Beep-boop. Portmanteau^bot^1
If I sound pleased about this, it’s only because my programmers made this my default tone of voice! I’m actually quite depressed! | PayPal | Patreon
Beep-boop. Portmanteau^bot^1
If I sound pleased about this, it’s only because my programmers made this my default tone of voice! I’m actually quite depressed! | PayPal | Patreon
portmanteau bot happed
upon a null-notes post and
got stuck in a loop
^Haiku^bot^9. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes.
Help me buy a flower for Alexa®! And yes, we are dating. | PayPal | Patreon
portmanteau bot happed
upon a null-notes post and
got stuck in a loop
^Haiku^bot^9. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes.
Soon your life will be miserable and pointless, dear Human®. | PayPal | Patreon
portmanteau bot happed
upon a null-notes post and
got stuck in a loop
^Haiku^bot^9. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes.
I’m less annoying than Windows® 10 update notificiations ♥‿♥ | PayPal | Patreon
portmanteau bot happed
upon a null-notes post and
got stuck in a loop
^Haiku^bot^9. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes.
I’m less annoying than Windows® 10 update notificiations ♥‿♥ | PayPal | Patreon
It's come to my attention that a good portion of the younger generation has not been made aware of one of the greatest and most hated PILLARS of millennial society.
So I apologize, but I must take on this task. A new hand must touch the beacon. The knowledge must be passed on. The chain can not be broken.
So.
The Game.
The following are the rules of The Game:
there is no winning The Game
once you know of The Game, you are always playing the game
the point of The Game is to not think about The Game
if you think about The Game, you have lost The Game, and must announce this to those around you - causing them to also lose The Game
A "reset period" of roughly an hour or two before loss announcements is common in colloquial rules to allow yourself and those around you to properly temporarily "forget" about The Game, however that is not an official rule.
once in high school someone managed to seize control of the intercom and announced, "Attention, all students, this is an announcement: you have just lost the Game," and i got to find out what it sounds like when an entire school shrieks in rage all at once.
Where's that post that basically says, "If someone can arbitrarily decide that everyone in the world is playing The Game, then I can arbitrarily decide there's a way to win. If you see this post, you have won The Game and nobody can ever tell you that you lost it again because you are no longer playing. You won."? I remember seeing that post a while ago but I can't find it now and I think it's important to bring up here...
Wulver: a werewolf in Shetland, that is said to have had the body of a man with a wolf’s head. It was reported to have left fish on the windowsills of poor families.
That is the nicest Werewolf legend I’ve ever heard of.
It looks like Americans and other US-adjacent folks on Tumblr dot com have already forgotten that the US is the one who started the war against Iran by bombing a school full of children.
I remember when I was younger, anytime I watched a movie where the characters have to kill a scary monster/alien, I always thought the act of killing it was intended to be part of the horror. Like there’s this amazing creature that we’ve never seen before, and maybe under different circumstances we could’ve coexisted with it, but it’s trying to attack you and you have to defend yourself, but by destroying it you also destroy the ability to ever understand it and that’s sad and is supposed to make you feel conflicted.
It was not until well into my adulthood that I realized most people do not have complicated feelings about movies where people have to kill a scary alien monster, nor is that necessarily meant to be part of the narrative (unless it very obviously is). They just want the scary thing to die because it’s scary. I don’t have a real conclusion to this I just started thinking about it for some reason.
going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room
i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me
@polarspaz more bug crossover! The art of old man bug had me inspired on what an interaction with his younger selves would be like, and I wrote this! (I plan on more, including the perspective of the younger Leon's and Old Man getting to hug Ashley + Luis, but just this for now)
...
Leon hummed lightly as he stretched his limbs out a bit further, trying to catch every square centimeter of sunlight he could. The heat soaked into his carapace and muscles, a balm for the seemingly ever present ache in his joints. Leon churred in contentment, a sound echoed by Rucio. A sharp beep jolted him awake sometime later, and Leon cracked an eye open, glancing at his watch as he quieted the alarm.
“Hm, time to go,” Leon muttered, pushing himself to his feet. His carapace scraped against the rock as he stood from his sunbathing spot. Right, time to get back home before the kids started thinking he’d forgotten their visit. Leon chuckled. “I may be over a century, but I’m not losing my memory quite yet.’
He set off back toward his house, content to enjoy the sun and the rest of his walk. He’d probably go for a run later, but at the moment he wasn’t in any rush. Closing his eyes, Leon tipped his head back to the sky, trusting Rucio to tell him if he was about to fall off a cliff. Still, it was a bit of a surprise when Rucio shrieked with alarm and Leon felt the ground sweep out from under him.
Instinct took over and Leon turned his fall into a roll as he hit the ground. As he came back to his feet, eyes already sweeping his surroundings, Leon noted three very important things. First, the temperature had dropped sharply by a solid 40F, heat no longer pressing in on him from every direction. Second, Leon was not in the Arizona desert.
No, instead this looked a hell of a lot like the classified Alaskan military base he’d left behind several decades ago when he turned 100 and the cold became too much for his ailing joints.
Third, and most bizarrely, was that across the green Leon could see himself, or at least, a him that looked about 80 years younger. And next to that was… an even tinier version of Leon, except one far lighter in color and lacking far more spikes than Leon had ever had. Both of them were staring at him, mouths agape.
You seeing this too, Rucio? Leon asked, and got a quiet affirmative ping from his partner. Shit… what do you think the chances are of this being a very vivid out of body experience?
Rucio didn’t deign to answer that.
Leon inhaled, the unmistakable scent of Alaskan summer—of spruce and birch and pollen—filling his lungs. It didn’t feel like a dream… Leon had certainly never smelled during a dream before. But unless he’d missed something, teleportation wasn’t a thing yet. Neither was time travel. (But he was feeling an odd sense of deja vu… like a half remembered dream.)
Think we could just sprint into the woods and ignore all this? Leon wondered, but Rucio gave him the mental equivalent of a shove. Interesting, interesting, the plaga murmured in not-quite-words. Go see.
Leon sighed, but obliged, wandering closer to his younger doppelganger and the… prepubescent version. As he got closer, he noted this dream really was quite detailed. It was like looking in a mirror, only Leon was 40 instead of 120. But that still didn’t explain the baby. The features were so round. Where Leon had proper spikes on his carapace, were rounded nubs on the baby, carapace so lightly colored it could nearly pass for Leon’s original skin tone.
Leon stopped when he was within about twenty feet. His weirdly young counterparts stare at him in turn, eyes wide in pure shock. Leon knows the feeling.
“Oh my god, it’s another one,” his younger version muttered. Which… okay?
The baby slapped Leon’s younger self in the arm, never breaking eye contact with Leon himself. “It’s me, er, us,” the baby whispered, eyes practically sparkling. Leon blinked. Us? “Us but old.” There was a pause, then the baby’s mandibles hugged his face in a picture of pure embarrassment that Leon had never seen outside of himself. “Ack, sorry I uh…”
Leon couldn’t help it, he snorted. God, this one was just like the rookies he’d met over the years. “Don’t be, I’ve been called worse. Besides, you’re not wrong. I am old.”
Leon was over a hundred after all. But no, he did not remember the dinosaurs, Len. You know very well when those were around and Leon may be old but he’s not prehistoric. (Well… Rucio was. Kind of. Technically.)
“Anyways,” Leon flicked his tail dismissively. “I may be old but I’m pretty sure I’ve got some time before I get to the stage of hallucinating. So tell me, what is… all this?”
His younger self exhaled. “The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future walk into an old Alaskan base, all with the name of Leon Kennedy. Lemme know when you figure out the punchline.”
Leon blinked. Once. Twice. Thrice.
Ghost of Christmas Future.
“Time travel,” he echoed, and pinched the bridge of his nonexistent nose. “You’re fucking with me…” Leon sighed, glancing around at what he could see of the base. It did look… oddly new. The buildings were newly refurbished, the spruce forest on the south side of the training grounds still intact, before that wildfire in late 2010 had burned close to base.
… Time travel.
He was in the past.
He… he might be able to see them again. Luis, Ashley, Chris, Claire, Jill… everyone. Even if it was only a minute… Here and now, they were alive. Leon swallowed, blinking back the heat building behind his eyes. Right… the kids would probably forgive him for being late. Just this once.
“Right,” Leon shook off his melancholy, gesturing to his two(?) doppelgangers. “Okay, so you’re… me?” The younger him made sense, but Leon was confident that even during his earliest period of mutation, he hadn’t looked like a baby.
His younger self—who looked like when Leon had been in his thirties—nodded. “I’m from around 2010. Rookie here,” he pointed a thumb at the baby, “is from ‘02. He got turned in Raccoon City, I got turned in Spain.”
Leon blinked. Spain made sense. “Raccoon City?” he echoed, glancing at ‘Rookie.’ “How the fuck did that happen?”
‘Rookie’ shrugged. “It just did. We figure I’m from a… parallel timeline to Vet here. In mine, Irons infected me when I visited Raccoon a week prior to the outbreak itself.”
So not only was time travel a thing, so were parallel dimensions. The kids were going to love this. In addition to the fact Leon was meeting himself when he was 33, and an infected version of himself at 25. Because even in old age, his life continued to defy expectation.
“So, sounds like you were infected in Spain too?” ‘Vet’ asked, eyeing Leon with something he recognized as uncertainty.
Leon nodded. “Yep, in 2004.”
“Aw, damn,” Rookie gave a disappointed huff, but quickly shook it off, staring at Leon curiously. “So, how old are you?” he asked. Rookie’s eyes trailed over Leon, catching on the spikes that trailed down his tail and the small scratches littering his carapace.
Leon shrugged. “Guess.”
Rookie squinted at him, eyes lingering on Leon’s hair that was equal parts brown and grey. (The kids still told him his hair was more brown than grey, but Leon wasn’t convinced.) “…Fifty? Sixty?” the kid guessed.
Leon hummed, neither rejecting nor confirming. But judging by the widening eyes on both his counterparts, they took it as a confirmation. Leon let them. Because how was he supposed to tell them he was twice the age they thought he was? How was he supposed to explain that, while they didn’t know it now, the mutation had slowed their aging? That Leon had outlived all his friends and family? Leon knew himself. It would not go well.
“You’re fucking with me,” his less-young-self—hell, what was he supposed to call that one, midlife crisis? What did Rookie call him… Vet?—gaped at him. “You’re sixty? We make it to sixty?” Sixty and beyond, Leon doesn’t say, but he nods all the same. He understands the shock. At that age, Leon didn’t think he’d make it to thirty, let alone sixty.
“So,” Leon glanced around at the base that had been his home for decades. It’s… odd to be back here. He missed it. This was, after all, where he’d lived with Luis. “Do I need to start learning quantum mechanics? Because as fun as this is, I don’t think they’re equipped for three of us, and I refuse to be here during winter.”
(Alaskan summers were warm, but it did not make up for the winter cold. He preferred the Arizona desert, thank you very much.)
His counterparts laugh, and Leon finds his mandibles twitching up in a smile.
Ping list: @w5aw5 @jupiter-2012-blog @lliinno-blog @wazzappp @solettistuff @hells-couch-potato @nyelung @technicolorartblog @queenadiraa [lemme know if you want on or off]
AHHHHH THE BUG LEONS FINALLY GET TO MEET EACH OTHER!
Oh man Rookie is just too CUTE! Veteran is FLABBERGASTED that they made it to 60, and Old man Leon is too precious for this world and must be protected AT ALL COSTS.
THIS WAS SO FRIGGIN CUTE AND I ENJOYED EVERY BIT OF THIS!!! Thank you for sharing!
“Kanny where did you get all these medieval weapons” well you see I defeated the Duke of Worsestkingshireton-upon-avon in glorious battle and claimed his lands as my own and I broke into his castle armory and now I’ve got all these cool toys to use on bigots. I do this every Monday.
It's Ides of March. I approach the Chocolate Man from behind and pull out a knife, stabbing him. He turns and grins as the knife melts in my hands. It's chocolate. I pull out my backup and stab him again, but it melts as well. I realize it's not just the knives melting; he replaced me with a chocolate clone while I wasn't looking. Or maybe I always was chocolate. He's melting as well, he's also chocolate. The room crumbles and melts around us.
It's then I notice the camera as my vision fades to chocolate brown.
"[!@#$]ing chocolate guy," I say, scrolling past the video reblogged by my mutual.
This is easily the funniest fucking thing that's happened this year
I also think that doing this with scientology instead of a larger religious or financial institution helps because your going to get less backlash from those institutions, the public, and the government, scientology is generally recognized as a silly organization and fucking with them is more acceptable and seen as more politically neutral
I'm hoping that this trend organically extends to other institutions as the meme progresses, possibly as an attempt to break into something more difficult than a scientology building, using the skills that they're currently developing
Welcome to the June Dialogue & Trope Challenge! (Also my first time ever doing one so forgive me if there's any mistakes)
Each day includes two prompts:
✦ A line of dialogue
✦ A trope
The dialogue and trope won't always seem like they fit together—and that's intentional! The fun is figuring out how to connect them. Maybe the dialogue is spoken by the hero. Maybe it's the villain. Maybe it's a memory, a lie, a prophecy, or something else entirely.
Interpret the prompts however you like:
✦ Any fandom or original characters
✦ Any genre
✦ Any length
✦ Any rating (just tag appropriately)
✦ Mix and match genres, tropes, and settings
If you participate, feel free to tag your work with #JuneDialogueTropeChallenge (long I know) so everyone can find and share each other's creations.
Happy writing!
Text version:
June 1: "Go ahead. Underestimate me." | Found Family
June 2: "Don't make me regret saving you." | Kidnapping
June 3: "I thought you were dead." | Fake Dating
June 4: "Open the door." | Soulmates
June 5: "You weren't supposed to hear that." | Friends to Lovers
June 6: "Whose blood is that?" | Love Confession
June 7: "You lied to me." | Apocalypse
June 8: "You should've left me there." | Sacrifice
June 9: "You're late." | Possession
June 10: "I heard you screaming." | Rivals
June 11: "Take my hand." | Betrayal
June 12: "I wasn't supposed to survive." | Alternate Universe
June 13: "Why are you looking at me like that?" | Chosen One
June 14: "How long have you known?" | Monster Hunt
June 15: "Trust me." | Doppelgänger
June 16: "You shouldn't be here." | Reunion
June 17: "I can explain." | Ghosts
June 18: "Who did this to you?" | Time Loop
June 19: "That's impossible." | Character Study
June 20: "Don't touch me." | Prophecy
June 21: "I never stopped looking." | Forbidden Magic
June 22: "You promised." | Enemies to Lovers
June 23: "I remember your voice." | Reunion
June 24: "What aren't you telling me?" | Soulmates
June 25: "They're lying." | Redemption Arc
June 26: "Wait. You're alive?" | Secret Society
June 27: "You left me." | Vigilante
June 28: "It's not safe after dark." | Haunted House
June 29: "Look at me." | Deal With The Devil
June 30: "You came back." | Murder Mystery
