i want to be a plant

[agent-mcsweetheart]

i saw a post earlier today and now i can’t find it but someone was like the only reason i get through studying is by saying “let’s go steal a grade” where they just imagine they’re doing research for a leverage con and they have to know all the information to pull it off successfully. I’m at my internship rn and i found the original score for the og show and redemption and let me tell you i have never been more productive

[agent-mcsweetheart]

@imaginable-horror you are an inspiration 😌🫡

[onyxbird]

Replace imposter syndrome with the conman method! You're a fraud, and you're such a competent fraud that the mark is never going to realize what hit them until the gloat.

[what-even-is-thiss]

The reason your snacks are unsatisfying is that you need both carb and protein.

Carb starts your engine, protein keeps it going.

No carb, engine don’t start. No protein, engine dies out fast.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Easy carb add on:

Cookie

Fruit (canned or fresh)

Chips

Piece of bread

Popcorn

Crackers

Easy protein add on:

Nuts

Spoonful of nut butter

Cheese

Roasted chickpea snacks

Glass of milk (dairy or non dairy)

Small canned sausages or similar

[what-even-is-thiss]

Sugar in there.

[what-even-is-thiss]

I am pleased by people messaging me telling me that after adding a carb or protein to their snacks or meals they feel more satisfied all day. Yes, my plan is working. People are getting through their days with less hangry.

[a-daks]

canon: they died

fanfic: fUCK YOU

[andordean]

Canon: and so they never met

Fanfic: here’s a funny story

[namesonboats]

Canon: There was tension and pining, but they never even kissed.

Fanfic: Actually,

[kaeltale]

Canon: Torture the cinnamon roll.

Fanfic: Torture the cinnamon roll.

[conversationswithjohnlock]

Canon: When they traveled they stayed in separate rooms

Fanfic: AND. THERE. WAS. ONLY. ONE. BED!!!!!

[caressthosecheekbones]

Canon: … and they were roommates.

Fanfic: oh my god, they were roommates…

[johanirae]

Canon: They were international assassins who assassinated assassins.

Fanfic: But hot DAMN wait till you hear about this cafe they opened

[jenroses]

Canon: They had a coffeeshop

Fanfic: but they were ASSASSINS

[pizzapopolis]

Canon: they were mortal enemies and attempted to murder each other on multiple occasions

Fanfic: bUT THEY GOT MARRIED AND ADOPTED CHILDREN

[robbyrobinabitch]

Everytime I reblog this has a new addition and it’s the best

[inkpotter-deactivated20211125]

Canon: They were straight

Fanfic: Lol

[boxofsoap]

THE LAST ONE IS THE BEST ONE

[meggiebrick]

I love fanfic so so so much.

[sweetteaa19]

Canon: Am I joke to you?

[ursulaismymiddlename]

Fanon: No, just a disappointment.

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[christian-zelda]

Canon: And so they lived happily ever after

Fanon: But what if they didn’t?😈

[off-brand-halloween-ghost]

Canon: And so they died alone and scared

Fanon: But what if they didn’t? 😊

[escuerzoresucitado]

[distantwave]

[sexycraisinthanos]

“AI art is okay if you’re just making shitposts”

Have you forgotten our roots

[damnbluewires]

reblogging this with my own masterpiece

[cosmicretreat]

[strawberry-crocodile]

the thing about capitalism is that at a certain point a product reaches its maximum audience and cant really be improved (at least not while remaining profitable), but capitalism requires a product provide infinite growth, and at that point the only way to increase profits is to raise prices, cut corners, and in the case of services start adding advertisements. this is just how the system works.

[charyou-tree]

Rent-seeking is the act of growing one's existing wealth by manipulating the social or political environment without creating new wealth.[1] Rent-seeking activities have negative effects on the rest of society. They result in reduced economic efficiency through misallocation of resources, reduced wealth creation, lost government revenue, heightened income inequality,[2][3] risk of growing political bribery, and potential national decline.

The actual economic term for this parasitic behavior is "Rent Seeking", as in "charging you rent for things that didn't used to cost money just because we can."

[paintedpolarbear]

"The classic example of rent-seeking, according to Robert Shiller, is that of a property owner who installs a chain across a river that flows through their land and then hires a collector to charge passing boats a fee to lower the chain. There is nothing productive about the chain or the collector, nor do passing boats get anything in return. The owner has made no improvements to the river and is not adding value in any way, directly or indirectly, except for themselves. All they are doing is finding a way to obtain money from something that used to be free." obtain money links to the wikipedia article for Parasitism which might be the most brutal diss I've ever seen on wikipedia ever

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

It's a lot healthier to go for a daily walk than to sign up for a gym membership you won't be using because you hate that kind of exercise. It's a lot healthier to eat a frozen meal than to skip a meal because you were too tired to cook something healthy. It's a lot healthier to take a quick shower than to procrastinate an elaborate routine for days. Don't aim so high that you won't be hitting anything!

[creamypancakebatter]

this is actually really helpful and affirming thanks

[breelandwalker]

[1969chevycamaro]

*in tears* Thanks kitty, I needed this...

[waitafrikk]

i hate when a book describes a pause as pregnant. get your dick out of the pause

[lunyselene]

terry pratchett is the only person who actually knew how to use a pregnant pause

[unit-ssn0va]

The bLADEEE

[penumbralwoods]

every time someone realizes they dont have to pick between being a boy or a girl an angel gets its wings btw. and also extremely loud cheering can be heard in the distance from me specifically

[penumbralwoods]

btw if you've ever wondered why i make posts like this and get really obnoxious about nonbinary positivity. this is why

and for all of yall that are still figuring it out or aren't getting the support you deserve:

[neunhofferart]

Nearly pissed myself laughing earlier when I saw this absolute Looney Tunes truck attempting to transport an oversized mattress down the road with only a couple tiny bungee cords holding on for dear life, while it ballooned out behind the truck like a drag racing parachute:

[laropasucia]

[fast-and-fit-sam]

Hey runners (and walkers)! Thought this might be helpful :)

[motivationforfitness]

Shoelace Voodoo

[coconuts-and-crunches-deactivat]

The heel slipping one is awesome if you have to wear orthotics because it stops them from slipping round inside your shoe

[thededfa]

Oh! I’ll have to try this

[feanor-the-dragon]

oh my god. oh, oh my god. the wide forefoot one… oh my god bless you you beautiful hero

[white-throated-packrat]

Ian’s Shoelace Site – https://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/ – is the page for all these lacing patterns and more.

[ms-demeanor]

He’s got specific lacing advice for skates and tall boots and there are decorative patterns and I recently relaced my skate shoes for both a wide forefoot and less friction on the laces so it’s easier to tighten and loosen them but he also has lace-locking patterns so that shoes stay exactly as tight as you laced them the first time and it is just a VERY GOOD website.

Like. I’ve been buying shoes the wrong size because it’s often hard to find wide shoes but the lacing pattern for a wide forefoot means that my big hobbit feet actually fit into the previously too-tight running shoes and sneakers I had.

[ingridverse]

I like your shoelaces

[transgenderization]

[toskarin]

oh my god it hurts

[toskarin]

and it's going to hurt forever

[toskarin]

every now and then I see people passing screencaps of these posts around, and in the months after I made this post there were people checking in on me assuming I was going through grief or depression or something

to set the record straight, the context is that I had covid and was bleeding from my throat and lungs, but for some ungodly reason, I was feverishly driven to drink lemonade and kept screaming and writhing because I was pouring fizzy lemon juice on open throat wounds

[toskarin]

everyone's speculating on whether I was vitamin C or iron deficient or something, but I'm gonna be so real with you: I just wanted lemonade, which I had around because I often do

[toskarin]

oh I did. they weren't as bad

[qin-shi-huang-di]

Ey boss? Yeah, we found this meteor, see, and we thinks you might wanna have a look at it.

yippee! a meteor is surely an auspicious sign from Heaven, i must send my imperial secretary to inspect this Heavenly Stone immediately. perhaps it even has a prophecy inscribed on it!

[qin-shi-huang-di]

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT

[qin-shi-huang-di]

hi peons, i was a tiny little bit upset by this crime but i promise im over it now. if someone would like to step forward and confess i will be very very lenient with them

[qin-shi-huang-di]

ok that was my attempt to be nice. kill everyone in the nearby village and pulverise this rock

[swordsman-jing-ke]

hey Emperor Dipshit how do we know its not an actual prophecy from Heaven?

[qin-shi-huang-di]

im literally so nicies ☺️

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

lmaoo guess who died and had his land divided

[qin-shi-huang-di]

hey I became a boy at the age of 15 am I eligible for military service for your great and noble empire?

hi peon, "eligible" implies you have a choice in the matter!

please report for training at your city's garrison. you may have a deferment if you already have a brother serving in the army. we don't want you to fall short on millet production, after all! #mymillet

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

bixia, this means your humble subject has transformed from a girl into a boy.

[qin-shi-huang-di]

THROUGH DAOIST MAGIC??????

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

sure lets go with that

[call-me-bixia]

Would the Daoist magic allow me to “legitimately” claim the title of emperor?

[qin-shi-huang-di]

this month you are the lucky emperor to get my period pains projected onto you. this is an act of loyalty and appreciation i promise. i don't want you to suffer. thank you for your qervice to the people.

I DO NOT GET PERIODS

[call-me-bixia]

Congratulations on your pregnancy.