Monterey Bay Aquarium
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JBB: An Artblog!
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@theartofmadeline
h
Mike Driver
taylor price
Cosmic Funnies
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祝日 / Permanent Vacation
noise dept.
hello vonnie
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Sade Olutola
Kiana Khansmith
Not today Justin
titsay
d e v o n
todays bird
seen from Malaysia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Panama
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from Serbia
seen from Colombia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
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@jtthebookworm
Look I love unconditional devotion love stories as much as the next person, but there's really something so deliciously raw about conditional devotion.
I have served you and I have loved you for decades, but I will not give up my principles for you. You cut out part of my heart and took it with you down that path that you insist on walking, but you walk it alone. Even when the bleeding, gaping hole you left in my chest kills me, I will not follow you.
Wow, did ACOTAR ever blow up recently, Stephen Colbert brought it up while talking about Spotify Wrapped a couple months ago and it seems to be in the front of every store that sells books (the drugstore included) and just wow. Maybe I’ll reread the books again just to see if it’s how I remember, but wow, does the fandom seem to have grown. The first time I picked up the series was a couple days after ACOMAF was released, and I haven’t seen even one book influencer with the original cover on my feed since it started taking over my feed. This was by no means a critical update, but I’m honestly just a little surprised. Is it better than I remember? Because I remember it being good, but I feel like I’ve read better since. (Not a diss, it's just been a while and maybe my younger brain oversimplified the story, I know I did that when I read The Hunger Games in grade 2, and I read pretty much every teen/young adult book early, so I could’ve just glossed over things I didn't understand)
Wheres that reddit comment where the guy doesnt like The Borne Supremacy because when hes in India in the bathroom the ballast is humming at 60 Hz but it should hum at 50 Hz
Inspiration struck me like a brick to the skull
See, our first mistake was trying to have a civilization in northern Europe between October and February. The darkest three months of the year should be for staying home under the blankets, midwinter festivals, and getting blind drunk when the sun goes down at 4 pm like the bog gods intended.
boss calling me asking why I left work early, and I’m sitting in the peat bog with the slime up to my neck. no, I’m not coming in tomorrow, I say. the ghosts of my Paleolithic ancestors are whispering to me. fine, I say. yeah, I’ll get a doctor’s note. a skeletal hand erupts from the depths proffering a swamp-blackened chunk of birch bark. someone has scratched a perfectly filled out Arbeitsunfähigkeitsbescheinigung in an unknown pre-Indo-European language. it’s for a whole week off, which is nice. i pour a little of my whiskey out into the bog, as a token of appreciation.
i speak to the bog in halting proto-germanic bc it’s as close as i can get, but that’s like six thousand years too late for most of the bog gods, who haven’t been paying attention to mortal affairs since the Neolithic. the corpse of a dead Wendish prince translates for me. he’s spent a lot of time with other bog ghosts, and picked up a pretty stunning variety of languages. but sometimes he has to ask the others for help for tricky concepts like farming or the internet that the bog gods don’t have words for. O Gods of the Bog, i ask, what wisdom do you have for escaping the ennui of modern life?
there are distant ululations and strange misshapen figures stir in the mist. sacrifice your king to the bog, the reply comes. strangle him and throw his head into the mire, with offerings of iron and gold. i sigh. It’s no use trying to explain we don’t have a king anymore. That’s their answer to everything.
You know my father was a seventh child so it’s kinda disappointing he never decided to have seven children. I could’ve had an obnoxious magic younger sibling or something
I think it’s good that he never had three kids through because I of course am the oldest child so I’m destined to be the first to die in a fairy tale three brothers scenario.
The youngest child always wins those contests in fairy tales just by being the third one to do things. Protected by the rule of three. If you’re the first or second of three children, watch out for witches testing your moral character. You unfortunately do not have plot armor.
I’ve never seen a shit-eating grin performed by anything without a mouth before
There’s a serial killer in your town. Unfortunately for them you are a necromancer and you have fun driving that maniac insane.
@townofcan Why would leave this masterpiece in the notes
I know I’m being an insufferable worldbuilding nerd here, but my basic metric for evaluating media with very inhuman protagonists is “how easily can one offer a complete and coherent account of this media’s plot without ever mentioning the fact that the protagonist is, for example, a talking car?”. The harder it is, the higher it scores.
@hewwbwazew I would LOVE to read this holy shit
Double Your Word Count: A Sprint Game
I cannot take credit for this idea–I read it somewhere on the NaNo forums last year, and since they’re wiped yearly the post I saw is long gone. Someone awesome who isn’t me came up with this, but I love it and want to share it.
Here’s what you do:
Set a timer for 5 minutes and sprint. Record your word count–I played this morning and got 188 words.
Okay, double that to set your goal for the next sprint, 10 minutes. I needed 376 words; I actually wrote 481. Go me!
Double that (my new goal is 962) and do a 20-minute sprint. Oops! I failed the first time, and only wrote 870 words.
If you fail at the goal, you have to try again instead of doubling. My second try: a measly 737. I was getting tired.
I took a break and did some tumblring, then tried a third time.
After a while, I realized I hadn’t actually started my timer, when I thought “Shouldn’t it have gone off by now?” and saw it sitting at 0:00.
But I’d written 1,443 more words, bringing my total for the day to almost 4K. Success, even if I wasn’t actually playing the game anymore.
(If I had reached that goal, the next step would be to double it and do a 40-minute sprint–I’ve tried that twice before and never managed to make it. Fatigue sets in for me, and my most effective writing-time length seems to be 15-20 minutes max, if I’m going for speed. Give it a try, certainly, to see if it works for you!)
Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*
My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.
The spiritual successor to Miette
Might I also add
May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit
Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children
I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.
My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang
Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.
My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang
Me: ksst!
My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!
Me: ok
My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang
Can haz snackytreat
(source)
Source
This post is the most reblogged post of the year! Congratulations!
you're absolutely correct it was
And it's so accurate, my new cat is so demanding lol
idea: scene with two characters eagerly stripping each other clearly about to bone, but they keep getting interrupted by finding carefully concealed weapons in each other’s clothing, so they keep just unholstering, revealing and unstrapping increasingly ludicrous amounts of hidden guns and knives as the clothes come off, and it’s lowkey killing the mood a little
Alternatively: it's not killing the mood at all but it's totally making both of them giggle like they're twelve and possibly get lowkey competitive in a subconscious way about who has the most to drop.
The more that I think of it the more I'm seeing the incredible intimacy of letting someone know where you keep your backup knife.
Like my god, the trust involved in letting someone undress you and learn your secrets instead of popping into the bathroom to change where they can't see and hiding all your weapons under the sink
...Oh
second alternative: you go to hide all your weapons under the sink but there’s already a bunch of weapons hidden underneath the sink.
awkward
It’s not that there’s already a bunch of weapons hidden underneath the sink that makes it awkward so much as that there’s so many weapons hidden underneath the sink that they fall out of the cabinet with the unmistakable sound of a knife-alanche, and then the other person comes in like “I can explain!” and you’re just dead-ass standing there with your own armload of weapons like “I can also explain.”
Married version is shoving your hand in your partner’s clothes when you’re out of weapons because you KNOW where their spare is. Or wearing a weapon in a spot you can’t draw from yourself because its now spare storage for your spouse’s weapons.
Every single one of you is a genius
odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”
Oðinn spake:
Bright the sun shone | at the time of Þor’s birth, And bathed his count'nance fair. Loki, wolf-father, | the trickster, the liar, I found on the cold pavement While returning in glory | from a grand hunt For a 3 AM quesadilla.
@damn-fuck-i-burnt-myself-again
I need this framed on my wall it’s so beautiful.
@theshitpostcalligrapher
ay @systlin hmu
@systlin
My husband complained that this was more Shakespeare than Eddas, and I challenged him to do better.
Solen sken, skönt gyllene
Dagen Tor föddes
På trottoaren, vid Taco Bell
Där låg Loke
—KJN
My translation:
The sun shone, sweet golden
The day of Tor’s birth
On the tarmac, by Taco Bell
There lay Loki
(For poetry reasons, Thor needs the Swedish spelling.)
@bold-sartorial-statement
ay yo show ur husband
@bold-sartorial-statement no but hang on this should be in runes:
(oops spot the typos)
i wanna translate this into icelandic so imma do it
Sólin skein, björt og gullin við fæðingu Þórs á stígnum við Taco Bell Þar lá Loki
The amount of quality going into these shitposts is amazing
This is not shitposting, this is transformative work!
And in Danish because why not:
Solen skinnede, skøn og gylden
På dagen for Tors fødsel
På asfalten ved Taco Bell
Dér lå Loke
“LEV MERE (LIVE MAS)”
*Snorts*
When Thor born
He hair shine brite
A very very
Magical site
But then I see
A bab from hell
I pik up loki
From taco bell
We’re only a month away from Halloween so I’m gonna start telling these jokes and if someone asks me why I’m going to say that they’re Halloween themed jokes. If they say it’s not close to Halloween yet I’m gonna say that it’s always Halloween
wake up babe new jesus just dropped
“Love your enemies! For they are tasty! Prey on those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his waters to both the evil and the good, and he sends storms on the just and the unjust alike.”
I made a difference in the world!
REBLOG TO SAVE YOUR QUEER HEART FROM BREAKING
I’ve seen a bunch of people in the notes concerned (like I was) of comparisons of members of the lgbt to dogs: but upon visiting their website I was reassured that they monitor a variety of content, including (but not limited to):
THIS IS A GOOD SITE
Yeah, this site is literally so people can check for content they don’t want to see…or in some cases content that would make them physically or mentally ill. (I have strobe issues myself…)
It’s highly useful for a lot of people.
I had no idea they warned for strobe effects, that’s awesome! They give me headaches and nausea.
