yo. that's it.

My main job is failing. Love a lot of fandoms, can't keep track. Arknights, RWBY, mainly though.

[m0uthbr3ather]

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

[skwinky]

I always need this on my blog.

[xopachi]

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

[tootsiebb]

Yes

[howlingday]

Well, well, well, look who it is…

[catgirl-techsupport]

Saw a post like this with negative outlook so I asked for it to be fixed

[shuttershocky-deactivated202512]

The last Disco Elysium writer still in ZA/UM just got laid off.

[tothechaos]

glad that im not popular enough to have an evil shadow version of my blog that exists just to make contradictions on my posts

[totheorder]

:)

[tothechaos]

[tothechaos]

Do Not Do This To Me

[catboybeebop]

[slicedcheesegremlin]

[tothechaos]

if this post hits 200k im printing it out and eating it

[pointless-achievements]

Achievement Unlocked:

Daily Recommended Dose of Fiber

Make an ill-advised promise within earshot of a gimmick blog.

[rotary-supercollider]

Quick someone add a fucked-up car so we can get @identifying-cars-in-posts

[mysteryviolencesideblog3000]

Ok!

[identifying-cars-in-posts]

1976-1977 Oldsmobile Cutlass

[terminusverge]

That car is not messed up enough. Here.

@identifying-cars-in-posts

[identifying-cars-in-posts]

1981-1983 Delorean DMC-12

[cantotallyeven]

I'll write a hauiku as a comment on this post and hope the bot sees

[the-haiku-bot]

I’ll write a hauiku

as a comment on this post

and hope the bot sees

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[absurdly-useful]

@identifying-horses-in-posts

[identifying-horses-in-posts]

Pretty horse!

[therainbowgorilla]

@i-say-ok

[i-say-ok]

ok.

[goosemoosse]

@cat-spotted

[cat-spotted]

CAT SPOTTED!!☆ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

[kittybroker]

Fine kitty appearing during our time of need! This Delightful beast only appears once every 1000 years for the small price of $2.50!

[idontrateyourposts]

/200K

[free-post-store]

$0

[yronnia]

I choose @weirdly-specific-but-ok ! And it's effective!

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

the second i saw someone chose me for something i felt deep irrational fear. what eldritch demon is this site sacrificing me to now?

oh are we eating paper is that a thing because i am down baby

[nastasya--filippovna]

If someone asks what Tumblr is, show them this thread.

@turtleneck-crowley @ivankaramazov07 isn't this magic. :D :D ;D

[ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024]

TUMBLR IS HUMAN CULTURE AT ITS FINEST I TELL YOU THE DOCTOR WOULD BE PROUD TO SEE US IDIOTS. IVE SHENANID-ONCE, ILL SHENAN-AGAIN

to all those who got the ducktales reference, i send my love and kisses

[probablyadhdapparently]

I’m turning this into a picrew chain also guys lots of pressure

Nuggts character maker!

This is a Picrew made by Nuggts @.nuggts on TikTok You can use this Picrew as a profile picture or in a video etc. with credits! Do

Do it or the animatronics fucking get me also no I did not kill anyone what are you talking about

tags: @biscuits-lovely-corner @expresso4thedeppresso @funkingrn @aroacesigma @lastdivantruther @barracuda677 @pengumi12 @sulkystella @misschuchuw @someonebeatmetotheseusernames @blinksager @sav3yee @chuuyasboner @ur-local-remy-kinnie @urazayt @thelittleprinceconfirmed @gherkin-saute @vinylbiohazard @amioddlyart

tag all you moots this is not an option

also prev yes you @ivankaramazov07 I want you to do it as well

[ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024]

@probablyautism thnx for remembering the weirdest tumblrina on the planet. also can u explain to ur local grandma what she has to do(apologies are afoot)

[probablyadhdapparently]

So tap on the link above my character and simply make your own it could be an OC or you or your sona, anything.

[ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024]

ON IT BESTIE!

[mystic-mae]

im here watching this lmao, funniest shit i seen

[ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024]

NOT THE KILGRAVE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

oh and @probablyautism here u go luv

CMON FOLKS

DO IT

[mystic-mae]

here you are!!

[ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024]

@mystic-mae IM IN LOVE WITH YOUR PICREW!!!!!! beautiful business.

[falling-raine]

@weirdly-specific-but-ok @styx142 no pressue :)

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Wild how I keep returning to this goddamn post. @queermarzipan ball's in your court babe.

[neil-gaiman]

It may still need help getting to 200,000.

Here's Aziraphale in disguise:

And here's a backstage shot of the Gentlemen in 1941 suits:

[badjokesbyjeff]

@tothechaos will you print and eat the entire post? If so, here is a long joke. Don't choke:

A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people.

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he’s offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him.

The next day, he’s led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

There’s never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.

Within a week’s time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one.

He doesn’t care that he can’t drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people.

Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.

His last meal request is a single banana. When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.

The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.

His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death.

They ask him what he’d like for his last meal. “A single banana,” he says.

“Oh, no you don’t, you son of a bitch. We’re on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you’re not escaping this time!”

The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.

The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

“Did you give him the banana?” demands the head guard.

“No, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn’t give it to him, we swear!” says one of the guards.

Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.

[violet-the-red-panda-deactivate]

JEFF, CHANGE YOUR FUCKING URL

[forlayina]

@writing-prompt-s

[writing-prompt-s]

Quick! Gordon Ramsey has tasked you to come up with a new recipe with a rather special ingredient: 'this trainwreck of a Tumblr post printed out on paper'. You don't have much time as the exquisite guest will enter the doors of your fancy establishment the moment this post hits 200k notes. Come up with a recipe. Please provide detailed instructions.

[shaevilux]

Chaos Course Set Meal

Bespoke 9 course meal meant to be enjoyed by @tothechaos

Foreword:

As tasked by the prolific Gordan Ramsey, this 9 Course endeavour will feature the post in its entirety segmented into 9 delightfully ornate, unreasonably complex yet delectably unparalleled dishes. In the following, we'll see how to prepare each of these dishes.

Course One

Dish name: 10k notes of Hubris

10k Notes of Hubris is a simple risotto with saffron infusion and forest mushrooms, topped with shavings of the top 9th piece of this post, printed in full colour, regular stock. Due to the nature of a 9 course setting, it is wise to start with a simpler dish.

Ingredients (serves four people):

1 teaspoon of saffron

300g carnaroli rice

50g extra virgin olive oil

20g butter

5g shallots

1l vegetable broth

parsley (to taste)

100g porcini mushrooms

80g portobello mushrooms

100g brown mushrooms

5g truffle oil

5g lemon peel and lemon juice

30g parmesan cheese

thyme (a dash)

5g garlic

A pinch of salt and pepper

The first 9th of this post, printed in full colour with regular stock.

Method:

In a saucepan, pour the oil and the chopped shallot(s), then add the rice and saffron and toast

Pour the broth a little at a time and cook slowly. Allow to cook before adding salt and black pepper. Stir in butter, grated parmesan cheese, chopped parsley, truffle oil, lemon juice and peel.

In a separate saucepan, cook the mushrooms with oil, garlic, thyme, salt and black pepper.

Presentation:

At the base of the dish pour the risotto, complete with forest mushrooms and basil leaves. Shave the printed top 9th of the post and sprinkle on top. Drizzle a dash of olive oil before serving.

The next dish and recipe of this 9 course meal, complete with the next 9th of the post printed and incorporated, will be presented by another chef.

[badjokesbyjeff]

@one-time-i-dreamt @i-am-a-fish @pukicho

[i-am-a-fish]

hi jeff (:

[writing-prompt-s]

I just texted @one-time-i-dreamt

[dominyk9]

i don't what's more wild to me, how much we are all working on giving someone ink poisoning or learning that @writing-prompt-s has @one-time-i-dreamt 's phone number

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I have been summoned many, many times

[whoviankendokaqueenbeewithbooks]

This post is already one of the most epic I have ever seen. Keep going!

[notmikesblog]

The tumblr post equivalent of the fall of ceasar. Well can't miss my turn with the knife.

[exxay]

216,019

[laikabu]

important distinction

[inthetags]

reblog and put in the tags a character you associate with prev but you cant say their icon

[lylahammar]

My favorite part about this particular dunmeshi lore is that if I see someone draw a character skinnier than I think they should be, I can be like ah ☝️😌 they must've died like 3 times before this picture and they'll regain the weight after this

[radiofreederry]

[thegreatgrumbolia]

[cake-and-sunshine]

Oh if people need context for live slug reaction this is the original post. I'm not sure why it's blowing up today but it sure is hilarious

[multitrackdrifting]

“W pervert women” is legitimately the funniest shit i’ve ever read

[sexygaywizard]

Some of y'all will see the word "AI" and freak out without actually processing anything that's being said like a conservative reading the word "pronouns"

[ralinsaur]

Weird take when OpenAI openly admits AI models would not exist without using copyrighted material and has no intention of asking for permission

[sexygaywizard]

You deciding this post is about a specific instance of the use of the word "AI" that you don't like so you can have a gut negative reaction is exactly what this post is talking about. AI is a buzzword that can mean practically anything nowadays, video games have been using it to mean machine learning for a decade. Discord has their stupid fucking chatGPT AI bot that sucks and they also have a voice channel background noise reducer "powered by AI" like these mean the same thing at all. People reading my post and deciding that it means I'm pro unethical data scraping sourced generative art are driving me up the fucking wall. My post isn't pro AI it's pro reading comprehension which obviously this site clearly lacks

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

I don't care how gay you are, if you don't support bis, trans, and all the other colors in this community I have nothing to say to you. You're siding with someone that will not reward you. They won't keep your marriage just bc you voted to take away gender affirming care. They're not going to leave you off the sex registry just because you agreed with them. They don't like you either. And when they've gotten rid of all the terrible awful transes and such... who do you think they're going to look at next?

My dude, you're not even the 20th person to spout off this tired nonsense and I'll say to you what I've said to everyone else, 99% of the homophobic hate I've gotten in my life has come from the supposedly "gay friendly" left when they find out I don't dutifully vote blue no matter who like a good little fag. I hate the gay community, anon. I despise it. It collects and encourages the worst behaviors and turns otherwise normal people into the worst versions of themselves. I don't care in the least if gay marriage gets overturned because I don't need the government to validate my relationships.

Though one thing you did that was actually original was accusing me of not "supporting" bisexuals, which is hilarious since I'm usually one of the few gays that recognizes the inherent biphobia of "pansexuality" and other similar made up sexualities.

[grayheartart]

Big words coming from Anon, especially after the shit they pulled last year with Clarence Thomas.

All of this racist vitriole is because Thomas didn't immediately and without reason side with Democrats on Roe V Wade

Even if "they don't care about you either" that doesn't mean the Left carss and if there's anything we can take away from the above images, its that the Lefts "care" is performative and hollow.

[weatherman667]

Gay People: I'm just like everyone else.

Gay Community: Spreading Monkey Pox through gay orgies is part of our culture.

Trans Community: Lesbians who refuse to suck dicks are bigots.

[demidevilqueen]

EWBF

[rararazaquato]

anyone else remember the jaden smith big toblerone anime

[cerastes]

DRIMO, KUMA IN TEKKEN 8 HAS HEIHACHI'S MOVESETS, AND EVEN HAS AN ELECTRIC. KUMA IS A MISHIMA NOW

he

HE HAS AN ELECTRIC

and Demon Breath holy shit Kuma really inherited Heihachi's moveset

he's got Dragon Upper as well, god I hope he can Omen as well

this fucking rocks

[rubysvn]

ruby quest 15th anniversary

2008 - 2023

posted this on my twitter earlier, but heres a somewhat mediocre drawing i did to celebrate the 15th anniversary of ruby quest :]

im a newer fan of rq & it's associated media but im really grateful for these quests, its kinda stupid to say this out loud but it kinda helped me out of a depressive rut a while back and alas is the reason why so much of my newer stuff is inspired or based on ruby quest

hell, i even ripped my name straight from ruby from rq

so big thanks to weaver and everyone who partook in the original run of rubyquest all of these years back, wishin y'all a good one :]

[tgweaver]

Hard to believe a decade and a half has passed since then. Even now it's probably my most enduring work, though I would say not my best.

Writing RQ helped me in a really dark time in my life. It's part of why I'm trying to immerse myself in art again, now.

There was sadness then, but there were good times after, too. To paraphrase Bob Ross, life always has that contrast -- and sadness helps us recognize the good times.

I'm waiting on the good times now.

[cerastes]

brother i'm streaming rn and people made me cognizant that fire emblem path of radiance is 18 years fucking old holy fuck???

[cerastes]

Path of Radiance can legally drink!!!!

[ryukiki]

Dreamer where the fuck do you live

[cerastes]

One of these

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Community Notes to the rescue.

“Every record has been destroyed or falsified, every book rewritten, every picture has been repainted, every statue and street building has been renamed, every date has been altered. And the process is continuing day by day and minute by minute. History has stopped. Nothing exists except an endless present in which the Party is always right.” ― George Orwell, 1984

[the-davest-of-uncles]

Not at all surprising that a leftist can't differentiate between fiction and reality.