#softspoonie

[intersexfairy]

hey man, hey. you're basically just a collection of elementary particles (albeit you posess what we call sentience). what makes you up is the same thing that makes up everything else. everything you love. everything you hate. everything you don't have strong feelings toward, or just don't know about yet. everything you will never, ever know.

you are permanently connected to everything around you. even when you die, the stuff that makes you is going to become something else. and then that'll become something else. and so on. your death will result in life, one way or another.

so, you know: there's never been anything uniquely wrong with you; what could ever be fundamentally wrong about a bunch of stuff? you've never been alone; how could you ever be truly isolated when all that surrounds you and is fundamentally the same thing as you?

also, maybe it's not a case of how much anything "matters." maybe you can just accept you exist, and in some form, you probably always will. maybe just existing and exploring life is enough. what does the heat death of the universe care for anything different?

even so, if existence is meaningless on a cosmic scale (keyword: if), why not at least enjoy it? does meaning really need to be inherent? or can whatever matters to you just simply exist like that, too?

[only-knives]

IM GOING TO CRY THEY MIGHT INCREASE THE SSI ASSETS LIMIT TO $10,000.

it's a bipartisan bill too! and for anyone unaware, people on SSI (which is different from SSDI), can only have $2,000 in assets (unless they have an ABLE account, which comes with its own rules). this assets limit has been in place for FORTY YEARS and is a giant part of why being on SSI keeps people incredibly impoverished.

i've also heard they might remove the marriage penalty but i don't have the spoons to read or explain it so someone else please add on!

this is huge! please spread the word and do what you can to help ensure this happens!

[only-knives]

ive seen people talk about the whole "wow, you can't work? im jealous, i wish i could rest all the time." and like yes, it isn't restful because it's filled with distressing symptoms. but also? there is such a thing as too much down time. you genuinely don't want to be laying in bed or sitting on the couch all the time. you don't want to be stuck doing things that don't result in any tangible fulfillment, just to escape the boredom. and you certainly don't want all that on top of the pain, fatigue, etc. that comes with disability.

a lot of us don't get to go for a daily walk. we don't get to just get up and go to the store, out to eat, the library, or whatever event is happening nearby. we often can't engage with our passions, at the very least to the extent we'd like. we're stuck, and often can't meet our basic needs like hygiene. there's so much down time and nothing to fill it with. our doctors appointments might be the only thing to get us out of the house. it's depressing. it's lonely. and at a certain point you can start to wonder why you're even alive in the first place.

so no. you don't wish you could be like us. you just don't want to be slaving away to a job that doesn't care about you, takes up all your time, and prevents you from doing the things you love. so just say that instead. because as people who can't work, who are so aware of the cruelty of this system, odds are we'll understand. and instead of alienating us, we'd be able to connect with you on that. and connection and understanding is something that makes life a lot better. worth living for, even.

[only-knives]

shoutout to people who don't have friends in person. you're not inferior than your peers for struggling with friendships. you're not worth less without another person in the room with you.

your value as a human being is a constant.

you're not alone in this experience. i'm here with you. and i want to thank you for being alive at the same time as me: knowing you're here too reminds me that this stage of my life is temporary.

it won't always be so hard. you're doing your best. we all are. <3

[only-knives]

once again thinking about how fucked up it is that special ed used me and other disabled children as unpaid, coerced labor. i worked enough to be making $100 a week. i was "paid" in fake money redeemable only at the school cafeteria, which i worked at, and was forced to do things that distressed me. they gave us $1 a week, if they remembered to give it to us at all.

this was while i would sometimes go the entire day without eating because i didn't have the money to buy food and the free food was not sensory safe. we also worked outside the community - grocery stores, warehouses, shoe stores security tagging items. all under the guise of job skill development, we did $100 of labor a week without ever getting paid. and we were demeaned while we did it. and we were just teens.

so no, i don't want to hear about how special education is good. not with the way me and my peers were treated and taken advantage of. death to institutionalization, in all forms.

[only-knives]

tip for people with chronic pain/fatigue: lay down occasionally. haven't laid down in the past 3-5 hours? do it (if you can) and see how you feel. i've found that i'll lay down in bed just to be in my room, but then i get hit with an instant wave of relief because just sitting on the couch was too much for my body, and i didn't realize it.

when you're in pain or fatigued for a long time, your awareness of your body may get wonky - especially if you already struggle w/interoception due to neurodivergency. so. test it, sometimes. you can apply it to other things too: sit if you're standing. stop doing a task if you've been doing it for a while. have a small snack to see if you're hungry. etc. etc.

[only-knives]

next specialist to refuse testing or blame my maladies on my anxiety or weight despite me asking (begging, at this point) for further testing/a differential diagnosis is getting hit with the "document your refusal in my chart." no i am not "taking it one step at a time" no i am not accepting "you're just anxious" or "you're just overweight" as an answer. you are going to be a FUCKING DOCTOR and treat me. fuck you.

this is ok to reblog btw, i Encourage people in similar situations to express their anger. you deserve better we all fucking deserve better. no more being afraid of making them upset or angry. THEY make us suffer and want to die with their negligence. whatever discomfort we bring them by demanding documentation doesnt mean SHIT compared to what we go through.

rise up my disabled siblings, we have nothing to lose but a shitty fucking doctor.

[only-knives]

Affirmations bc i'm disabled & struggle with internalized ableism:

I am doing good. My goals are mine, and I don't need to compare myself to other people.

I am inherently worthy as a human being, regardless of my productivity (or lack thereof).

I am allowed to rest, and it is okay that I need to rest almost 24/7 because of my disabilities. Rest is not a break to be earned; it's a need, and everyone's needs are different.

I am allowed to enjoy things simply because they make me happy. My joy is a human need, not something to be commodified.

I have so many strengths: thoughtfulness, compassion, gentleness, creativity, etc. These are the core of who I am.

I am loved and cared for. There are so many people like me across the world, and any time I feel lonely, there is another disabled person somewhere feeling the same. In the same vein, there are disabled activists who are fighting for us; being a voice for people who can't make their voice heard, or don't even know it's an option.

I am not alone <3 And neither is the person reading this. We are worthy, valued, and important. No ifs, ands, or buts.