lepi

not dead over 18 both banner and pfp by @motorheadsly.bsky.social

[halondrus]

[cutecipher]

can you put that thing on a leash?

[halondrus]

ok

[birds-in-posts]

American woodcock (Scolopax minor)

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

hello! i am crumb cat!

socials

twitter youtube twitch

[crowboy-bebop]

mysterious stick appears out of thin air............

(hellgate osprey livestream)

[copperbadge]

I was innocently buying a soda and a Kit Kat bar from a snack shop recently when the cashier said, "Oh, a Kit Kat! That's what I named my cat!" and then launched into An Monologue.

Nobody was behind me in line, which seemed to be a good reason for her to treat me to a five minute retelling of the identification, rescue, and argument over initial custody of Kit Kat, who was so small they thought when they first heard him crying for help that he was a bird and not a kitten in a tree, and is now fifteen pounds of "pure, sculpted lardass".

And I didn't mind, precisely, I wasn't bored or anything, but around the time she was bringing me up to speed on Kit Kat's current status it occurred to me that this woman is a cashier in a store that primarily sells candy bars and beverages. People must buy Kit Kat bars from her multiple times a day. Does she do this every time there's nobody in line behind the purchaser? Did I just have that I Own Several Cats And Will Enjoy Your Cat Stories look about me? Was it the first time it occurred to her that she sold the brand of candy bar she named her cat after? Was she new to the job of selling Kit Kat bars?

The idea that every time she sees a Kit Kat bar she is gripped by the urge, Manchurian Candidate style, to retell the story of Kit Kat the Cat, elevates her from a friendly cashier to a deep enigma. Truly there is no knowing the mind of another.

[copperbadge]

IT GETS FUNNIER

I was in the same snack shop, which I'm in, like, once a month, recently. I only recognized her because I spent five minutes listening to this monologue in sincere wonder. But I did recognize her, so as I was buying a soda and a Milky Way bar (this time) I said, without thinking about how this would come across, "Hey, how's Kit Kat?"

She looked genuinely horrified and said, "What...how?"

"Oh fuck!" I blurted. "Sorry! You told me about him last time!"

This is still quite cryptic as responses go but she gave me a frankly frantic look of sudden recognition and said, "He's fine! You bought a Kit Kat! I was unmedicated!"

I did not inform her she is small town famous on Tumblr and instead just said, "Glad you're both doing well!" and we parted as confused and mortified friends.

Gosh she's fun. I hope she's there next time. I want to reenact the Spiderman Pointing meme with her.

[qin-shi-huang-di]

Shouldn't have made a dni for the school of medical skills. Maybe they could have told you about the mercury.

you FOOL. you utter BUFFOON! my royal alchemists already know about the HEALTHFUL and NUTRITIOUS mercury, which i take every day to achieve immortality! i don't need those quacks from the school of medical KILLS to tell me what is already common knowledge!

guards, execute this rube for wasting my time!

[qin-shi-huang-di]

*checks url* OH SHIT GUARDS GUARDS—

wait no this is outside of their jurisdiction. DAOIST WIZARD, EXORCISE THIS EVIL SPIRIT!!!

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

lmao wouldn’t it be great if the daoist wizard was. know. allowed to interact

[qin-shi-huang-di]

you know what that is an EXCELLENT idea, perhaps he can rid me of this meddlesome, traitorous, GHOUL

SOCAL MEDIA INTERN! @grand-theft-carbohydrates GO FETCH THE DAOIST WIZARD! 🧙‍♂️

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

man come on

[qin-shi-huang-di]

🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🍞⤵️↖️⬇️↙️➡️

[sandmandaddy69]

[get-thee-to-a-shrubbery]

[ferret-on-pancakes]

[its-your-mind]

[miteistic]

[nick-nonya]

[cleanedupcorporationprogress]

[boothyghost]

[all-save-challenge]

I love this post especially the rat part

going on me feed

[trolleybusaberrations]

what do you mean there are exactly zero rats i. this post

[bingle-official]

[primordialsoupvendor]

[shower-thoughts-last-responder]

[definitely-not-a-plant]

[spectroacha]

DOES IT NOT STOP

[speedlimit15]

When youre a kid youre like wtf adults are making themselves sick with poisons and when youre an adult youre like i need more poisons ASAP

[speedlimit15]

Of all the tags on this post this is the one that worries me most

[eraserheadadult]

one time in college i was in a creative writing class and this guy was holding up the critique with what i can only describe as like cinemasins dinging another student's writing. and at some point the professor said "the plot is the fork and the prose is the meal. you are critiquing the taste of the fork"

[wtf-scientific-papers]

Wang and Lai (2014)

[gemstone-gynoid]

[king-monky]

thanks keyboard, when I accidentally typed hest instead of best I totally wanted the hest (norwegian word for horse) emoji

[lilium-orientalis-deactivated20]

It can happen to the

of us

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

It was the hest of times, it was the horse of times

[jame7t]

dead tired today so I grabbed a coffee from the gas station & the guy greeted me by trying to say “is that everything “ but fumbled and said “e ga thebythin” and me trying to say “yeah” or “yup” just went “YIP!” in response. No survivors

[orteil42]

what could possibly be in there

[orteil42]

[hazard-symbols-that-fuck-hard]

i just think if you need a fire extinguisher during that activity you should switch up your method

[pussyronin-deactivated20260120]

me: man i sure am hungry.. looks like all i have in the fridge is this 8.4oz sugar free redbull from 2016. guess i better suck this baby down! (gulp gulp) im sure nothing bad will happen (the sun and moon begin wheeling overhead until day and night mingle into a bright and starry expanse)

fossilized dimetrodon emerging from the silt regaining flesh: post about how hrt has made your cock into a useless little flintlock pistol. no one will think its weird

mighty stag speaking in my father's voice: if you can't guard against the other 3rd grade basketball team you are a faggot!

me: you guys aremy best friends (oblivious to the shimmering silhouette of chimpanzee berserker carrying blood katana approaching on the horizon

[carbon-monoxide-detector]

BEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEEP!!!

[slutdge]

squint for me real quick

[tartrazeen]

Jumpscare?

Penis?

Loss?

What exactly are you presenting me with, OP? 🤔

[tartrazeen]

i mean alright, might as give that a

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE

[jessaerys]

how do i say "horror novels these days are too woke" without sounding like a right winger. what i mean is: this one is about a woman serial killer who kills Bad Men, that one is about ~anticapitalist activists~, this one is ~queer~, that one is about *spins wheel* someone dealing with the ghosts of their immigrant roots, all of them are about intergenerational traumaaaaa. okay. cool. but is it good though. is it fucking scary

[jessaerys]

something something, losing the ability to convey horror through abstraction, through metaphor, through symbolism, through allegory, through raw unexamined un-psychiatrized feeling. if the real horror is.... dun dun dun! the patriarchy then i just feel preached to. don't use fiction as a vehicle for Saying Something About Society. write with total vulnerability and then see what it says. it will be probably be far more interesting and horrifying than what if the monster was uhh my mom's abuse or whatever. this brand of new horror writers are all so terrified of actually disclosing anything about themselves. it's like if an instagram infographic performance was a mediocre contemporary novel

[some-stars]

YOU ARE MAKING THE TEXT DO THE WORK OF ANALYSIS!!!!!!!

[darkaviarymc]

Tragedy alignment chart. Feel free to use, but please reblog if you do.