If anyone asks, my gender changes depending on the bit.
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@somanypastlives
If anyone asks, my gender changes depending on the bit.
Some days I clean the kitchen, finish my chandelier project, and bake muffins for my family’s breakfast.
Other days my toddler and I lay in bed and watch Disney movies.
It’s about balance.
From the time it took me to walk from my couch to my bed, I had forgotten that I wanted to take a melatonin.
I have dreams of being with men and it’s usually sexual, but not much more. Then I have dreams of being with women, and it’s mostly romantic and intimate and I feel happy finally. 😞
“i am a monument to all your sins” is such a fucking raw line for a villain it’s amazing that it came from halo, a modernish video game, and not some classical text or mythos
classic texts have nothing on the crazy people come up with in modern times tbh
“I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.”
– Joshua Graham, Who Is A Fallout New Vegas NPC, Something Most People Throwing This Quote Around Don’t Realize
“If the world chooses to become my enemy, I will fight like I always have.”
– Shadow the Hedgehog in what is widely considered one of if not the single worst game in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise
this is the source for this text and it haunts me on a regular basis
“Pick a god and pray.”
-Fredrick from Fire Emblem Awakening
Huh, it’s almost like art isn’t just fine art…
this is my addition to this ever growing list of raw quotes originating from unexpected sources
#discovering that the profound is lurking behind the absurd#just waiting for the chance to peek through like sunlight through the clouds#is one of the best things in life once you start to notice it
this is a beautiful way to put it and i’m gonna cry abt it
this post has gotten so much better since the last time I saw it
I would like to add
“You want to be a hero, Tommy? Then die like one.”
- Technoblade from Dream SMP
Truly the best shit on the internet here.
Ahem @bettinalevyisdetermined could you please do a video with this?
also “you’re not brave, you’ve merely forgotten the fear of death. Allow me to reacquaint you.” Is the rawest line and it’s from dominus ghaul from destiny 2’s vanilla story when it first released.
How can we forget the quote that sums up this entire reblog chain:
Why do you people feel profound thought has to come from high places? The gutter looks at the stars too
“Spare me this mockery of justice!” (A few minutes later, a with a different character) “Silence! Or you shall be held in contempt of court!” “I have nothing *but* contempt for this court!” The Transformers: The Movie (1986)
“For every kid that dreams up the electric lightbulb, there’s one who dreams up the atom bomb.” - Mr. Electric, The Adventures of Sharkboy And Lavagirl (2005).
“I like turtles!” - turtle kid
“If the sea were of ink and the sky parchment I could not begin to write my love for you.”
Grandma Arbuckle reading a love letter in A Garfield Christmas.
Grandma Arbuckle
reading a love letter in
A Garfield Christmas.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
@tenebrisimpyris
i am about to bestow upon you the secret butter technique. i am sorry, but it is french. i am sorry again, this only works with cow butter. i am certain plant based butters wouldn’t work, and alternative animal butters may or may not work
has this ever been you: you have a nicely steamed vegetable, or maybe you want to make the best butter noodles, but you know that if you put butter on those it’ll just melt and you end with kind of greasy noodles or vegetables? don’t you wish it was instead a luscious buttery glaze?
introducing: beurre monté
you will take a small sauce pan, and begin heating it with 1-2 tablespoons of water (use very little water) and bring it to a hard simmer or boil
turn the heat down slightly, and add Butter. how much? however much you dare. (start with 3-4 tablespoons and go from there)
you are going to either whisk Aggressively or you can pick up the saucepan, still holding it over the heat, and swirl aggressively so the butter is skating around the sides of the pan
done correctly, you will have liquid butter that is still emulsified. you have made Butter Sauce. season it with a little salt, and toss whatever you want in it.
if you’re butter splits, i’m sorry. you didn’t agitate it enough to maintain the emulsion, and now you have melted butter.
you can use this knowledge to make other sauces by swapping out the water for another liquid. white wine becomes beurre blanc. red wine is beurre rogue.
you want to CUM? sweat minced shallot in a tiny bit of butter, add white wine and cook it out until it’s reduced by about half. then whisk butter in hard. a few flecks of minced thyme or fennel frond stirred thru, and you eat that with a nice seared fish? or scallop? or even shrimp? wow. you will Nut
your boxed mac and cheese game can also be elevated by cooking your pasta and making a beurre monté first, tossing your pasta in that and adding the cheese packet. wow. hey; you’ll cum
go forth now with this butter secret
We need to have a nomination for “Stupidest thing Tumblr.com has ever believed” and just move into an official Top 10 List.
For my nominations, I’m putting up:
If you eat a chocolate bar a very specific way, you will break physics and get infinite chocolate.
or
It is impossible that you spelled “Berenstain Bears” wrong and is, instead, more likely that the universe fractured into separate, overlapping realities in the last 20 years.
I can’t decide which is more beautiful. It’s why we need a vote.
this is a picture of the human brain at the moment of death. tragic and beautiful
Fuck. That is a damn good nomination.
if you close your eyes when the train hits your brain will assume you are dead. Some find this comforting.
We’re getting into the good ones now. This is some classic Tumblr.
Two old favourites:
“Bitch, That’s the Tubby Custard Machine” (http://imgur.com/gallery/IObQF)
and the horse dildo that was passed off as someone’s arm. (http://abakkus.tumblr.com/post/48958415162)
This is rapidly becoming a master post of ignorances and I could not possibly be happier.
Rare blue watermelon
That disease where you get purple eyes, no period, and no body hair
How have we gone this far without anyone mentioning the bird in the chocolate fountain
soap makes water molecules smaller
I nominate the “we are killing the earth” picture of the earth in comparison from 1978 to 2012
the dog with the slice of ham on its face that everyone thought was a gigantic burn scar
“Tequila is the only alcohol thats not a depressant so you can drink as much of it as you like”
that post with the picture of the joker without makeup and people thinking it was a real person and defending him
that photo of voldemort being passed off as an aborted fetus
The two way mirror
“listen here, cumslut.”
I can’t believe you guys forgot someone trying to pass off a picture of the inside of a fig as a microscopic view of the inside of a vagina.
I can’t believe I was on Tumblr for every single one of these posts.
all the links on this post are broken and some arent given so heres a compilation of links for the stupidest things tumblr has believed (i tried to find the og post for most of these but some of them are posts/articles about said posts)
infinite chocolate hack
berensta/ein bears (mandela effect)
mri scan walking dead gif
train gif brain thinks you died
tubby custard machine
horse dildo
moonmelon (and variations)
alexandria’s genisis
bird chocolate fountain og post
soap shrinks water molecules
we are killing the earth
ham on dog
tequila isnt a depressant
earth is lumpy
joker without makeup
voldemort fetus
two way mirror og post
fig vagina
Reblogin, so i can find this later
I hate life and everything that comes with it
k bye
Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later
How do you tell people that you’d rather be dead in every sense of the word because your marriage is failing and you can’t make enough money to support yourself and your family and your job sucks every inch of life out of you every single day without them actually trying to send you to the loony bin?
Finally looking gay enough to get harassed in the street
"I think I've been shadowbanned:(("
Buddy I've been on this site nine wretched years and I've never gotten more than 17 notes on a post. And I love it here. Get on my level
Hey stop reblogging this assholes
We will not
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)
i watch baseball for the side quests
Love the puns from Pun Hub
Allow me to add my favorite