Screw It @rose-in-a-shop - Tumblr Blog

being a pepper plant has to be so weird.

Imagine evolving capsaicin specifically to stop mammals from eating your fruits, and then a mammal comes along that not only will eat your fruits, but likes them specifically because of the capsaicin, so much that it starts using its weird paws to distribute and care for your seeds, which turns into a strong selective force that literally starts evolving you into producing MORE capsaicin and makes you a WAY more successful and wider ranged species than you ever were before

simply because this mammal LOVES Pain Chemical. that evolved specifically to produce pain in mammals. It's not that the capsaicin isn't WORKING. It's just that these freaks like it.

headspace-hotel

This is the same mammal with social instincts so goddamn strong that they literally try to form social bonds with their predators, and end up evolving the predators into a new species that fits into their social communities as a form of mutualistic symbiosis, and exists in several different forms with unique morphology and behaviors based on the function they perform.

Instead of, I don't know, EVOLVING TO BE FASTER, this animal finds a faster animal and sits on it. Which shouldn't even work because the faster animal is a prey animal and this animal is a predator, but SOMEHOW they FORM A SOCIAL BOND WITH THE PREY. So they can sit on it while it runs fast. And somehow the prey animal?? is cool with this?? and benefits from this relationship???

Literally how can you hate humans. Humans are possibly the most hilarious thing evolution has ever done.

headspace-hotel

other things humans have done

eat poison plants, decide they like getting poisoned, and evolve the plants to poison them more

evolve to not have hair, but they find mammals with thick fluffy hair and put the hair on themselves, and evolve the mammals to produce extra hair so they can both have a warm coat of hair

split up their parasitic lice species into two separate species because they start taking other animals' hair and putting it on themselves so much

learn how to set things on fire on purpose. maintain body temperature by just standing beside some wood that's on fire instead of literally any normal option

figure out that their prey tastes better and is easier to digest when they hold it over a fire after killing it. get smarter because they digest food so good after it's been held over a fire.

find a poisonous plant and try washing it in boiling water until they don't die when they eat it anymore

go across the ocean by making a floating nest despite not being able to breathe underwater, drink ocean water, or even swim naturally

drink milk from other mammals even though they can't digest it and it makes them sick. Evolve those mammals to produce more milk than their babies can drink so they can drink the milk. Some members of the species evolve to be able to digest milk because they were so hellbent on drinking it.

find flowers, bugs and minerals that are nice colors and crush them up to try to turn other things that color

eat mushrooms that make their nervous systems malfunction because they like malfunctioning their nervous systems

headspace-hotel

humans worldwide looking up into the celestial vault of stars a million light years away, separated from Earth by the deadly cold and emptiness of space: I bet there are guys up there to form social bonds with

lochnessmonster-deactivated2013

doES ANYONE ELSE REALIZE THAT WE’RE LIKE, THE FIRST GENERATION ON TUMBLR

GIVE IT 10-15 YEARS AND WE’LL ALL BE GROWN UP AND AN ENTIRE NEW SET OF KIDS WILL BE ON HERE BLOGGING ABOUT COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SHOWS AND BANDS AND MOVIES AND BOOKS

THE ONLY THING THEY’LL STILL BE BLOGGING ABOUT THE SAME AS WE WERE IS DOCTOR WHO

HOPEFULLY

castiel--for--king

We’ll probably all be blogging about Sherlock season 4.

ourglennrhee

maybe

tumblartifacts

7/22/2013

stonerzelda

slutdge

p1ss

ejacutastic

I DIDN’T LEARN ABOUT THIS IN DRIVING SCHOOL

biszumletzten

Stop says the red light, go says the green

Wait says the yellow light, twinkling in between.

KNEEL, SAYS THE DEMON LIGHT WITH ITS EYE OF COAL SAURON KNOWS YOUR LICENSE PLATE AND STARES INTO YOUR SOUL

demonsnakes-deactivated20160829

THIS IS ALWAYS FUNNY

brightlotusmoon

@irritatedlifeguard I agree with your tags.

skyinide

afronerdism

This might be the funniest reply I’ve ever seen in my life

thepioden

fozmeadows

I AM WHEEZING

skyinide

PLEASE STOP REBLOGGING THIS OMFG

redstonedust

always blows my mind as a european when people talk about states like “yeah theres nothing in ohio/montana/wyoming/etc” because i look at a map like but. but theyre so big. every state could qualify as its own country what do you mean theres nothing there. and then i ask people from those states and theyre like “yeah theres nothing here” what do you mean theres nothing there!!!

yokelfelonking

What’s in the steppes of Russia, or the northern forests of Scandinavia? What’s in the Sahara desert?

redstonedust

id like us to sit here and identify some key differences between the sahara desert and ohio for a moment

yokelfelonking

as a former Ohio resident I think that the key difference is that the sahara probably has more jobs unrelated to meth

redstonedust

untapped meth market in the depths of the sahara desert

katelyn-danger

cannabiscomrade

So Arizona launched an “education hotline” that allows “concerned parents” to report “””critical race theory””” and other things like ~gender identity~ being taught in the classroom

It would be a shame if the number and email were spread to bad actors looking to prank call the AZ Department of Education

602-771-3500 or empower @ azed .gov 🤡

Horne said two staff members are sorting through the calls, and two investigators are working on credible leads.

yeah-yeah-beebiss-1

and for the love of god, don’t just spam it with memes or le funny shrek jokes or whatever, they’ll just hang up

make plausible-sounding reports for things that don’t actually exist, so that they actually have to waste time/resources investigating false leads - the goal is to waste time they would otherwise be using to do their jobs, not to get tumblr clout for being an epic troll

neko-setsuka

So apparently the internet article said the superintendent wouldn't be deterred by the prank calls because they would 'taper off eventually'. It'd be a real shame if this post stayed in circulation via queues so they get a consistent list of prank calls to filter through. 😇

hungry-monkey-fart

spread the word everyone

g-l-o-w-y-l-i-g-h-t-s

Update: They've moved the hotline to a form on their website in an attempt to stem the flow.

nb-nightwing-deactivated2022111

they posted a full version lol it’s mr Stacy’s dad for me

the-fallen-blue

ruimtetijd

it’s on YouTube too btw! and in the description there’s links to their spotify

thesnadger

Poor Stacy, all her friends are so horny for her parents and there’s nothing she can do about it.

neeetsocks-deactivated20191026

no language should be mocked other than french

gareauxtrains

Birds is “oiseaux” in French.

No letter is pronunced the way it should.

And there are seven of them.

teaboot

ITS PRONOUNCED “WAZO” AND YES, I WILL DIE MAD ABOUT IT

judgejudyofficial

oiseaux hits every vowel in the french alphabet and manages to only be pronounced with 2 goddamn syllables

genderfluidintake

got vowels coming out the oiseaux

boosyboo9206

This will never not be funny and I will never not reblog it.

autie-j

Bugs Bunny could have simply walked into Mordor. He would have shown up at the gates of Mordor in a disguise and been like "Evil volcano inspection unit" and flashed a fake ID badge to the confused orc.

themodernmaccabee

Love the implication here that the one ring would have little to no effect on Bugs

tyrantisterror

To be fair, it’s canonically established in Lord of the Rings that Tom Bombadil, an inexplicable magical trickster, is unaffected by the ring, and the only reason they don’t give the job to him is because Tom Bombadil is a silly little man who’s easily distracted and just wants to spend time with his hot wife.

Bugs Bunny, on the other hand, loves nothing more than fucking over self-important dickheads, and is also an inexplicable magical trickster, so he would in fact be perfect for this mission.

unassimilatedsoul

The One Ring may not tempt Bugs, but he’d have other problems with the mission: he’d get lost halfway there (”I knew I should’ve made a left turn at Albuquerque”) and get distracted enough to hand the One RIng to Elmer Fudd or Yosemite Sam as a prank, only for it to be stolen by Daffy Duck, leading to an ever-increasing number of characters on an increasingly-destructive chase across Middle Earth as everyone keeps stealing it from each other, (Bugs would definitely pull the “evil volcano inspector” gag to get into Mordor, and he’d then immediately turn around and pose as a customs agent stopping whoever currently has the ring at the border and relieving them of it as “contraband”) culminating in an all-out brawl at Mount Doom. Bugs manages to reclaim the ring one last time as everyone else is busy fighting each other, only for Daffy to come out of nowhere and grab it out of his hands. Laughing maniacally, Daffy doesn’t realize that his victory dance has taken him right off the edge off a cliff - until Bugs points it out, at which point gravity reasserts itself, and Daffy and the ring both plunge to the fiery depths below

lilboreddev-blog

reblog if your name isn't Amanda.

thatblackwatchdouche-blog-blog

2,121,566 people are not Amanda and counting!

We’ll find you Amanda.

iceslushii

this has almost 11 million notes what is this

yiffmaster

I’ve never seen this post once in 10 years on this site

llsilvertail

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

I’ve never even heard of this before tho??? Wtf??????????

computationalcalculator

oh my god, I didn’t think there were any surviving versions of this post left

For those who weren’t around in the Deep Lore times, this is one of the relics of the editable post era. This post has THE SINGLE HIGHEST NOTES of ANY post on this site, bar none, but with more than a dozen variations. Every single post you’ve ever seen with more than 3 million notes has been a different version of this one.

This is the “Dean’s Gym Shorts” post. This is the Flubber post. This is the original “Reblog if you support gay people” post. it was ALL of them. before half the site got nuked, it had even more notes than it has now - at one point, well over 15 million, and that was years ago.

This, with no exaggeration, is the ONE TRUE heritage post

kaijuno

halfricanloveyou

that looks like a condom and the fact that everyone in the notes is saying “the orb” proves that no one on this website fucks

meatmobile

the fuck kinda bouncy-ball ass condoms are you using

spiderworries

the fact that someone thinks that looks like a condom is proof that no one on this website fucks

spiderworries

ok y’all it’s LITERALLY taken from the “wizard pondering his orb” image

it’s an orb.

spiderworries

ok not to beat a dead horse but i found the ORIGINAL image and it’s cover art from a lotr themed ttrpg.

0kkvlt

No it isn't that's from 1993 you fucking poseur, it's from A SPY IN ISENGARD published in 1988 I'm SICK and TIRED of you people getting it WRONG

witchsfists

5 reblog additions later and this post is still best summarized by "no one on this website fucks"

filmgifs

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (1995) dir. Beeban Kidron

ottermatopoeia

chamacafeahorrible

getting into the shower: evil evil evil

being in the shower: there is no past and there is no future, there is just the here and now, i am alone but i am not lonely, i am calm and one with the universe, existence is sublime

getting out of the shower: evil evil evil (wet version)

party-gilmore

It's come to my attention that a good portion of the younger generation has not been made aware of one of the greatest and most hated PILLARS of millennial society.

So I apologize, but I must take on this task. A new hand must touch the beacon. The knowledge must be passed on. The chain can not be broken.

So.

The Game.

The following are the rules of The Game:

there is no winning The Game

once you know of The Game, you are always playing the game

the point of The Game is to not think about The Game

if you think about The Game, you have lost The Game, and must announce this to those around you - causing them to also lose The Game

A "reset period" of roughly an hour or two before loss announcements is common in colloquial rules to allow yourself and those around you to properly temporarily "forget" about The Game, however that is not an official rule.

Go forth, you next generation, and I am sorry.