflected and told her certain chores would be harder for me and would likely lead to me procrastinating but I wanted to make sure we both took on equal responsibilities and were both happy. We then worked together to make a system that meant no one had to ask and no one had to just “work it out” - we knew our chores and they were chores we could both do/were happy with (e.g. I always take out the bins, she always does the horrible, loud vaccuming). We wrote into the system time to talk about it in case it needed tweaking. Good communication and a good system.
Alternatively I recently told my boss that sometimes when she thinks it is obvious that I should just take responsibility for a project I would appreciate her being explicit (e.g. “I expect you to run this project and give it to me to review when it is 90% done”). In return I would ensure everything was done by required deadlines and alert her of any timing issues. This means there are no crossed wires and everyone gets what they want - things getting done without a constant need to check in and worry about it.
We all have some level of responsibility in making our own lives easier and recognising that what is obvious to us isn’t necessarily obvious to others. I thought it was obvious that my boss should give clear direction, she thought being that direct might be offensive or “bossy”. Different people need different things and it is important we are clear with the people around us about the things we need (and ask what they need) to ensure we have productive and positive relationships.
Talking about it and making a kind of agreement put us both on the same page and now there is far less awkwardness and miscommunication.
100% TRUE
Pro tip: If you copy and paste a link that said “no free articles” into a private/incognito browser, it will let you read the whole thing.
also if u press the “esc” (escape) key on ur laptop before the page fully loads, it won’t load any pop-ups blocking u from reading. if the article has images, then this method sometimes does not u see them. but! the words will be fine :)
If the site is particularly badly designed, you might just be able to delete the overlay itself. Right click > Inspect element and delete the line of HTML (it’ll be highlighted automatically)
hey kids there is a website called outline.com that will let you read from pretty much any news site with a paywall for free
outline.com is amazing - it hasn’t failed yet on any site that I’ve tried it on.
There’s a chrome extension and firefox extension.
the last comment
Common Phrases Correctly
Oh thank the gods
You could always nip it in the butt too if that makes you happy.
pretty sure hunger causes pain but whatever
ace_irl
Larger breast bras vs. smaller breast bras
t h is
T H A N K Y O U .
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REBLOG THE FUCK OUT OF THIS BRO
the only colors available after a c cup are white, brown, black, and for those special occasions…fluorescent orange.
As a former employee of Victoria’s Secret, I can attest to this being the truth. Good luck finding a good DD bra in any section other than the Body By Victoria nude colors section.
You know what was my first tought when i lost weight and my boobs were a little smaller?
“I CAN FINALLY WEAR PRETTY BRAS WOHOOOOO!”
Bravissimo - size range - 28D-40L - Prices from £20 Cleo - Size range to up a J cup Curvy kate - size range cup sizes from DD to K and band sizes from 28-44 Elomi– Many sizes Fantasie– Their bras start at 30D and go up to 40G with prices beginning in the low $40s Fauve– Standard sets but sizing mostly starts at 30D and ends at 40G Freya– Sizes start at 28D and bra prices start at $42 Masquerade– Band sizes start at 28 and go up to 38. Cup sizes start at D and go up to H Miss Mandalay– The size range is 28D to 38GG with room to grow if there’s more demand for more sizes Panache– Many sizes
(x) Here you go!
MARRY ME
I swear by Elomi. Fun colors, sizes that actually fit! And you can sometimes get them on sale, which is even better.
(Do take note the difference in cup sizes between US/EU sizing.)
May I recommend Bravissimo? I got the best fitting of my LIFE at their Chelsea, NYC store, and they have all kinds of bras for big-boobed women. My boobs have never been happier or prettier.
For anyone who may need it!
-FemaleWarrior
I second Bravissimo! I had the best experience of my life in one of their London stores. Amazing fitting amazing customer service. They were very open about how they’re different styles could fit differently so you may need to adjust cup or band sizes but the service was so spectacular.
locusimperium:
A few years ago, when I was living in the housing co-op and looking for a quick cookie recipe, I came across a blog post for something called “Norwegian Christmas butter squares.” I’d never found anything like it before: it created rich, buttery and chewy cookies, like a vastly superior version of the holiday sugar cookies I’d eaten growing up. About a year ago I went looking for the recipe again, and failed to find it. The blog had been taken down, and it sent me into momentary panic.
Luckily, I remembered enough to find it on the Wayback Machine, and quickly copied it into a file that I’ve saved ever since. I probably make these cookies about once a month, and they last about five days around my voracious husband - they’re fantastic with a cup of bitter coffee or tea. I’m skeptical that there is something distinctively Norwegian about these cookies, but they do seem like the perfect thing to eat on a cold day.
Norwegian Christmas Butter Squares
1 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 egg 1 cup sugar 2 cups flour 1 tsp vanilla ½ tsp salt Turbinado/ Raw Sugar for dusting
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Chill a 9x13″ baking pan in the freezer. Do not grease the pan.
Using a mixer, blend the butter, egg, sugar, and salt together until it is creamy. Add the flour and vanilla and mix using your hands until the mixture holds together in large clumps. If it seems overly soft, add a little extra flour.
Using your hands, press the dough out onto the chilled and ungreased baking sheet until it is even and ¼ inch thick. Dust the top of the cookies evenly with raw sugar.
Bake at 400 degrees until the edges turn a golden brown, about 12-15 minutes. Remove from the oven. Let cool for about five minutes before cutting the cooked dough into squares. Remove the squares from the warm pan using a spatula.
So I tried this recipe.
And it is GREAT.
It basically makes the platonic ideal of commercial sugar cookies, only in bar form. When I give them to people (which I do a lot, because this is one of those simple recipes where the results seem very impressive), I just tell them they’re sugar cookie bars.
Life hack: add white chocolate chips and sea salt
I made these today for the equinox with sea salt caramel chips and they are simply amazing. Let’s see how long they last with six people in the house!
this teen is writing an entire avatar the last airbender musical on tiktok and we need to support everything she does!! screw the live action we only stan katherine in this house!!
here’s her song for katara: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJMgkQPv/
here’s her song for azula: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJMgX68X/
here’s her song In the Clouds, which is out on Spotify and Apple Music and which she really needs the streams bc she just bought a new computer to make this fan musical!
and if you can, support her on patreon! https://www.patreon.com/katherinelynnrose
“This is a teachable moment for you.”
She did that!!!!
It was the “so I feel this is a teachable moment for you” for me💯🎯
